there’s a spring in my step that’s been missing
I open my mouth and a bunch of excited chatter pours out
procrastination hasn’t been a problem
things are getting done
I feel randomly happy and bright…

I think
it’s hope

I don’t know where he is
or what he’s doing
or who he’s with
I don’t know anything
I’m just
alone

she is ok, I think
she went back to her safe place
you’re there too, she said
everyone is
it’s very lovely, I hear

I will want to kiss you
a lot
I hope you still have time for that

if you can’t be with the one you love
take care of the one you’re with

life is madness
and I am full
of life

I feel an overwhelming love for myself and for you
I hope you can feel it too

I am a tiny elephant
riding my handsome donkey
into a wonderland of dreams

I dreamed you wrote me a poem
because that is the extent
of my dreams now

I dreamed of art
Art!!
shifting paintings
surreal color
magical canvases
laughing soul sculptures
life is beautiful

the wobble of a muon foretells a paradigmatic shift in our understanding of the forces of nature

my wobble foretells an excess of alcohol

I knew it would end this way
with me running haphazardly
with a stick
after hours
“am I alright?”
of course
it’s only fate
and the smooth branch of time
to worry

this day is grey
inside and out

green bean
don’t be so mean
just come clean
I know you want to be seen

hiding under the leaves
don’t be such a tease
your song has been sung
it’s time to please
my tongue

I’ve decided we can’t be friends
I’m going to be someone else now
and she’s very busy
with 6,999 bad poems to write

in every complex, nonsensical pattern
there is a logic
that is beautiful and sublime

I’m submerged in a secret heart
it’s dark
but I don’t need to see
it’s warm
with invisible fire
it’s soft and dreamy and safe
I would like to stay

my love language is music
I am transported to a place where my feelings are real
I can say what is true in my heart
I can fly in dreams and other worlds
and love
love is real
in music

but I have never
never sent someone a mixed tape
or a playlist
or even a song
I have never felt compelled to share
what is in my heart
I have never felt those fantastical feelings
for a real person

well, that’s not entirely true

there was this one person
…

I’m bored.
You’re interesting.
At a respectful distance.

he feels
sometimes
he feels so much
when he’s not immersed in Hulu
or some other make believe ****
a few minutes every day
he feels
a lot

I saw you differently today
our eyes met on a one way
street
gaze froze in time
me forever wishing
you’re mine

will you come to my funeral
at least
will you say good bye
will you say
see you next time

if you give up
and walk away

know this

                        it will never

                                                    be

             ok

there is a darkness
and a silence
and all the while it is my fate to suffer
for you

our kisses are being edited
playing over and over
forward and back
slow and fast
clip clip clip
pause delete copy

we may need to do a few more takes

I’m thinking
don’t touch me
lately I’m always thinking
don’t touch me
I shudder
I’m responsible
for everything
don’t touch me
don’t ever touch me
again
I wish I could say it

I just don’t want to be hit in the head
with a baseball bat
when I’m not looking
so if you’re going to hit me in the head
with a baseball bat
make sure I’m looking

the morning is a cold clean shower
making me happy to be alive
the brain is a lovely washcloth

cookies and tea
and a hand on the knee
are a few of the things
I find most lovely

history is a comedy
of things that felt right
the world was flat
we were at the center
there was no such thing as atoms or molecules or bacteria
god existed
it’s all very funny now

rain all day
wash my blues away
when I look underneath
at the color true
I find
that it is also blue!

I don’t find myself very attractive
which allows me to think
many men have fallen in love
with my mind

his touch is tentative but full of want
he pulls me gently to him
I do not resist
I am an autumn leaf teetering on a twig
I am a soft bud opening
petals dripping dew
I am a blazing ember
disintegrated by flame
cleaving in two
sparks spilling free

he leans in to my upturned gaze
kisses me sweetly
my fate is sealed

I rarely cry
really, almost never
I can count on one hand
the last five
traumatic
years

it takes significant stimulus
inputs
third party perspectives and

alcohol


but eventually


it happens

like a dream
sweet, sweet relief
waterfalls of relief

it’s just
then

I can’t

stop

you need a certain amount of magical thinking
to penetrate the reality of the world
but just enough
to inform the development of your technology
and empirical studies
and no more

this is a challenge
which is why there is such a fine line
between nutcase
and genius

be aware, gentle hearts
your most powerful and beautiful traits can be turned against you
it’s no one’s fault
your weakness is your strength
out of balance

just flip a coin
you’ll be right as rain

I’m disappointed today

There’s only one thing better than ***, drugs, or meditation
And that’s a good run in the middle of the night
with your tunes just slammin’
That moon is a bonus

I’m very alone in my bed this morning
except for a frisbee
and a rope tug toy
and pieces of a purple dragon
and a red squeaker shaped like a heart
and a dog
I’m very alone

you did my thing for a while
then I did your thing for a while
(sorry I wasn’t so good at your thing)
but I figure it’s my turn now again anyway

the sky was big tonight
really big
the moon could handle it though
she stood alone, strong and bright
lighting the way for the entire firmament
as the world kept falling over its axis

the world is very exhausting when you care for people who don’t care for you
it’s lonely and draining and depressing
it feels like more than a page to turn
it feels like the heaviest most suffocating weighted blanket in existence
today
I don’t care for anyone

I know he wants to be alone
he recites to me a litany of no
but he also shouts
from behind his locked door
yes
and I wish he would just stop
one or the other

the wind died down
the fire was spent
the company left
but the embers were still burning
I smoked
then
alone

what is this wall made of
and how do we overcome it?
if I climb it will you catch me on the other side?
if you take a step towards me will it disintegrate?
I will come to you and you will come to me
I will follow you and you will follow me
one thing I know
whatever keeps us apart
will melt like ice beneath the fire of our touch

cauliflower is good
cauliflower is yummy
I can eat a lot more cauliflower
since I got rid of that big dummy

you excited my thoughts
which then swooned about
like drunk fireflies on a warm summer night

I never think
what could’ve been
I never think like that
what is
is
that’s always been enough for me

my body is the harp of an angel
under a light blanket of dreams

tiny red swirls erupt slowly from the soil
very lascivious and naughty
I’ll keep my eye on them
sneaky spreading succulents