I love you
And you love me
but I know
that we will never be

I love her
but she doesn't love me
yet she's so tempting
in my dreams

It's so hard to be faithful to you
when you run off
I want the old you back
I had once come across

I was on top
before rock bottom's
huge drop
of reality knocked some
sense int my skull.
I was too naive
to understand the whole
landscaped scene
before my eyes.
I was ungrateful
and rolled the dice
with the devil's
fiery path.
Dont look into
its pits of wrath
or he'll get you too...

People have always scared me
my knees shake
and I cower away in the corner
like a mouse hiding from a cat

And when I'm with you
I lose my words
and  look down at the floor
like its the most interesting thing

in the world

But then you hold your hand out
I grab it
and though we don't speak
you're okay with it

You are my seatbelt
tethering me to this earth
and for that I love you
more than any words could ever say

urges
why we lay and watch our ****
no matter our friend's face of scorn
again
the reason we shoot up drugs,
hiding our standards under the kitchen rug
must
we slice and gouge into our skin
hoping to forget our scarring sin
need
chugging pints of beer and wine
wishing for a life divine
more
the girl in the clouds will constantly starve
just so others can want her slim carve
want
a person will harass and bully
the quiet kid without knowing them fully
stop
after all of the hurt and pain
there is no reason to go insane

Valentine's day is looming closer
and I can't wait to be the only one
who doesn't get one of those boxes of chocolate
with all of the assorted flavors to pick through.
I'm looking forward to not be given
one of those teddy bears that are as big
as a seven-year-old going through a growth spurt.
I'm so thrilled to not receive
a cringey Hallmark card
with a "Roses are red" poem hiding inside.
Hell, I'm even happy
to not get a kiss from a lover
or a hug from a friend I've known since elementary.
Valentines day is dumb and disgusting
and the people who celebrate it are just suckers.
Feel free to pass me up Cupid!
I'm totally not jealous...

Pitter patter
doesn't matter
arms extended in flight,
head held back in delight

Watching the world go by
with tears in my eyes,
oh, how fast time flies
when you're sitting on the sidelines.
Lately I haven't been living at all,
and though I may seem small
in the world's grand view,
I'm only being put down by you,
the one who puts me in chains,
the only one to blame,
you think this is all a game
when all I've ever wanted was my own name.
No, I'll never be ashamed
to not want to be cut down by the knife,
it should be my God-given right
to live my own life!

I never would have thought
that my first day at my very first job
would be the day I fell head over heels.
It's even scarier to think
that that same love would be given back
by the kindest, most loving person
I've ever known,
by my best friend
and partner in crime.
Hell, I would have never thought
that that love could have bloomed
so fast,
or so beautiful,
or so brave.
And even though
I tend to be an indecisive person,
being with you,
loving you,
and marrying you
is the easiest decision
I have ever made in my life
and I hope we'll continue to make
even more decisions together in the future.
I hope we'll still continue
to love and support each other
and I'll still continue to be your rock
even on the lowest days
when our relationship feels
more like work than play,
because marriage is forever,
whether society today
believes that or not,
whether we're down in the dirt
and thinking about ending it all.
So through this stating of my vows
if you take anything away from them
it's this:
I promise to support you always
and to be faithful to you,
I promise to always be
a shoulder to cry on
even when you feel like
you can't come to anyone else,
but most importantly,
I promise to love you unconditionally
just like we will one day love our children,
no matter what crazy trouble
they might get into.
Because loving,
even when it's hard,
to me,
is the most beautiful thing in this world
besides you.

It's been near a year
but I still miss you.
You hate my guts
but I still love you.

I should have known
you didn't miss me
when you went days
without speaking to me.
I should have known
you didn't love me
when you didn't take the time to know
my brain like you did my body.

But now you're gone.

My bed is empty and cold.
But I don't care about that.
I miss the laughs and smiles
that I had to work to get out of you.
I loved the way your eyes lit up
when you talked about something you loved.

And now I know that something
was never going to be me.

When we broke up you never gave
any sort of apology for the things you did,
but instead you said

"Well, at least the *** was great."

We'll carry on
when all is gone,
charging strong
into the dawn.

They say if you love someone
set them free,
but where does that
leave me?
Am I never allowed
to be selfish?
All give and no take,
I'm pretty selfless.

I've given you my heart but I cant have
yours in return?
Now that stings, I'll even admit
that it burns
If I cant even have something as
simple as that,
then where do I draw
the line at?
When will I finally show you
out the door?

