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3.7k · Sep 2018
A nostalgic visit
Eno Sep 2018
7 lives
Intertwined
Some were breaking
Now riding the wave
Others were drowning
Now swimming up and away
There’s secrets cleaning the tables
Unanswered questions serving food
And I cannot comprehend the distance

Between me

And

You.

We began in tandem
Building this great pyramid
A myriad of hope
Block by block
Carried by our journey to discover new lands
Off the shores of collective success
Together
Some higher than others;
All in it.
With smiles
And parties
Tears and fears
Winding along and around
Working intensely
Loving concepts, people, food
It was just good business
They say...

3 years on
Time sweeps our intricate
Fast paced
Warped and winning
Bodies and brains
Under, once more,
The same old roof -
Oh my, how things have changed

Those men who were ringing the bells
Calling the shots
Trail scandals behind them
Like pieces of toilet paper
Still attached to their shiny, worn out shoes
Are we a pleasant reminder of a band of brothers in arms
A loyal family of resilient workers
Who played a note or two in your orchestrated dream?
Rather I fear
It’s much the opposite
Although we were greeted like old friends
With lopsided smiles of nostalgia
In the pit of my stomach
(The one you used to feed)
It just seemed like we were evidence of ghostly shame
An unwelcome reminder of a past which tried to swallow them up for dinner
A quiet embarrassment
That knew it did not deserve us
Like a lover who had tried to move on
When we’d decided to move in next door
1.9k · Sep 2018
Old friends of mine
Eno Sep 2018
Theres still 5 more lives
Connecting and disconnecting
In this scene
An American diner
In south west England
Sat in a booth
That holds thousands of shared
Experiences
And narratives that only we feel
With characters we played and knew
There’s no stronger drug
Than those things humans have collectively been through
But I didn’t think of this
When I looked at you
Magnanimous
Stupendous
Gallant
Eloquent
I’d never seen you look this good
Not in years
You’ve just upgraded
Your vehicle in life
No paper boy bicycle
Doing the rounds
But a brand new direction
You don’t need to worry for the next 3 years
Joined a scheme that will take you where you want to be
I wished it was me
1.7k · Sep 2018
The exhibitionist
Eno Sep 2018
There’s 3 left now
To state their case
For past and present
They’re all happy to show their face
One more so than others
Gets up on a podium
And shouts
When everyone
Was already
Listening
Hard to let it in
Without the illusion of choice
A soliloquy
Of triumph
Should be spoken alone
You wonder
If modesty
Breeds honesty
Or the other way around
Or neither
1.6k · Oct 2013
Ambiguous Hope
Eno Oct 2013
Hope! the last virtue in Pandora’s box
not because there was less of it than greed
hate and envy; it is the most evil
of them all, without hope we cannot fall
scrambling for broken pieces between
the tiny gaps in the beaten floorboards.
Hope has hurt like **** – created heaven
Where only dust and demons dwell, and yet
I am captivated by a hope, you,
Like a thousand rays of sunshine, reflect
off the ocean and into my eyes till
I, unable to run away turn blind.
Hope is my captor, the four walled prison
- Reminds me it’s time reality arisen.
1.3k · Oct 2013
Negativity, I reject you.
Eno Oct 2013
I have lived enough years to be confident
That I can be smothered by Suffering and
Buried in Grief’s graveyard
Only to be tortured effortlessly by Love Unrequited
I can be slowly vociferously torn piece by piece by people
Who cannot see any good in their own lives
That they peel away at mine so they can try to crush it
In front of my eyes.
I can watch my expectations rise to a height I need binoculars for
Only to see a landslide, as all I have built comes crashing down.

I know now that I will survive
When Lies come dressed in Trust’s disguise
And hot sticky choking tears swell in my eyes
When friends have not the time to remember
My birthday on the 24th of December
Because they’ve gone home for Christmas.

I know when Pain comes to put me in a strait jacket
That Houdini found his way out
That when Anger like weeds strangle my veins
He feeds on my Doubt, that doubles when I shout
I have lived enough years to learn how to forget my past
And to love myself because time moves too fast
For Regret and Sorrow to last.
1.2k · Sep 2018
Pain pangs
Eno Sep 2018
Jealousy rises up in me
Like **** to the surface
I try to read a book
But each word fades into the page
Hiding from my fantastical rage
I see no option
But to give up my love.
1.1k · Sep 2018
Let me paint for you
Eno Sep 2018
If you gave me watercolours and the talent to do my worst
I would paint you a watery scene where the colours bleed from grey to green
We would be in Venice
And you would be walking away
From everything we could have been

Off centre strokes a single gondola
Of blue black streaks in the rain
And smudged opposite
A brick built opening
A canal side doorway

But it leads only to the bottom of the Sile
Dashing any dreams I had
Of our deep connection
And of minds, fertile
For a love together;
Of intricacy and intimacy.

