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Apr 2020 · 119
Wake up Call
Aleta Marshall Apr 2020
We have become so complacent as life goes day to day.
Doing things that we do always in the same way.
Now things are changing and times are getting sad.
People are getting scared, people are getting mad.
"I'm losing time and money, you're interrupted my life!"
But we are realizing we have family, children, husband, a wife.
We are becoming human again, caring and kind.
Thinking of others and keeping their needs in mind.
We are taking time to think, breath and slowing our pace.
And maybe this is what we needed, reality to slap us in the face.
Mar 2020 · 63
POOL PEOPLE
Aleta Marshall Mar 2020
We are all hunkered down in our little parky...
Waiting for the "All Clear" from our hierarchy...
Trying to keep busy and staying calm...
Whilst the scientists try to come up with a virus bomb...
Some of us have been hangin' out at the pool...
Which on these hot days feels pretty cool...
But don't worry we are playing it smart...
Keeping the distance at 6 feet apart...
So don't fret about us or our routine...
Cause remember Covid-19 don't like chlorine!
Mar 2020 · 47
Ode to TP
Aleta Marshall Mar 2020
TP ..oh.. TP
Wherefore art thou?
It seems as if you have been wiped out.
Swept off the shelves by the armful.
"It's MINE, MINE, MINE!" They shout.
While your grabbed and torn, and taken away.
But I still have hope.
I will find you someday.
Mar 2020 · 31
My Big Brother
Aleta Marshall Mar 2020
I'm sitting here feeling like I need to write something.
Something to convey the way I am feeling about this whole situation.
My big brother Dale.
Two months ago we were playing golf together.
Now I'm making your meals praying you will eat.
Bringing your pills to you with water to swallow them.
Thinking silently, this will take up more space in your stomach than what you ate for breakfast.
How can this be happening, a month or two more to live?
That is what we were told, cancer is fast and aggressive.
How can you process something like that.
I see you fading away a little more each day and wonder how you must feel whats going on in your head.
I can't imagine what kind of a place mentally you are in right now, and it hurts cause I know there is nothing I can do to make it better.
Just be here for you and comfort you as much as I can.
I took care of Dad as cancer took him and Mom died after being so brave.
But death is something I guess I will never get used to.
Does anyone?
All I can say is that I will miss you and I love you.
Your my big brother Dale and always will be.

                                   Your Fight Is Over
I told you Mom had your guitar and was waiting for you on the beach.
Told you she would wait for you there night and day.
I knew you were tired of fighting and you were ready to pass away.

I held your hand while you and I listened to Gordon Lightfoot all night long.
And in the early morning hours your breathing slowed, your face relaxed, and you took your last breathe listening to your favorite song.

R.I.P  Big brother 12/21/54 - 4/13/20
CANCER *****!
Feb 2020 · 31
Which Will It Be
Aleta Marshall Feb 2020
I feel some days are better then others.
As so many of us do.
Some days I wake up happy.
And some days I just wanna stew.

I don't like stew days.
Not wanting to talk or knowing what to say.
Just lost in a fog bank.
Waiting for a lighthouse to show me the way.

Trying to keep a smile on my face.
These are the days that are so long and meaningless.
Trying to keep my chin up high.
But they seem to last forever and become so tedious.

I wait for the next morning with baited breath.
Not knowing if I'll awake refreshed or still broken.
It's like being a contestant on a game show.
Claim your prize and take your token.
Feb 2020 · 66
I Love/I Hate
Aleta Marshall Feb 2020
I love so many things, but I hate so many things…
I hate the darkness of the night, but I love what the
    daylight brings...

I hate the lightning when it flashes, but I love the sound of
    thunder…
I love my friends and family, but I hate the cancer that
    put some under… 
 
I Love my better half with all my heart, but I hate it when she
    sings…
I hate it when she is sad, but I love what her smile brings…

I hate the winter’s windy cold, but I love a warm breeze in
    summer…
I love classic old cars, but I really hate those Hummers…

I love being in the water, but I hate pruned hands…
I hate the sticky mud, but I love the warm sand…

I hate being upset, but I love being quite and calm…
I love when you say “I love you”, but I hate it when you say
    “you’re the bomb”…

I love to kiss you all day long, but I hate it when you are away…
I hate it when we’re not together, but I love you more
    each day…

I hate that we are so far apart, but I love our face time on our
    phones…
I love thinking of you throughout the day, but I hate it  
    when I'm home alone...

