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My father is an old man
Once upon a Time he was a cold man
He was almost always a good man
The kind where you knew where you stood, man.

My father raised loud daughters
My father raised proud daughters
My father raised daughter that said yes with no question
Who's no's were not a suggestion

My father raised strong daughters
Beside you when nights got long daughter
My father raised stern daughters
Daddy raised you get what you earn daughters

My father raised daughters that would fight a grown man
But know when to stay silent and when to raise a hand
Daddy raised daughters that don't need a man
Daddy raised daughters just like he planned

And those daughters became mother's
Cousins
Aunt's
And their daughters are difficult women
Loud women
Proud women

Because daddy looked around and didn't like what he saw
He saw weak men
Like to drink men
He saw men who beat their wives
He saw men waste their lives
He saw men who would suffice
To sleep next to his daughter the rest of his life

So Daddy raised women to be strong
And sat beside them when nights got long
He never had titles, power, or wealth
In his old age he barely has his health
But daddy gave me more than money or fame
Daddy gave me his spirit and gave me his name
The problem we are having
Is that I am at peace with myself
Which means only
That I am at war with you
And I fight so hard
To be enough
I try to be sweet enough
Clean enough
Happy enough
Awake enough
**** enough
Forward enough
Modest enough
Reclusive enough
Home early enough
On your schedule enough
But enough is enough
You claim you are leaving
I hope you either treat me properly
Or this time you just go
I found comfort
In your being
Beside me
In a crowd
In the car
In the world

In a moment

That's why I have so many empty spaces
I was soul food for you
While you watched me starve
The suicide diaries
I never planted my roots with you
Because the ground was too firm
You had too many rocks

Besides
Oh light of my life
How was I meant to grow up
When I was surrounded by ground covers
c.        
r.      
e.     
e.    
p.  
i.  
n.
g.

all around me

How was I meant to bloom
in a garden
that you never cared to water?
I still loved you the most
I create a version of myself
Custom built
For every person that I meet
But for you
I was the only version
Not manufactured
That is why I don't call
That is why i don't write
My apologies.
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