Let me be your Doge’s palace
Standing in honour for you,  
Or there will forever be a reflection on the water
Of the fading light in that cold September sky
The evening that could have been
Not a dark but a guiding night
Where our hands and our hearts
Find each other
And pull us up and over
The limitations of my cover -

My closest friend, this is the worst;
To know you
Is a blessing
But to love you
Is a curse
1.0k · Nov 2014
The present redeems the past
Eno Nov 2014
No matter how bad I feel
I used to be worse
No matter how pointless breathing seems
It used to feel like shards of glass
Scraping up and down my windpipe
Slowly, tenderly wasting me.
So yes
Yes I feel like ****
With my rollercoaster of a personality
With enough swings for every mood
I do not know how I will wake up tomorrow
I don’t know when I will sleep
Maybe I will be angry again for no reason
Maybe I will cry all day
Maybe I will be so energetically ecstatic I will buzz buzz buzz and not be able to relax
Maybe I will hide inside this house freezing my will
Maybe I will take respite in a day or two of normality
Such irregularity is getting harder to live with
For me and everyone around
They do not understand why I shout and scream
And neither do i
They do not know some days I feel so separate from everyone and everything
For no reason at all
And I can hear upstairs washing machine
And I am freezing to death in my bed
Wearing 2 layers of socks
One t-shirt, a pole neck, a jumper and a hoodie
And a thick layer of tracksuit bottoms
And there is work I haven’t done for tomorrow
And there is a deadline in for next week
And I have a trip to arrange for two weekends time
And I have to pay the bills
And prepare for the family visit this weekend
And check how much money I don’t have
And do the cleaning
And order the groceries
And go to work
And find out how much insurance costs
And buy christmas presents
And get ready for netball
And find money for the bus
And somehow try to not hurt everyone around me
So I must try for the life of me
To calm down
And book a doctors appointment
And calm the **** down
I do not want to die from stress
The only thing that ever saved me from suicide
Back in the days when I survived on shadows
Was the hope that sadness could not last forever
That life would change for the better
And when it did I made a promise
I would remember it.
And I remember it.
1000 · Aug 2013
Fear
Eno Aug 2013
Fear is an
Elephant on a tightrope
Above a lake of sharks
Whilst firecrackers go off
The only light in the darkness

Fear is
A bungee jump
Into a bowl of jelly
From the top of the Eiffel tower
Without anyone noticing

The melting ice caps
The spread of cancer
The cars as you cross the road

The rising prices
The government news
The people you wish you did not know

Fear is everything you can imagine
And all that you cannot
If you are not to waste your mind
And let your atoms rot

Then see the elephant achieve
Make your risks be known
This world has many faults
But this world is your home.
Eno Sep 2013
Wretched and hateful I tore you apart
As if you were fashioned from feathers, I
Could see only my twisted heart; not yours.
Not your midnight cries for help and for hope
Nor the emptiness that took you hostage
Not the burdens that sought to crush your bones.
Together we were very much alone.

Our shouting sometimes scared the walls, shook by
Our fighting, fists, fighting , fits, guilt, fear, pain
Yet still, I found the energy to wage more war
To forge an enemy, to blame misery
On the closest person whom I could bare
To look at in the mirror, in the eyes -
You - and still you continued to bleed love; it stained
Even the most violent language you spoke.

And I am sorry for all this, today.
Mother, I’m sorry it had to be this way.

Half a decade on and you joke that my horns have gone,
Replaced by wings that spread wide, you know why?
Because you taught me what love really IS.
Because you showed me, that love was not a prize nor a reward for being anything or anyone but your daughter, damaged as I was.
Because you worked long hours everyday and night when we did not have any money and you kept that roof over our heads and asked for nothing in return. You didn't even complain.
Because mentally battered, exhausted and bruised you would always make sure I had what I needed, that I was your priority.

You have loved me so much all these years, you have felt guilty about these times, as if you should have given me more stability.


But without your unconditional love I would not be.
I would not have survived
Mum, you are the only reason I am alive.

It wasn’t your fault that I wanted to die.
And after all these years,
                                             I think now, you finally understand that.
882 · Aug 2013
Cancer wants my friend.
Eno Aug 2013
You are a dying man and I am a procrastinator.

I will one day get round to feeling grief,
but in your presence I can do nothing but attempt to reciprocate the strength and positive energy that you have washed over me for these years.

So I hug you

like I always do

and we kiss on both cheeks

because we always do

and I make jokes
and try to make you laugh double the amount that you do for me ,

like we always do.

My eyes are light, my body language colourful and lively,
                                                                                     but I cannot meet the gaze of your eyes with the same                                       mixture of awe, contentment and warmth.

                      My poker face is mediocre; my tell is in the eyes.

