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Feb 5 · 45
it's over
lay my back
on my bed
and whisper

"it's okay,
it's over."
you know how to end things, over or 'over'.
Oct 2019 · 312
no idea-
Novella Arrdea Oct 2019
i'm always wondering when i'm in public space,
there are lots of people, strangers that probably I won't meet again,

you'll never know what's going on in their lives,
you ever imagine about it?

probably they're living their best life,
probably they are happy to be who they are,
probably they have someone who holds their hands and tell them it's all gonna be okay,
probably they have healed from their past and traumas,

but also,
probably there are scars and cuts under their sleeves, shirt, shorts, skirt, or jeans,
probably they just lost their dad, mom, or beloved ones,
probably they're battling with thoughts that telling them to surrender and end it all,
probably they're not in a good terms or even thrown away from their family cause of who they really are,

or probably,
they're planning to leave all these behind,
planning to surround their necks with a noose,
planning to freewheel from a bridge,
planning to stay in their bathtub and cut off their veins on their wrists,
planning to take some--no, lots of pills to numb themselves,
planning to land a bullet in their head,

anything,
and that you'll never really know what's going on in their heads and their lives is scary,

and sad.
please reach out for help.
Sep 2019 · 179
Am I Pretty Yet?
Novella Arrdea Sep 2019
6 years old,
wearing a beautiful pink dress,
with a cute ponytail hair,
a teddy bear on her right,
looking into the mirror, a bit struggling to speak fluently,
"mirror mirror, am i pretty yet?"

10 years old,
wearing a white shirt with her favorite cartoon character on it,
with a bandana on her head,
a sunflower on her right,
laughing while showing her teeth,
looking into the mirror, now she's smiling,
"mirror mirror, am i pretty yet?"

16 years old,
wearing a plain black shirt,
with her black headphone on her head,
cigarette on her right,
trying to remove dark circles below her eyes,
looking into the mirror, blankly,
"mirror mirror, am i pretty yet?"

18 years old,
wearing a sleeveless shirt,
her black and short hair is a mess,
a razor blade on her right,
blood dripping from her left arm,
looking into the mirror, crying while holding her scream,
"mirror mirror, am i pretty yet?"
"hey, everything will be okay in no time, just hold on, okay?"
Jul 2019 · 324
i miss-
Novella Arrdea Jul 2019
i miss seeing him every saturday on 5 pm,
i miss driving around the city with him,
i miss listening to a playlist that he made for me,
i miss watching the sunset with him,
i miss going out to this particular restaurant near the street with him,
i miss leaning my head on his shoulder,
i miss holding his hand,
i miss calling him every night until almost 12 am,
i miss everything,

i miss him.
Dad, I Miss You.
Please Stay Healthy,
If You Ever Get A Chance To Read This,
Te Amo.
Jul 2019 · 174
you left me
Novella Arrdea Jul 2019
you left me
but not really
cause I'm holding on to the memory
so that means you're still here with me
right?
1.45 am
Jan 2019 · 1.7k
The Night He Left
Novella Arrdea Jan 2019
He packed up his clothes into his bag, she came in their room and she was confused, "Where are you going?"
He looked down, "Somewhere else,"
She cried, "But why? Why did you leave?"
He grabbed her by the cheeks, wiped her tears and said, "I think I just can't do this anymore, I can't stay no more, I can't have a deal with you,"
"Deal with me?"
He exhaled slowly, "You know what?"

"You can't just tell people to go away and then ask them to get back,
You can't just throw away the love that people gave to you and ask for another one,
You can't just speak 'I don't wanna lose you' and then you treat me like an option,
You can't just say 'I love you' to me and the next second you ignored me like I was nothing to you,"

"But-"

He shaked his head, "But what? You wanna say 'I love you' and make me feel guilty? You wanna say 'I'm sorry' like it will change everything? I can't do this anymore. I don't wanna see you suffer, but you made me suffer. I'm done with this, I'm sorry."

And after that, he brought his bag and left her crying in the corner of their--her room.
it's emo time
Aug 2018 · 7.2k
Labeled
Novella Arrdea Aug 2018
"Your skin look darker than most of your friends, you're an 'asian' girl, you're supposed to take care of your skin so you won't look like 'black' people."

First of all, just because you "said" that I am an Asian girl, that doesn't mean I can't have dark skin.

Second of all, yes I have dark skin, but that doesn't mean I didn't take care of my skin, it's just the way it is, does my skin color bother you?