What am I even fighting for
anymore?!

"I wish you didn't exist," he texted.
Even though I was unable to see his face
unable to see his eyebrows smushed together
to hear the frost in his voice
I knew he meant it.
He always meant these sorts of things

"Stupid."
"Annoying."
"*****."
"*****."

I've tried for almost as long as I can remember
to let those words bounce off of me
to walk through the fire
and still come out unscathed
but after awhile "*****"
starts to sound like "Babe"
and "I hate you"
sounds similar to
"I love you"

I've agreed with every word
that's ever came out of his mouth
memorized it,
written it down,
taken it to heart
so he wouldn't tower over me
belittle me
so he would stop just long enough-
so I could catch my breath

So when he said, "I wish you didn't exist"
I responded with,
"What do you think my headstone should say?"

Love is one hand on the steering wheel
and the other holding mine,
Love is trying too hard to make you laugh
just so I can see that smile again,
Love is being able to tell you
every little thing that comes to my mind,
Love is knowing that I will always
have a best friend,
Love is never wanting this feeling to end.

When I die
I don't want to be buried.
Set my physical body ablaze
the same way my soul
will be burning in hell,
carry me to the top
of the highest cliff overlooking the ocean
so I can see the breeze ruffling
the fabric of your sunshine dress.
And then you'll sit beside me one last time
and whisper you're deepest darkest secrets,
your fears, your dreams,
because you know I no longer have a mouth
to tell anyone these things.
Tell me of the places we never went,
the sights we'd never see,
those memories so bittersweet,
and finally, when the sun sets
and the time feels right,
pop open my lid,
set me free,
watch me fly
the same way I flew off that bridge
some summer nights ago
when the wind was in my head.
I'll relay my regrets
as I fall towards the frothing waves
and the gaping jaws of the rocks below,
the black, murky depths
and the hands of Satan
reaching out to greet me,
the dying light of your sunshine dress
the last thing that I see.

When I'm sad the words stop,
my trail of ink slows
I have so much on my mind,
so much that clashes together
that my thoughts cancel each other out,
the pen won't touch the paper,
and all I'm left feeling
is lonely and confused and scared,
because these words are trapped inside of me,
pounding on the prison bars,
screaming to get out,
suffering in my sadness
until the end of eternity.

When I think of love I think
of my favorite movie playing on screen,
the song I can't get out of my head,
jumping up and down on my bed,
staring out the window riding shotgun,
strawberry ice cream under the sun,
climbing to the top of a tree,
building sandcastles by the sea,
hugs from my bestest friends,
of never wanting this feeling to end.

There is a place where my world ends
And before your's begins,
And there is a bridge that's old and broken
And there no words are ever spoken
And there my thoughts are free and open
To drag me down and condemn.

Let me leave this place where I'm all alone
And stuck with demons I cannot defend.
Past the oceans filled from my tears
I shall run with a run that may take years,
And past my most delicate and darkest fears
From the place where my world ends.

Yes I'll run with a run that may take years
And past my most delicate and darkest fears.
Oh, but I'll always hear the screams in my ears
From the place where my world ends!

Why am I always crying?
Everyone around me is always
so lighthearted and upbeat
laughing and
talking and
smiling and
I'm just sitting off to the side
with a sour look on my face,
feeling like I'm on the outside peering in,
like I don't belong.
What is their secret?
What are they doing that I'm not?
Why can't I just be like everyone else?
What's wrong with me?
Why can't I be happy?!

I feel lonely
even when you're right next to me,
Am I here?
Or am I invisible?
Sometimes I don't know the answer,
some nights I cry myself to sleep,
and some days I wonder why
I even exist in the first place

Why isn't it fine for men to cry?
Why do men have to pull up their guards
the second emotions get brought up
for fear that society will judge them?

For once I just want to watch
a guy cry on my shoulder,
to hold him in my arms
and tell him how everything will be fine,
so he's not alone to face the storm
without so much as an umbrella
to keep him from catching cold.

But I know this will never happen,
because society has taught its men to be silent.

sharp fangs
razor claws
heavy paws
on dirt plains
painted scowl
so much zest
yet loneliness
is in that howl

Have you ever betrayed someone's trust,
felt like your heart just slammed
into your stomach because you
just did the unthinkable?

Did you apologize
and then a little later
betray that person's trust again
because you're so **** selfish
you couldn't even begin to fathom
how your actions might affect
the person you say you love?