                      But this is only a momentary malfunction; there is still business to be done.

I stared at the floor knowing it would remain,
long after you had taken leave of this world.
I imagined your moment as you took in the scene within your living room;

Your fiancé and your fifteen year old son engrossed in a debate,
your best friend and hers engaged in witty conversation

And I stood next to you hoping that your sensory perception would interpret this as peace and hope, positivity and vitality, the very same characteristics that you have inspired in everyone around you.

                                                     The Difference that you have made.

So maybe out of respect I stared at that floor,
allowing you this hypothetical feeling that I so wanted you to have.

But my subconscious seemed to find the connection between myself looking down and the very place I would have to visit you Soon .

                                                                 “Soon”, the doctors say.

Then I felt your eyes switch to where I so quietly stood and in the nervous panic of that second I smiled, and it was the saddest smile.

The type that fails to even make the lips curl upwards but merely returns them to a neutral horizontal line, as if the frown where too heavy to lift .

And you knew
                      that I knew  
                                          that you knew what I was thinking.

If we had been playing poker then, I would have folded and said have my money!
But alas, this is no game, there is no victor HERE.

But this was not a completely involuntary smile, it was the first acknowledgement from me to you of the deteriorating condition of yourself as a human body, and the loss of the world without your human mind.

Our relationship would change forever and then be gone.
Cease to Exist.

Some people die at 30 and are not buried until they are 70, but not you. You know the value of life and you refuse to allow it to side step you for other people who are less afraid of opportunities.

The only thing you ever feared was yourself, which seems so apt now.
864 · Sep 2018
Fate vs Feet
Eno Sep 2018
In the great race of life
Had I missed the starting gun?
No it was much more subtle
Delicate than that
What does comparison serve
But a hollow pit of tar and discontentment
We’re all in the same race
But our tracks don’t look the same
Whether beast or feast
For some wayward predator
We’re not all looking the same way
Or volunteer ourselves into the same games
Hush now
And let the world have its way
838 · Aug 2013
Cast Myself Away
Eno Aug 2013
How long till this flight comes crashing down
and do I take my baggage with me?
so I sink quicker when I'm drowning.
There’s no love or longing under the sea.

So I took my heart and drowned it
But the salt water lifted it afloat
So I took my opportunity and set sail
- Called it my boat.

Slowly it tired but inspired
The people that come and go
And I would tell them all the same
- I cant stay, I am not whole

I roamed the pacific where
A lonely island did I find
It needed me and I needed
My little piece of mind

She breathed into me
A fresh fountain of life
The forest was my family
The earth was my wife

But summer scorched and I watched
her blacken as she burned
Convinced there lied an enemy
Paranoid I turned

So I set up camp in a cove
The only place on the globe
That understands what time does
To a dark and battered soul.

Every night I would listen
As the waves spoke to me
Of a utopian vision
Where humans roam free

Perhaps there is a place in this world
with a harbour that knows my name
perhaps there is a person somewhere
who has a boat just the same.

But for now I will stay here
Where beauty tells no lies,
And it’s dangerous depths
I can see with my own eyes.
789 · Jan 2018
Talk to me
Eno Jan 2018
Sometimes you stop me


                Mid -


                         Sentence

And the words I speak
Could be a squeak
I’ve lost it
                    No idea
                                   What I’msaying now

How?

How I fall through the caverns of your dark brown eyes
Into
        Fantasy

Now I must come back to my body
And pretend this never happened

      Somehow.

Can you repeat the question?
747 · Sep 2013
The dark side of the mind
Eno Sep 2013
The power of the mind:
Brings us lies fashioned as love and tricks us into blaming the heart for its crimes,
It manipulates us into hating fear, a misunderstood fellow, merely a stranger of familiarity,
It is the mind that digs and digs at our souls, with pessimisms shovel,  till we willingly lie down in our own graves.
It has you believing
That a man pretending to be something he is not
Is a talent, a person worth admiring
Why not, do we wait screaming on red carpets
For philanthropists, guardians, those who lend a helping hand?
The money and power always come first, charity second.
Which is why I desire to live in a patch of earth no-one has ever heard of
In a home, made of sticks and mud
With a man whose name I cannot pronounce.
There I will know only the blood that journeys through our bodies
I will find truth in simplicity
Because all I ever wanted was peace
And all I ever had was hostility.
679 · Mar 2015
The shame of anger
Eno Mar 2015
I fear
The noise of skeletons
Crumbling on the kitchen floor
The voice that stamps upon my mother
The fish tank smashing across the yellowing tiles
Bubbles lying there
Whilst I suffocate from angry hands
Aggressive memories dance around
Like dandelion seeds
In a dream that reminds me
Anger is a crime
And yet beneath my own skin peel
Its reserves are juicy full
But I want its fruits to rot

I cannot be the one
To smash the fish tank
Eno Oct 2013
I miss how easy it was to love
how easy it was to trust
not in something that was pure
not in some form of perfection
but in what I had.