And last, why should I be ashamed when someone compared me to African-American people?
Why should I be ashamed when someone compared to Papua New Guinea people? We all are human being anyway.
just wanna say it to the internet, this is what I've been through, and people called it "society".
Jun 2018 · 252
Changed
Novella Arrdea Jun 2018
"Who am I looking at now?" He asked.
The girl laughed, "It's me, what do you mean?"
He looked at her face and said, "You're not you anymore,"
She was confused, "I am me,"
He laughed with sarcasm, "Are you?"

"Lately, you looked at me without those glares in your eyes,
You kissed me without those fast heartbeat in your chest,
You hugged my body but I can't feel you're here,
You said you love me but I can't hear your sincere."
****.
May 2018 · 196
Heal
Novella Arrdea May 2018
I'm healing,
but I don't want to see your face yet.

I'm healing,
but I'm still afraid of your voice.

I'm healing,
but while I'm healing,
you break me down with your words.

I'm healing,
but I'm trembling,
now I'm slowly dying,
while you stare at me and feel nothing.
ello, I'm telling this for 173891626 times, English isn't my first language so you can tell me if there's something wrong with my grammar. thanks for supporting!
May 2018 · 1.2k
Society
Novella Arrdea May 2018
everyone knows my name,
everyone knows my face,
everyone knows my smile,
everyone knows my laugh,
everyone knows my voice,

but it doesn't matter cause,
they don't know my story,
they don't know my scars,
they don't know my lies,
they don't know my pain,

they don't know,
how much I'm breaking down,
how much I'm trying to hold on,
how much I'm losing my trust,
how much I'm struggling,
how much I'm dying,

"You're ugly,"
"You're black,"
"You're an idiot,"
"You're a ***,"
"You deserve to die,"

sometimes I think,
"Do we have to be famous, rich, and beautiful to get involved in society?"
"Do we have to act like someone different in society?"
"Do we have to being a **** and a ***** so society can accept us?"

nah man, society doesn't care about it,
society doesn't care about your religion,
society doesn't care about your race,
society doesn't care about your skin color,
society doesn't care about your face,

unless for those racist human,
they care and they'll never stop to insult you.
unless they don't have any voice anymore,
unless they don't see anymore,

unless,
they don't live a life anymore.
Contains harsh words.
English isn't my first language so I'm sorry if there's something wrong.
May 2018 · 248
Ain't his fault
Novella Arrdea May 2018
His eyes glared with my reflection,
His eyes are deeper than the ocean,
His eyes are darker than the night,
His eyes are sharper than the knife.

His hands were moving, approaching my body,
His vanilla perfume stuck around me,
He whispered, "It ain't my fault, right?"
He smiled, his smile got my tongue tied.

"What do you mean?" I asked,
He answered, "I don't love you anymore,"
As he said that, he pulled out a gun from my pocket,
He pulled the trigger and a bullet cut through my heart,

He is right,
He is innocent,
It's my fault,
I let him got too close to me,
I let him broke down my wall,
I let him came to my life,
I let myself fall for him while he's falling for somebody new.
Once again, English isn't my first language, I'm sorry if there's something wrong.

p.s : someone named Hamza Tatheer helped me to wrote this poem.
May 2018 · 21.2k
Lie(s)
Novella Arrdea May 2018
"Back off, leave me alone,"

"I won't leave,"

"I swear to god, just leave now,"

"I won't leave,"

"GET OUT, I WANT YOU TO LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"I WON'T LEAVE!"

"WHY?! WHY DON'T YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE?!"

"Cause I know how it feels like, I know how that feels. That moment when you told people to get out, to leave, while deep inside you don't want them to. That moment when you said you want to be alone, while the truth you want someone to realize that you need a hug and a shoulder to lean on.

That moment when you said you're fine, while you're dying inside. That moment when you closed your eyes and hope everything's gonna be fine, but you have a war between your heart and brain. That moment when you act like you're brave, but you felt so scared and you're shaking.

These are reasons why I won't leave, reasons why I stay. Don't tell me you're fine, cause I know you're not. Don't tell me you're brave cause I know you're scared. Don't tell me 'you don't know me' cause I know you. Don't talk to me like I don't know what you feel.

So please, let me stay, let me be a shoulder for you to lean on, let me wipe your tears, let me tell you good things, let me be with you,

Forever and always,"
English isn't my first language, sorry if there's something wrong.

— The End —