As you fade into memory;
become a part of history;
i learn to live without your presence;
inspired by your mastery.

Will pain abandon me one day
the way love's always done.
Will it reject me in all ways
that only love's known how.

Is 'once upon a time' a thing?
Does 'ever after' still exist?
What happened to those princesses
After they got their prince?

As you fade into memory;
become a part of history;
my faith fades alongside of you
all i am left with - misery.#

in a concrete box that you once called home
with nobody there, in silence, lights gone
you start to question “why am i, what for”
in a concrete box with no windows or doors. 

You think you’ll never sleep again or smile, 
your heart is now forever in exile. 
you search for answers trying to grasp air,
the reminiscence of what seems was never there

among the memories that might as well be dreams,
you wonder if anything is what it seems. 
you feel cold, out of nowhere comes a gust of wind
“breathe of fresh air” you hope
is there a crack in the concrete? 

your lungs expand, you open your eyes wide
you clench your fists
a chance no fight or flight
Then wind sweeps you off of your feet
you fall,
your body feels the chill of concrete floor
you can taste blood though you're not bleeding
your faith is running low, your hope receding. 

yet you find strength and pull yourself back up
you swallow, you are ready to attack. 
you wonder “surely, this is not the end. 
for suffering, for pain i am not meant”.

another gust of wind starts to build up
tears fill your eyes “please dont be a setback”
you whisper under your breath and you let it
lift yourself high so you can see the room
black and grey space, a prison cell of doom.
 
and suddenly like fog, the wind dissolves.
just as it came from nowhere, there it goes. 
and you fall harder, breaking all your bones. 
now you see it, you can smell your blood

you feel defeated, deafened by the thud
of your own body slammed against the floor
you cry “no more, i beg, no more”.

I cannot get through yet another storm; 
I have no faith, no will, no sails and no brawn.
I am no longer me - just a faint shadow
of what i could have been but i am shattered. 

then out of darkness, from where the winds came
hot puff of air, warm spirit of good days
wraps arms around your shoulders, helps you up
it gently places you back on your feet and stops. 

it penetrates your soul and calms your mind
it’s soft, it’s lovable, its kind.
it dries your tears and you can see
alas, there is a door in front of me.

Sit and don't make a sound;
your world's not stage-
but playground.

Paint with black and white
but don't mix;
every new shade or colour
bring hope one day you'll be fixed.

But they lie.

You will never be whole,
and pain will never subside.
Let it go, make your peace;
embrace the highest of tides
let it eat you, consume you
let it bruise and assume you
let it puncture, and pierce
may its power be fierce.

Feel it
feel sadness drown you
in desire to die;
feel it,
let it define you;
and turn your voice to faint cry.

Sit and listen,
and learn;
patiently wait for your turn;
one day the tide will back down,
and come for you
will the ground.

and I cry,
and I sob,
and I curl up inside;
and I hide,
but you find,
am I losing my mind?
I am fine,
I am well
but I feel
like im dead;
I am here,
nowhere else,
and I can't disconnect;
I am hurt
I'm in pain
and it won't go away;
tears won't dry,
they just run,
faster with every day.
Losing sight,
dim the light;
no, I don't want to see,
let me die,
bury deep,
ill return
in your sleep.

when in my head i go insane;
when thoughts are tangled, lost in blame;
when paranoia's boiling blood;
when I consider all ways out;
when I can trust what isn't real;
when smallest thing is a big deal;
when i feel like the world is crushing;
collapsing right under my feet;
when desperation's gripping tightly
me by the throat and i lose sleep;
when overthinking cant be stopped;
and of all sanity and clarity im robbed;
when pain inside's too much to bear
and my hopes turn into despear
he understands, he doesn't mind
he walks right by me, not behind;
he knows that in my teary eyes
hide years of love and sacrifice;
he tells me what i need to hear
to win this war against my fear;
he understands, he doesn't mind;
when sun's too bright but i need light
when world's unfair - he's still so kind;
he says he loves me when i seem
be drowning in my own dark beam;
he talks about me, how he's keen;
alas
he lives inside my dream.

For 25 years now
There hasn’t been a day;
When I’d stop searching for the same light
That once led my astray.

Sometimes the light would burn me
As I reach towards the source
And other times
It’d blind me
Without slightest remorse.

We’re all looking for something
Are we ever complete
If someone’s keeping score could you
Add just one more defeat

I see hope in what scares you
What you’d never think of
Falling asleep on train tracks
Or  turning up gas stove.

Those who know love are happy
It’s such a wasteful claim
I know, I’ve been to heaven
It makes hell seem  so tame.

For 25 more years I
Will search for hand to hold.
Falling asleep on train tracks
Ignoring all I’m told.

he needs me more than i will ever know;
what i am thinking of he asks a hundred times in row;
he doesn't let me go;
his grip is tight.
and most of all he's scared of letting go at night...
when darkness falls he draws me to his chest
and that for me has now become
the only place, my shelter, where i rest;
he cares, and never says there is no time to
pick up the phone, or think about me just a second;
he never says i am the last thing on his mind
and by his voice into my little hell im beckoned.
the pills i take save me from losing what i've got;
they are antibiotics, alas, poison, although antidote.
and in the morning when we wake
side by side of the other, a mistake?
i fear he disappears and never says a word.
but he needs me more than i'll ever know.
he draws me closer,
asks me if im happy ten times in a row;
but when we part
he speaks to me no more...