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They were in a cafe, drinking hot cappuccino and cold macchiato at 8 p.m. It's the same cafe when he asked her to be his girlfriend a year ago. The boy kept looking down to his phone without giving a **** about a girl in front of him.

"Should we break up?" She asked, tried to break the silence.

He finally looked up from his phone, "What? But why?"

"I don't think we can hold onto this relationship any longer,"

"You know it's been a hard time for me, why can't you understand?" He raised the tone of his voice.

She shook her head, "You always do this."

"Do what?"

She sighed softly, "You always wanted me to understand you,"

He laughed, "Isn't that what couples should do?"

"But I need you to understand me too," She held her tears.

He grabbed her hands, "Babe, I'm sorry. You know I love you right? There's no day that passing by without me getting worried about how was your day, how have you been, I always care about--"

"You can't tell people you care about them just because you feel like you will lose them.
You can't tell people you care about them and after that treat them like ****.
You can't tell people you love them if you don't mean it.
You can't tell people you need them but you treat them like an option.
You can't lie to make people feel better.
You can't do these things just because they make you feel better.
You can't just throw people away and want them back, then act like nothing happened." She cried.

"I'm tired, I don't think I want to continue this toxic relationship with you, I need to stop.
I hope you'll be happy with the girl that you always talked with on your phone.
I hope you'll be happy cause she gave you everything I didn't give.
I hope you'll be happy cause I completely understand.
She can replace me from your priority, that means she's so important for you right?"

He was about to open his mouth but she shut him up,
"Don't you dare to tell me how bad you want me to stay.
Don't you dare to tell me you're sorry for everything that you've done.
Don't you dare to promise me anything that you can't keep.
Don't you dare to tell me you still need me.
Don't you dare to tell me you love me and I'm your everything.
Stop those lies right here, I'm done.
Thanks for everything that you gave to me and I'm sorry i couldn't give you what you've always wanted."

She stood up and took her phone from the table, left him with two cups of their favorite coffee.
just another cliche story
He packed up his clothes into his bag, she came in their room and she was confused, "Where are you going?"
He looked down, "Somewhere else,"
She cried, "But why? Why did you leave?"
He grabbed her by the cheeks, wiped her tears and said, "I think I just can't do this anymore, I can't stay no more, I can't have a deal with you,"
"Deal with me?"
He exhaled slowly, "You know what?"

"You can't just tell people to go away and then ask them to get back,
You can't just throw away the love that people gave to you and ask for another one,
You can't just speak 'I don't wanna lose you' and then you treat me like an option,
You can't just say 'I love you' to me and the next second you ignored me like I was nothing to you,"

"But-"

He shaked his head, "But what? You wanna say 'I love you' and make me feel guilty? You wanna say 'I'm sorry' like it will change everything? I can't do this anymore. I don't wanna see you suffer, but you made me suffer. I'm done with this, I'm sorry."

And after that, he brought his bag and left her crying in the corner of their--her room.
it's emo time
Novella Arrdea Sep 2018
They may think they know how I feel,
They may think they know my pain,
They may think they know everything,
But they didn't,
They have no idea what I've been dealing with,
They have no idea what I've been struggling with,
Just because I'm a girl and I have darker skin than other girls,
Just because I'm a girl and I have darker skin than boys,
Just because I'm a girl and I have darker skin,
Just because I'm a girl,
Just because I have darker skin,

"Um, why is your skin color looks like the color of an avocado seed?"
My skin looks like the color of an avocado seed cause God gave me this skin tone, that's it,

"Ayyy this is our black girl!"
Even if they said it's just a joke, they said it's a 'special' nickname for me, it's not how I wanted to be called,

"Your skin shows that you didn't take care of your skin,"
It's not that I didn't take care of my skin, it's just the way it is,

"Novella, you're a girl, no guys will interested to you if your skin is black like this,"
And I ain't interested to picky guys,

"Novella, your skin is darker than my skin, you want me to take care of your skin for you? I know you rarely use makeup."
So what if my skin is darker than their skin? It's not because I rarely use makeup, it's not because I don't know how to use makeup, I just don't want to cover myself with those things and I just wanna be thankful with what God already gave me,

"Novella, we're in Indonesia, we're Asian and you look like African-American people, *****,"
What's the difference between Asian and African-American people? We just have different pigments, so basically we all are one race, all humans are in one race,

"Ew black girl! She will never get a boyfriend,"
Ew racist people,

Shout out to anyone who felt the same way that I felt,
Stay strong,
We all will get through this,
I know this isn't easy, but I know you can do it,
Don't let their words creeping into your mind,


With love,
Novella.
Novella Arrdea Aug 2018
"Your skin look darker than most of your friends, you're an 'asian' girl, you're supposed to take care of your skin so you won't look like 'black' people."

First of all, just because you "said" that I am an Asian girl, that doesn't mean I can't have dark skin.

Second of all, yes I have dark skin, but that doesn't mean I didn't take care of my skin, it's just the way it is, does my skin color bother you?

And last, why should I be ashamed when someone compared me to African-American people?
Why should I be ashamed when someone compared to Papua New Guinea people? We all are human being anyways.
just wanna say it to the internet, this is what I've been through, and people called it "society".
Novella Arrdea Jun 2018
"Who am I looking at now?" He asked.
The girl laughed, "It's me, what do you mean?"
He looked at her face and said, "You're not you anymore,"
She was confused, "I am me,"
He laughed with sarcasm, "Are you?"

"Lately, you looked at me without those glares in your eyes,
You kissed me without those fast heartbeat in your chest,
You hugged my body but I can't feel you're here,
You said you love me but I can't hear your sincere."
****.
Novella Arrdea May 2018
I'm healing,
but I don't want to see your face yet.

I'm healing,
but I'm still afraid of your voice.

I'm healing,
but while I'm healing,
you break me down with your words.

I'm healing,
but I'm trembling,
now I'm slowly dying,
while you stare at me and feel nothing.
ello, I'm telling this for 173891626 times, English isn't my first language so you can tell me if there's something wrong with my grammar. thanks for supporting!
Novella Arrdea May 2018
everyone knows my name,
everyone knows my face,
everyone knows my smile,
everyone knows my laugh,
everyone knows my voice,

but it doesn't matter cause,
they don't know my story,
they don't know my scars,
they don't know my lies,
they don't know my pain,

they don't know,
how much I'm breaking down,
how much I'm trying to hold on,
how much I'm losing my trust,
how much I'm struggling,
how much I'm dying,

"You're ****,"
"You're black,"
"You're an idiot,"
"You're a ***,"
"You deserve to die,"

sometimes I think,
"Do we have to be famous, rich, and beautiful to get involved in society?"
"Do we have to act like someone different in society?"
"Do we have to being a **** and a ***** so society can accept us?"

nah man, society doesn't care about it,
society doesn't care about your religion,
society doesn't care about your race,
society doesn't care about your skin color,
society doesn't care about your face,

unless for those racist human,
they care and they'll never stop to insult you.
unless they don't have any voice anymore,
unless they don't see anymore,

unless,
they don't live a life anymore.
Contains harsh words.
English isn't my first language so I'm sorry if there's something wrong.
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