Am I annoying? How bothering can I be? Sometimes I"m just so anxious that I'm just weird all the time, and to be honest, I"m scared most of the time. I can think of a few reasons why but primarily, it's people getting mad at me. I mean, it's fine. I'd be easily irritated at myself, too, if I met me. Another thing is that, because of the way I am, the way I act as a person, people see me as a "pick me" girl. Sure, I like attention and affection, but I"m just anxious a lot. I'm scared I'll be judged then end up doing something really embarrassing. I can never hide from it. It's always there no matter what I do. I've tried many ways to prevent it. No matter what, though, I'm always gonna be seen as that odd girl who lacks a lot of knowledge and acts childish as ****. My mind thinks people only hang out with me because they only feel bad for me. Honestly, though, I'm not surprised. I wonder who I would call friends if I was perfectly okay and my life wasn't a total **** show. Honest to god, though, I"m scared to die, but at the same time, I can't wait till my time has come. Once everything is all over, I can finally be released from my pain. Sure, you'd think I'm exaggerating, but I don't care. I already promised that I wouldn't commit suicide, so don't worry, you're not reading a suicide letter. Unless you never know. A person can always change their minds... sometimes.

Sad to say I got myself attached again
It's like I want to feel so bad even though it ends in pain
I knew what I was walking into and yet it caught me off guard
If I were old enough it'd be the liquor I'll pour

You walk away, do your crusade, then you worry in the end
But you don't care, you just do it to seem like you're in the right
Knowing **** well, you could've lost a friend
but even if I were gone you wouldn't notice me out of sight

I thought it'd be a fairytale with magic
but if I were more attractive this wouldn't have been tragic
Now I have to fake it till I make it
who knows how long I'll be able to take it

When you hold my hand, is it just me?

When you hug me tight, is it just me?

When you tell me you love me, is it just me?

When you say "I'll always be there", is it just me?

Is it too much to ask to be the only one? I know you care in general for everybody but is it bad that I just want it to be just me?

I don't know why, like I fell for you because of your caring nature. But now it's like I'm asking you to stop that but then you being a **** to everyone else would make me dislike you more because you're changing when really I'm asking you to.

Is it just me? Am I the only one that feels this way? Feeling this complicated?..

I need help on my mindset because I don't know what the right way of thinking is now.

For three years I thought, "What's a silver spoon Mom?"
Now I know it's something people like me never have

For three years I thought, "Mom, why don't we have beds?"
Now I know it's the place everyone spends 90% of their life at

For three years I thought, "Why does everyone own a big box?"
Now I know it's a place we call home

Two years later I thought, "Mom, why are you crying?"
She pointed at the silver object in my hand I used to eat

"We're getting there sweetie", she said brightening up with a smile.

So when we first met, I didn't know I was gonna fall for you really hard... but I did and now look at us.

You make me really happy and I just had no idea there was such thing as the feeling I have when I'm around you.

The whole time I never thought me and you were ever going to happen... now we're cuddling, kissing, and just staring in each other's eyes while smiling.

I love it when you play with my hair, I love it when you hold my hand

Now, whenever I see you I turn red and you make fun of it calling it cute, and I do the same with you, especially the first kiss on the cheek

This was so unexpected. Who knew something so great would ever happen to me.. I love you, Mateo