Bury me
in your hands
those soft works of art
suffocate me with their gentle masculinity
drown me in their musk
choke me with the safety they promise
take my hair, my lips, all of me
is there a better way to die?


Bury me
in your neck
the long slender ladder to beauty divine
let me dance upon the road to pulchritude
with happy lips and grateful tongue
be my shrine
let me serve you, worship you
be my poison
There is no better way to die.

Osondu.

This is how I am to the world,
So quiet and unheard,
When I speak, no one listens,
This is why I have an addiction.
An addiction that keeps me safe,
An addiction for my own sake.
It keeps me calm and warm,
Without exposing to any harm.
It taught me to never speak my mind,
And to be the one left behind.
With the ones who screams and cries,
And they taught me how to lie.
This is who I have become,
So broken and so numb.
Do not try to save me,
You would only find my debris.

The rotting walls,
The warped floors,
The cracked wood that makes up all of the doors.

Do you remember when this place used to be so bright?
When we still ate dinner at the table most nights?

Blanket forts and puzzle glue,
I always said my best friend was you.
I was your checker queen,
You were my everything.

We took rides to the liquor store,
The smell now will always remind me
Of my childhood.
These types of field trips never ended the way I wished they would,
With your nose pressed against a cut straw in your friends ***** apartment,
Maybe you hoped that I would never remember it.

I used to pray to a God I was too young to believe in that you wouldn't crash the car when you were high on oxy.

Whispering to myself
"Oh god, please."

You would get so close to the cars on the side of the road and I would just keep praying that we would make it home.

Then, after mom died i picked up your bad habits.
I would drink and drive in hopes that I would die.

Id get to close to the cars on the side of the road while praying to a God I still don't believe in that I wouldn't make it home.

But I did.
Every time.

To the rotting walls,
The warped floors,
The cracked wood that makes up all of the doors.

Why is it so hard to remember when this place used to be bright?
I cant even imagine a dinner at the table most nights.

A long car ride on a hot summer day,
Driving fast past the trees.

Your hand grasping my thigh tightly,
As you whisper "you're always such a tease"

I wear a little white dress,
With easy access.

Your hand makes its way slowly up my thigh.
As I let out a long, drawn out sigh.

My head now leaning against the cold window,
You retract your hand and the car begins to slow.

The sun illuminates the reds in my hair,
I run through the tall grass young and without a care.

You stand behind watching from afar,
Snapping pictures of the trees,
Of me,
Of your car.

I make my way back to you,
Standing closely by your side,
You take my hand in yours,
Asking me if I mind.

Our love forbidden by the decades in between,
We always said age was just a number,
And nothing ever is as it seems.

I wake up lonely,
It was only just a dream.

I am always sick to my stomach,
shaking and numb.
Incapable of feeling neither
sadness or love.

I fought through flames thinking I had
emerged unscathed,
Only bearing wounds beneath my surface,
Am I weak or am I brave?

Holding my breath under the covers as I count the moves that led me here,
Holding on to every word you had said,
so close and so dear.

I paint vibrant images in my mind that I cannot replicate on paper,
I am convinced I can do everything on my own now,  
I am my own savior.

My edges have grown so rigid and cold,
and I am too young to feel this old.
Looking out the window tracing my finger over the hills in the distance,
Wondering if one day I'll ever think back and miss this.

The way you ran your hands over the bones in my hips,
Caressing my thighs and biting my lips.
You are gone but never too be forgotten,
I will always have the memory of you to forever get lost in.