Do I chase to feel something for once in my life
I'm scared something in me is profoundly broken
I don't know if I've ever truly loved someone

Oh, dear you...
I wish I could keep you forever
Let's be still here together

I know I'm holding on to you a little too much
Look how perfect we look in the summer

I'm so in love with the idea of someone getting to know me.

I'm so eager to be appreciated.

I want my thoughts to be valued.

I'm starting to realize only I can give myself that.

Maybe that's why I obsess and want to hear everything about your life. How can I make it better?

How can I help you realize that I can bring value to your life?

I'm so selfish. All I over wanted was my own love.

Do you know that scary feeling of time going by too quickly?
One more month left of summer
I've procrastinated a lot
I need more time to waste my time
When we have no pressure I crumble and lay there confused about what to do


So many days wishing for more time
and now I lay here
as time goes by...

There's almost something so beautiful in starting over.

Something so bold.

so new and strange .

And we both know you thought it wasn't in me. And God, i'm so glad it's in me to be this problematic

I'm not okay, but I'm better

I'm starting to like myself again.

Don't blame me, I truly don't know what I want but at least now i'm not miserable trying to be someone I'm not.

I miss you dearly bc you were pure in ways I will never be again

Sunlight dances of the leaves
buzzing bees and new beginnings in lovely September
you smile at the world and I can tell it likes you back...
We smile at each other to end each day.
And each day I will be grateful for you.

Waves gently stroke the shore
Waves gently pulled us apart
and I let you go thinking that it was best to hide and cover.
Slowly and gently I let us drown.

I still think I deserved better than someone who vanished this quickly
But then again, maybe you deserved someone who conquered the waves with no fear.

And so today I smile at the shore and thank the world for the opportunity to have had you in my life.

Let's just see what the morning brings

and now that you may leave the soil you grew for me

I cry and weep for our lost souls

I see the way life has shaped you into the woman you are today

And I see the way it pains you to think you may leave this earth

I see the way it breaks you ... it breaks me

And you will continue to live in the small moments where I wonder what you would have said or done

All I know are sad songs where you appear

Believe in me.

Like I believe in you.

Are you scared to be alone?

We're not the same. We're different.

You know everything about me.

But It's still not enough for me

Even when I pour my heart out I feel so out of reach

I have your continuous love and support

You're such a dream to me  

So I gotta go now

I'll hide the love letters I never sent

and you keep the vulnerable thoughts you never gave me.

If I scream into the nothingness... will it still be only you and me against the world?

I wish there was something I could do to keep you with me forever.

I want to be with you everywhere.

For now, I'll try my best for both of us.

I hope you continue to hold me forever.

You know that I'm falling really hard.

Is it easier to pretend I'm not disappointed?

I just want you to know who I am.

I don't want to keep asking for more.

Sooner or later it will all be over.

I've been looking for someone to be as excited about me as I am about them.

But you never asked

You don't care to know

Excuse me while I ascend:

Close my eyes and fantasize about life together

===================================================
I'm always pushing you away from me

But you come back every time

I'm scared one day you'll get tired of my petty words

I know you're the one

but I'm so scared I'll lose you

If we're still the kids we used to be

Forgive me for all the times I was imperfect

Forgive me for all the times I acted like a child

I always knew I wasn't the one

Our history keeps us young

I hoped you would stay

"And nothing hurts anymore I feel kinda free"

When I’m drunk and words don’t make sense

That’s when I will tell you the truth

I don’t know why I feel incomplete all the time

Your love brings me joy but I don’t understand you

Or maybe I just don’t understand myself

I don’t know where to go from here

Will you promise me forever

I might wake you up from your sleep

And I might rob you from your sleep

But I will forever dream about you in my sleep

Fear sells.

