I need you To give me a post mortem Please ***** my rib cage open Something has died in me But I feel it sit In the pit of my chest Coagulating Like smoke Curdling The lung tissue Please relieve me Everything’s constricting My airwaves Like I’m squeezing Through the neck of a bottle I’m cold My fingers are splintered By minus temperatures And there’s a jewellery box Playing somewhere With A ballerina Dancing around In front of the mirror
Perhaps it’s not your jealousy but mine I can’t bear that you spend time With another more than me As if hours are The recipe for attraction I’ve spent 2 years of my hours on you This trial and error period Should be over But like an automatic subscription I’m still privy to your information All your promotions And customer reviews All I ever wanted was you Just you And all you ever wanted was not Not me
I am not emotionally safe in this house One seeks to punish or ignore me because I have the power to tear him down Another competes with me like a **** for light, hungry for male attention And then there’s you The one I love in secret Sometimes the agony Is infuriating And embarrassing I’m boxed in By more than these walls
When there is no solid ground Just combination When love is abound Always conditional When emotion is potent Beyond reach When sleep beckons Nightmare days When life carries on Just suffocate - - - When the next day Never arrives When pain and fear and shame and distrust and betrayal and dissapointment and disgust for yourself sit like a ball of cat hair stirring in your abdomen. You’re lying here And wish you could be anywhere else Alone And Content Away from destructive characters Torn right out of a novel where The genre is A Psychological thriller
Do I project All my delusional dissatisfaction Onto you? Because you’re an easier target to hate Than the one I love.
If I decide The blame Lies at his feet Then it is a tomb of mine.
I have a troubled mind That seems to find a Home in hearts That do not bear the same capacity as mine Which dooms me To forever be locked inside a labyrinth Chasing something just beyond - The next corner, Which I think promises me All of the wonders my future could deserve;
Children running across the countryside with ribbons in their hair.
It all ends. Every. Time. In despair. I need to let go I need to try again To let you be a smokey wisp carried away by the winds
I do not love you Only my idea of who you could be Which is like loving a picture Of a person you’ll never meet