I cling onto your comfort by a thread. I know I’m too old for this. But I don’t think I can do this without you. I want you to hold me in your arms and tell me, "everything will be alright." I want everything to be alright. I want to be a kid again. I’m going to miss you.
Tears fall out of my eyes when I don't wish for them. I don't understand why I am like this. Is it my fault? Or is it yours? My body aches with exhaustion when I already have been sleeping for years. I am okay At least, I tell myself that.
Do the words that come out of my mouth sound like a string of expletives? Does my perfume stick so closely to my clothes that it is sickening? Every time you hear the rattle of a key chain, do you worry it might be me? Do I sicken you?
To be different is a privilege. To be normal makes you survive. Normal is just a label. Different is a label too. One is labeled bad. While the other one is good. To stand out and to blend in. To bully or be the bullied. We are not too far off from each other. We are just labeled.
I trusted you. A bond that is supposed to last until my adulthood. And you took it from me. I used to think it was normal. But now I hate you. I hate your presence, your touch, your speech. I don’t understand if you are lying to me again. Blackmailing me. So I won’t let you bring me back down again. I will fight. Until this life is no longer mine to keep.
A puppet for you to use as you please. Each string tied around limbs Preventing the steps of my free will. Did I ever have a mouth to speak with? Or was it you who just drew it on my face? I believed I was yours. You thought I was yours to take. Perhaps we both were mistaken. But this life is no longer mine to live. So I will let you have it. I will become the lifeless puppet you needed. And just maybe, you won't forget me.
Your arms that hold me leave no comfort. But the hands slotted around my neck, They fit perfectly like a missing puzzle piece. Once the puzzle is finished, it is meant to be forgotten. And so I will be forgotten, To this curse of a once promising life.
A painting of who I was A sketch of who I am To want to cherish the painting. To want to start again The need for destroying it. The freedom of starting anew. A lifetime of step forwards. A life of looking back.
Would you still like me if I was a lie? Would you back into a corner? I cling onto the corner of the walls, I push myself away. I am scared. Will my sharp claws and fangs sink into your skin? I don’t want to hurt you. But god am I just so.. hungry.
A question that has so many answers. A question that may be too difficult to answer. But the answer is always “yes.” or “no.” Never that “maybe.” That’s only in your head. You lie to others because you yourself aren’t sure. Maybe that’s why the question is so hard to answer.
The beating in my heart won’t stop. I tell people it beats too fast. They don’t believe me. This rhythm reminds me of my time. Each thump a tick. A tick off my clock. And sometimes. Sometimes that sickens me. I want to dig my fingernails into my chest. To separate the atoms forming my skin. To split it apart Reach deep within my chest and grab my beating heart. With my own two hands. I will tell you the memories we had. The times I cried. The times I was scared. And the times you lacked to beat when I thought I met the person. I will cry to my heart. Why? Why did you choose my lifeless body? I surely didn’t look that helpless. Did I? I will then scream. I’m angry. I’m furious at you. Why weren’t you just there for me? I was alone and you were the only one who was there. So why? I can feel my heart beating in my hands and it sickens me. I want to throw up. My hands grip my heart. I want to stop this beating, this ticking. So I do. I crush it. I crush you with my hands until the beating stops. Until I am just a lifeless body once again.
Why did you leave me? Why did I leave you? We were both tired. Half-hearted jokes never would fix the cracks between us. Small imperfections and biased opinions. This was never going to work out. We both knew that.
When all is done and I become with the stars, Will you remember me? For I have accomplished nothing, Can you remember me? I hurt you and you hurt me, After all that, will you still remember me? If I can't even remember myself, Will you still remember me?