Can you hear me
dropping the pin
Can you see
my chagrin

I won't force this
dismiss my provocative nature

Pretend you didn't see
Pretend you couldn't hear

More biting,
less soothing.
such power, of lesser significance
sharp like a knife, piercing the heart
cool like the wind, seducing

Give it time
it'll bite
bite deep.

Don't lie to me
you're not helping anyone
this isn't the person you're supposed to be
what am I to believe while you lead me on - am I the first one?

Cease your aimless performances
Clear-out this alluring façade

Don't leave me a shell of what once was
I beg of you, don't let this chance pass by
cross your heart
hope to die

Isn't it funny how the phone charger in theory resembles that of an umbilical cord?

Even as adults, we long for what was - from once we were torn

Isn't it something to say that something so important to modern society
Resembles something symbolic to birth
To nature

It's anything but
Sure it feeds energy and life just like the cord used to...
Sure it's useful in its own sense
Just like the cord used to...

Perhaps they share similar ends...
They'll both fade away from use and be thrown away

It's in the silence.
The gestures.
The eyes. The crinkle of a smile.
The tempered breath.

It's in the silence.
Where love gives birth.

It's easiest in the silence.
Raw and pure.

Imagine it; kids in the park full of whim and ecstasy
Happiness to the brim, "to be young wild and free"

I had a very pleasant dream the other day
I was young again, just careless, free to play
and it dawned on me, how far gone I was to those times
All I do now is stress about the hours ahead of me, the days past

When we are adults, we cannot forget can we? Our minds are never free to wander, free to cast out all the troubles and darkness that dampen our spirits.
Adulthood isn't quite what they said it would be
I remember being a kid, waiting to be free, free from control- free to make my own decisions

But life wants none of that does it? Curve-***** keep getting thrown at us, hurdles upon hurdles upon hurdles, I just cannot keep up. I cannot fathom the amount of times I've fallen and pondered just staying down, down on the filth of despair, the dirt of down-trodden, the earth that is our sorrows,

But I just can't.

The same dream rewinds and plays on in my head. Jungle gyms, jumping castles and swings, this is the stuff of Kings.
It's this dream that keeps us going I guess
Otherwise why put up with all this stress

To accept life as it is, to play around and be free
To laud the grace of childhood and whimsy.

It is gained so slowly, lost so quickly
We fight over it, we burn over it
Immense and long graft awaits us, an early mourning next
Controlled by something foolishly we had to create
A temporary happiness, unsatisfied and unfulfilled
All over a piece of paper, an apparent expense

Paint me like the burnt air.
Unwanted, careless and forcibly inhaled.

Paint me like the bruises on my chin.
Blue hued, swollen and new.

Paint me like blood.
Flowing and hidden, threatening to flood out.

Paint my pain.
No one else knows, I so desperately need to share.

In vain, paint me
In vain, paint me in vain.

I was just about to tell you
but I was too late
left my heart out in the open
now it's all **crushed

I yearn to feel the nights air
Smell the earth after rain

I yearn to experience love
Feel a kiss upon my lips

I yearn for meaning
For purpose

I yearn for something
Anything

I do not know

I yearn to be free
Unshackled

I yearn to be full
Satisfied

I yearn for all these things
And yet...

I do not know.

It's not really a poem
I thought I'd write
nonetheless

I prefer to wallow
in my own world of silence
and yet... I'm forced to interact

I share my thoughts, learn through my experiences
all the while
writing on a shabby piece of paper

Thinking, breathing,
heart beating still
observing a feeling of
decay, a bitter pill
     to swallow...

hurting and healing
irrevocable time to fill
grieving, left wanting
     biding time...
    infallible time

It
Stops
Us
From
Asking
For
Help
Before
It
Is
Too
Late

God gave me a face,
But it was not pretty.
God gave me eyes,
But they only see bad.

God gave me a mouth,
Though wisdom doesnt flow through.
God gave me a brain,
but it wasnt smart.

God gave me a body
That doesnt flatter.
God gave me money,
But it wasnt enough.

God gave me some one to love,
But it was not true.

And then God had some mercy,
And then...God gave me you.