Yes, there are things I hate, thankfully just a few, but I love many
    things so much more and one of them is you...
Dec 2019 · 211
Question
Aleta Marshall Dec 2019
If bullets bounce off Superman's chest, why does he duck when the bad guy runs out of bullets and throws the gun at him?
Oct 2019 · 65
Memories
Aleta Marshall Oct 2019
Memories in my head are like sand on a beach...
Grains that have gathered for ages...
Some on the surface and some way down deep...
I can pull them up like turning pages.

Each memory is like a grain of sand...
Each grain unique unto itself...
Not all so great, but others so grand...
Shuffled by the sea like books upon a shelf...

My mind is always shifting like the sands...
Forever manipulated by the ocean...
Like watery fingers from the the seas hands...
That can take away or leave behind, like a magic potion...

I try to walk slowly upon my beach...
With wonder and an open mind...
I try to learn all I can and also try to teach...
Always amazed at what I will find...

Tread lightly and keep watch of the tides...
Each grain can be very precious...
Every moment won't be a glorious ride...
But things like a child's giggle can become infectious...

Age, like the tide will creep up on us all...
Memories will be swept away by the waves...
Some will become harder to recall...
But, the best ones of all, we'll take to our graves...
Oct 2019 · 56
Looking for love
Aleta Marshall Oct 2019
I've been searching online...
and been going to meetings...
I've been listening to stories...
and been doing some reading...

Talking with self minded ladies...
some close by and some not...
I've even spoken to one that was from Haiti...

The one thing I've noticed...
the smiles on their faces...
They tell me of their struggles...
and how they've gone...
through their paces...

They all say it was rough...
some wanted to give up...
because their lives had just...
become too tough...

And then those smiles start to appear...
as they tell me how they kept going...
It was all worth the pain they say...
and the not knowing...

Just to meet that one person...
that will give you that edge...
Love you with all they have and...
and bring you back from that ledge...

The one you want to be with...
for the rest of your life...
The one that makes you feel free to be yourself...
The one you'll call...Wife!
Sep 2019 · 115
Searching
Aleta Marshall Sep 2019
"What are you searching for in a relationship?"
I'm searching for someone that is kind and unselfish, honest and funny...
That is ready for someone like me to call "Honey".....
I want someone that will tell me the truth
at the drop of a hat...
Someone that will tell me the truth when I ask
"Does this outfit make me look fat?"
I want someone that is ready for a silly kinda woman...
that is ready to give all...
Ready to surrender her soul, willing to take the fall...
into that next phase of life.. the one that really counts...
One that is not afraid of taking one more bite ..
because it may cause her to gain an ounce.
I want someone that will love me unconditionally...
and will get that in return...
Is this too much to ask?.. That is my concern..
Everyone seems to want just a little bit more...
so they're not willing to close that door...
The one that is open to the world...
the one that might lead them to that "perfect" girl...
I want someone that will realize, I'm right here...
and willing to go forward without any fear...
You see, I want to close that door so badly...
and I want to fall in love so madly....
with someone that feels the same...
So we can rest comfortably in each other...forever...
and remove ourselves from the game...
Aug 2019 · 99
Self Destruction
Aleta Marshall Aug 2019
I swear sometimes...
I cannot help loosing control...
They say it is mind over matter...
But, it is so deep into my soul...

The writing helps as long as reality stays afar...
But, it is when it comes crashing at me...
Like a drunk in a huge car...

That is when I try to jump...
To get out of their way...
And land right back in it...
Not knowing what to say...

I wish I could go back in time...
Try to get my emotions inline...
Just stick with the rhymes...

Instead I threw my words...
Right into your face...
Where you had no choice...
To ignore or embrace...

For that I am truly sorry...
I probably ruined...
What might have been...
A beautiful friendship...

I tried to get a hold on it...
But, I lost my grip...
All because of this thing on my shoulder...
This.... **** chip...

I did fall head over heals for you...
For that I am not sorry...
I am sorry for the way I handled it...
leaving you with a sour view...

My personality needs some construction...
All I can do is apologize for my...
Self  destruction.
Aug 2019 · 153
Basic
Aleta Marshall Aug 2019
Do I need a reason?... an explanation to show?...
That all that I have done in my life?...
Would lead to this?...I don't know...

