What is doubt? Doth it bring joy or despair?
Is it a comfort or a source of fear?
A source of strength or way of despair?

Doubt can take away our hope and dreams.
Like a cloud of fog, it slowly creeps.
No matter how hard we try it never leaves.

Doubt can make us feel so small
It can make us second guess it all
And leave us standing there so tall.

Doubt can be a prison of our own.
We can never truly feel the joys of home.
It can be a mountain that’s hard to climb

But doubt can also be a source of strength.
It can help us make decisions at length
And help us find our way at length.

So doubt can be both a comfort and a fear
But if we use it wisely, it can be of cheer
For it can help us find our way so clear.

The silence of the night,
so deep and so profound,
has hidden the troubled thoughts
that have been spinning around.

The quiet of the night,
so still and so bleak,
has shrouded all the fears
that have made my heart weak.

The darkness of the night,
so dark and so cold,
has kept my troubled thoughts
from becoming too bold.

The stillness of the night,
so hushed and so clear,
has silenced my worries
and taken away my fear.

The secrets of the night,
so dark and so deep,
have kept my troubled thoughts
in an eternal sleep.

Afire with passions bright,
My heart flutters with delight.
The flames of love burning strong,
A never ending song.

A yearning to be free,
An unstoppable need to be me.
The heat of a desire so deep,
A burning in my heart I can't keep.

The flames of passion rising high,
The need to be loved, to never die.
A longing for something so real,
A longing that I can't conceal.

My heart ablaze with love divine,
A longing for a life sublime.
A passion that will never die,
A love that will never die.

I close my eyes and remember
The days of freedom and care
The magic of a childhood summer
The joys that were once there

The memories that we used to share
The laughter and the fun
The sun on skin, the salty air
The moments that we won

The sand beneath our feet
The waves crashing on the shore
The days that felt so sweet
We long for evermore

The beauty of the sunset
The stars in the night sky
The moments of regret
We want them to never die

The nostalgia of those days
The feeling of escape
The freedom to run and play
We will never forget this place

I just want to hold
...literally everything
Your attention
Hand
Face
Waist

I just want to feel you against me
Know you're here
Present
In the moment

I just want to share
Air
Space
Laughs
Kisses
Hugs
Time

With you.

I just want to walk
Talk
Be

With you.

I just want all these things.
And more

I just want you.

It's in the silence.
The gestures.
The eyes. The crinkle of a smile.
The tempered breath.

It's in the silence.
Where love gives birth.

It's easiest in the silence.
Raw and pure.

The best people come unexpectedly
They may hurt you at first
But solid foundations sometimes require a breaking of solid ground...
..first.

Second...
The butterflies.
The realisation that your heart
Once hardened - is being smoothed down. Melting.

Third...
The promise.
It's a pact made with self. You're never going to leave their side again.

Fourth...
You have them and they are yours. But you'll never stop pursing them.

That's why they are special.
Surpassing what is common. Exceptional.

I'm too busy chasing a dream
To realise what should be seen

Right in front of my very eyes
Comes with no surprise

Something familiar
Something sweet

Engraved in my memory our encounter
The first time we meet

Never again will I feel like this
Ever and always will I feel like this

I just want to
Sit outside
smell the earth
emanating
Life

I just want to feel the rain
Coursing
Through my pores

I just want to hear the earth
breathe
Listen to it's musings

I just want to be enraptured
Completely free
enthralled

I just want to live
Without plan
Agenda
Schedule

I want to just be
Exist

Without the hope and expectation to validate my existence

Irked
Annoyed and frustrated
The world and all its encompassing parts
Hurt

It's all too much

There was once a boy
Who had a stars worth of hope
Who saw the good and only the good
He was innocent

The once was a boy
Who's stars came crashing down
The good turned ugly
His soft became hard

There once was a boy
Who no longer was innocent
Who gave what he took

This boy
Was hurt
And so he hurt

I've got to lay some signposts
Everytime things get tough
I find myself forgetting to count the cost

I'm chasing ghosts
Uncovering stuff
Unraveling the past

I need to lay some signposts
To remind me
How far I've come

Or fallen

I need to lay some signposts
To find my way again
To warn and avoid

Happiness is an inside job
Or so I've heard
It's so easy to get swept away with the surrounds
Like a leaf in autumn

It's an inside job because
The surrounds are broken
Better keep ourselves wrapped
Else we'll get cut

Happiness is an inside job
But it doesn't hurt to outsource it either
Happiness is an inside job
But sometimes it may come freely, externally
And who am I to say no.