It's a sad reality when I realise that you won't live forever.
you're slow to the pace.
No longer can I see through the wrinkles on your face.
you linger
stutter, longer than you should.
I never expected for it to come so soon.
too much to do - things I never could
do on my own, without you - now, the only hope is that I could
Ignore the heartache and gloom
and accept things for what they are - and soon will be.
that one day you will part from me.
It's a sad reality that one day you won't live forever.

im not having the best of days
the universe is out to get me
I don't know what ive done wrong, there must be
a reason why I feel shackled, in a haze

weights on my shoulder refusing to relieve
seven days of thorough torment
my life is my own enemy, disbursing enjoyment
of such pain, desperate need of a reprieve

I cried today, internally though
my face mimicked, like a duck
calm on the surface
frantic beneath

i think i needed it though
not entirely certain
its time to close this curtain
before  emotions overflow

I used to be sad
you gave me joy

I used to be fickle
you made me firm

I used to be scared
you made me brave

I used to be shy
you made me sing

I once was invisible
Now you see me

I never thought I could change
Until you met me.

The deer walked quietly into the church
Gold and white sheets and royal tune enveloped the hall
Pitter patter in silence
A warm huff, juxtaposing the cold air
Its pure eyes surveyed its surrounds

This was familiar
Importance fell upon the Deer

An ode to Himself, it thought

He'd been here before, he'd experienced the love

That once was

The worship

That once was

And like an abandoned city,
Nature had returned

Upon ye own mighty work,
Despair fell upon the Deer.

I am seeking
For so long I have been seeking
And yet...

I do not know what I seek

What is it I'm looking for
Where is the direction
Deflection
What stands in my way

Motivation
I lack the motivation to carry on

Seeking

I don't pay attention to the
World ending
It has ended for me
Many times
And began again in the morning

I don't pay attention because I'm me
Fallen beneath the cracks
A forgotten pile of flesh and bones
Neither bad or very good
Person
Being
Entity
Bad things have happened, more
Less good, more bad more bad
I'm so filled with darkness
I'm lacking full introspection
If the world split I'd fall in between

It's who I am, dark and devoid in a world
That's not my own, full of optimistic aspired light.

If I dug a single seed into the ground
I hope it grows, grows...

In a year or two, if you're around
you'll see a rose, rose...

I'm lost

Flinging ideas and notions
Trying to find a way...
To cope with the commotion, inside...
my head

Threatening to tear...the fabric, keep away
It's not safe
For you...nor me
Ignore me...I'll rant about and about
Without a doubt

Perhaps in a little while
I'll find my way.

All I have to give you is myself
For I cannot give you the Moon
Nor can I give you the Sun

As you..give me light

Pourquoi cet amour n'est-il pas facile Pourquoi est-ce que quand l'amour est là, ce n'est pas facile

Pourquoi cette douleur vient-elle facilement Et la douleur est un fruit défendu

Pourquoi est-ce que ce qui n'est pas pour nous, nous attire le plus Pourquoi est-il si difficile de partir Encore plus difficile de rester

Pourquoi ai-je peur de te blesser Pourquoi ai-je besoin de te blesser
pour moi

Happiness is an inside job
Or so I've heard
It's so easy to get swept away with the surrounds
Like a leaf in autumn

It's an inside job because
The surrounds are broken
Better keep ourselves wrapped
Else we'll get cut

Happiness is an inside job
But it doesn't hurt to outsource it either
Happiness is an inside job
But sometimes it may come freely, externally
And who am I to say no.

if you believe you are limited
your thoughts flow from that belief

i wish it were so, uncomplicated
simple
every night and waking minute my mind plagues me
unlimited

an insatiable, unlimited influx of thoughts and emotions
flood, and flood
every day and every night
every night i drown in my own
euphoria and depression

i desire release
i desire capture too

i dont know what i want anymore, i dont think i ever have

i wish my thoughts were limited
i wish i was limited

I
Can't find a way
Can't catch a break
Why
Is it so hard

Why do I have to
Do the things I do

Why does it have to
Work the way it does

Why do things

Conspire against me
Why is it hard to breathe

Why

It's been a while
I'd almost forgotten about you

Surmise to say I was succinctly shocked

...to the core, to see how far and deep I have come

From the depths of a dark place, I have found a light. My light,
This light has grasped me, grasped me tight - tight in His mighty bossom.

It's a weird feeling, an acceptance of helplessness outside of your will.

Two thousand odd years and you still remain, such reverence and still you choose to chase after me.

Well, I'm done running...

I was for a long time.  How peaceful it is now.

To cross, my legs and sit in comfort.

At your feet.