I had a moral duty to help,
to heal, to guard, with all my being
that which I loved and trusted
those who could never be wrong.
And though I know now,
that they were evil and selfish
sometimes they were not.
And though I know now,
how they broke my heart
till it shrivelled
I did not see it
because I loved and trusted.
And I want it all back.
The ability to see beauty
in something so black.
For in these days I fear
of getting anywhere near
another.
I think instead of myself.
That I may be made to look a fool
if I believe in them, like I believed in you.

And so I dip my toe into their waters,
and pull it out again
before the sun can drink from it
perhaps it will evaporate all the water?
and all that will be left underneath,
is hard cracked hot concrete.
perhaps it will burn me if I remain within?
All I know is that I cannot jump in.

Please, mind, let go of what is past
allow me to be free once again
to lawlessly roam
around people who I make my home,
instead of pushing them away
and living inside a tiny hut
on a cold mountain top
where people know me only by my name.
I want to love and trust again
Just like I used to do
Because I know how to repair
myself when I am black and blue
Unlike I did before,
Let me love and trust once more.
652 · Aug 2013
This road
Eno Aug 2013
I feel ill and uninspired
So I’ll light another up
This road has potholes
This road that I took

So I Jump on a train
Speed away from the pain
I create where I wander
Maybe I’ll live underwater

And as I
Dive into
The vast emptiness
And as I
Descend into
Shadows of the deep
Your face it creeps
Your memory weeps
Into the very currents
Of the saltwater

I feel cold and unchanging
So I’ll light another up
This road’s icing over
This road that I took

So I break into a run
Escape things I’ve done
To you and him and I
Maybe I’ll live in the sky

And as I
Soar into
Empty atmosphere
And as I
Ascend beyond
The lonely moon
Our song is soon
An amorphous tune
Leaking into the dark
Of the solar system


Swallow my footsteps
Impending winter
Till the only sky I see
Is black in front of me
638 · Nov 2014
Title (Optional)
Eno Nov 2014
So I smashed them up every one of them
Because it was time (haha)
To remove the limitations from my mind
The £250 watch I got two birthdays ago
The cheap Ikea clock one on the wall
The radio alarm clock
I threw that one against the door
And screamed out
Nothing coherent
But it sounded like freedom
It tasted like peace
It felt like I had just saved myself from a future heart attack
And the neighbours with their mdma
And the loud **** music
I threw myself into the house
And kicked them til' they bled
The amount I have in stress
And sleep
I walked to the woods and slept in the leaves
Eno Oct 2013
You have a quality I have never seen before
You have the ability to see the bright soft caramel centre
In every person you meet.
You give out kindness flawlessly,
Not in a way that must be returned
Like the pound put in a shopping trolley to make it work.

You hand out kindness
Not as a charity
But ever so naturally.
And you have a warmth
That the sun could not beat
For it must be a million times as big as you
To administer some vitamin D
But there is something about you
That calms something about me
In some curve of your smile.

When all the sun ever gave me was a temporary tan,
You are not a temporary man.
You are not a one-time helping hand.
Neither are you outweighed by your personality
In substitution for your mind
It has a brilliance of its own
And sometimes when you unpack
It contents
I smile a smile and you ask why.
Many things more it hides
That I wish I could hear
And understand
And change in the hope I could make you feel better
About the painful things you do not speak of.

You are as gentle as a real man can be,
If there is such a concept;
You cannot be moved without choice
But without choice would not resort to anger
You cannot be drowned by another’s voice
Or be drowned in silence either.
There is nothing in you
That compels your knowledge and wisdom
To be pushed against hopes and dreams of friend or foe.

You do not need to control.
You do not need to know.

You are.
You don’t try to be.
Or preach that you can see what I don’t see.

The closest I come to trusting another human being.

You restore my faith
In a world of fear.
610 · May 2014
Opposites
Eno May 2014
Often we begin discussing the same topic,
We participate in the same conversation
Asking subsequent questions and answering respectively
Then you will draw to a conclusion about the logics of technophysicism
Then I will draw to a conclusion about psychology
And then we look at each other  
"What are you talking about?"
"What are YOU talking about?"

Other days I will feel ******
And when you correct my assumption that this song is about "A beach in Hawaii

And sometimes you watch so much football
And sometimes you want to discuss some DIY
And sometimes you try to tell me about computers
And I have no idea,
but tell me
because I  care
about what you care about.

You have a smile sweeter than the rip-est mango
You have a face that in the grumpiest of mornings earns a few kisses
or ten.
And when the world is about to collapse
You laugh
and tell me
everything will be ok.
583 · Aug 2013
Again, it finds me.
Eno Aug 2013
WHY HAS IT FOUND ME AGAIN !



