My fingers traced circles up her back
I was moving blindly
I said "Honey, don't be so Republican"
She didn't take that kindly
I was being kind of an *******, but
I've put that behind me
In the moments before catastrophe
All the mistakes seem so tiny

It's a good thing, Darling
That I've got you to remind me

It's a good thing hahahaha

My fingers tickled my numbed soles
Sensations prove I exist
I glanced nervously at the wheel
She was driving reckless
I kept each thought there to myself
Off my mental checklist
She either knows or doesn't want to
No reason to press it

It's a good thing, Baby
I'm not a man who uses my leverage

It's a good thing hahahaha

Another sweltering day to get lost in
Wander around a parking lot, talking
In the park we got stopped by police
My runaway pig was disturbing the peace

Eilonwy's in the Summer Lands
I wrote her that I joined a band
She writes too much about another man
I'm suspicious, she doesn't understand

List our future plans, it doesn't help
Looked in a mirror, I just saw myself
Reflection in the pool is murky and raw
We barbequed but Gurgi ate it all

Why do huntsmen gather at the border
How come Doordash cancelled my order
My spot under the tree's taken by a hobo
This stuff never happens to Frodo

Well
Craig Finn's voice sounds like pink lemonade
But
Shiny things are eventually all meant to fade
Like
A clear voice on the radio into static
But
Your phone sounds clear even when I'm asthmatic

When I say "Goodnight, Elisabeth" I try to sound strong
For you in the twilight of a year that went wrong
It just reminds me of a blue Counting Crows song
Of a lifetime that collapses slowly then just goes on
Of a simple meaning I buried in indigo prose
You find it when you're motivated not to let me go
and for that I'm inclined to keep bending back
All the times you fall asleep or don't text me back

It's a lot to feel
For something so obscure
Keep paying more into
Dreams that get deferred

I was wearing
red Adidas
On the night you took
that picture of our sneakers
Adjacent to each other
shifting with the land
You drew a heart inbetween
our names in the sand

It was alright
It was a nice night

I laid next to you listening to white noise
You let me take liberties in my night voice
Whispering so that morning can't listen in
and wake us with creeping daylight's dissonance
Real life ain't got nothing to do with us
In this teal night, Jacksonville imbued in us
The will to live ***** if it means we can live
There's no time to wait for the ocean to forgive
us
My beautiful dust to dust
My angel all mysterious
Angry at the breaking dusk

It's been a nice life

I see it in your eyes like polar ice
Your skin pretty and flushed in the night light
Coded emotions in the motion of a zeitgeist
I just want to keep touching your right thigh
For all the the cursed things I didn't get right
In this black midnight of a life

This parking lot is usually a mess
Now it's empty from me to the sunset
Think about my family, hold my breath
Wash my hands, play chicken with death

Quarantined, watching Community
A whole decade flashing in front of me
"Somebody said - Be what you'll be"
We could be folding socks for eternity

Uncertain times, inverted, serpentine
Crowds on the beach form in perfect lines
I know they like a good time - My Oh My
But could ya please stay the **** inside

We get half a tantrum, half a choice
Refresh my account looking for an invoice
Laid on my couch, anchored to your voice
Saving throw vs. my life being destroyed

Well I was rushing down a river
I said to myself "This is a dream"
Because of the absent context
Because no river is this clean
Holding tight to a memory
The ghost fractured light weaves
She said "Don't you dare believe
That I was ev-er
the image you conceive"

Stranded on a mattress
Trapped inside a sadness
Screengrab of a last kiss
Just out of sight

I've been living in a tunnel
I've been tricked by this maze
I thought I was out three times
I kinda lost track of the days
I've been painting an Autumn
With dimensions all out of place
A looped highlight, a raised skylight
A blurry spot on my eyesight

Tell me is it a shadow
Tell me is it a boom mic
Tell me is it some meaning
Just out of sight

I knew you'd wait
till after midnight
To call me, you and I
have always been scared of the light

I knew you'd wanna see me
But you'd need an excuse
It's too hard to be seen clearly
I was thinkin of one, too

But I was afraid that I
wouldn't last long enough to help
Either you'd break me down
Or I'd just do it to myself

I waited by the phone
I could hardly breathe
By the time I finally heard your voice
I'd forgotten what I need

I was in deep
You were in disbelief
You had me so wide awake
Now I just want to sleep

I don't know if we're in love
Or just scared of real life

Pens, lighters, paperclips
Stacks of important documents
Hold on to your valuables
This life can't be held responsible

