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525 · Feb 24
broken
Rosmary Penn Feb 24
But if I slit my wrists
and cry
an ocean
then you'll love me,
love me when I'm broken
475 · Nov 2020
the heart's noose
Rosmary Penn Nov 2020
fear,
but a string

the strand drawn from the
depths of our souls,
composed of insecurity,
fragility,
anguish

it was the string from which I hung
Rosmary Penn Dec 2020
I am drowning
in pain
in sorrow
in tears

Life goes by
another hour
another day
another year

What I wouldn't give
for answers
for peace
for freedom

To finally exhaust
the imbalances
the terrors
the demons
Rosmary Penn Dec 2020
air is growing thin
as I float off the ground
the dreamers finally awake
now nothing holds me down

wandering into space
passing the atmosphere
seems my perspective
is too cavalier

running out of oxygen,
breathing goes slow
my dewy eyes reflect the stars,
like a canvas of Van Gogh's

I hear vibrations
this is my castle past the sky
where no-one asks how,
and I never wonder why

my body grows numb
as I float past stars
through my veins,
flows my liquid heart

peace like a wave
rushes over me
laying on this cosmic foam
it gets hard to breathe

I shed a tear
and then another arose
soon I was surrounded with these crystals
as each drop froze

with no gravity,
my walls collapsed
loosing all feeling,
I couldn't react

a syrupy smile spread
across my softened face
so do not be concerned
if you see a girl floating in space
would you join me? or would you rather stay grounded on Earth? why? tell me in the comments
383 · Mar 25
Untitled
Rosmary Penn Mar 25
why do we become a little less human
when we aren't like the other humans around us?
372 · Sep 2020
hopeless romantics
Rosmary Penn Sep 2020
ineffable sorrow
in the grey skies
staring at love letters
stained with cherry wine

on the window sill
lies the white rose
a love not to last
on the floor, her clothes

clandestine tears
of a hopeless romantic
her naive heart
so easily enchanted

she's a liability
that none can take on
limerence fades
the light in his eyes, gone

failed expectations;
for she lives in a dream
holding on
to promises of serendipity

addicted to euphoria
to dilute her pain
watching tears fall
down the shower drain

nothing left now
so another drink she pours
then into a cab
only to be broken once more
360 · Sep 2020
Naked-Hearted Girl
Rosmary Penn Sep 2020
Am I down the street
Or on the other side of the world?
Keep your eyes open
For a naked-hearted girl
?
358 · Apr 28
healing
Rosmary Penn Apr 28
a baby bird
fallen from the nest
blood, like honey,
dripping from its breast

there it lays with broken wing
and muddied face
as a heart's broken
and a dream's unlaced

it may not fly yet,
and dirt-caked wounds
take time, but watch
it will rise up soon
342 · Oct 2020
Writer In the Dark
Rosmary Penn Oct 2020
One night the moon whispered her secrets
into the breeze,
who carried it in a song
to blow though the trees

There it settled
with it's consonants and vowels
Then away flew the moon's words
on the wings of an owl

Her voice traveled a great distance
till the little bird reached light
There through the window
was a writer in the night

So out perched the bird,
words whoo-ed into the silence
to be picked up by a candle's flame,
to reach the writer's iris

It was then in the dark
that the ink flowed onto a page
It was then in the dark
that the author's mind blazed

Times goes by
and we read these words, finely tuned
from the writer in the dark,
the messenger for the moon
339 · Feb 1
to be censored...
Rosmary Penn Feb 1
I am black
I am white
am I still
human despite

the color
of my skin?
is there still
a heart within?

if I am black
am I a queen?
do you owe
an apology?

if I am white
am I racist?
walking around
with social graces

or is worth determined
not by genes,
not by skin,
but something underneath?
325 · Dec 2020
Ode to the Moon
Rosmary Penn Dec 2020
Oh Keeper of the Night,
You are but a mystery
To one twilight smile upon us
and then the next not to be seen

Oh Mother of Light
to wane but never disappear
Giving us great comfort
Saying you are always there

Stars drip from your eyes
tears like crystals fall
even through your pain
you leave me here struck with awe

That through the sorrow
You give us a light
to dim while we sleep
to guide us through the night