And I choose Fear

Maybe it's my ******* up brain that likes to wander more than it should

Maybe it's your quiet thoughts that entertain me

I'm done reading into the smallest of details

I'm done with these endless circles

Run down the unknown path

I'll wait

I can't believe we're here tonight

How strange it is to be laughing with Sage

==========================================

I get lonesome sometimes

She had a face straight out of a magazine

and your heart  begged to be adored by her

and I'll never know whether you still wish for a girl like her

I don't think I'll ever understand what makes me the one

and you will never understand how much I cast aside the past

Running away from mother's soothing words

How out of reach can I be from myself?

I look to you to see truth

I look to you to see me

Once I feel whole

And Brave touches us both

I want you alive

Alone together

Forever

Let's dance till three

No roof above this starry night

I'll hold your hand and never let go


*******************­****
I'll daydream about life in my dimly lit room

I'm out of place ////Tearing down the doors of time

I'll sing the same song day upon day

It was a beautiful day

Don’t you remember ?

Sunlight danced off the leaves

The last time we met, our love was there

Our love filled the places were we walked

I told you to give your tears to my ears

and come meet me

Meet me in 2001

And I will forever chase the dream that knocks on my door

And you will forever hold the keys

Know that I’m here for you

You don’t have to fear  

I saw the sea in you

While I’m full of black and blues

Sticky hands long for you:

Your mouth tastes so sweet

Your words are so very golden

=====================================

I barely know you

Your Warm Glow gives me the truth

All I ever wanted was to make you happy

Give me the truth I don't give a **** about the honey

Sundown in London reminds me of us.

Our song just played on the radio.

I don't think she's right for you.

Come back to me.

Come back to London.

"Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions"

You can fall in love with anyone if you saw the parts of them no one else gets to see.

I saw the part of you that I could see clearly in myself.

The part I wished to have for so long.

My reflection doesn't match yours.

But I sure wish it did.

I need to find myself once more.

Your past girl brought you so much joy

You miss who you were when you were with her

We're still together for now

But your girl is coming to town

Baby, we don't talk anymore

I know you're in a town full of rubber plans

It wears you out to think of me

                                                       to remember us...

I hope you'll forgive me one day

You'll let go of your rubber thoughts and I'll let go of mine

We can pretend to be happy again

I can pretend you still care

I still care

When your voice cracks and your pink lips quiver

I know you're in a basement that’s slowly filling up with water

I know the last song you'll sing

will bring us all to our knees

I know the last song I'll sing

Will fill up the basement to the brim

I'm intimidated by the thought of you loving another

The light glimmers between your hands, but it seems to fade rather quickly.

And I should know better but I'm blown away.

Rosy cheeks
Green eyes and soft brown hair

Beautiful boy
Lost boy

Cold eyes stare
Delicate cherry pink lips touch his rosy cheeks

I'm green with envy
A cherry tree comes to blossom

Let's tell our secrets to the moon:

We can talk about whatever is on your mind

I'll wonder deeply through your glances

======================================

On cold nights,

I'll drink warm milk

On cold nights,

I'll be thinking about you

On cold nights,

I'll need you.

Como cuando la arena quema y te da igual porque sabes que corres hacia el mar, asi deberiamos vivir.....

- no se donde encontré esta cita pero me encanta.

Do I trust you or do I trust myself?
I've been wrong so many times /// it feels unfair for me to judge.
To make up ideas in my head that may not be true.

Most of the time I just don't think I'm ready.
I'm too afraid to jump.
I'm so caught up in my own little world.

I don't want my head to talk me out of anything my gut tells me.
But my gut has been wrong so many times.

"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived".

Walden by Henry David Thoreau

Today I'm older
I'm bolder

I'll live near the city
and I'll see all the things I dreamed about in my sleep

When I'm
younger...
I'll live by the sea
and I'll see all the things you talked about in your sleep

"Let me walk you home from school".....

"Let me drive you to work"....

"I suppose you need a ride"..

Let's walk by the sea
Let's swim near the shore

Cold coffee reminds me of our past.
Our bittersweet past.

Warm coffee reminds me of our love.
Full of hope and new beginnings.

I look into your eyes:
They tell me something you don't want me to know.
I know how it goes.
I don't listen anymore.