Under the
Under the
Under the
Under the desk where the lost items hide
A culture of tribes & divides

Over the
Over the
Over the
Over the moon where the angels nap
Tired of routine and trying to relax

Can't ya see how weak you look on camera
They said the same thing about Joe Montana
I knew a lot of people who didn't see me
The world's ****** up but my life is easy

This could be
Our very strangest dream

This could be
What makes everyone scream

Demolition Men in a pell-mell Gotham
They dyed their hair like Dennis Rodman
We knew some guys who didn't use caution
I know some girls who don't use condoms

This could be
Another failed scheme

This could be
Our greatest love scene

Everyone's tryin' not to flinch at your tight scowl
Everyone's either a Rorschach or a Nite Owl
If authenticity's a misogynist concept
Then nothing's left but the death of context

This could be
The end of the world

This could be
Another poem for a girl

You told me that secretly
You had always hated me
But honey I think everyone could see
It was as clear as the deep blue sea

There were flames and gritted teeth
An impatience you barely leashed
My futility in keeping the peace
A deep, dreadful silent defeat

The real secret that you kept
The one you held unto your breast
That won't escape upon your breath
From now until your fated death

Is that you loved me just as well
With a little smile like a sea shell
That echoed inside me like a bell
But I promise I'll never tell

I got dizzy sick rolling down hills in the mist
In the heart of a city desperate to exist
I understood that longing gaze of the abyss
An endless summer, well, when will it quit?

A stitch in time between two uneven seams
A finger in the socket of Tesla's dead dream
Come dance in the current of electric memes
Talk me out of my money with sweet polysemes

Dawn's hair was a sunbeam, she dyed it fire
It wouldn't fall straight, time is a spire
Out of sync with fate and strung like a lyre
She was an apex of innocence and desire

She left with a preacher all doom and gloom
I came with a stripper in a darkened black room
She said I'm a good kisser, I assume it's true
You can laugh at me if you want to

This dancer's a waterfall, turning all slowly
Trying to show me how intimacy's lonely
Piercings on her back like the ones Anna showed me
Lost time swirling in whirlpools below me

I tried to be gentle but I just turned out weak
Cursed by my angels, Hope and Release
My mediocre mind, my consistent hobgoblin
She said "Don't fall in love," that won't be a problem

Haylee got angry at the skip in each heartbeat
Anxiety burning in every breath of our sleep
She held every moment of the life I never had
Then released them like butterflies in our confab

My tongue tied, un-nimble, into infinity symbols
Swirling in the kiss of strangers so simple
Peeking thru needle's eyes into heaven's riddle
Wound up with Thumbelina living in a thimble

Tumbling down a faucet stream, twisting with ripples
Her hair caught in my mouth, it tickles a little
Her eyes scream with thoughts of playing my fiddle
But I feel the life released from my middle

My heartbeat's compulsive, my shivers convulsive
Her tatoo at an angle, her complexion olive
I called it a nice moment but I hope it lasts
A thousand memories trapped in my gasp

A thousand nows
just
out
of
my
grasp

I slept
thru all of your texts
I doubt
my thoughts would've helped
Maybe they're better repressed

I spent
most my 20s depressed
My teens obsessed
Upset
or trying to rest
Caught up in myself, I guess

Minds split
or in a vice grip
Trying to inflate
some simple experience
Waiting
for each compulsive hum
To turn into an aria
Waiting
for each actor
To have his or her own camera

Now they talk about depression
Like it's the normalest thing
Like paupers who all think
They deserve to be kings

I don't know why I came here
What I'm doing here at all
They take away my identity
The one they gave to me
The one they demanded of me
Like it was never mine at all

Facebooked
the captured looks
Chased down and hooked
Walked the plank
and tossed from the boat
I labored to rock and shook

Nostalgic
for an old emptiness
Like a sepia photo
It's just
some sidewalk I walked
in another life
Some talk we had
That wound
out of our hands
and wound us up here
somehow

I listened for directions
Took half-certain impressions
from your dog whistle call
Your charm
Your steady walk
Your inevitable fall
Wrote them
in marker on your wall
But now I'm pretty certain
You never gave a ****
about me at all

I woke up this morning thinking of you
Like writing this poem is all I can do
I don't smoke or drink but even a buzz
Probably wouldn't lower my defenses enough
You fell asleep thinking of somebody else
I won't get jealous cause that doesn't help
I know myself and I'm still too scared
To love you how you should be loved