Oh Lover of the dreamers
I long to bask in your rays
to calm my aching heart
to leave me in a daze

Oh your gentle curves
and sweet, pale complexion
Each crater and mount,
designed with perfection

Ages will pass
With different times and stories
but no matter the time or place
no man can escape your glory
289 · Nov 2020
words
Rosmary Penn Nov 2020
like honey off the lips
mellifluous notes
reading from fate's script
turns a man's folly to quotes
285 · Mar 16
difference
Rosmary Penn Mar 16
I was found
but now feel so lost
it's like everything's okay
but at the same time, it's not
255 · Oct 2020
INSANITY
Rosmary Penn Oct 2020
On the edge of insanity
Tumbling, falling
That was my last hurrah
Screaming, bawling
244 · Sep 2020
Other Side of the Screen
Rosmary Penn Sep 2020
eyes blue like the sea;
hands, strong and tan;
locked heart with no key;
hair the color of sand

on the other side of the screen;
we're gonna stay friends
but what do you think of me?
guess it won't matter in the end

I miss your touch
the sound of your voice
the way you looked at me;
was our end all your choice?

what am I doing now?
wasting time on what shouldn't be
you took my heart captive
all I want is to be free
235 · Sep 2020
Introductions
Rosmary Penn Sep 2020
I am a white rose
Sprinkled with blood
I am an angel
Turned away from love
I am a child
Stripped of purity
I am a soul
That longs to be free

My shadow is white
My heart is of glass
Looking for light
But trapped in the black
My mind is contorted
So I lie down and cry;
Seeking control
But not afraid to die
If you can relate in any way, give it a like. Relatability is medicine the most broken need. <3
214 · Oct 2020
A Stranger's Heart
Rosmary Penn Oct 2020
Waking up before dawn
The air seems to be made of
g l a s s
Satin curtains hang from a window,
Wind seeping in through the
c r a c k
Memories stick like honey
Resonating in my head, a
d r e a m
Wondering what might've become of those things,
As I lay there half
a s l e e p
But the world seemed so different
Dull things were changed to
a r t
So I concluded, it is quite an odd feeling
To wake up with a stranger's
h e a r t
165 · Oct 2020
over before we began
Rosmary Penn Oct 2020
Hear the pounding of his head
Against the wall
Crimson drops
Watch them fall

See his heart
Hardened from hate
Innocence in chains
No escape

The girl he adored
Wishing him death,
The nights he laid
Praying for the last breath

I would love him
If he let me
So I've gone
For him to forget me
Over a year...the boy on the other side of my screen
141 · Sep 2020
Undiagnosed
Rosmary Penn Sep 2020
Voices screaming
Children bleeding
Being chased
With no escape
Slicing open
Bones are broken
Shattered heart
Torn apart
Searching for help
Loosing myself
What is real?
I can’t feel
Growing distant
Someone listen
I can’t explain
Default in my brain
Hormones raging
No explaining
So confused
Panic profuse
Starting to show
Please let me go
My greatest fear is of my own mind.
139 · Sep 2020
expectations
Rosmary Penn Sep 2020
blood spilling slowly from my chest
watch it puddle on the floor
yes I tried, I gave my best
yet they always asked for more

now dissolving into the earth
back to the dust I came from
sleeping in sky, not hearse
if only my heart would numb

forgot about limitations
what I'd give to feel nothing
drowning in expectations
just wanted to be something
122 · Oct 2020
Reminiscing
Rosmary Penn Oct 2020
Open hands
Both covered in scars
We were one,
Now torn apart
117 · Sep 2020
Freedom in Death
Rosmary Penn Sep 2020
Steady, I sailed
My ship through this storm.
But to Heaven, for it entails
A light; peace; warmth

I stand in this fire,
Consumed by the flames;
Relief: my only desire.
For that, should I feel shame?

In life, I lay dead,
Freedom serving as chains.
Chaos in my head
Blood like knives in my veins.

I seek the door,
The entrance to life.
To enter the store
Of souls made new! Alive!

