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Oh dear Lucifer,
There's a perfect ******* soul
For you to take.
**** y'all
Right when she betters herself
she falls sickening with the blade of a razor clenched in her hands
Holding onto that piece of metal
As if her life depended on it.
And history repeats itself.
When I look into the mirror
I see a girl-
A girl who hides behind her skin
I see a girl-
A girl with a look in her eyes
A look of regret
A look of sorrow
A look of a painful experience
I see what you've made me to be
I am a victim of yours
I am the girl they talk about
I am your victim
I am the girl you damaged
I am your victim
You're ******* victim
-
When I look into the mirror
I see nobody
I feel nobody
I hear nobody
When I look into the mirror
I see the fear blazing into my eyes
I feel the masculine of your hands beaming down on me
I hear your muffled groans and audible grunts
I am what you've made me to be
-----
I had a life
I planned a future
I wanted love
I wanted a husband
I wanted children
-
I wanted so **** much but-
I want you,
I want you dead
Buried six feet plus in the **** soiled ground
I want you gone
Banished to hell!
----
When I look into the mirror
I see the outcome of my most horrid nightmare
I feel the bile rising in my throat because you never fail to make me sick-
I fear you
I hate you
I ******* HATE YOU
But you're the only one I can think about.
---
I was raised
I was loved
I loved too
But you took that from me
You took so much from me
Confidence, you took from me
Bluntness, you took from me
Pride, you took from me
I believed in myself
I had faith in myself
But you took that from me
-----
I see you, Often enough
On the streets, selling dope
Riding around, lookin for ******
In my dreams, ****** me again!
You destroyed me, you took my womanhood away
You did this to me!
-
LOOK AT ME!
-
I can't walk outside alone because of you
I avoid alleys because of you
I hide behind tinted sunglasses hoping and praying I don't run into you
--
You changed my life in more ways than you can imagine
I am not the same person I used to be
I am not the same person I was last year
I am not the same person who completed high school
I'm not same person who politely introduced myself to you
I am not the same person my parents knew me as
I- I-... I am nobody
--
All because you took myself from me.
I can hear the dryness of the tobacco burn
Thousands of chemicals burning for my desire
I can feel the burn of the nicotine gushing into my lungs.
Thousands of chemicals leaving traces throughout my organs
I can smell the bitterness of the smoke exhaling into the air.
Thousands of chemicals surrounding me
I can sense the damage being done to my body
Thousands of chemicals killing me
I can see the dangerous chemicals in the smoke filling the air
Thousands of chemicals polluting the space
I can feel the cravings executing my need.
Thousands of chemicals made to fix me
-------
I can hear the pulse in my head
Throbbing in the frontal lobe of my brain
I can feel the blood fighting the nicotine
Steadily rushing at an unsteady pace throughout my veins
I can smell the evidence on my skin
Reminding me of the chemical I am letting ruin my body
I can sense my rapid heart beat
Pumping my blood faster and faster until the foreign invader leaves
I can see the regret surfacing the space I currently am occupying
Making this one my last
I can feel the effect of my decision invading my body
My chemically invaded body
And your pain?*
     Unbearable
Your thoughts?
     Uncontrollable
What about your actions?
     Unthinkable
And your expressions?
     On paper, On a canvas
Are you an artist?
     If you want to call it that
How about depression?
     Minimal
Close relationships?
     A few
The closest may be?
     No one in particular
Do you speak of your troubles with them?
     They wouldn't understand
What is your addiction?
     Temporary Pleasure
But-
     With pain, of course
What is it exactly, your addiction?
     A razor blade
Once again
It doesn't seem to settle on
Others one has a problem
Until they get their head out of
Their *** and look at a person
For who they are in the moment
-
That's the upside to an addict,
They don't have to answer to anyone.
But when they do,
It's not the truth.
Counting time until time relapses
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