Maybe we'll go out for breakfast
or talk about it in our sleep.
Maybe we'll meet again when life gets hard to do

On another planet, I loved you before.
On another planet, our coffee was warm.

hEY Mr. STARgazer
Dad loves stars, but hates darkness.
Mom loves driving, but  hates traffic.
Brother loves, but can't forgive.
Professor loves questioning, but  won't answer a simple question.
Love has a fascination for  eyes, but not when their teary.
You say you love the sun, but you hate getting burned.

                  Hey Mr. Stargazer, have you ever noticed how people only love the best version of, well, everything? They ignore the truth. Beauty comes from sacrifice. A calm soul comes from a suffering past, a bright starry night comes from a million stars imploding.

When she tries to convince herself that she's worth it
Life comes along and whispers in her ear:
"Darling can't you see, you're a broken girl with no direction."
"Look at my other beings thrive in luxury and beauty, while you seep deeper into a puddle filled by your own despair."
Every time she feels the frustration and disappointment that come to her at night, she remembers how "not special" she is and seeps deeper into her insecurities.
=================================================
T­hen, she remembers all the things she has in her life and all the meaning she has given them.
She's still a "work in progress".
    
Life will never grant you your wishes if you keep sitting around thinking about all the things you aren't instead of all the things you are.

Life will never be "fair" or "great" to you since all you do is sit around in your own despair and wish for a better life instead of working for one.

I sit near the window.
Searching for some inspiration to clear my restless mind( As someone looks for me)
But all I can do is reminisce and overthink
I seem to live in a movie
where I... I'm the main character?
and who looks?  I really don't know
is it god?
Is it me from the future?
Is it the bee near the lilac flower drowning in golden honey?
Is one their own audience? how uneventful.....
People ask me who I am when no one's watching.
But all I do is sit near the window and dream about who's watching.  
I never truly feel alone.
Unjudged.
iT's all to impress the fool who watches as I sleep.
it's all for our selfish ways and thoughts,
Who are we really?

Let me sip my now lukewarm coffee and question my purpose, maybe that may entertain my audience who tries to define who I am before I even know.

Late at night, her skin glows against the pale blue moon.
Mid-afternoon her hair sparkles with the sunny rays as the sun sinks to sleep.
Her hair as yellow and bright as a sunflower field.
Her summer days are filled with numbing cotton candy sunsets, vibrant pink bows, cheesy romantic novels and a luminous tone that follows her shadow.

But, the other girl...
Late at night, she disappears from sight... all one can hear are her cries.
Mid-afternoon her hair is wild and frizzy as she runs from the glowing man.
She does not glow a white light...
She works all day under the sun and leaves with a tan tone and watery eyes.
She is so beautiful. She is not like all the other summer girls. She doesn't need the blinding light to be noticed.

Some want you because they like who they become around you.
Others hate you because of how much others love you.  
And sometimes, only sometimes you're just too much for some people.
And you: well, you can't even see it.
A picture-perfect boy with a clean background check.
I think I know what you're hiding. But I don't dare assume. I don't want others to mistaken my admiration for jealousy.
You love how others see you.
So pure and kind yet so demanding and unkind.
Your trick us. You create this image of yourself that is so unnaturally perfect it weakens everyone's heart. I wished somebody would have warned me about how fake your magic is.

It is now my favorite color
It fills me with joy
It is the soft hue of an  8 am morning
the honey-tinted specks in your eyes
The blanket your freckles lay upon of
the color that means so much to me
It's a soft summer morning in Italy
its the color of the curtains that cast the prettiest light pink reflection unto your cheeks
it's in the pages of my dad's old travel journal
it's in the sand of the worlds deepest sea
it's in the walls of the little room beneath the Canadian stars
It's in the gold glasses when the sun shines on them
Its life in a color.
iTs the color I see in you
It caresses me like a feather
it embraces me like a hug
I feel it like I feel you.
I want to sing this color and what it evokes
I wish I could be this color
this simple
gentle
refreshing
color.