I seek out this passageway,
Yet I lie here in bed.
And here forever I will stay
For to be free is to be dead
Freedom in Death. Freedom is never free. Those who love us must pay that unbearable price. So we lay in the chains of life and the pain it entails, to save others from feeling as we do.
110 · Sep 2020
Left
Rosmary Penn Sep 2020
The feelings you had were fake
Should've told me you didn't care
All those nights I lay awake
Thinking something was there

I went out onto the ice
You didn’t tell me it was thin
Guess I should've thought twice,
But then I fell in

Thought we had something real
That could stand the test of time
Guess it was just an ideal
Something only in my mind

I can't make you love me
You wouldn't even call
But next time say you won't catch me
Before I decide to fall
103 · Jan 25
the drinking game
Rosmary Penn Jan 25
life's a blur,
a hazy light,
a broken dream,
an endless high

drowning in a bottle,
wishing I was sober,
closing my eyes,
waiting for life to be over

laying on the bathroom floor
is this all I ever will be?
another breath out...
god I feel so empty
wondering if I'm gonna make it through the night...
100 · Apr 15
:)
Rosmary Penn Apr 15
:)
I'm done trying for you or anyone else
maybe when I give up
you'll see how far I'd gotten
99 · Sep 2020
Trying My Best
Rosmary Penn Sep 2020
get mad and tell me off like you don’t see me trying
you don’t consider all the nights I went to sleep instead of dying
you said to give my best even if its not perfect,
but my best isn't enough for you, so is it even worth it?
98 · Oct 2020
just one
Rosmary Penn Oct 2020
just one love, one drink, one pill, one cut, one leap...
96 · Sep 2020
hello, I am you
Rosmary Penn Sep 2020
laying Paralyzed
fear takes my breath
Reality disguised
by a mask of blood and death

then screams pour
in the room as I lie in bed,
not from the door
but from inside my Head

image's flash
and my body shakes
Mentally thrashed
my brain aches

Visions of my body
crouching in the street
the Night: rainy, foggy;
blood on the concrete

I was holding a Knife,
reflecting the moon,
already used to take a life
and another one soon

I asked why I was Screaming
she stopped and stared
I closed my eyes, hoping I was dreaming
but in my mind, she was still there

She said I should run
before I Loose Control
I could have good fun
that in this freedom, I would be whole

tears fell down my face
this was my greatest fear
that I would join in the chase
Killing those who are most near

she Took lives to save her own;
should I do the same?
feel uneasiness in my Bones
but felt no shame

this version of myself Laughed;
it rang in my ears
then she vanished at last
and I bathed in tears

I am Slave to an illness
that torments me day and night
so I grimace
and try to forget these Eerie sights
This was at the end of an episode. My greatest fears are of my mind and of loosing control.  It is a fight between myself and my illness.  Desires of evil can overtake me, but I  will commit before I hurt someone else.
Rosmary Penn Dec 2020
one night I awoke
to a pain in my head
soon I realized
I wasn't alone in bed

next to me he sat
watching as I slept
staring into my face,
dripping blood onto my neck

our eyes met,
his were glassy and lifeless
we observed each other until
my gasp broke the silence

towering over me,
he leaned his head in
his face grew paler
and across it spread a grin

then he laughed
and asked if I was awake
all I could do in response
was tremble and shake

his voice settled,
raspy and thin
to hear his words
was nothing short of a sin

now every night
he awakes me from my sleep
leaving me to cry
sinking in the deep

so I spend my days
exhausted and drained
how do I break
these invisible chains?
90 · Jan 13
goodbye
Rosmary Penn Jan 13
a final breath
a final write
I've been waiting
and now it's time
89 · Apr 5
maturity
Rosmary Penn Apr 5
we remember the twinkling star
until it fades away
into nothing
and we realize
our lullabies were about ***** of burning gas
79 · Apr 4
carry on
Rosmary Penn Apr 4
she can play in the puddles,
while I have a rainy day
her skies are blue
and mine are grey

her heart is tender
and mine is scarred
her success is a series of open doors,
and mine are all barred

she sings in the shower,
but I cry in mine
she holds onto her dreams
and I, to a life line

and she can yell at her father
with a passion in her chest
I look at mine
and am thankful for the little time he has left