Was I expecting something more?...
Something passionate and seething?...
Some great love at some point?...
Or maybe this is it...just keep breathing...

I can't give up , I will keep fighting...
This fire that has been smoldering...
For what seems centuries...
Is finally igniting....

But, I never would have thought...
That I would be burning alone...
Feeling the flames...
Peeling flesh from my bones...

I have love to give and I want love in return...
For this one.. basic human need in life...
I would gladly step into the fire and burn...

To hold you and feel your warmth beside me...
I would surely give up anything you ask...
But, just getting to know you seems to be...
Such a tiring task...

You have so much love to give...
So do I...
Because, of this I will always try...
To find you out there somewhere...
And when I do...
We'll be together, you and I...
Aug 2019 · 77
Just Me
Aleta Marshall Aug 2019
I can write on paper all day long...
Sometimes words, they flow out of me...
Some week, some strong...

Feelings that I can't explain...
That roll around in my head...
Bouncing around in my brain...

For so long I thought I had a handle on things...
Then you made your entrance...
funny what life brings...

God, you're so beautiful...
Sometimes it hurts to look at you...
I told you once, you take my breath away...
You have that effect on me every single day...

And I wanted everything about me to change...

I didn't think I was good enough...
Wanted you to see how cool and funny I could be...
How confident I was...
Problem was I couldn't seem to do it without a buzz...

But, I was none of those things and the more I tried...
the worse I made it, the worse I got...
became something I am definitely not...

I finally realized I should have stayed...
the way I was, I was just fine...
Quite, soft spoken, no need for the wine...

Because, that is who I am...
And I am good enough...
I realized that just plain me...
Was the person you really wanted me to be...

I just hope I woke up in time...
I hope you still want to see...
That the person in front of you now...
is the real me...
Aleta Marshall Jul 2019
I can't seem to get this right...
every time we try to talk...
it seems to end in a fight...

I know it's a cliche' to say...
"It's not you, it's me"...
I know I've gotten thru, I know you now see...
Even when I'm winning I can't seem to stop...
from saying just one more thing...
then wishing I had not...

We're like two birds balancing on a branch...
being tossed back and forth...
our tree swaying in the wind...
I won't let go, I will not roam...
Because you.. my sweet little bird...
you make that tree feel like home...

I know I'm not the first bird to hold onto this branch...
but I sure would like to be the last...

I know this is rough on you...
decisions, choices, sacrifices, ...
I know you have to be scared...
your head has to be reeling...

But know this, I smile when I think of you...more than before...
You finally gave in and opened a door...
and gave me a peek at how you are feeling....

So, I pray God gives me patients, like you've ask me to have...
I know this is going to take time...
but, every time I think of you...
I about go out of my mind...
......the effect is not mild......

I'm asking you to please be patient also...
and I will try to grow up and stop acting like a child...
Jul 2019 · 170
Touch
Aleta Marshall Jul 2019
I remember the first time you touched me...
electricity ran up my spine...
With just a glance you send me...
add a touch and I leave this planet...
The effect is still the same...
every time...

The touch lets my mind rest...
knowing you still care...
I wish everyone could have this feeling...
Some  how it just doesn't seem fair...
That this sensation to some...
is so rare...

I thought I was living before I met you...
thought I was just fine...
Then you touched me...
and it blew my mind...

My body shivered and a tingle started to grow...
it ran up my back and into my head real slow...
but, it originates from way down below...

You awoke me from a trance...
that I'd been in for so long...
That I felt like a newborn...
left out in a storm...

Not knowing how to react...
or what to do next...
mind spinning...
while everything goes silent...

no fighting neighbors, sirens, TV or phone...
frightened at first...
or maybe just nervous...
Then you touched me again...
and I knew I was home...
Jul 2019 · 126
HOPE
Aleta Marshall Jul 2019
I wonder sometimes what God was thinking...
when he gave us a second chance...
He's all seeing, all knowing...
He knew what would happen...
without a second glance...

We have free will...
as we did before...
So you think He would have...
just shut that door...

Gone on to something new...
giving up on me and you...
Or maybe there's hope...

Even now, with all that has and is happening...
in our world...
Things gearing up, tempers getting hot...
I have to believe that He did know the outcome...
when He gave us another shot...
And that gives me hope...
makes me believe he hasn't...
left us here to rot...