Irked
Annoyed and frustrated
The world and all its encompassing parts
Hurt

It's all too much

Sometimes...

Love
It doesn't always win
Sometimes to love
You must lose

To love
You must sacrifice
Give up

To love
Your heart
Must first

Break

Time is a wonderful thing
Fluid and free like a playground swing
We look back, fond
Look forward with hope

Time
It is an elusive thing
Quick and fast
It runs out

It can't be bought
It can't be caught

Time
A master
God
Endless
Limited

I've got to lay some signposts
Everytime things get tough
I find myself forgetting to count the cost

I'm chasing ghosts
Uncovering stuff
Unraveling the past

I need to lay some signposts
To remind me
How far I've come

Or fallen

I need to lay some signposts
To find my way again
To warn and avoid

There was once a man
Who sought out wisdom from the Gods
Old and New

He ventured from the East to the West
From the North to the South

Upon a desert he stopped
Wrought with hopelessness and despair

He gazed up to the heavens
As he thought
He began to count the stars and pay homage
To each one

When he had finished
He knelt
The sand below drenched in his sweat
His tears

He closed his eyes and opened his ears to hear
The whispers and whims of the desert

As the sand envolped him
The whispers and whims
Paid him homage

All that was in him and was him
Returned from whence he came

It actually has been a long time since I've been here.
Sitting down, putting pen to paper.

So much has gone on and happened. A couple of months and perhaps years have gone by since I've opened my mind to this avenue.

We've been through a fair bit you and I. We've seen, heard and experienced so much in such little time.

I know it's clichéd and lame, trying to make sure it all rhymes...
stays the same...

I guess it's finally clicked in that this season is over, my skill has fade-d a bit, my knack for writing has reached its end. I guess I'm at my last wits end - trying to make sure words fit.

But in all seriousness, for all intents and purposes I suppose I'll start...

with the real reason why I'm actually here. I guess it's in the silence that all this happens, where it all begins. It was in the silence that I first met you. A season it was where it was just the two of us - mostly one-sided, I spoke - you listened. For the most part I only sought you out in times of trouble, for the most part...

when i needed someone to talk to...

I was selfish then - I'm not so much anymore

You talk a lot - you always have I guess. You're much more wiser between the two of us. I suppose you do have years and years more to offer than I do, but nevertheless I forget this fact more times than I care to admit.

You have been my rock, my shelter, my comfort and my Shepard - like a lamb I have followed you (without even knowing it for the better portion of my life) like a puppy I have loved you - like a child I have forgotten you

But I have found you again. You have always been here, waiting for me while I went my own way. You have always loved me while I loved others and sought love elsewhere. You have always considered me while I forgot you and placed you in the attic of my mind.

But here we are, walking together again - the dust blown off, eyes set, the path straight

It seems so much simpler now doesn't it - my days are brighter, the lurking shadows around me have dissipated and I can finally breath deeper

deeper and deeper as I walk with you

My cup is full
Overflowing
I have no outlet to release

And so...
I write

Je veux courir vers toi
Mais comme je m'approche,

tu disparais

ta voix est un rêve
une berceuse

J'ai envie de tomber en toi
J'ai hâte de t'entendre, d'être avec toi, de partager la vie avec toi


J'espère qu'on se retrouve
quand le temps viendra

The blue hour Is when I am constantly thinking of You
It is when you capture me thickly in your presence
The amazement in this time

The hue of the heavens sky, blush strokes and strokes of yellow, blue fading to black just after the preceding promise of passion red slowly appearing

There is something in this hour that leaves me wanting
leaves me wanting more - yet I cannot help but feel satisfied

There's just something about your perfection that satisfies me. Deeply.

And yet I just cannot get enough. It's almost paradoxical. Surely if I was satisfied, I could move on right?

I supposed when You are enough, satisfaction is a given - a prerequisite when we come in contact with each other.

But that's just it isn't it - it's all about that contact

I can only be satisfied if I'm constantly returning to your well of Life.

Water can only quench for a limited time...
But what I actually seek, what I actually find in your presence quenches me for a lifetime and lifetimes over and again.

For whoever drinks of the water You give them will never be thirsty again.

I just want to hold
...literally everything
Your attention
Hand
Face
Waist

I just want to feel you against me
Know you're here
Present
In the moment

I just want to share
Air
Space
Laughs
Kisses
Hugs
Time

With you.

I just want to walk
Talk
Be

With you.

I just want all these things.
And more

I just want you.