I've tried hiding,
running

but its omniscient,

I've changed into someone new
or at least I'm trying to

You have no right
to step over this line,
break an entry,
trespass upon my mind.

"but I am your insecurity " it says
"and I'm afraid you have ran out of time "
577 · Sep 2013
The game of desire
Eno Sep 2013
I need to learn how to keep the door closed
For no-one desires to walk through an open door.

They want to stare at it, study it
Place their eager palms upon the wood
Slide them down,
Knowing they have not the power to move it.
They want to imagine what’s behind
To idolise the contents it hides
Longing that they can find a way through to the other side.
Until, they spend every day picking at the lock
Wrestling the handle up and down
Banging their fists and crying out;
Their life consumed ,
By the need for this unknown beauty.

Still, with this knowledge,
I have been an open door for you.
  
We have smiled and we have kissed
We have laughed while our hands
Found each other with not the power to resist.
But I have been naïve,
Let my hopeful thoughts gallop into the sunrise
Until, I spent every morning staring at it
Trying to reach out and grab the light
Consumed by the need of its beauty.


Only now do I realise,
All of this wasted time,
I must close the door on you
Or risk the manifestations of my mind.
572 · May 2017
I-I-I-I-I-I
Eno May 2017
Can a woman
Can a man
Can a fish
Can the sea
Ever accept
The devil inside of me
566 · Nov 2014
A battered tree
Eno Nov 2014
A battered tree
Changed constantly
By winds
By rain
Creatures
Monsters;
Grows green,
Carries leaves.
Then it begins to twist
And time makes a crooked vessel out of it
It bends away
From flowers
And sunshine
And struggles;
But holds life
In its very bowels nonetheless.
Summer will arise again
A faithful fleeting friend
Gifting each *****
Every nobble
Along the wasting wooden skin
With the beauty
Of renewal
Even after winter plunges it into darkness again.
Eno Jan 2015
The difference is worry
Worry used to be, vaguely
From my untrustworthy memory,
Rather fleeting and momentary
Now it’s a monkey on my back
A sloth that clings to my tired tree trunk of a body
Moving ever so slowly
That years go by until he finds his way to my feet
And I promptly walk away
Sometimes I feel he may drag me to the floor
Other times I wear him as an adornment
A tool to reach into other peoples emotions
To share and to heal them
But today
Today
I am the tree trunk
544 · Aug 2013
Go poison somebody else.
Eno Aug 2013
You are very subtle
You say you have your ways
But I see you squirm around
And manipulate
The cynical dream crusher
The voice that no one needs to hear
Because if we all succeed, what do you do ?
And that’s what you fear.
“Don’t stray too far friend
That path it may have risks”
Well I’ll take my chances thank you
As the spliff passes from your lips
You could sit there for ever
Well I won’t keep you company
Pretending you have ambitions
You’re what’s wrong with this country.

So I sit and listen as you tell me
Your life has been so hard
Omitting the stories that show
It was your fault at the start
And I nod and play along
It must have been so bad
But if I tell you my story
Then it’s me who overreacts.
You try to hide behind humour
That points out peoples flaws
Sometimes you get some laughs
But what do you do that for?

You only hate in people
What you see in yourself
So stop polluting my life
Go poison somebody else.
542 · Apr 2016
Kindred spirits
Eno Apr 2016
You always loved with a love that gave me hope,
from the second she walked through the door,
She was your country girl.

Almost before you knew her name
You were speaking a language no one else could decipher
Before you knew what to call it
You were married in the fields of her grandfathers farmhouse

And that's how it's always been.

Now you must part,
Cut out half of your heart
And return to an identity long forgotten

Now you must leave,
And try not to breathe too heavy
As you fall apart

If I could rewind
I'd go right back to the start
To fall in love with that love once more.
534 · Nov 2016
Misunderstood
Eno Nov 2016
It is hard being misunderstood
It is challenging not to become resentful
Of those who cannot perceive your soul
And what it stands for
It is unbearable not to speak out in defence
To stand up and declare what you observe
As discrimination
But sometimes...

