It was only by loving you that I could love myself.

I never meant to hurt you.

You wear that mask so well
I can't tell if I did.

I choose to think you're oblivious.

After all, you don't know
You don't know anything at all.

I love you.

I wish I didn't

I'm moving away soon so why
Why even try

We'd have a month at best

It's unfair

I don't want to love you

You don't love me.

I know you don't.

I see it in your eyes.

I just want to kiss you,
One last time.

I want to see you smile again.

I almost want to apologise for my lack of writing.

I go for months, years.

I try to be healthy,
To change my poetry into something

"Productive."

I always come back.

Something about it,
Being honest with myself.

No, I'm not okay.

For that brief time,
Where I am creative,
Happy,

Allowed to be whoever I am.

Before I pretend that this moment
Never existed.

Before I pretend I'm okay again.

Anything is better than being alone.

Maybe
I could stop caring about others.

Because
I begin to hate myself.

To lose myself.

So very ******* poetic.

But with you, I want to die.

Without you, I already am.

I wish I had some meaning

In this meaningless world.

I chose life.

I could have gone,
Peacefully,
In my own time.

A choice.

Life or death.

To continue to suffer,
To fight.

To sleep in peace,
To end.

It was the hardest decision of my life,
But the most natural too.

Out of spite,
Out of fear,
Out of love.

Call it what you will.

The night
Is cold
And long.

I cannot
Think.

I want to
Be loved.

But I
Will die
Here.

Cold
Alone
Forgotten

As it
Should be

The pain
Makes
My existence
Fade.

Scattered thoughts.

I love you.

I love how some people
Can articulate their thoughts so clearly.

They can say so little
And amount to so much.

I know I should stop
Comparing myself to them.

They have meaning.

My mind's a mess.