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Heavenly Feb 2018
My rusted joints s c R A P E themselves away, eroding brittle bone that use to be stone
All thats left in this skin, this S k I N is bits of debris that use to be me
All I can feel now is the skin, so painfully aware of how every sensation sinks into these bones
Scrape, skin
****, sin
Im strung up in this flesh with arteries and veins sewn into this thing that is me
This thing that doesnt feel like me but for some reason is
Does this still count as alive when all I feel is this?
Heavenly May 2018
Another scrap of skin schleps down the drain, carrying with it fingerprints
Scrub, tug, peel
There has got to be something numb under what you can feel
Sand the shell down, smaller, smaller, not small enough, smaller
I cant find myself under all this skin
Skin splotchy and screaming, swells up with blood that prickles at the surface
I cant hear myself scream
Heavenly Feb 2018
You **** like poetry; when you move I ache with something too much for words.
Your hands speak to me in a language only spoken by gods and it feels like a sin just having the pleasure to listen.
Hymns erupt from your chest and syllables pound in your hips.
You **** like poetry; goosebumps dance over me like a breath when your tongue etches hieroglyphics into my skin.
Your teeth drip with an inky saliva made to stain; every inch dancing along my throat is bruised with your scripture.
You **** like poetry; quirks from your lips are given dictionaries of definition.
Air was never so good as it was when it graced your tongue
My knees buckle under the sensation of your eyes whispering to mine.
You **** like ******* poetry.
Heavenly Feb 2018
Winter howls through my bones
Im shaking, my legs are shaking, my chest is ******* shaking
The violent tremors **** my spine
Can you see my breath hanging in the air?
My fingertips numb, face numb, numb
Sweat is dripping between the blades of shoulders
The sun is ******* screaming, seething and I am so cold
Ice swims in my veins and it hurts!
It ******* hurts, it stings
Im so cold but its so so hot
Its one-hundred and **** myself degrees
The news is baking, heads are frying, you are all screaming because its burning, scorching, sweltering
And I am so ******* cold. Freezing. Chilling. Tundra. I am shaking, I am numb, my lips are blue
Can you see my breath hanging in the air?
Can you see my words dripping off my tongue like icicles?
Im cold.
No, I'm not because you feel hot
Heavenly Feb 2018
Chests arch as if ****** demons are being compelled up by the rough grunts and broken moans
and shuddering nails are digging holes in my back looking for confessions and
hell doesnt even hold screams that thrash in throats like this
The sheets smell like *******, my skin smells like ****, it all smells like sweat, like ***
You are an earthquake in my bones, ribs, my thighs, sending ruptures and pleasure and shock and **** all the way up my spine
Who knew the nightmares could **** so fine?
Heavenly Apr 2018
None of my teeth are bullets
lead does not drip from my spit
you will not find a gun behind my lips, and neither will I
my mouth is mere flesh not a chamber
****** veins packed with vessels of emotions fuel my stammer,
not the rattle of a guns hammer slamming in the back of my throat
All of my words are pumped from my anatomical lungs
I have a soft, pink tongue
and just because what I say isnt metal does not make it debatable
No will always mean red
no matter how pink my **** tongue is
A tender voice does not color my meaning into a maybe, this isnt ******* yellow
My pink tongue is capable of dripping red
if I have to bleed to have my words read, red..
so ******* be it
Heavenly Feb 2018
You fill me.
You fill me with something that if,
That if a house were cemented with it, if a hell was cemented with it,
I could call it home,
I could call you home.
You fill me.
Fill me with something that if asked the meaning of life, this, you,
You would be the awnser.
I am lapping at the shores of my skin, overcoming the brink of my bones.
I feel with you.
Im filled with you.
Heavenly Apr 2018
It was dark when everything screamed, thrashed, thumped and stopped
Oh, it was so still... on the outside
The moment you spit your hatred into me was the second our face dropped
Our skeletons screamed through the cement in a way you could not hide
"I have never hurt that child" you said
Then why am I so scared of you?
And then you threatened to drag me by the hair on my head
With your hand grasped around the throat of my everything, I did what I had to
I ran from you and I ran from pain toxicity and abuse
Even now something aches in my chest and I dont know why
I feel the blood in my heart pooling to form one large, ugly bruise
It was dark when I felt everything in me cry
But the most ******* up thing about this is that I still love you
And thats even after all that you have done too
Heavenly Feb 2018
I just poured out my heart to you
I just ripped truth and fear from my flesh
I offered you my ******* insecurity
And now im petrified in nothing but these bones, naked
I told you, I told you I was scared
I admitted it, even though everything in me shook at the thought of you knowing
God, my 'what ifs' are showing
Do you know how utterly ashamed I am of these?
These pounding questions, these hounding worries make me weak
Do you have any idea how much blood I spilt begging myself to speak?
I am everything with my clothes off, I am nothing with my mouth open
Opened up to you, all my petals plucked and I am **** out of luck
Because all you can do is stare
"I am terrified of the possibility that you might not care"
I just slit open my tongue and wrung out those  ****** words for you
Please, *******, dont just stare
Heavenly Apr 2018
You say I dont know how much you hate me
No. You dont get it. Trust me, I know.
You say I dont know how much you love me
No. You dont get it. Trust me, I know.
Even though your hate screams louder than any kiss you could bare for me
I still feel the splatters of love inking through the angry red
Even when your trying to remind me you love me I feel all the hatred hurling itself against your teeth for me
You say I dont know how much, but you have no idea how much of it I feel
You say I dont get it because all you see is me taking it with a blank face
You dont see how my skin boils when you are spitting venom down my throat
And you dont see the pink flushing in my chest when you bare me one of your "I love yous"
And you dont see my hate, how much mine wishes to rise to get yours out my face when it snarls at me
Because all I show you is my love, because thats how ******* strong I am
You have no idea how much it takes to reign in anger
You see your violent red and think it strong
And you see my tender feats and think me weak
Because you never see the grit of my teeth when I push out my sweet "I love you" instead of the "I ******* hate you right now" that dares to rise for the moment
"Why do you stay?" you ask
Because I dont hate you, I hate your hate
Thats how strong I am
Heavenly Mar 2018
Sometimes I go for so long outside the window I forget the mannerisms of a human race, and what its like to be in a home, to be in my skin
Rather than miles outside of myself hearing and living off everybodies small everythings rather than tending to my own everything
Sometimes I really do leave myself and when I get back, only when im back in my veins do I find the meaning in all of you
Because by then I have found the meaning in all of me
When im missing from my tendons nail a sign to me reading my buisness hours
When all I can find is the meaningless in your meaning tape my ears shut and feed me to the tongues of my world
His name, her name, their names should be on speed dial
Sometimes all I hear is from the outside of an everything that brandishes nothing to me and god when this happens shove me back in to the lining of my skin
It tears at me, everything that somehow always manages to leave this ribcage
Everything that leaves to listen comes back bleeding and feeling like something is missing,
Missing from all of you
But there is nothing missing in your words, they just hold nothing for me, I am just missing a part of me.
So strap me to myself and send my gods with their wars from my speed dial to cement me back into my bones with their saliva
***** me in with teeth

— The End —