It takes something more
Something wiser
Something kinder
A little voice that says
Do not forsake your resilient and forgiving nature
For someone who is blinded by their own limitations
Keep believing in the kindness of strangers
And leading the people who matter,
To the answers of questions they do not know how to seek

And then
And only then
Will you be able to stand tall and say
I understand myself -
Because that is what truly counts
above all else.
524 · Oct 2013
Leaving the hate behind
Eno Oct 2013
To the father who confused me all these years
To the mother who could never see past her fears
To the friends that decided I wasn’t worth their time
To the man who destroyed my family with his lies
Some of you tried to help and others just blocked the way.
But I’m glad I never did choose to end my day
And all those hateful things I did and did not say
I tip my hat to them but I couldn’t let them stay.
There has always been a thirst in me
To stray into the corners of this world
To know the things you never could understand,
Sometimes I will drown and sometimes I will find dry land.
But I will not be limited by the boundaries you drew up
I don’t know who I am, but I will never give up
On spreading positivity in reciprocation for your negativity
Suffering I know now, was a teacher all along,
A stern old-fashioned tutor in perception -
I am my own master and I no longer judge you
For your actions stem from a place I never knew
I don’t know what you were going through and
I cannot wish to have the information for your chemical make-up
To scientifically arrive at the answer for how you treated me
I have not the power to decide the things you did right and wrong
But I do not need explanations,
Now I am strong.
472 · Feb 2018
Welcome home party
Eno Feb 2018
It’s winter now
And I wish I could take off my emotions
As I do my clothing
Then I would have unwrapped my scarf
Of sadness
As I walked in

.... And heard you

I would have taken
A cold icy breath out
Whilst peeling my mittens
Of jealousy
From my frozen empty hands

.... And heard her too

I would have pinched
The hat from off my head
And thrown it at the radiator
Hard enough
That it would capture
My hatred

... of listening to the bed creak

With the lights still on.
Eno Oct 2013
There’s very little between you and I
Already I imagine a future, oh why
Do I torture myself with hope?
Do I tie my heart to a hanging rope?
Where it can be cut
And left to die.

And perhaps I don’t know you that well
I’m in a limbo of infatuation, its ****
To want something so badly
That it seeps into the mind so sadly
As you realise
It’s all in your head.

I know the creases in your bed
And how your skin feels next to mine
The opinions you aren’t afraid you said
How we agreed time goes so fast when we're together.

I know the scar above your eye
The way you kiss me on the head
But I know that we are just nothing
A nothing that ends up in your bed....... again.
461 · Nov 2016
Following Freedom
Eno Nov 2016

To catch the wind
and be blown along with the autumn leaves
away from the branch that anchors
from the tree of the only life you know
Not to question the destination
Just to go, to go, to go.

.
436 · Dec 2014
A visit to the past
Eno Dec 2014
I returned
To the roads I used to call my own
To the house were my mother lives
Where the Range Rovers and the Ferrari's
are driven by their polluted owners
who give birth to pretension and vanity.
I returned
to the place that holds pain
with a high school that taught me
to be afraid of being different.
To the town filled with people
who saw me stumble and hide away,
confused by the multiple faces that resided in them.
I returned
with my friends
the ones who mended my fragmented vision of the world
with the glue of honesty and love and kindness
and I saw the stares but more amusing, the intrigue
of every nosey, bigoted man who barely recognised me.
In their absence I have found truth and confidence
I know who I am.
I have returned.
430 · May 2015
My love
Eno May 2015
Sometimes I do not give credit, to you my love
My demons dig deep
I see you shallow
My voice occupies a room
That you are not always heard in
My feelings are splashed and slashed
Like a paintbrush onto you
And you fear yours will ruin and run
Away and into mine

Yet, when I am meek, quiet and dying inside
You blow up the armbands that stop me from drowning
You take my hopeless body and launch me onto your back
Walk me through to the other side of the ravine

You brush back my hair and breathe life into me once more
You carry my tears on your own face until you can morph them into smiles
You dissect my brain and take out all the bad parts
You take my hands and force me to dance till I mean it

You are punctured by my anger like needles
But you won’t seek vengeance

Yet still -
                     nobody can grasp you
They poke at your personality
Until faults fall out
And I can see them too
They point and tell me "he's not right for you"
But I am beginning to realise that
Good and bad are the foundations of all people
And I’ll take them both from you, my love.
429 · May 2015
And then, I write.
Eno May 2015
The world is sporadic a great colourful mess drawn by a 4 year old child
I am surrounded by people but all I can think about is solitude,
The consoling company of my own mind
My body feels trapped between the wrong and the right
I can’t choose between a Twix and a Double Decker
The future stands on the street corner selling drugs, leering at me saying “yeah, what are you gonna do about it?”
The past creeps around leaving post-it notes of haunting quotes


And then, I write.
426 · Nov 2018
It’s time
Eno Nov 2018
I have to let go
I have to quit you
Like cigarettes
422 · Aug 2013
A
Eno Aug 2013
***
i am a writer
and YOU are the destroyer
everything i create
can be crushed with a simple paperweight

i am a game and
YOU are the high roller
everyone i entice
can be ended by your turn of the dice


i am a flower
strangled by YOUR ****
an April shower
upon which YOU infest disease

but in your final hour
with me you shall plead

that
        i
           was
                   the only one.
Eno Feb 14
I’m thirsty
For a Life that throws obstacles at me.
When I shall dig out the courage
To dodge and conquer them
In the name of progress,
For some kind of benevolence
That I’m not quite sure of yet.