Oh but honey you can't be as sweet to me
As the sugar that's in my blood
You were tryin' to tell me you're not an angel
She was saying that she was
I guess we all see just what we want to see
Way outside the bounds of propriety
I can't tell desire from anxiety
That's just a clarity you won't find in me

Rusted armor and suspect honor
The stories we're told are ours
Trust and candor, the way they pander
Thinking they hung the stars
Transparency, fake sincerity
The fear of being caught
Social disparity, vocal clarity
The thrill of being watched

All these forms of focused sensation
Lawsuits, brands and allegations
It's all a lot of information
It's all up before the litigation
Every turret and every tower
Every destiny and every power
For a thousand years and twice again
Fallen and forgotten by the tale's end

Impunity to lunacy
the little cracks in the community
Who remembers where this funeral began
Who ******* told you they understand
The rules they wrote in founding these
Systems, absolutes and boundaries
All were cast in pencil first
All were from men made and dispersed

I can't complain or say I was deceived
My uncertainties can't be relieved
Your confidence was a lie
but it's allright
It was nice for a moment to believe

Fix your posture, sit up straight
Your smoker's cough, your wobbly gait
Fix my problems, I'm a reprobate
Find what I lost and compensate

For 40 years nothing really changes
In 100 years, mostly still the same
1000 years it feels barely gone
Rearrange the furniture and carry on

I saved your seat on the city bus
I whispered "Please don't self-destruct"
Amongst strangers I stared at the wall
and wondered if I really knew you at all

For 20 years you held on tightly
Kept the faith, maybe wavered slightly
In 40 years they'll still be deciding
The differences are a change in lighting

Lightning strikes in a fitful shake
The world swirls in it's peaceful wake
I felt stunned, even cast aside
You looked vacant, dewey eyed
Your mouth set, your words hating
Your eyes wanting
Only wanting

Fear

1000 years make you feel clever
I used to forget, now I remember
Everything

100 years make you heavyset
I used to remember, now I forget
Everything
but your eyes wanting
Always wanting

I woke up with your heart in my mouth
In my ***** room, scattered reminders
and a blue sky calling me
Maybe like "It's a short life, get going"
Maybe like "It's a long life, run while you can"

The night stars all shied away, abused
Dogs pressed against the asphault, confused
Cats chased sunbeams thru the shade
I waited for the shadows to fade

In a clean room, a hospital lobby
Impatience crouched between each breath
I read a magazine about what animals dream
As we tried hard not to think about death

A raft careening thru pirate waters
A caravan rolling over plains
Awash in capital that's been laundered
The blue sky calling me names

I took my beating as quietly as I could
Really what else was I going to do
All this pain and this shame is all we are
You swallow it or it swallows you

I found God when I was in prison
Really what else was there to do
When the blue sky's just a story they tell
and scattered reminders re-wire your mind

The wind pressed at my cheek like a kiss
All caught up in some chance that I missed
At 2:13 pm, they pronounced me dead
I'll let you know how that goes

I paused a second to let memories have me
For that moment I felt nothing had changed
I felt like Nixon when he went to China
When China came back for us, that hope waned

I let the lightning out of my backpack
My old friends all scattered at the sight
To be honest, you didn't look impressed
As the world shuddered at your caress

I woke up with your heart in my mouth
I couldn't figure out how to spit it out
But I like it because it's bitter
and because it's your heart

When we were on the tarmac
I thought you were an art thief
I found out this place is plugged into your heartbeat

When we were in the car park
I thought you were a card cheat
Turns out this town is hooked up to your heartbeat

I thought you were a raincloud
I found out you're a hurricane

When I met you on the ice floes
Your wings were looking damaged
I got so flustered just watching you try to flutter

When the moonlight was your halo
I was paralysed by the tension
Turns out your gravity was all that held me in suspension

I thought you were a raincloud
It turns out you're a hurricane
I got whipped by the wind, my hair got all sandy
But I was as prepared as a person like me can be

When we saw the horizon
I was the places you'd never been to
Now you're the current the power lines tapped into

And I've got my own problems
I know that you can't solve them
But somebody's got to keep this hamster wheel revolving

I took you for a raincloud
You're a ******* hurricane

We had our crumbling temple
and our row of golden pews
When I remember this in ten years
All I'll think about is you

We had our shining tower
and our unobstructed view
When they try to trace the power
They'll see it was always only you

I thought you were a raincloud
But you're a hurricane
I got caught in your downpour
You soaked me to my frame