All that there is left to do now
Is to forget and release the pain
To face the truth
And remember I did the best
I could.

I'm not sure what happened with you
I may never.

And that is a fact
As time goes on I will be okay with
And the silence between us grows
I just really wanted to matter
I know I did.

Its all gone
There is nothing here to hold us together
Its all gone.

I'm glad to have finally
Released myself
From the pain you inflicted upon me
Her
I'm just glad its done.

I don't include you anymore
I do my best to work through
The spot you had in my life
For only a moments time
And I admit to myself freely
I was mightily unhappy
Then
Then.

Maybe someday
We'll get along again
My mind has cycled and still does
Through all the moments
Working through the beginning
To the end
Trying to remove itself
From the grief
Of unexpected deceit
And just how hard I tried
To make it work.

But its gone
It is done now
I don't have to suffer anymore
Trying to keep you
Maintain you
Woo you with my love
Compete for all of your
Attention
I can just forget about it now.

"My hands are tied"
He said in the parking lot
In the place we once made up
In the place I once trotted through and cried
Reminiscing on
Just how
Much and little
We ended up
Meaning.

I'm sure I will
See you again
But it won't have to be
It won't be
When I'm feeling like this.

I felt like a bad imitation painting
Of "The Scream"
And you rode off in
The opposite direction of me
Just as I was reaching for you
Just as I was calling you.

No need to be surprised
You don't dictate
How it goes
Though I know you tried
You always wanted
The last word
The last walk away
The last leaving
The last.

Thats just it though isn't it
Thats just the end of us
The final thread hanging us
Among the spider web
Of the place, the feeling
I long to be done with.

All you had to do
Was be honest
Kind
Transparent.

I have to wade through so much *******
So much ******* now
My father and I
Are back to not speaking
I'm almost 29
I want to hike
To forget
I meditated on my traumas
Worked through them
Breathed through the confusion, the fear
Wondered and faced
The feeling of
Still struggling to love myself.

I recognize I've allowed
And let people stay
That betrayed me or treated me
Without respect
And its always so sad to let those people go
Its always so sad

But just go.

You didn't show
Just like you never did
I watched and felt
The clock click past on
Passsssed on
Past on.

Did it without you
Yellow hoops in my ears
My arm is inked and strong
I am inked and strong
The world is full of violence
All we can do is give and be light.

It is a summer night
I remember when Colorado
I got ink on my arm
I biked and explored
I ate too many **** gummies
I drank mineral water
And longed for more
More attention from you.

I tried to make it work
I put all the pieces together
I didn't really meditate
I didn't know anything about my magic
Not yet.

My hair was so short
A platinum fading green
I got the worst sunburn on my neck
I've ever gotten.

I spent a lot of money
And time
I felt freedom
I felt a longing for someone
Who I didn't really know.

There were moments you treated me with love
And at the time
That was enough to make me stay
And stay
And continue to stay
Despite the clear picture
That it was time to go.

I figured out the name of my new company
And it all sorta makes me want to cry
This feeling of discovery
This uphill climb
The way that I have so freely
So without judgment
But the need for love
Given my heart
Accepted theirs.

I am going to join a gym
I have started making smoothies again
I smoke good ****
My friends treat me well, and sometimes gift things to me
And I them.

We took a dagger
And sliced away the remains
I wonder what my tarot will be next.

My cat slumbers
He was a new addition this time last year
We keep each other company.

I know that you chose not to love me
And that is the part of the part I still
Hurt and ache from.

Sometimes I will go into a slight panic
It will be difficult for me to
Step away from the internet
Step away from email
Step away from myself.

Sometimes I become consumed
In what I think others must think of me
I cannot even see myself clearly
I never really have been able to.

Sometimes I think I ink my arms
I've colored my hair a thousand colors
I wear bright bold clothing
Because deep down I'm trying to make up
For how not special I think I am.

It is late night
It is time to step away from me and my thoughts
And believe in the love I have for myself
And myself alone
It is enough
I am enough.

Sometimes when I go to write
I think I have the words
And then they just go.