I am one of those people.
I have no boundaries.
I'd do anything to fulfill
the empty feelings inside of me
that only another can fill.

And no I won't turn to you for things.
I'll go to your best friend,
or someone who has a girlfriend,
someone who gives me the attention
I need in the moment
because I always forget
that the word consequences exists.

I no longer have a moral compass
I can't even trust myself
or look at myself
in the mirror each morning.
Because If can't even keep
my promises to myself
how am I supposed to keep
my promises to you?

If I walked out today would you chase me?
Would you grab my hand on the way out the door?
Would you tell me you loved me?
Would I say it back?

If I cried in front of you would you comfort me?
Would you sit and stare at me uncomfortably?
Would you tell me to dry my tears?
Would I only cry harder?

If I lied to you would you hate me?
Would you make me tell you the truth?
Would you lose all trust in me?
Would I deserve to be trusted again?

If I asked you to marry me would you say yes?
Would we both be ready to live our lives together?
Would I be happy with you?
Would you be happy with me?

"Write," people say.
"It'll help with the pain."
But what if every time I pick up a pencil
I only go more insane?

I stay in my depression.
I can't say I'm brave.
I'm stuck on this merry-go- round
and I no longer want to play.

It doesn't make me stronger.
It only makes me sadder.
If this goes on any longer
I know I will decay.

Writing is a reminder
of where and how I went wrong.
It reminds me of the regrets,
I'm hearing the same old song.

So when people tell me to write
I want to sit and scream.
All I ever wanted was
to leave this dreadful dream.

You are my everything.
Words cannot even describe,
but I will try.
You're my first waking thought,
the last before I sleep
and then there you are
weaved into my dreams.
eat, sleep, love you, repeat.
You are my everything.

People always think I use the words
"I love you" too fast,
but what they don't know
is that I've loved you for years.
You just never noticed me.

I've waited too long
to bury her
to just belong
to block the whispers
that changed me
into something I'm not
I'm finally free
already forgot
or will forget
that **** past
that wouldnt let
my time last
it wanted me dead
almost killed me
that ******* dread

You'll never **** me

We're no longer in each other's lives
you or I,
and though you think her world is ending,
she is really on top of it,
a phoenix rising from the ashes,
flying and feeling so happy and free,
with hope flooding up to her knees.
No you didn't break this girl when you left her,
in fact, you made her even better.

Stay in bed
give up on life
shower in dread
never thrive
keep a frown
roll your eyes
and always drown
in your cries

Or you could live
find a smile
forget the sin
swallow the bile
look at the best
instead of the worst
know your blessed
to outlive this curse

I want to be the type of person
who inspires others,
who has people look up to me
like I look up to my idols.
I want to be the type of person
who picks people up
when they're down
and looking to the ground.
I want to be the type of person
who can be depended on
and is like a rock
for those who are crumbling.
I want to be the type of person
who does the right things
and who has a good sense
of judgment and justice.
I want to be the type of person
who is loved
and won't hesitate
to give love where there is loss.
But most of all
I want to be the type of person
who you love
because you are all that I need to be happy
and when I'm around you
I don't have to be anybody but myself.

I thought for sure the weight had been lifted
that I would finally be able to hold
the breath in my lungs,
the food in my stomach,
and the thoughts in my head

except now I'm smothered
breath panicky and restrained
food filed in the trash
thoughts spinning spider's webs

was it the barbed fangs
or the spear-like horns
that drove you away from me?
was it the painted smile
and delayed laughter?

then my head was diluted with worries,
laced with lies,
high on just the mere idea of you

and now there's this void
swirling in my stomach,
the same infinitely expanding blackhole
that my science teacher said
devoured all light

Maybe I'm more of a monster these days,
being viewed by spectators
through tunneled vision

or maybe, for once,
what I'm seeing in the mirror is the ever so faint
outline of a human...

You just want to ****
my spirit for the thrill
of the game
and the adrenaline in your veins

You don't care about the thoughts
racing through my mind
or the wars fought
to keep my heart off the grind

The whispers over my shoulder
have made me older
when I'm still too young
to have winded lungs

Yet I'm choking, can't breathe
as I stare at the storm before
my eyes, every word hung in seethe,
For how could one already be so **** sore?

little girl so naive
falls for the traps
she can never leave
must always relapse

falls for the boy
becomes his toy
and never knows
he leaves tomorrow

she waits for him
under the stars
her eyes dim
an unhealed scar