I propel forwards
Only for my eyes to meet,
For my nose
to graze-A ladder
Appears
Frozen
Between me and my next step.

Who I Am

and

Who I need to be.

Up and down I go,
Over the edge,
My feet barely touch
the groun
d.When a phantom wheelbarrow
Careers it’s way into the back
Of my knees. And I must fight gravity -
Jump up and out the side!

Oh, but
Scrambling
In this way
Both thrills and stilts;
Exhausts the very foundations
Mighty seeds of ambition were sown on,
Till there are no nutrients left
In the body
For a common ****
Even to bloom
Just
T...i..r...e...d
End-less-ly
Tir - - - ed
.
.

I rest here for a while
It gives me time
To really look around.
The man to my right
Just runs around the same 400m track
Every day.
Every month,
Into years.
He seems happy
But he doesn’t seem to really go anywhere New

Curiosity and discovery
May lead to misery
Beckon the shadowy places
To spread like cancer inside of me
And scoop hope
Like a melon baller
Out of my cavities.
But the man to the right of me
Never knows.

So I tell myself
Maybe he doesn’t have the capacity;
Does that mean
That he does not feast on the senses
Of each fruitful experience
As I ?
Dissecting every moment
Searching for beauty and cruelty
That I might consume its knowledge
And be led somewhere
Higher up
To a room brimming
With sisters and brothers
And as I open the gold embossed doors
Solid Oak
I will rejoice
Because I have found my people
And we will fight
The good fight
Together.
411 · Jul 2014
utopian solitude
Eno Jul 2014
There is a place,
somewhere in this existence
Where responsibility cannot circle
around and round carrying that ****
clock so close to my ears.

All that surrounds is the horizon
Not one person requires a slice of my mind
chewing on my time until there is none left for me.
The only thing here is
a light breeze.

There are no directions
No contradictions

All that my eyes perceive
are the colours of truth
The sky does not hide its stars at night


Breathing in
Breathing out
Is easy.

I inhale freedom.

The heart like an orange peel
Sheds its leathery skin
and knows weightlessness again.

The soup of the mind
Ceases to stir
Without a ripple
Of disturbance
Hope reappears.

The soul remembers its owner
And together they dance
Without fear
Of persecution.

Here there is a peace.
Here there is love.
395 · Feb 2018
The end of the wick
Eno Feb 2018
My fantasy has been dashed
Across the crimson sky
Dripping through the veins of the night
If only the Arctic circle was closer
I would blame it
For the flickers of green splashed upon my eyes

I am not where he is

By candlelight I utter prayers
For love to perish
Starve itself within an inch of a lie
I hope that it will
Die
Die
Die
As magnificently
And relentlessly
As it squeezes
And empties
And champions for you now

I want you to know
     - it was never my intention to become entwined
But the evergreens of your nature
Are one of the wonders of my world
And I don’t know how to make it stop
Without blowing us all up  
Blowing it all out
And leaving
candle wax
Behind
389 · Dec 2013
A small moment
Eno Dec 2013
I want to see you smile again
When you don’t realise I’m looking at you
And your lips creep up to your cheeks
And you laugh
And I’m so full from happiness
That I may burst like a piñata
Spilling all its sweets.
386 · Nov 2015
Door, corridor, door
Eno Nov 2015
I have joined the corridor many times
and gone into the next
room
it has happened again -
this room,
its door was at first wide open
beautiful oak panelled
dark brown glossy wood
a door I strutted right through
from were I was standing I saw
glorious jewels of light
and the room
it seemed big enough
for all I could ever want to be found inside it
but now accustomed to its four walls
it doesn't seem so different at all
to those that have contained me before
they feel as rough as ones I have come across before
sometimes the paint flakes off the walls
not as pretty as it looked before
and the door
it's not so ajar anymore
some days I can't even think about opening it
and even if I did
I would only end up in a smaller room
or regress to the last one I knew
but I think the last room that I grew in
would hug at my sides now
it would be as uncomfortable
as when I would sneak down the stairs in the middle of the night
as a child, and I would hit a patch that creeeeAAAAKKkkkeddd....
There is no going back
This room is one I must learn to live with
at least for a while
Even if I don't know how to use anything in it
the radio has buttons in a different language
the TV requires me to wire it up myself
the curtains need sewing and hanging up
this room is in need of some DIY
but I am always too tired to help it
so I sit here and get drunk
and then get depressed
because this is a foreign room
and I don't know how to thrive in it
and sometimes I think the door has locked itself
and forgotten about me inside
it makes me angry -
determined to stay there
I climb under the bed and hide
on the floor of self pity
it doesn't take too long
until I'm uncomfortable there as well
so I pick up my pride
and try to wear it as a crown
but I stumble
and then admit its made of paper -
so I sit around again for a while
and get drunk
as the sun goes down just after the noon -
and I would fix that TV for some company now.