All I have to give you is myself
For I cannot give you the Moon
Nor can I give you the Sun

As you..give me light

I ...
Wholeheartedly...
Would ...
Give...

You
The
World

But... I'm maxed out and in debted to the God that blessed me with you...

For many, love is something that comes easy.
And for a rare few. It appears to never come.
Resolve and disillusionment sets in.
Zeallessness towards any idea of sharing life.
And then,  you came into my life.
And all change right in front of me.
Nothing seemed to matter anymore.
And nothing will. Not without you.

One day I decided
To make a choice
Every single day
And
Every single I day,
I hear your voice
The choice is easier

By chance, our lives have collided
And ever since, I stay
Awestruck and humbled
And excited.

That you're here.
With me.

It
Stops
Us
From
Asking
For
Help
Before
It
Is
Too
Late

Maybe there is only one God
Because
The Old Gods saw us for what we really were

Not what we could be

And walked away

Then...the Old Gods wouldn't be so much
Different

Than you and I

Love is a lie
Taught to us when we're young to make us
Hope

Hope for something that isn't real
Hope for something

To cling to
To sustain us
To strive towards
To define us

It's all a lie isn't it?

Why when we eventually find it
When we've softened our hearts too far...
When we're too far gone

Do we realise
It's all a lie

And we break

I'm sorry
I'm not sure what for

I'm sorry
I guess I'm prone

To mistakes

I
Can't find a way
Can't catch a break
Why
Is it so hard

Why do I have to
Do the things I do

Why does it have to
Work the way it does

Why do things

Conspire against me
Why is it hard to breathe

Why

There was once a man
Who sought out wisdom from the Gods
Old and New

He ventured from the East to the West
From the North to the South

Upon a desert he stopped
Wrought with hopelessness and despair

He gazed up to the heavens
As he thought
He began to count the stars and pay homage
To each one

When he had finished
He knelt
The sand below drenched in his sweat
His tears

He closed his eyes and opened his ears to hear
The whispers and whims of the desert

As the sand envolped him
The whispers and whims
Paid him homage

All that was in him and was him
Returned from whence he came

My cup is full
Overflowing
I have no outlet to release

And so...
I write

I yearn to feel the nights air
Smell the earth after rain

I yearn to experience love
Feel a kiss upon my lips

I yearn for meaning
For purpose

I yearn for something
Anything

I do not know

I yearn to be free
Unshackled

I yearn to be full
Satisfied

I yearn for all these things
And yet...

I do not know.

Time is a wonderful thing
Fluid and free like a playground swing
We look back, fond
Look forward with hope

Time
It is an elusive thing
Quick and fast
It runs out

It can't be bought
It can't be caught

Time
A master
God
Endless
Limited

And on their bellies
They will crawl
To the depths
To seek light

The dirt
Will suffice
To be cleansed
In the end

As it is above so it is below
As the light shines in the heavens
The depths seek it too

All that is within me
Is around me

All that surrounds me
Is within me

I am, a product of what I see
What I see, is a product of who I am

The heart of time broke
Tears so tangible
Dry as sand

Tick tick
crack crack

Time
Broken

Pain, visceral
Endless.

Infinite.

Pourquoi cet amour n'est-il pas facile Pourquoi est-ce que quand l'amour est là, ce n'est pas facile

Pourquoi cette douleur vient-elle facilement Et la douleur est un fruit défendu

Pourquoi est-ce que ce qui n'est pas pour nous, nous attire le plus Pourquoi est-il si difficile de partir Encore plus difficile de rester

Pourquoi ai-je peur de te blesser Pourquoi ai-je besoin de te blesser
pour moi

The deer walked quietly into the church
Gold and white sheets and royal tune enveloped the hall
Pitter patter in silence
A warm huff, juxtaposing the cold air
Its pure eyes surveyed its surrounds

This was familiar
Importance fell upon the Deer

An ode to Himself, it thought

He'd been here before, he'd experienced the love

That once was

The worship

That once was

And like an abandoned city,
Nature had returned

Upon ye own mighty work,
Despair fell upon the Deer.

