sometimes i think im ready to move on
& love someone else again

my chest begins to ache
i begin to feel excited
to spend time
closely with someone

but then i hurt
& convince myself i am not ready
to give myself to someone
ever again

i chose to believe that love does not equate to pain

i used to think about letting go of you as something i would learn how to be able to do someday. today, i face my biggest fear with no heads up, wishing i had more time to learn how to fight the feeling of loneliness that you helped me overcome a million times.

i wake up
wishing i had no regrets
of the ways i allowed you to use
my love
& body
to get you through your broken heart

waiting in delusion
for the day you would want me back
as i beg to cross your mind

but now
i just want to feel better

you inspire my poetry
i wonder if ill miss writing
when you vanish completely

i stop myself from talking
because i know you will just leave

i love your soft hands
& your lame jokes
i love that you reference vines all the time
& even though i don't know them all
i love the efforts you make to make me laugh

i love your cute smile
showcasing your perfect teeth
i love the way you dance so badly
& the way you sway me to the La La soundtrack
i love the way you look at me without saying a word
& the way you look in your green dinosaur onesie

i love the way your voice sounds in the morning
warm & comforting
i love the way you look when you wear your contacts instead of your glasses

i love the way you try to make me smile all the time
even when i'm feeling blue

a busy bee in a flower
a slice of a tender mango
that is ready to eat
a droplet of silky oat milk
hugging ur pearly soft skin

i feel your eyes lay on me
for longer than a few seconds

hugging
& staring
deep into my soul

i ask you to stop
& look away
nervously
blushing

you laugh & turn away with a smile
& when i think of this

i don't believe i meant nothing to you
& its hard to fully let go
of every sweet moment i shared with you

theres a little bit of magic
in being able to make you
share the rare sounds
of your laughter
& the vibrancy of your cheery smile

i wonder
when i will make someone stay
& not say;
i deserved better
accompanied with an apology

after a realization
of my {benevolent} soul

will i ever stop crying
when i see you
leave

it hurts letting go of you
in every way

it was 12 a.m.
& i missed you

i drove by your home
like many other nights

i cried then

dos meses
sin hablar contigo
y ahora quieres hablar
de las cosas que nos separaron

mi corazón todavia me duele
aun te extraño

it was 3 am
the asphalt roads glistened
we were in San Francisco
in hopes of losing my worries
apropos my {sad} love life

we sat and awaited to order
murmurs of people conversing accompanied
our silent stares

the first song began to play
i thought of you
the playlist you once shared
in my sophomore year
the songs you randomly told me about
over the course of four years

i repeatedly playing them
infatuated
obsessing with anything revolving you

without telling much
alike the few pearly dew drops of rain that night
your importance came across
he's the one
they said with simplicity

ending that conversation
my frets became less
& my heart began to long again