I've got no option but to clean up this place
try to save some face
if I ever want to see the corridor again
that leads to a better place -
but most of these days
I don't even believe there is another
door to another pathway of my life
I lose hope in the fading light
As my shadow becomes me
and I am too tired to fight
so I curl up
in a ball
of sadness and loneliness
and wonder when it all will end
then I get drunk
and wander around ***** again
stare at the inside of the oak panelled door
and realise it was grey and old all that time
- on the other side -
I hold on to hope
as a child onto a teddy bear
that one day
I will leave this space
and find my people
that feel the way I feel
hear the melodies of nature
in the whistling of the wind
the creak in old oak tree (before it became a door)
the simple humanity of our race
the soil, the earth
and love
always love
I have yet to discover them in this room
I just watch from my window
as life grows and expands
- it simply will be -
whilst I die inside
and wilt
a sad, bad buttercup
wishing for the rains to come
and to blossom
in the far away sun.

This room
is what I have become.
383 · Jan 2017
Drummer boy
Eno Jan 2017
That room was yours.
Everything moved to the beat of your drum
From the rise and fall of ribcages to the ceiling above

And I was no different.
I took my place in the crowd,
Saw no-one but you

Here was an unbelievable figure of a man
gawped at by an infatuated fool
379 · Dec 2017
Jealousy loves company
Eno Dec 2017
You never wanted me to win.
You never spoke of my success.
You never encouraged my evolution.
You were self-centred at best.

A shipwrecking anchor
An unambitious *****
Taking what you could get
and then taking some more.

I won't be there to see you leave
But you will be sorry for what you have lost
When you walk out that door.

I know you will.
378 · Nov 2018
Human, keep on moving
Eno Nov 2018
Headaches of consequence
Branch out
Like the passage of time
Carrying echoes of past
2ams crying on the phone
Holding the pillow as close
as the child that you have lost
Inside
Each memory like a closing bud
Petals blown away
circling slowly down and around
being crushed onto the ground
like that Winter you spent in Paris
to get away from your family
and their traditions
Like an extradition
of the soul
We will stand trial
on our own identities
Until there is
nothing left          
to recognise         any more.
372 · Mar 2017
Dead End
Eno Mar 2017
I want to say that I'm standing over a pile of ash
A fragile, ever decreasing pile of what we were
but there is NOTHING here
nothing to even pretend
to hold on to

I always knew I was imaginative
but ****
could I really have made this all up
in my own head?

I go back and forth
Spinning
Ping Pong
Then I dream of you
and of insects eating each other
and of intruders in my house

please just get out
as that appears to have been your plan
all along
357 · Nov 2014
Stress
Eno Nov 2014
I feel a sickness within me
My stomach filled with indigestible stress
I will give birth to a devil
And as my head explodes
As the brain matter
Slides down the open window
The flies will come
And the maggots
At least then I will sustain a life
Of survival
And not thoughtless
Thoughts thought thoughts
Words, voices
The sickness in my stomach
The net of stress which has me tossing and waving
Struggling and moving
Gasping for the sea
To drown me and wash away the fear
Leave me with the wind
Carry me in the air
That I may be free and one day live among the stars
Oh that I may be free
From the prison of my own mind
Oh that I may be kind
To my kind
356 · Dec 2016
Challenges?
Eno Dec 2016
At the very base of human nature
Is the need to strive
To fight some kind of struggle
But I began to realise
That struggles do not need to hurt
That they are actually just challenges
And without challenges
Life is a boring, demoralising, horizon that goes on and on
And then you die
Challenges became something that would keep me alive
But I didn't want the painful ones anymore
The life ones that you're not in control of
They were going to happen anyway
I wanted to endeavour in a way that kept my soul tested but not in turmoil
There's no better way to do this
Than make that challenge your job
Your means of livelihood
It has me waking everyday
With a feeling of excitement and a hint of nervousness
And each day I achieve something
That in the morning
I never believed I could
Challenges?
Challenges are **** good
348 · Dec 2013
.
Eno Dec 2013
.
In the depths of winter
Your body whispered
“It’s time to go”

If the wind blew that night it howled
If the stars shone they were dim
The thick fog let nothing out - nothing in
The house moaned in mourning, memories murmured through the walls
Bananas on toast
Five live radio
Cigarettes
Money boxes full of pennies
Three generations had ran up the creaking stairs.


Suddenly, nothing stirred.


As morning came to announce
To the waking world
That you had taken your leave
The sun rose
And knew
The weight of itself

The robin sang alone
For no-one

And now the carpet had heart attack on it.
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