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i'm always wondering when i'm in public space,
there are lots of people, strangers that probably I won't meet again,

you'll never know what's going on in their lives,
you ever imagine about it?

probably they're living their best life,
probably they can be happy with who they are,
probably they have someone who holds their hands and tell them it's all gonna be okay,
probably they have healed from their past and traumas,

but also,
probably there are scars and cuts under their sleeves, shirt, shorts, skirt, or jeans,
probably they just lost their dad, mom, or beloved ones,
probably they're battling with thoughts that telling them to surrender and end it all,
probably they're not in a good terms or even thrown away from their family cause of who they really are,

or probably,
they're planning to leave all these behind,
planning to surround their necks with a noose,
planning to freewheel from a bridge,
planning to stay in their bathtub and cut off their veins on their wrists,
planning to take some--no, lots of pills to numb themselves,
planning to land a bully in their head,

anything,
and that you'll never really know what's going on in their heads and their lives is scary,

and sad.
please reach out for help.
6 years old,
wearing a beautiful pink dress,
with a cute ponytail hair,
a teddy bear on her right,
looking into the mirror, a bit struggling to speak fluently,
"mirror mirror, am i pretty yet?"

10 years old,
wearing a white shirt with her favorite cartoon character on it,
with a bandana on her head,
a sunflower on her right,
laughing while showing her teeth,
looking into the mirror, now she's smiling,
"mirror mirror, am i pretty yet?"

16 years old,
wearing a plain black shirt,
with her black headphone on her head,
cigarette on her right,
trying to remove dark circles below her eyes,
looking into the mirror, blankly,
"mirror mirror, am i pretty yet?"

18 years old,
wearing a sleeveless shirt,
her black and short hair is a mess,
a razor blade on her right,
blood dripping from her left arm,
looking into the mirror, crying while holding her scream,
"mirror mirror, am i pretty yet?"
"hey, everything will be okay in no time, just hold on, okay?"
i miss seeing him every saturday on 5 pm,
i miss driving around the city with him,
i miss listening to a playlist that he made for me,
i miss watching the sunset with him,
i miss going out to this particular restaurant near the street with him,
i miss leaning my head on his shoulder,
i miss holding his hand,
i miss calling him every night until almost 12 am,
i miss everything,

i miss him.
Dad, I Miss You.
Please Stay Healthy,
If You Ever Get A Chance To Read This,
Te Amo.
you left me
but not really
cause I'm holding on to the memory
so that means you're still here with me
right?
1.45 am
They were in a cafe, drinking hot cappuccino and cold macchiato at 8 p.m. It's the same cafe when he asked her to be his girlfriend a year ago. The boy kept looking down to his phone without giving a **** about a girl in front of him.

"Should we break up?" She asked, tried to break the silence.

He finally looked up from his phone, "What? But why?"

"I don't think we can hold onto this relationship any longer,"

"You know it's been a hard time for me, why can't you understand?" He raised the tone of his voice.

She shook her head, "You always do this."

"Do what?"

She sighed softly, "You always wanted me to understand you,"

He laughed, "Isn't that what couples should do?"

"But I need you to understand me too," She held her tears.

He grabbed her hands, "Babe, I'm sorry. You know I love you right? There's no day that passing by without me getting worried about how was your day, how have you been, I always care about--"

"You can't tell people you care about them just because you feel like you will lose them.
You can't tell people you care about them and after that treat them like ****.
You can't tell people you love them if you don't mean it.
You can't tell people you need them but you treat them like an option.
You can't lie to make people feel better.
You can't do these things just because they make you feel better.
You can't just throw people away and want them back, then act like nothing happened." She cried.

"I'm tired, I don't think I want to continue this toxic relationship with you, I need to stop.
I hope you'll be happy with the girl that you always talked with on your phone.
I hope you'll be happy cause she gave you everything I didn't give.
I hope you'll be happy cause I completely understand.
She can replace me from your priority, that means she's so important for you right?"

He was about to open his mouth but she shut him up,
"Don't you dare to tell me how bad you want me to stay.
Don't you dare to tell me you're sorry for everything that you've done.
Don't you dare to promise me anything that you can't keep.
Don't you dare to tell me you still need me.
Don't you dare to tell me you love me and I'm your everything.
Stop those lies right here, I'm done.
Thanks for everything that you gave to me and I'm sorry i couldn't give you what you've always wanted."

She stood up and took her phone from the table, left him with two cups of their favorite coffee.
just another cliche story
He packed up his clothes into his bag, she came in their room and she was confused, "Where are you going?"
He looked down, "Somewhere else,"
She cried, "But why? Why did you leave?"
He grabbed her by the cheeks, wiped her tears and said, "I think I just can't do this anymore, I can't stay no more, I can't have a deal with you,"
"Deal with me?"
He exhaled slowly, "You know what?"

"You can't just tell people to go away and then ask them to get back,
You can't just throw away the love that people gave to you and ask for another one,
You can't just speak 'I don't wanna lose you' and then you treat me like an option,
You can't just say 'I love you' to me and the next second you ignored me like I was nothing to you,"

"But-"

He shaked his head, "But what? You wanna say 'I love you' and make me feel guilty? You wanna say 'I'm sorry' like it will change everything? I can't do this anymore. I don't wanna see you suffer, but you made me suffer. I'm done with this, I'm sorry."

And after that, he brought his bag and left her crying in the corner of their--her room.
it's emo time
Novella Arrdea Aug 2018
"Your skin look darker than most of your friends, you're an 'asian' girl, you're supposed to take care of your skin so you won't look like 'black' people."

First of all, just because you "said" that I am an Asian girl, that doesn't mean I can't have dark skin.

Second of all, yes I have dark skin, but that doesn't mean I didn't take care of my skin, it's just the way it is, does my skin color bother you?

And last, why should I be ashamed when someone compared me to African-American people?
Why should I be ashamed when someone compared to Papua New Guinea people? We all are human being anyways.
just wanna say it to the internet, this is what I've been through, and people called it "society".
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