I am in the fire
but her sorrows, she can ignore
so I will look from a distance
knowing I am being forged

she is happy in her picturesque life
sports, friends, boys
but now I understand
some of us weren't made for happiness, but joy

joy is victory,
fighting on the battleground of life
in the storms, fear, darkness,
joy is a light

for there is beauty in the pain
and after every tear-filled night, there's a sunrise at dawn
so for those in their own storm
keep your head up and carry on
:) there's hope
75 · Sep 2020
there is a place.
Rosmary Penn Sep 2020
there is a place.
a wonderful place of dreams and fears
with no escape
from the laughter, smiles, sadness, and tears.
this is where you go while you lie in bed.
the world you find deep inside your head.
gravity becomes but a fantasy;
only the things that you can see

starlight and rain, roses and feelings,
sorrows and pain, thoughts send you reeling!
chained in the freedom of the mind
running out of reasons! running out of time!

imagination is your reality,
loosing sense of normality.
you can jump and you can fly,
waltzing on clouds up in the sky.
or you can sink and you drown
you may smile you may frown

this is the magic! this is the key!
take the red pill let your mind be free
you have power over only yourself,
take curiosity back off the shelf.

the mind corrupts, the mind saves,
thoughts interrupting throughout your day;
ask them to leave or beg them to stay,
draw them near or run away
71 · Nov 2020
As I Am
Rosmary Penn Nov 2020
a flower
u n b l o s s o m e d
a lover
f o r g o t t e n
a mirror
s h a t t e r e d
a heart
b a t t e r e d
as are these, beauty
b l u n t e d
as I am, one
u n w a n t e d
my words are my cry for help
68 · Oct 2020
?
Rosmary Penn Oct 2020
?
Is it that I care too much
Or that the world doesn't care at all?
67 · Oct 2020
The Last Christmas
Rosmary Penn Oct 2020
80 days till the best time of the year
While you're laughing,
I'll be smiling through my tears
Looking through photos, thinking I'll miss this
80 more days
Until my father's last Christmas
My father was diagnosed with terminal cancer in June. This is my family's final Christmas together
62 · Sep 2020
Pretty Brown Eyes
Rosmary Penn Sep 2020
tell me how
you managed to move on so fast
because now
you're going out, but I'm stuck in the past

she's got pretty brown eyes
mine are only blue
trying not to cry
seeing pictures of her and you

I'm glad that you're happy
glad that you're good
glad you moved on
because I know that you should

but I'm still on you
trying to get back
waiting for you
to say you want me back

but now it just hurts
shouldn't take it as surprise
you're next to her,
the girl with pretty brown eyes;
61 · Nov 2020
closed-eye hallucinations
Rosmary Penn Nov 2020
take deep breathes
no time to wait
please fall asleep
before it's too late

now the walls are opening
flashes of color
see faces and figures
laughing at each other

blood trickles on my face
warm and thick
from a stranger's mouth
down it drips

now I'm sitting in the dark
writing this piece
how tranquil I'd be
if only I'd fall asleep,

safe from my mind
from mental attacks
when I could close my eyes
and all I'd see is black
3 AM  right now...please help
57 · Sep 2020
Un-embodied
Rosmary Penn Sep 2020
I’ve hurt before, but never like this;
Looked fear in the face, then it gave me a kiss

My heart's not broken
It’s still beating in my chest;
Cry myself to sleep
Because right now that’s my best

I’m drowning in work
So I take showers to be alone
Tears circle the drain
The house I’m in doesn’t feel like home

I look in the mirror but only see a dead body
The girl I used to be’s gone now I’m nobody
55 · Dec 2020
adieu
Rosmary Penn Dec 2020
u loved my words
u cherished the rhymes
so I wrote for u
but u no longer have time

to read my heart
and see into my soul
but I loved that you read
it meant more than you know
54 · Dec 2020
ready to wake up
Rosmary Penn Dec 2020
waiting for