There are people who cannot speak without smiling.
There are people who cannot cry without blaming.
And there are songs I cannot sing without dancing.
And I sing you like a song I heard when I was young.
And I  love like I discovered the concept.
I want to teach you how.
How to feel...
How to sing...
The drizzle of rain hugs me.
The shadow of your eyes miss me...
I Want to sing you like a song I cannot dance to.
Oh my love, There are people who fantasise about freedom and then  slowly build the walls to their own prison.

I cried my eyes out today.
I drowned in despair.
And I floated in air.
Two eyes shed a different tear.
One, warm and forever - remembering the childhood friend.
The other, craved a forgotten person.
One reminds the other  of how happy she should be!
The other, weeps in silence as it endures memory de-fi-cit.
Falling simultaneously towards the ground.  
Quiet and unnoticed/ drenching and drowning.
Why is it that I go back to such horrible thoughts?
I live in them with a colourless splash.
I am happy, I believe. I was happier, I recall.

Im trying to breathe in -  to breath out.
Underwater.
- dark and serene,
so quiet and untouched.

And so on,
comes a moment- in which the human mind seems to hush

and all that is left.. is your blinking heart and the sun rays resting
on-top of the crystalline water.

All your troubles sink away while you test your lungs strength fighting for your worth.

Your purpose- in this never-ending ocean- is a- beating heart in an unnatural state.

A state in which you --> human,  acknowledge (pause) how lovely it is to sink. To just be present in the drowning sound.

It is when our mind is deeply quiet that we realize how beautiful life is. It is when the outside world seems to hush that we realize the loudness of our living.

That summer the wind blew my soul. It blew me to the minds of the good. It blew me to the arms of comfort . I let go of the string that connected me to the floor and asked the wind to guide me towards the door. I no longer listened to the voices that would make my head spin. I forgot what day or month it was... I was simply living, but in the way us humans are not programmed to live, not a typical work day, but a typical carefree day. I just simply forgot time.

Even numbers _even numbers
No one chooses odd~ they can’t be split in 2
See, the odd will be lonely forever.. while the even will find love.
We only appreciate those who can give to society.
Go away you odds.
2-4-6-8 who do we appreciate ?
Even people even people


Even during math we are haunted by our deepest fears.

Somehow, life drifted me away from the ones who knew.
Somehow, bliss  remained when all I knew echoed away.
life seems to always miss my direction.
While time ticks  clockwise towards the end... I counterclockwise - towards the beginning.
I never really followed lifes rules.
Or maybe those rules never really followed me.
I leave when I love the most.
I miss when they hate the most.
I give when I  lack.
And I lack when I  flourish.
I miss who I am when lost.
I forget who I am when  found.

Clover take cover!
People pick you to soothe their bitter reality.
You may be the lucky one, but you cannot escape the harsh hands longing for you.
After all, everyone wishes to quiet down their demons.
Oh clover, take cover!
If only you didn't give people promise.
If only you ran away from your own utopia...... like those **** leprechauns you once called your friends.
"Chase the golden coin",
-But, dad always says,
"Everything that's shine ain't always gonna be gold"
Oh clover, take cover

I crawled back to the life I said I was over with.
I drank to the brink of implosion- for them to say I was over it.  
I smoked to end my clear breathing- to say this is living.
I danced to the end of our song- to say we never belonged.
I drove to the end of the night- to say I see a new light.
I dived to the end of the sea- to say I no longer agree.

You never deserved me. My love was too much for you.

Its exciting
To run through the light
To escape the forever days
To escape the non stop reality
To release the naive child
Who loves and explores with glimmering eyes
Who chases butterflies that run away from her
Who speaks to dead toys that come alive for her
Who sings a madeup melody for the dead
Who splashes with color the suffocating white walls
Who never looks back
Some love was meant for the young
Some love was meant to remain the same
Darling,
set the child free
let her run with the wind
let her fall and rise again
let her love the wild
let her messy hair untangle her thoughts
let her be
She is a child after all
She is only learning