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It’s hard to trust in fate when you’re stuck between the start and the progress.
Stuck in a mess, a broken life.

It will fall into place eventually but first you have to fall with it.
Hopelessly, not knowing where you’ll land.
Life is not just outcomes.
It’s filled with inbetween states that are so painful and exhausting.

Trying to trust in fate inbetween.
Are you ever even ending up anywhere that feels ok?
Always in the inbetween, falling slowly into the world where you’ll need to be.
Next for a while before it will all start to change and eventually all fall again.

Hard to keep building when everythings keeps falling.
Even when you’re trying everything, the foundation was unstable from the beginning.

And it will be like that, as long as you’re stuck in this lifetime.
There’s always something not right
You will be destroyed slowly, painfully.
Fighting in the inbetween or upside down spaces.

And when you don’t have to do it alone anymore it might be even harder with someone else.
05-06-22
I don’t know why you don’t run.
I don’t know why I won’t give up.
We just keep trying.

When we wake up from screaming cats, you jump up and make it stop.
When I’m awake trying to control my thoughts you kiss me.
And eventually you leave into another room so I can rest at your side of the bed.

Hopefully I’ll be able to return these gifts one day.
I would never have thought that somebody would ever be able to deal with my darkness again.
I gave up, would have given up and would still give up.
If you didn’t come along here.
To be my perfect fit in all of this.

Which is still torture but so much better with you here.
It’s also harder: I need to fight again.
Together with you.
20-06-22
Ora Miedema Jun 14
Sometimes I realise what’s going on.
And I see myself looking all crazy.
I know why and never cared.
Is crazy wrong?
Is wrong wrong?

Sometimes I realise what’s happening.
But I’m wondering why I’m still here too.
Sometimes I know, sometimes I really don’t.
And it’s hurting.
And it’s not stopping.

Sometimes I wonder why I had to live so many lives to realise what’s going on.
So many lives in one.
Still loving.
Finally found my perfect match as I was giving up on life again.

Wishing for so many things.
Yet not really caring if they happened or not anymore.
But the whishes have come true.
And still I’m suffering, not caring if I died tomorrow or next year.
But now you’re here and so I’m fighting for something.

Again, like I wished....✨⭐️💫🌟
Red Jaspis.
Blood dragon stone.
Ora lilith.
Swords and bows.
Vikings, mages, gunman, elves.
Living together.
14-06-22
Ora Miedema Jun 10
It’s hard to trust in fate when you’re stuck between the start and the progress.
Stuck in a mess, a broken life.

It will fall into place eventually but first you have to fall with it.
Hopelessly, not knowing where you’ll land.
Life is not just outcomes.
It’s filled with inbetween states that are so painful and exhausting.

Trying to trust in fate inbetween.
Are you ever even ending up anywhere that feels ok?
Always in the inbetween, falling slowly into the world where you’ll need to be.
Next for a while before it will all start to change and eventually all fall again.

Hard to keep building when everythings keeps falling.
Even when you’re trying everything, the foundation was unstable from the beginning.

And it will be like that, as long as you’re stuck in this lifetime.
There’s always something not right
You will be destroyed slowly, painfully.
Fighting in the inbetween or upside down spaces.

And when you don’t have to do it alone anymore it might be even harder with someone else.
05-06-22
Ora Miedema Jun 7
I keep on hurting you and I’d rather want to die.
But dying is not an option.
Should I leave?
It will break me again.
But staying might break both of us too.
But leaving means dying for me.
07-06-22
Ora Miedema May 30
When everything turned I was still carrying the hurt.
And it’s not gone but my tolerance and energy really are, almost completely.

It’s so hard to grasp for me that there’s a way to continue.
Do I even want to go on?

No choice as usual it seems.
But it turned for the better.
That doesn’t mean the pain is gone.
And peace is never close unless I’m close to you.

In the moment.
But many moments are too hard to live in for me. Still.
And there’s no settling, no calmth.
Only a reason to go on again.
30-05-22
Ora Miedema May 3
We're all working towards something that's happening later.
Yet it already happened in a timeless realm.
Animals, people, plants... always planning for the future in some way.
Preparing something, for something.
But not constantly and not in every way, just during the night and day.
While creating, escaping, loving we're free, in the moment.
But still we're made to prepare, anticipate, work on ''the future''.
The future that already happened.
It's divine design.
Designed for each individual creature.
Created between stars and planets through time.
And when time's up, it's over around here.
03-05-22
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