                           someone

               to tell me I'm
                                          d r e a m i n g
54 · Oct 2020
THE WORLD
Rosmary Penn Oct 2020
Loosing weight
Because I don't eat
Loosing life
Because I can't sleep
No more smiles
Loosing myself
So I'll say goodnight,
See you in Hell
53 · Oct 2020
Untitled
Rosmary Penn Oct 2020
I think I loved you.
Too late now.
51 · Sep 2020
3 AM
Rosmary Penn Sep 2020
Laying down
Body aches
Mind racing
Reality quakes
Bleeding out
Breathing in
Need a fresh start
Where to begin?
Chemical imbalances
In my brain
Emotional paralysis
Heart’s deranged
Don’t need sympathy
Just a solution
Doc gives me meds
It’s mental pollution
Going down
Six feet under
Watch me drown
Wanna stay in my slumber
Slave to the chemicals
They shove down my throat
I'd say it’s all medical
But I’m not one to quote
Just want freedom
From my own mind
I would look deeper
Don’t know what I’d find
I’d rather die than live with myself
They say I'll survive, but it's gonna be Hell
50 · Oct 2020
...,and of truth?
Rosmary Penn Oct 2020
Truth stands as what corresponds with reality,
But how can we find this amongst so many muddled perceptions?
No-one has a perfect understanding of the world,
But of truths, there is one.
Humans can conceptualize love and mathematics,
Yet cannot agree on a common origin or creator
Is it like looking into a foggy mirror,
Yet knowing undoubtedly what is being reflected?
Never has anything been created, as one,
So similar, yet diverse, in the most fundamental ways
46 · Sep 2020
False Hope
Rosmary Penn Sep 2020
They said shoot for the stars
But the gun's pointed at my head
Kisses replaced with scars
The monsters came out from under my bed

They said I could do whatever I wanted
Childhood dreaming of being in a palace or ballet
Said I could be whoever, but I'm Exhausted
And would rather be Okay

I'm looking for a sliver lining
But I'm still in the middle of my storm
They say they miss me smiling
Nothing's changed, my mask's just worn

They said believe in yourself
And you can rule the world
But my dreams are dusty on the shelf
Along with the promises you told that girl

Now my blood is in the shower drain
And I covered my mouth when I cried
That way they think that I'm the same
But the little girl you raised, died
45 · Sep 2020
death note
Rosmary Penn Sep 2020
I've hurt before but never like
looked in the face of Death and it gave me a kiss
nothing like watching people you love die slowly
these days it's been so lonely
because I am young, but my heart's so old;
please, can someone save my soul?

look in the mirror
missing my old self
wish I could see clearer
taking memories off the shelf

not every star burns bright enough to be seen
when you're six feet under, no-one hears your screams;
tell me what's the point of fighting for a life you don't want to live
thinking about this ever since I was a kid

I wanna leave this house,
this body, life, world;
somebody tell me,
why can't I be a normal girl?

so I walk down the stairs
picking up pill bottles in pairs
back up to my room
I've already thought this through

my life's turned to hell
lost control over myself
never wanted to be young and sad
thinking about the good times I had

but now it's all in the past
all my smiles are a mask
so I lock the door and close my eyes
Because everyone has a time to die

tried to roll with the punches
ended up crying, calling 1-800's
now I'm holding a handful of pills
tears fall and I get chills

so I lay down
and look up at the sky
darkness comes over me
and I tell the world goodbye
42 · Nov 2020
COVID-19
Rosmary Penn Nov 2020
Christmas lights twinkle
Houses lined, all aglow
We sit, locked inside
Hidden from the winter snow

Mistletoe's no where to be seen,
Lover's lips separated by masks
Families gather in secret
In fear of being harassed

The churches are closing
And the mangers are replaced with riots
The cities are lit abright with fire
The nights, never silent

Children cry locked in closets
Bruised, starved, alone
Lockdowns from politicians
Ignorant that one's house isn't always home

Mothers and fathers starve
To feed what's left of their families
Without paychecks, they struggle
Counting not dollars, but casualties

The snow falls outside our windows
So we watch from afar, told to social distance
But as I watch the world fall apart,
I wonder, is this really Christmas?
38 · Nov 2020
outcasted
Rosmary Penn Nov 2020
distasteful is sentiment
in a nihilistic society
the poetess is no object of lust,
instead she is wed with piety

or perhaps to take place with ancients
in the books with fruitless notions
regardless, she is not of the time
like a wave rolled in from the depths of the ocean

forgotten, an undesired specimen
like lost things found in the blue
shunned from the rest of the flock
like a unpunctual flower bloomed

cast away into the fire,
she's a diamond sparkling in flames
but when the ******* burns to ashes
the poetess, alone, will remain
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