She only does it to free her mind.

But yet she's locked in a cage.

She only does it to get rid of the bad thoughts
The ones that fill her with rage.

She doesn't think it does anything to her mind
The mind she thinks she's saving with it

She's so addictive to anything she can feel better
As she takes a hit from it

It keeps her calmed by physical matters but keeps certain things alive

She thinks she's moving forward with this soothing inhale as the feeling arrives

Thinking she's ok and content but really she stays still.

It can take more and more to realize that this distraction can ****

I hate that she does it, I watch as her eyes light up to the substance she adores

An addict doesn't have to be consistent its about what they want more and more

Imagine.
the moment where you come face to face
with someone who will control how you feel
from now on.

You just know.
You know that this person will affect you
no matter how heavy your fists
will try to fight back.

Fight the fact that you want to see what it feels like.
That you can try to lie to yourself
and not believe it for a second.

Imagine.
Slowly punching the denial with one hand
trying to reach for a heart with the other

How can a being cause you to fight with yourself
about what is right and wrong
knowing how you truly feel

The feeling started at a slow and ripping rate
it grew and grew with the denial you threw
it had no chance against the rawness of this being's affect on you

You let it grow faster the more you dodged it
the more you ran the more it played Michael Myers
and appeared right behind you
when you thought the coast was clear

Imagine.
imagine no longer dodging

You keep still this time and let it hit you back
with the most powerful hit of intense friction

It creeps into your body
flows through your veins
chills your core

theres no such thing as butterflies
you hold falcons in your stomach

imagine.
accepting the thing that scared you the most

and it turned out
this intenseness only affected you

that this feeling caused you to invest
and the reciprocation was empty handed

that the fists you fought to share this feeling
were completely empty

there was no beating heart that you could grasp
and yours was no longer beating in your chest

I wish I could stop all the time around me.
But keep moving, myself.
So I could have time.
And see it all.
And get better.
And know what to do.

It's not an option.
So I have to do these things
while everyone keeps moving.
Which makes it all more complicated.
And confusing.
And hard.

Please know I hear your offers for help.
And appreciate them.
But I cannot accept.
Helping me is just not something that will actually help me.
I have to sort this,
with out anyone else.

But...
It's so loud.
And Oh!
It's too much.
The white interference.
A symphonic cacophony.
And I'm just more (and more)
lost than before.
Caught in a tide.
Frantic to hide.
Drowning.
And I want to stop.
Breathing.

Yours,

Trouble

Time to say :

         "It's become too much
          It's time to move it on
          I've been here way too long
          Enough now is enough"

Time to set my sights :

         "On where I need to be
          On the things I've got to do
          On the inner fuel that
          Drives my soul to free"

Time to set my sails :

         "And cross that sea
          To my island Paradise
          To stand on the sands and shore
          I will , I will , I will , be free

Amazing.

Amazing how a human being can be the reason to your sanity or insanity

To drive you insanely happy or crazy, you never thought it would be you right, how can it be?

It seems so much more simpler to watch the idea of love to someone else's vision

You go from low to high to high to low, your butterflies grow then go, your temperature has risen

Get yourself prepared for the roller coaster of the dose of another human beings presence

You'll learn a thing or two, from the deadly feeling of the unwanted turn of events and their lessons

You have no idea what you're in a ride for, get on, go high, go toss and turn upside down

You'll laugh, you'll scream you'll fear for your life and your stomach will torture round and round

Leading to starved insides from the lack of the dose you so desperately need

Your eyes will get too heavy to close  for it all to be over as you plead

To get off, to please be over, you can't take anymore, its too much, no mas no mas

Its frightening to know how much you lack of self control for this ride, keep your fingers crossed

Will you make it? Will it be worth it? Can you make it through it to the end?

It slows down after a while, the craziness settles down until you let it begin again

You're off, you made it, the drops of your insides switch off and you feel empty

It wasn't that bad, even more so knowing you could do it, its so tempting

To try it again. And again, you crave to get on once more.

The roller coaster of another human being can excite or scare you to the core.

There's nothing else like it, its a powerful drug that can cause us to deplete

To look back at an end or beginning with the thought of it as a victory or defeat.