A memorized murmur again in my mind,
And once more, it wasn’t at all kind.
I could feel the water in my eyes,
And now, It’s all gone, my disguise.
It’s the same tears that
I felt all those years ago.
In my skull was that retained frozen photo,
A memory, too difficult to remember,
To this thought, I once again surrender.
All this was, was another ticking time bomb,
That was going to blow when I was once again calm.
I can’t escape it,
I’m trying to run away but I’m too unfit,
Right now I’m captured and I’m not sure how to escape,
Maybe I should stay here and just wait,
For something to happen or nothing at all,
At least here there’s no wall,
To what is real and what is fake,
And from all this pretend I get a tremendous backache,
From carrying the weight of trying to seem okay,
Because that fantasy is all an act as if I was on Broadway.
If I stay here,
I’ll do what I feared,
To end my life,
Over some silly strife.
But won’t that mean the memory won’t repeat?
Won’t that mean all my suffering will be a deadbeat?
No longer will I have to feel pain,
That goes around in my stupid old brain.
All I’ll feel is peace,
But who will find me?
That’s the missing puzzle piece.
I don’t want to traumatize another soul,
Because that was never my goal.
I just want the pain to stop,
Not for it to be swapped.