It gives me hope...
that God has not forgot...

We do have choices...
we can still make...
to prove that we did deserve a second take...

We are the most intelligent species...
on this planet...
But, we take EVERYTHING for granted.

We are selfish and greedy...
when there are others that are so needy...

They're is no difference between us...
Money and things won't change that...

In the end we all end up in the same place...
all that money you spent on your body...
and beautiful face all melting away...
in a natural decay...

You're money and material things all givin' away...
You're image and memory over time...
getting smaller every day...

Until no one remembers you anymore...
just like the homeless man...
they find dead, down by the corner store...

So maybe we should ALL take a deep breathe...
step back and count to ten...
Because if we don't...
there is no way WE are ever going to win...
Jul 2019 · 150
Ancient Tears
Aleta Marshall Jul 2019
I seem to cry these days over anything...
But, it all gets started the same way...
Starts with thinking of you...
at some point in the day...

Oh... don't feel so special..no..
cause I've realized...
These tears aren't all for you

Most are very, very old tears...
Only a few are new...

I feel I'm being cleansed...
Finally letting go...
able to start anew...
Maybe I can start a new journey...
with a different point of view...

Some tears are from my childhood...
Some are for my Father and Mother...
Some are for regrets I've had...
and some for my brother...

The tears for you always lead the way...
And then a lifetime of holding back...
makes them give way...

But, as these tears slowly dry up...
I will always thank you for getting them started...
I fear I would have held onto them forever...
If it wasn't for feeling brokenhearted...
Jul 2019 · 128
I Want To Go Back
Aleta Marshall Jul 2019
I was in lock down for so many years...
I'm trying to think of the last time...
I cried, felt tears...
streaming down my cheeks...
for whatever reason...
Some secrets I want to keep...

I wish I could go back to that time...
when it was just me...
and I didn't seem to mind...

My social skills are almost non-existent...
I was too persistent...
I know where I went wrong...
Came out of the gate too fast...
way too strong...

Shortest romance in history...
chasing after her...
It's all one big blur...

For many years I felt nothing...
no happiness, bitterness or strife...
I was settled into thinking...
this is my normal, this is my life...

Now, I'm temporarily lost...
a compass with no direction...
desperately wanting to go back to the way I was...
  not showing any affection...

I don't want to feel...
Jul 2019 · 84
Best Part of Me
Aleta Marshall Jul 2019
I try to imagine being in love...
never had the pleasure...

I see you sometimes through dreaming eyes...
imagining how it would be...
I feel if we were together you would become...
the best part of me...

I know what I want love to be...
something constant, always growing kind of a light...
illuminating a path, always burning bright...
stable and steady even if we fight...

No, I've never been in love...
never had the pleasure...

But, if falling in love is in my destiny...
I would fall in love with you....
because I know how it would be...
I would love you with all I have to give...
and you would become the best part of me..
Jul 2019 · 895
Communication
Aleta Marshall Jul 2019
Communication...
why is it so difficult...
I feel so comfortable around you...
Yet, I can't find the words...
It is so hard when my mind is thinking one thing...
and I have to watch the words that come from my mouth...
Make sure it doesn't give up what I'm really thinking...
what I really want to say...
It's like being in some sick play...
Be careful..don't want to chase her away...
But, I can say it here..
in this place, where words are enough...
and I can let my mind take the reigns..
This is what I would say to you..
I want to run my finger tips over every inch of you..
explore every curve, every freckle, leave the world behind...
Make love to you until you fall into a peaceful sleep in my arms...
And when we wake in the morning..
I can tell you what's on my mind...
Jul 2019 · 132
Just Friends
Aleta Marshall Jul 2019
I've made mistakes, made bad choices...
Should learn to keep my mouth shut, listen to those little voices...
You know.... the ones in your head that give you advise...
Sometimes my head burns with them...
As if my brain were full of mice...
Gnawing, trying to get out...
Chewing and nibbling until I want to shout...
I need to move on...pick up and go...
I feel like I've killed any feelings you had for me...
Like shooting the black hat cowboy..in an old picture show...
I thought at one point you felt it too...
Feelings for me, like I feel for you...
But, if that ever was...it seems to be gone now...
You say we can still be friends.. I don't know how..
Every time I see you I want to smile...
I want to be near you all the time...
Not just once in awhile...
But, I will try my best to be just friends...
If that is all it can be...
And maybe, just maybe. one day you'll see me.
Jul 2019 · 91
Love Knows Not Age
Aleta Marshall Jul 2019
My eyes aren't as blue as they used to be..
My hair not as soft...
But, you are still here beside me...
My solid ground, my rock...
You still hold me as if it were the first time...
Still kiss my lips with softness, as if I am one of a kind...
You're arms gently lift me from my chair...
With your beautiful smile, you show me you care...
My solid ground, my rock...
I wonder when I leave you, how you will carry on...
When my time here is done...
And I go to that great beyond...
I hope you find another to love...
As deeply as you have loved me...
But, we both know that is like finding that special shell...
In a vast and deep sea...
My solid ground, my rock...
Or will you join me soon after, like so many do...
When their Love's life here is through...
Where we will be together forever me and you...
My solid ground, my rock...
For my parents.
Jul 2019 · 100
Never been here before
Aleta Marshall Jul 2019
This is the beginning of something new...
This something between me and you...
Never had these feelings before...
This something, I just can't ignore...

