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Eno Feb 24
I need you
To give me a post mortem
Please ***** my rib cage open
Something has died in me
But I feel it sit
In the pit of my chest
Coagulating
Like smoke
Curdling
The lung tissue
Please relieve me
Everything’s constricting
My airwaves
Like I’m squeezing
Through the neck of a bottle
I’m cold
My fingers are splintered
By minus temperatures
And there’s a jewellery box
Playing somewhere
With
A ballerina
Dancing around
In front of the mirror
Eno Feb 24
How.
Can I
Feel
Empty
Out cold
But
Burn with
Jealousy
And
Rejection.
It fills.
My gut
To the brim.
Eno Feb 24
Perhaps it’s not your jealousy but mine
I can’t bear that you spend time
With another more than me
As if hours are  
The recipe for attraction
I’ve spent 2 years of my hours on you
This trial and error period
Should be over
But like an automatic subscription
I’m still privy to your information
All your promotions
And customer reviews
All I ever wanted was you
Just you
And all you ever wanted was not
Not me
Eno Feb 24
I am not emotionally safe in this house
One seeks to punish or ignore me because I have the power to tear him down
Another competes with me like a **** for light, hungry for male attention
And then there’s you
The one I love in secret
Sometimes the agony
Is infuriating
And embarrassing
I’m boxed in
By more than these walls
Eno Feb 24
When there is no solid ground
Just combination
When love is abound
Always conditional
When emotion is potent
Beyond reach
When sleep beckons
Nightmare days
When life carries on
Just suffocate -
-
-
When the next day
Never arrives
When pain and fear and shame and distrust and betrayal and dissapointment and disgust for yourself sit like a ball of cat hair stirring in your abdomen.
You’re lying here
And wish you could be anywhere else
Alone
And
Content
Away from destructive characters
Torn right out of a novel where
The genre is
A Psychological thriller
Eno Feb 24
.
I do not love you
Only my idea of who you could be
Which is like loving a picture
Of a person you’ll never meet
Eno Feb 24
Do I project
All my delusional dissatisfaction
Onto you?
Because you’re an easier target to hate
Than the one I love.

If I decide
The blame
Lies at his feet
Then it is a tomb of mine.

I have a troubled mind
That seems to find a
Home in hearts
That do not bear the same capacity as mine
Which dooms me
To forever be locked inside a labyrinth
Chasing something just beyond -
The next corner,
Which I think promises me
All of the wonders my future could deserve;

Children running across the countryside with ribbons in their hair.


It all ends.
Every. Time.
In despair.
I need to let go
I need to try again
To let you be a smokey wisp carried away by the winds

I do not love you
Only my idea of who you could be
Which is like loving a picture
Of a person you’ll never meet
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