I'm not much.
I don't know how much I have to offer.
I cook.
I clean.
I'm always thinking of you,
And things I could do
To make you smile.

Whether it be food to make
(Which always seems to fail)
Or books to give
(At least it gets some reaction)
Or, sadly, ***.

And that one is the one that eats me up inside.

Because I crave ***, but only with you.
And I use it as a tool
To validify myself.
Because I'm not pretty
Or worthwhile
Unless I can serve a purpose.

People say you deserve the love you try ao hard to give to everyone else.

They also say that if you expect the same from people that you give, you'll always be disappointed.

I guess the point is, I am only valued for as long as I am useful.

Loving you...
Was an out of body experience
Like I was looking through a window,
I watched as we fell in love with each day that passed
The strings distancing our hearts shortening with every kiss
And I watched as I tore it all apart,
fragment by fragment
As if I had no control over it
On this other side of the window
I scream to myself to stop
I can't help but watch in horror
And I can't comprehend
Why I would destroy the best thing I've ever known,
Why I would turn away on the one constant,
The one real, out of this world, crazy, chaotic, beautiful love that I want, that I need
Waiting,
I pray my body and soul join each other once more
So that this nightmare may end
And even though it's surely too late,
I could love you, full force, soul intact
Not from behind this window,
But with my hands resting in yours

She stands there on the corner
Looking at you with a fixed stare.

You stare back.
As if to say "What do you want freak?"

She just stands there.
On that corner.

What you don't realize is
How BROKEN she is

You just see a girl who looks calm.
But she's crying on the inside.

Don't just stand there unknowingly.
Go talk to her.

Maybe she needs a FRIEND to make her SMILE again.
You just might help HEAL her broken heart.

Depression to me feels like a heavy weight on my head and heart.
Always there and hard to ignore.
I wish I could push it away,
but who am I without it.

Lost most of my friends,
most of the trust,
nearly all of myself.

Depression is a black hole that takes everything away from me.

“Listen honey, I don’t think
you’ll be able to support yourself
with this art stuff.”

“I’m just not sure
how much money you’ll make
if you start your own business.”

"Are you really sure
you’ll be able to provide
on a teacher’s salary?”

“Is that really what
you want to be doing
for the rest of your life?”

Why does everyone want
to be financially wealthy
but emotionally bankrupt?

Take my hand

And watch me go

To places that are unknown

Follow my feet

Under this bridge

Down the rabbit hole

To meet again

Just like Alice

Lost in wonderland