I've never been here before.

Mom told me once, that if you are very lucky...
someday someone will come along...
that will make you pause...
your head will turn and your body gets warm...
your mind wonders to a place...

Never been here before.

Some people wait a lifetime for it...
to happen but, it never does...
So they settle just because...
being alone is a scary thing...
so they take whatever comes along...
whatever life brings...
And, there are others that it has happened to...
but, let it go, thinking there was greener grass...
then spend their lifetime kicking themselves
in the ***...
So she said "If it ever happens to you,
don't go looking for a better view.
Don't let it pass you by, don't ignore it either.
It could become so beautiful,
it makes you warm thru and thru,
like your coming down with a special kind of fever.
And once you have them..
you'll never want to leave her.
You will know you've found your soul mate,
of that there will be no debate..."

So I'm listening to my Mom's advice..
without having to think twice...
Cause the first time I noticed you...
my head turned, my body got warm...
feelings I've never had came over me like a swarm...

I've never been here before.

But, I know I want to stay...
Cause since I met you..
I know I'm always going to feel this way.
Jul 2019 · 393
Intoxicate Me
Aleta Marshall Jul 2019
I'm sitting here alone again...
thinking of you..
This wine not working as it used to..
not as numbing as it used to be...
Trying to keep my mind from wondering...
to where you are, trying to be free...
Maybe another glass will do the trick..
or did I tell myself that the last trip?..
I'm going to regret this in the morning...
but, I can sleep in, till the pain fades away
from my head, my body...
These grapes are tasting sour on my lips...
but, I still can't stop thinking about you..
your vision not getting any pailer..
the naught in my stomach feeling like...
it was tied by a drunken sailor...
I've been told all my life these feelings I have..
will fade away, they'll not last long....
Why did I listen to them?..
They were so wrong...
Their like jackals, pulling at me..
until I start to tear...
trying to stuff me into a mold...
only pretending to care...
I feel that I've been left behind..
like bones bleaching in the sun..
And then I think of you...
I find myself not wanting to run...
Fill my glass with your soul..
and let me drink you up..
become my fine wine here in this cup..
Intoxicate me.
For the someone that opened my heart and my eyes.
Jul 2019 · 264
I Am a Christian
Aleta Marshall Jul 2019
Some churches I've been to quote Bible verses at me
while looking down their noses...
Their judgement and words tear at my heart and cut into my
soul like thousands of thorns from hundreds of black roses..
This is not the way God intends you to be...
this is what they keep telling me...
What God are they talking about? Can't be the same as mine..
cause if they were things wouldn't be like this..no.things
would be fine...
Why would God deny happiness, deny love or being loved..
to his children, no matter how they find it or with who?
This is a God I won't believe in...
how can you?
Love lifts me up to a better place, makes me a better version
of myself..
I become more tolerant, kinder and caring...
without it I'm just another book on the shelf..
Never being opened, read or taken down...
just collecting dust and always wearing a frown,,
Love opens my eyes to a more beautiful world...
lifts me out of the ******* that makes me want to hurl...
You can dunk me in your Holy Water and try and
change my path...
But, when it comes right down to it...
your just a bunch of hypocrites giving me a bath...
So you keep your God..
I'll take mine over yours any day...
Save your judgment for someone else..
cause  I have nothing left to say!

— The End —