Do I have the power
to inspire with just a pen?
To give up fighting
my way through this world
with a sword and
pick up a passion instead?

My tongue is a double-edged sword.
Every time I open my mouth
I hurt others.

But I hurt myself even more.

Because the words that leave my lips
are words spoken by a monster.
Words that fly out furiously
whenever I feel like a hurt animal
that's backed into a corner.

They're always followed with a tsunami of
"I'm sorry"s
and me using whatever charm I have left
to make you forgive me.

So I can do it again.

It's a vicious cycle,
one that has, over time, became my prison.

A prison I don't have the key to...

You ripped my heart out of my chest,
robbed me of the one thing I had left.
You sealed my heart in a jar
and hung it up high like the stars.

But, no, mine isn't the only one you've taken.
I've forgotten about all the other girls you've shaken,
who over the years you've teased and toyed with.
I guess it really wasn't just a myth...

Do you like her more
because she's more talkative?
Because she comes as blunt as a pencil
but with words that stab like a knife?
Do I need to change
in order for you to like me?

Because I know when you look at me all you see
is someone who is not her.
Someone that is not worth your affection and time.

Your actions stab me like a knife.
Stab.
when I saw you two walking together.
Stab.
when I heard you tell her she was beautiful.
Stab.
When I smelled the remnants of her perfume on you.

You're killing me slowly,
never hitting a major artery,
always torturing me.

If I walked out today would you chase me?
Would you grab my hand on the way out the door?
Would you tell me you loved me?
Would I say it back?

If I cried in front of you would you comfort me?
Would you sit and stare at me uncomfortably?
Would you tell me to dry my tears?
Would I only cry harder?

If I lied to you would you hate me?
Would you make me tell you the truth?
Would you lose all trust in me?
Would I deserve to be trusted again?

If I asked you to marry me would you say yes?
Would we both be ready to live our lives together?
Would I be happy with you?
Would you be happy with me?

I've changed so much over these last few months
even the girl in the mirror doesn't know me anymore.
Because all I do now is flip on people.
The mask I've tried so hard to keep up has slipped.

I've dragged down everyone around me.
I've made you not even wanna look at me.
I've made me start to hate myself.

I can no longer look at myself
because the girl in the mirror is going to judge me.
Because I know I've dragged her down too.
I need to pull my mask back up
before she hates me just like you do