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Eno Oct 11
You have a dagger attached to your back
Stuck on with glue
Facing outwards
Sharp and sparkling
Like a needle wet with dew
And every time you turn away from me
I get stabbed by you
Eno Sep 29
And underneath
the blackness
filling up my
unused lungs
I saw my own reflection
on the water

It was the first time
I had ever seen
my own sadness
staring back at me

I felt strangely comforted.

Then the waves rolled in
Giants
Swallowing
Other giants

Could I go on?
Did I want to - if
this was all the world really was
made up of

Struggling,
Just to
keep
my head
above water

Raging
Stormy
and Rising
Always Rising
Threatening
To engulf me
unsure
if          to let go
or fight a little more.

Temporary
Reprieve -
A shallow cove
I love you
and
I hate you

It gives me time
To realise
I'm freezing cold
But floating
Inspired and written whilst watching Keaton Henson - Initium https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xYLGxoNYwJ0

"And though your legs and arms may tire and your thoughts drift to those of slipping beneath... the physiological fact remains, while there is breath in your lungs

you will float"
Eno Sep 27
How does the mind know
Who will hurt you
And continue to put you
In the way of those
Who will treat you
As badly
As you believe
You deserve
To be
Without even realising
What is happening
Subconsciously

I’m interested -
How does the mind know?
Eno Sep 27
I was never allowed
To have feelings
That prevented me
From doing what you wanted

And because I could see
Your pain
And you could describe it
So much better
Than I could my own
I could see you needed my help

So I took my pain
Which seemed to offend you
As it was not expressed in words
(And therefore not as immediate as yours)

And I hid it
Beneath the false floor
Of the back drawer

So now
When someone
Is incapable
Of sacrificing themselves
To help me

I see it as a form of betrayal
Instead of a healthy boundary

Oh, what have you done to me?
Eno Sep 25
They try to suggest
That I’m not actually
Angry
At you

But that I hate
Myself
For choosing
A life
Surrounded
By people
Like you

Who are all too ready
To accept
My help
My hope
My love
And my support
But
Who are incapable
Of loving me
Back
In the way
I need
And yet
So unaware
Of their failings

Because technically
It’s my fault
For letting you in
And investing
In your limitations
Eno Sep 25
Have you changed?
Or is it me?

Were you always this cold
But I just didn’t see

Did you always make the other person
Feel grateful that you replied

And how can you love me
When you left me to die

You lie
You lie
You lie
Eno Sep 25
I have hidden my true self
From you
And the rest of the world

I am in friendships
And relationships
Based on the “fact”
That I deserve to be
Neglected
And you will reinforce
These lies
That I have held
As beliefs
As sure as the sun will rise

But now
I see it all
You’re here because I chose you
And I chose wrong

Now my life
Has no-one that I want or need in it

You used to tell me I gave too much
But actually you gave too little
And I will begin
To search
For those
Who can love as deeply as I
Who are kind
And ask me how my day has been
Just to hear the answer

I have to find
A way
To clean up this mess
And begin again
From the rubble
Of this castle
Built on sand

My soul
Is distressed
By
My memories of what I let you do to my vision of myself
And how I followed you into disconnecting
From the rest of the world

But I will not
Cower
I will not
Flounder
I will not stop

I will rise
For the first time
Out of my trauma
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