Things aren't the same as they once were.
Perverted, our connection, you and I
due to the nature of an incident I procurred.
I miss the endless adoration once pure,
now muddled with a **** up and a "bottom's up!"
I raised the glasses, the bottles, the steins,
witholding truth, I ended with a bolsterous hiccup.
I laid in bed that night, in a drunken stupor,
covering my cold body with a sheet that lied,
hoping to move past so I shan't become part of a looper.
Alas, all was finally revealed and I to blame.
A fool to follow the masses, I couldn't find my own ground.
I should've fought harder, but now, I only feel shame.
I tried to embrace for that's all I knew what to do,
She shoved me into a wall, tears trickle down her face,
And all those barriers that I once broke down,
are now being rebuilt in what feels like the original place.

I don't know what to do.
I've lost all the trust.
Actions over words, she says.
Hit, Stay, or Bust.
I'm trying, lord knows I'm trying,
but in the dead of night,
when no one can hear,
I sit in the bathroom,
failing at holding back all those tears.
"I'm sorry, babe, I'm sorry."
Those words mean nothing now.
Words. Can't. Fix. Everything!

She loves me, which is why she stayed,
giving me a chance to fix the error of my ways.
She musters a smile, but I know that heart of hers is frayed,
but I'll find a way to prove to her that I am what I say:
The man she fell in love with, built on promises of old,
And if I may be so bold when I say, that I promise
our little sweet peas, will learn from this story and uphold,
the honor I had to fight for, and the lesson I had to be told.

I love my woman very dearly.
Sincerely. Purely. Weirdly.
It was once an absurd notion
that such love was a nonexistent commotion.
Still, I find comfort and clarity,
shown through loyalty and trust fairly.

How grey life seems to feel when she not by my side.
Stride back and forth, fingers tapping on wood, the time abides.
When shall I permit this paranoia to subside?
I'll wait. Wait until that smile arrives.

She's loud, but very soft.
With a beautiful body like Lara Croft.
And her mind, oh her mind is such a surreal place,
That even the most detailed star charts couldn't attempt to trace.

I'll lay in bed, thinking of you nestled in my arms,
protecting you from all sources of harm,
kissing your forehead like there's no tomorrow,
shielding your thoughts from all possible sorrow.

I'm always going to want to be hand in hand,
and let all those lustful ones who try to sway, be ******,
because I'll love you infinitely as much as sand.

I sit here in a computer chair,
staring at a screen whom I have no desire to gaze upon.
Question me, please.
I long for the desire to communicate.
A thin line with what is real and what I want to be real.
Steal these thoughts and fortify my heart.

It only takes five minutes in exchange
for carcinogens to take refuge in me.
Rational thought. Calmness. Ease.
I aim to quit, but pilgrimages are often brutal.
End this addiction, it's time.
My lungs cannot breathe through the ash.

346 days. 8304 hours. 498240 minutes.
It's almost been a year since our birth.
I envision her smile hourly. It's intoxicating.
Her skin is that of silk. Her embraces are true
with eyes breaking all of my composure.

I haven't bled in a long time and I miss it.
The crimson water that I excrete
is a sign that I'm still living. breathing. existing.
Only then will I feel real pain; A pain I once felt long ago.
I must remember, to look back and see how far I've come.

I've burnt bridges, toppled mental empires, used people,
let people use me, let rage consume, let depression drown,
and let the emptiness encompass my insides.
Every struggle has led up to this.
So, tell me I am not human..

I'd like to see you try and mean it.

Cars drive through Lemon street like dogs chasing cats.
A pursuit of some sort; higher education or 40 hours a week.
We have grown so accustomed to this definition of us,
But I wonder if they notice that we're categorized weak.

Look back to a time when you had no shackles.
No titles. No labels. No superiority or inferiority.
I cannot remember a time either.
Such is the nature of disparity through lack of sincerity.

Blue collar or white collar, which will you choose?
"Man is born free, and everywhere he is in chains."
You consider yourself an eventual winner, but you still lose;
Something you'll never recreate or revive.

This realization has been planted, imminent fruition.
Question everything, what is it that you want?
That answer will lead to your potential solution
And thus the pilgrimage shall begin.

So, I sit on my concrete plateau overlooking Lemon Street,
Watching the cars passerby from point A to B,
Contemplating if I may find a third path,
Shivering at the acceptance of a future unknown to me.

Aura abound, encircling brood.
Nothingness and everything,
the void is crude.
Dangling ley-lines like nimble string.
What power dost thou string bring?

Master of shadow and flame
and creatures beyond mortal plane,
stealing souls from bodies he's claimed.
Back to the Nether he hides,
twiddling his thumbs, time abides.

Body seems frail, but the heart anew.
Foolishly, he knows your eyes deceive you,
and he waits for the battle to finally ensue.
You can run, sure, but he will pursue,
because your fleeting soul is long overdue.

I gave her a lighter when I told her I'd quit,
but the feeling of death was loving I admit.
So I told her it was over, guess that was a lie,
still filling my lungs with ash, letting them cry

She was heartbroken, but her spirit resolved,
persuading the killer to stop being involved.
I never lit one up in front of those loving eyes,
ashamed of losing out on my greatest prize.


Weeks turned into months, I began to feel weaker,
Lord knows that her concern grew steeper.
Endless coughs broke the silenced night,
But I lit another one up just to spite.

I saw that worried look on her face
and I missed the smile that once took place.
I looked deep inside my own reflection,
realizing the grim future of this toxic infection.

Lit one up then blew it out,
The road to freedom now en route.
She held me close and held me tight
Content that this was the end to her fright.

Train of dreams, where do you lead?
Slumbering visions, I do not see.
A future guided by uncertainty
Clouded clarity, oxymoronic ambiguity

A set path banded by wood and steel
Is this what I'm reduced to?
Lockbox of emotions that which I feel
Shades of gray, gloom pupil hue.

Can I not change this fate?
Going from point A to B,
The heart dislikes, becoming irate.
Mind throwing a mutiny, a firm decree.

Destiny is truly a funny thing.
You can always build a new rail
You're your own conscious being,
So your train shall never derail.