It's been a while since I've tried to do this.
I've been hesitant to even try this,
But life is getting a little more tough-
More tough than I can bear to handle.
I often struggle to figure out what is wrong with me,
But there are a lot of things that I am concerned about.
Here are my concerns, so far:
-I'm afraid that I'm going to fail
Anything that I pursue.
Even a homework assignment.
Failure is a huge fear of mine,
And everyone else's,
So I'm trying to brush it off.
But it's lingering there,
I feel as if I am destined to be a failure.
-I'm afraid I'll be alone forever
Everyone else has fun,
Everyone else has friends that they hang around with,
On a regular basis.
I have no one anymore.
-I'm afraid I have no purpose
There are so many people,
That know what they want to do,
And what they have to do in order to get what they want.
All of these people,
Have eons of experience compared to me,
And I'm just a speck of dust,
That will probably remain a speck of dust.
-I'm afraid to lose contact with my loved ones
I never initiate conversation,
Because I feel like no one would care either way.
I feel like an inconvenience to so many people,
So I figure better to not connect at all.
But, this poses a problem:
I am rapidly losing my relationships with many people.
-I'm afraid of my deteriorating health
I am down-spiraling.
I feel like I don't belong here,
Living in this world.
There is so much wrong with me.
My legs hurt every day,
And I'm only eighteen.
-I'm afraid to lose the love of my life
This, selfishly, is my primary concern.
I have found the most wonderful person,
Someone that truly fits with me.
They are so amazing,
But I fear that I will lose them quite soon.
I am concerned about freak accidents and all,
But I am more concerned about me messing things up.
I don't do enough for them,
And I feel awful all of the time for being less than great to them.
Because they're the greatest thing that has ever happened to me.
If I lose them,
I'm losing my life,
So, there are a few of my biggest concerns.
These can be broken down into even more concerns,
And there are far more to be mentioned.
But this is an introduction
To why I'm a mess.
I'm thinking about seeing a therapist/counselor for depression AGAIN. This would be the fourth time. I pondered what I would say, and this is what my brain threw up onto the page. Sorry for this being long, it's basically a huge vent poem