Goodbye

Stuck in a bubble, fighting the struggle
And dying on the inside
Thoughts are racing, the room I’m pacing
How I wish, I could have just cried

Yet there I stood, stuck like mud
A face of full control
Whilst you sat there drunk, lungs full of skunk
And you pushed me into the hole

Please stay away, I need my day
Just to say goodbye
But you came with words, quite absurd
And I tried to believe your lies

What did I expect, you have no respect
Yet I tried to see the best
A lesson in life, it cut like a knife
As I failed another test

I’m paying the price; I’m now cold as ice
Most of the time, I don’t feel
It pained so much, I no longer touch
Was our friendship real?

But you’re better now, so take your bow
Make  jokes about what you did
It ruined me, you didn’t see, so from you, I hid

Now I find it hard, to try to discard
The memories of that day
Replayed in my mind, delete I can’t find
Whilst wondering what he’d say..........

Fight

I fight to eat and I fight to sleep
I fight to lose and I fight to keep
I fight to stay and I fight to go
I’m tired of fighting, it’s starting to show

I fight to live and I’ve fought to die
I fight to keep fighting, I question why
I fight to be happy, the fight makes me sad
I fight to be good whilst the fight makes me bad

I fight for freedom, but the fight has me trapped
Where does it end? It’s all overlapped
If i stop the fight, I don’t think I’ll live
It’s taking its toll, not much left to give

This fight is silent, me against the mind
Some can see it, some are now blind
‘How are you today?’ ‘I’m fine, of course’
You don’t want to know, the smile is forced

Nothing is real yet everything matters
The light has left, my mind is in tatters
My life as I know it, one great big fight
‘I’m fine, of course, I’ll be alright’........

As we stand here, in the winds of change
Our connection and emotions completely rearrange
As we stand here in the ditch of confusion
Is this real love or energetic delusion

Do we keep walking, see what unfolds
Do we have the courage, can we find the gold
Boundaries severed, trust is wearing thin
How did it happen, oh where would I begin

Can we find the magic, is it even there
It starts in the mind not the bodies laid bare
Unconditional love or desperate attachment
A sense of freedom or emotional entrapment

Your only genuine traits, seem to be your lies
You’re only ‘nice words’ are said to criticize
I’m not perfect either, I fire back at times
But I’m controlled by you and your bitter sweet crimes

Can you gently sense, another person's pain?
If you felt the depth, would it ever be the same?

Are you aware of how much they might hide?
Can you comprehend, the fragments that have died?

Do you try to listen, to the words that they don't speak?
Do you see their fight for freedom, and compassion that they seek?

Do you decipher, that vacant look in their eyes?
Do you justify your judgement then forget to question why?

The detail is the void and the truth is the lies
Often misunderstood, as is your look of clear surprise

If you walked those seven years, whilst wearing their shoes
The rain would fall hard, the sun you would lose

Would you find the strength to rise again every day?
Or would you stay locked inside , too afraid to say?

And there she sat with her little black cat and her cauldron of herbs and spices
Book of shadows in hand, perfect spell planned, her magical aura entices

So it be, good luck she'll see, taking her darkness away
Bless her soul, keep her whole, lead her to brighter days
And into the universe it goes, energy far and wide
Patience needed, till the spell has succeeded and on happier days she'll ride

Passion in her heart and mayhem in her mind, a dangerous combination, the two combined....

Barriers rose as we prepared for the war
A battle of two minds, we'd been there before
Protecting our hearts, the walls became higher
Silently willing, someone call a cease fire

Words were so hollow, a battle of the wills
Loaded guns, taking shots for cheap thrills
Opposing minds in each corner of the room
A sense of dread at the impending doom


There were no winners, it's easy to say
Just two broken pieces that had to walk away.

Search, understand, make sense of the signs
As universal energy illuminates our minds
Sceptical at times but in essence we believe
There's celestial truth in all that we percieve

Recurrently pushed down rocky roads
But those rocks have been placed there for us to decode
Realisations, higher selves, awakened minds
Take those lessons forward and the light you'll find

Curiosity killed the cat but I want to know why
A thirst for knowledge that I can't deny
A lifetime of questions in search of the truth
Words are just letters, in the action lies the proof

Harsh truth I can handle, pretty lies I cannot
Moralistic minds, traits that time forgot
Say what you feel and act how you think
Keep it real and the connection stays in sync

A fumbling brow, wondering how, I gave you so many chances
It's clear to me, my eyes now see, you just took total advantage
Rose tinted glasses have shattered, I never mattered, just a toy with whom you played
You twisted my mind, until I became blind, that's the only reason I stayed.