The air outside is cold
Biting
Inviting
Ominous

I sit and watch
Entranced
Buoyed with emotions
The air grows thick

My thoughts,
My thoughts are running
Elusive, kempt
My heart, shallow beating

Pensive, wading and waiting
The air, a synapse waiting to spark.

I loved you with all my heart
Wrote your name across the stars
I longed and yearned
I gave but never recieved

I broke with no reprieve
All I asked was your voice
All I got was silence

Besides, who am I
To deserve you
Who are you, to deserve me

We're like planets in orbit
Destined to pass each other

Taunted...
Far...

In loving memory,
You...
Gone and forgotten.

I'm moving
Compartmentalizing
Sorting

I'm moving
Counting down the days
Crossing the notches on a wall

I'm moving
Eulogizing
Saying Goodbye

I'm moving
And

I'm never coming back

It's a starry night

I gaze deep into the vastness of the heavens
There's a void tugging and tugging within

I long to fill it

I continue to gaze
I let the ocean of stars, bursts, matter and atoms carry me

Soothed
Calm

The void is satisfied

For now...

Sometimes...

Love
It doesn't always win
Sometimes to love
You must lose

To love
You must sacrifice
Give up

To love
Your heart
Must first

Break

Sometimes I wonder about myself
The depths
The vastness of knowledge
The avoidance of knowing too much
Pain
The scars and sinews established

And sometimes I wonder
How sure
How sure the understanding
Of my decisions might be

How sure, the depths

Of ruin.

The inevitable ruin.

And it is in the depths
The crevices
In the shadows, the chasms

I find myself
And I do not truly
Want to be there again

Je veux courir vers toi
Mais comme je m'approche,

tu disparais

ta voix est un rêve
une berceuse

J'ai envie de tomber en toi
J'ai hâte de t'entendre, d'être avec toi, de partager la vie avec toi


J'espère qu'on se retrouve
quand le temps viendra

Respect is given freely
Earned? No
So it goes without saying, it can be lost
Pursuant to emptiness
Existentially present, eternal
Clinch it, like air
Take note, it isn't taught

A moment
If I could ask for one thing
It would be a moment
To go back to a brief moment
A time where it was simple
Not a thought
Only a feeling
Not a consequence
Only the present

I wish I could go back
And stay there.

One day I'll tell my kids about you
I'll tell them of a girl
A girl that came into my life
Unexpected and sudden

Unassuming. You lingered in my life
It took too long for me to discover you
To really see you
See how rare you really were

Too long...

But when I realised.
The time spent.
It wasn't enough.

Not nearly enough.

Your smile.
Your calm.
Your beauty.

I only wish you'd be in the other room during this story.

But reality is, you won't.

Sometimes
You're not the one
To save her

Sometimes
You're not the one
Who'll bring her happiness.

Maybe,
Maybe you're just the one
The one that gets her looking towards the shore

I wish you could see yourself the way I see you.
The most beautiful person
Like a seasoned rose, I know you've been through so much
...and yet
And yet...
You shine brighter, you attract so many
And yet...
When I look into your eyes, I see
A storm.

I'm so drawn in.
All I want is to rescue you, pull you away from your thoughts...

Anchored in your past.

If only...
You'd let me.

And yet..

You're still the most beautiful being. Everything blurs when I near you, everything pales.

I just wish, you could see yourself the way I see you.

They say when you become intimate with someone...
Your souls intertwine..
Tied together, tethered and unbroken.

The thing is...in an amongst things tangled all akimbo.

When things dont work out...
How can you turn and walk away...

How can this link ever be broken once there's no longer any use for it?

Like a rope burn, etched forever...

The pain will stay.

It would be ignorant to say the both of us would feel this way, but again the truth is...

This will always be a one-sided affair, the pain. The suffering.  The void-filled mess within my thoughts. Knowing full well I'll never be intimate with you...

Feel you...
See you...
know you again...

Deep down, I know full well...

We're tied together.

Sometimes what is bright
casts long shadows.