she stole my identity
but none of the bad parts
she got my credit score
and bank account
but left the ash
and wrappers

i wish she stole the echoes

On Wednesday I cried for so long
that I lost my voice afterwards,
With my throat on fire
and my chest sore,
I swallowed 3 pills, a litre of water, then slept for 14 hours and woke up a mess of sweat, clothes and ****.
I don’t know why everything I do is so excessive.
I cancelled 2 job interviews,
Took my cv off of indeed and text my boyfriend:
I’m moving to Madrid, I’ll see you when I see you.
Turned my phone off and found my way back to my cold wet bed.

My dad strangled the **** out of me in my dream,
Chased me down a never ending flight of stairs with a rake
Until I was so tired
I sat on the bannister and put my arm out:
Hit me man I can’t be bothered.

His face went red,
He started pulling out his hair,
His nose grew bulbous
He screeched like foxes
And ripped off his face to reveal a clown mask.
He started doing tricks
I became a baby and clapped my fat sticky hands together:
More more more!
He performed for hours
He grew tired and started vomiting
Rainbows of bile escaping his mouth.
I grew taller and danced
I whooped and sang and tapped my feet in the puddles
Looked down and noticed I was dancing on a lifeless clown body;
And I danced harder.

I woke up in a panic
The clothes on my chair looked like my fathers fat body
In the dark I swear I could hear him screeching.

Her eyes are every color
under the sun, and then some-

mostly flecks of golden
kansas wheat and earthy brown-

and when they are green
- i've seen mountains grow
and valley scenes below

-sometimes gray as if they know
winter is coming, slow

-but when they're blue, so blue-
water wells at the fate of the sioux,
and the broken bird's egg, a dog
with three legs, and a sky sky-blue

- mostly, she has kansas in her eyes.

Sometimes I think
not often, but enough
that if I had a shrink
(s)he would say
Neil Young is the one
that ****** you up
son, I mean, he didn’t
mean to, but
looking back like I am
apt to do too often
his music I have listened
to through the decades
made me who I am
today and yesterday
taking me so many places
where the pavement
turns to sand, like
on the beach, or down
by the river, or somewhere
on a desert highway
where I tend to see the sky
about to rain most days
and the ambiance of
ambulance blues
is so ******* beautifully
depressing that even
I can diagnose me
just knowing that rust
never sleeps, and a heart
of gold remains elusive.

;)