As she moved it was poetry in motion
A product of her chaos and inner commotion
Graceful yet destructive as she leapt through the air
Through her movements her mind was laid bare

Yet those tears still fell softly down her face
Embracing the tears, she picked up her pace
Moving through the motions her mind starts to clear
Releasing her emotions a smile starts to appear

The music ends, she falls to the floor
The turmoil is back.........forever more

Pleasure in the darkness and pain in the light
So much dysfunction that we've now lost sight
Too scared to be happy, we've forgotten how it feels
Comfort in the chaos, the struggle is real

Locked in a room with only insults for walls
Deja vu, echoes of the past call
A manifestation of exactly what we think
Yet we're all so programmed, we can't see the link

We try to help each other but we're ruined as one
Too scared to be alone so we just carry on.

Covering our eyes, distorting our vision
Keeping us locked in, our delusional prison
Is it time to lift these veils of illusion?
Rip away with force, this optical intrusion

But once it's lifted, what will we see?
A flawed you and an imperfect me
We are all mirrors, reflecting one another
What you detest about yourself you'll despise in your lover

Try to see without the veil, the next time you judge
Realising you flaws, should you hold that grudge?
This life is short, no promises of tomorrow
Live through your heart, because time we can't borrow

Writer's block, still in shock from all those times you said I couldn't.
But I'll write these rhymes with this mind of mine and do everything you said I wouldn't.

So I read your letters and I saw more lies
The bad thing is, it came as no surprise
See I always knew way more than you thought
See I always gave way more than you brought

For you I was merely a temporary distraction
My tears and sadness bringing twisted satisfaction
Mind games, manipulation, ulterior motives and lies
All hidden underneath your fake, obvious disguise

You just fail to see the lessons in all
Shifting the blame when responsibilities call
In the end, the biggest loss, well it's always yours
So many new beginnings ending with closed doors

When will you face those demons within?
When you release your ego, let healing begin
you're trapped in the prison of your own making
You're callous and mean, you live life for the taking

For me though, I'll heal, I have a good heart
My new life awaits, right now it will start

Remembering that day, unknowingly the last
Bitter, sweet, haunting, visions of the past
He was vibrant and seemed so free
Wasn't long for this world then gone was he

A courageous man with a great big heart
A viking warrior, right from the start
A magical mind, an enlightened brain
Your big Brother's passed, the violent pain

Three years on and still so sureal
Grief is horrific, how does one heal?
He was my hero, biggest inspiration
A rare intelligence with fierce dedication

We feel him at times, his energy is there
Smiles and sadness, in this we share
I found a white feather on the ground
It's his way of saying, he's still around

Can't bring ourselves to say goodbye
Another question that begins with WHY?

Reality, in truth, is maybe just a dream
A hologram of thoughts, you can choose your own theme
The outside, a reflection, of all that you desire
Keep the mind positive or deficiency may transpire

See we are the actors, our thoughts dictate our roles
A human experience, navigated by our souls
The dream is not as rigid as we are led to believe
The mind can alter circumstance but the mind can still decieve

If everything is energy then keep your vibration high
Vibrate at such a level that the limit becomes the sky
Remember it's YOUR dream and only YOU can change the script
Whatever comes your way, you are more than equipped

Reality, in truth, is maybe just a dream
A hologram of thoughts, things aren't always what they seem

Be the change you want to see
Try not to judge, let others be
The rain will stop, the storm shall pass
Pleasure is pleasing and love can last

Set up for sorrow, it's hard to see
Open your eyes, switch off your tv
Put down the remote and venture outside
Get out in to nature where healing resides

Turn off your phone, log off the net
You'll be surprised with the solace you get
Write a poem, cook a nice meal
Declare your love, see how it feels

Put away the plastic, stop doing your hair
Go back to basics, even though it's rare
Laugh at your troubles, hug it out
Why are you frowning, what's that all about
A sign of the times, the information age
Escape from the trap, break out of your cage

Tell me now, how do you feel
Please keep it up, do we have a deal
Memories last but gadgets do not
Live your life fully, run from the rot

As time sits still, I sit here and wonder
If time exists, this question I ponder
The clock goes around, twenty four hours a day
Time is an illusion, so some say

If time is an illusion then how do we measure
Look back and feel, pain or pleasure
The past is gone, the future, yours for the taking
It's up to you, the memories you'll be making

This game called life well it's fully in your hands
Don't leave it to chance, get on, make those plans
Do the very thing that sets your spirit on fire
Go after everything, what do you desire

And when it's all over what will have you achieved
All that your spirit wanted, previously agreed
As time sits still I sit here and wander
If time exists, this question I ponder

As i move gracefully through the flow
I forget everything, I let myself go
To the music, feeling the beat
The magic is here, enchanting my feet

I whirl slowly around the room
My pointe shoes hurt but I focus on the tune
Practicing hard for the show
Moving my body high and low

