Do I project All my delusional dissatisfaction Onto you? Because you’re an easier target to hate Than the one I love.
If I decide The blame Lies at his feet Then it is a tomb of mine.
I have a troubled mind That seems to find a Home in hearts That do not bear the same capacity as mine Which dooms me To forever be locked inside a labyrinth Chasing something just beyond - The next corner, Which I think promises me All of the wonders my future could deserve;
Children running across the countryside with ribbons in their hair.
It all ends. Every. Time. In despair. I need to let go I need to try again To let you be a smokey wisp carried away by the winds
I do not love you Only my idea of who you could be Which is like loving a picture Of a person you’ll never meet
Attention seekers Do not care for you They are addicts Of their own inadequacies They are compelled to run at what you love In the belief they can become what you love Attention seekers Often wreak some havoc In my life I try to sidestep them But extroverts like me Entertain Entertaining company So perhaps it’s my fault all along
You covet your neighbours belongings Well I’d gladly gift you Silver and Gold But you bay for blood Aim right at the jugular But miss and puncture my heart You demand my loves attention And throw it high in the air like confetti To which you throw back your head and laugh For the crowd Well I see you cast an eye in my direction You’re searching for a tell in my composition A wince or an expression of the sick that rises in my stomach But I can’t give you that I’d rather die Than provide you with such satisfaction Basic creatures Cannot comprehend the network of conflicting and concerting virtuosos of my heart The snaps And the strings You approach with sharp scissors You can hide your malice from yourself But I Always know It’s coming
It feels like You look at me And see a finish post A thoroughbred Clearing hurdles That you are too pathetic to attempt Still you steal my paddock You prance around And around The rider And get him to choose you best But darling It only means you’re the best at performing Like a pony
I’m thirsty For a Life that throws obstacles at me. When I shall dig out the courage To dodge and conquer them In the name of progress, For some kind of benevolence That I’m not quite sure of yet.
I propel forwards Only for my eyes to meet, For my nose to graze-A ladder Appears Frozen Between me and my next step.
Who I Am
Who I need to be.
Up and down I go, Over the edge, My feet barely touch the groun d.When a phantom wheelbarrow Careers it’s way into the back Of my knees. And I must fight gravity - Jump up and out the side!
Oh, but Scrambling In this way Both thrills and stilts; Exhausts the very foundations Mighty seeds of ambition were sown on, Till there are no nutrients left In the body For a common **** Even to bloom Just T...i..r...e...d End-less-ly Tir - - - ed . .
I rest here for a while It gives me time To really look around. The man to my right Just runs around the same 400m track Every day. Every month, Into years. He seems happy But he doesn’t seem to really go anywhere New
Curiosity and discovery May lead to misery Beckon the shadowy places To spread like cancer inside of me And scoop hope Like a melon baller Out of my cavities. But the man to the right of me Never knows.
So I tell myself Maybe he doesn’t have the capacity; Does that mean That he does not feast on the senses Of each fruitful experience As I ? Dissecting every moment Searching for beauty and cruelty That I might consume its knowledge And be led somewhere Higher up To a room brimming With sisters and brothers And as I open the gold embossed doors Solid Oak I will rejoice Because I have found my people And we will fight The good fight Together.
My obsession used to be with unrequited love I’d write about the dreariness Of my unfulfilled life For days But I’m afraid now I’ve lost all imagination And I just think about death all day Every day I’m not at liberty To dream anymore Or want for anything better Just All that I have For as long as I can
How are we not all in chaos rocking back and forth in dread? Grabbing every little thing real and imagined and pulling it close to us?
Maybe we are -
It’s too hard to accept that It will All get taken away from us That Nothing will ever stay long enough The world will constantly be running off with somebody Else And you will never be quite Yourself For very long