When you feel sad, dance they say
Me, I should dance every day
A soul expression, it's from the heart
Dance through the darkness, this is my art

Secret dancer at times, yes, maybe
Hiding myself so others can't see
Terrified at times of outside perception
After many years of harsh introspection

But the show must go on, wind, rain or shine
And If I keep on dancing, I'll be just fine

Just like Alice, down that rabbit hole
Falling fast, sanity is the goal
Down, down, down in the depths of despair
Nothing is as as it should be, gone without a care

But you'll be ok, gosh your so strong
They've been on a loop, those words for so long
Another dark hour, it;s the same every day
You're still alive so apparently you're ok

Oh but darling, you're so dead inside
You've done it before but you sadly survived
Your soul is so damaged, damaged beyond repair
Yearning to be freed from the internal warfare

Can you come back, come back from the dead
Or is it time to lie down and rest that sleepy head

Rough Diamond amongst all that rubble
Enhance your life or create the struggle
A good soul underneath the outta layer
Moralistic or narcissistic player

Beautiful chaos, crazy love
Sent from hell or the heavens above
Does their darkness bode well with yours
Always a risk, effect and cause

But what if you're cracked, a bit broken maybe
And the other is too, then pain there will be

Maybe we can break down the barriers together
Keep trying even though it won't last forever

Falling backwards through a poisonous hedge
Standing at the window, at the edge of the ledge
Swimming out to sea with weights in your clothes
Swallowing the pills, bought from those rogues

Hanging from the ceiling with a noose around your neck
Cutting wrists the right way, oh the lives it would wreck
But I could be happy and able to sleep
But the others would suffer, no benefits to reap

Make the choice to stay, put others first
Work on yourself, ignore the dark thirst
Life is for living and live you will
When the outside is moving, keep the thoughts still

Release the control and go with the flow
Forget about everything you already know
Learn those lessons, keep a kind heart
Be the innocence you were at the start

It's like a dark cloud that looms high above
Seeping into everything, the opposite of love
You can't really see it, but it's always there
You will hear it at times, but only if I share

The rawness is real, not for most ears
Don't like to divulge, can't see your tears
Everything is void as the black rain falls
Here's the cloud again, the obvious calls

The heavy pull begins, I'll fight fire with fire
I'm stronger than you think, and an excellent liar

Show me the way to hear mermaids singing
Instead of this obscurity I seem to be bringing
Show me the way to be happy and free
To let go of fear and somehow find me

Show me a way to get back to the good
To release all this hatred like I know I should
To release this turmoil and find my calm
To practice self love instead of self harm

To look in the mirror and like what I see
To not be scared of what stares back at me
The time has come, I pray it's not too late
To **** this demon, to leave this state

See me I'm confused, don't trust anymore
Is it human nature, evil to the core
Too many questions and the absence of answers
Depression my dear, you're my sadness financer

Inner voice, hello, there you go again
You come and you go but your usually the same
You know so much yet I still distrust
Listen to you intently now this is a must

Intuition,gut feelings, higher power and more
I hear you, I feel you, deep down in my core
It's a gift that you were given aged five
That gift you were given, it's kept you alive

It's taught you some lessons, both good and bad
It's helped your emotions, both happy and sad
It's made you quite blunt, you call what you see
Losing friends and lovers, that feeling is key

A form of protection, an inner radar
knowing things that others don't, especially from afar
Energy and vibes also known as sixth sense
You're lucky to have this gift but your ******* intense

Sat here observing, you think you're so cool
You're on your 12h line, you look like a fool
The ego is out with wild dominant force
You're back in that bubble, a chemical course

It's quite sad to see you this way
The path of destruction, the price that you pay
For you have lost everything and yet you don't see
Can't enable anymore and next you'll lose me

You don't feel the loss or the damage you've done
Your brain's that ****** up, I now need to run
Guilt plays a big part in why I chose to stay
Your blame game did this, hope you understand one day

See I've started to see this is no life for me
I choose love and life and successful I'll be
You still need to wander that dark lonely road
Destroying yourself whilst your morals erode

When love ends, madness begins
One person loses, the other one wins
You both become strangers, but that's ok
Cut him off, move forward, it's just the best way

Wish him the best, or hope for the worst
It's your decision, blessing or curse
Was it real love or did loneliness surfice
If it's the latter, you still pay the price

Paid with your emotions, it's the currency of care
But we were meant to be together, think that if you dare
It never ends well and people are damaged
You took on too much, way more than you'd manage

The battles were drawn and I pushed him away
Couldn't have him close, he's a bad one they'd say
So here we are now, right back at the start
Strangers with distance, many miles apart

I'm not really sure if I can wish you the best
I'd like it if I could, I'd be really impressed