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Aug 2021 · 93
I Only Dream In Rain
Noxx Aug 2021
On the worst of days, I had nightmares of civility.

the calm I once craved, that which gives me breath

the very thought fills me with dread.

Promises unfulfilled, years later, forgotten.

But this time, they’re better left lost.


I never asked for this now.

Reminders of my lacking.


On the worst of days, I could still hear

the tearing of pages. Words pushed between

feathers half-hoping no one would hear
them.


Sometimes I think you did.

Sometimes I think you heard every word I craved,

took each one and pinned them to your eyelids

just to help you remember. Because you wanted to remember


On the worst of days, I still have nightmares

of civility, or savagery, I can no longer tell.

The quiet I thought I deserved within reach

only separated by the wall of actuality.

To think the hopes pulsing so lively in my veins

saw themselves stop with no intention of returning.

To this day, I still have nightmares

even as the rain stopped pouring.
Noxx Jun 2020
I find myself clawing at the rays of light.
The way they flood and cease. Rivers to droplets
seeping through the cracks in the wooden walls.
They run through the gaps in my fingers too,
sometimes they go right through me.
Blood and veins glowing from the seams.
I can never figure out where they come from.
Or why they choose to illuminate me.
There are beauties in the world that beg
to be seen. They deserve the light I receive.
I want to give it all away. My spot in the visible.
Give me the silence of the dark. The empty
that surrounds. I’ve longed to wear it again
like a second skin; cold and comfortable.
I want to return to the dark I know I am worth.
Unseen, unheard, unbroken.

I like the light that bathes me.
and how it feels like wind.
But I feel the way it cuts
and I think it’s been too long.
May 2018 · 310
Retreat
Noxx May 2018
Theres no more room for lingering words
What has been said is all that can be
Because the letters left with your finger tips
As they passed what's left of mine.
My ears stay numb save for the last exhausted goodbye.
Apr 2018 · 382
Sanatorium
Noxx Apr 2018
It's been 45 minutes since the last time I felt my own heart beat. People don't usually think about it while it's going but it always seemed too loud to me. Like rain drops falling on thin sheet roofs on sundays when you planned to go out. Maybe it's the quiet. The kind that never quite cut through, always drowned out by the monotonous drone of humps and beats in the chest but this time it did. This time I heard quiet. Only the low hum of wind passing through slit beneath the door remained. And you sat there, watching, like something was supposed to happen. You sat there, waiting, even when room went dark.
3 am Prose block
Apr 2018 · 313
New Year’s Thunderstorm
Noxx Apr 2018
The last few months have been horrible
like wind next to your voice
there isn’t any connection but lightning
the whole point is to do better
than the ones that don’t have control
the crowd put a border around you
someone will encourage you to just give up
You’re being buried under thousands
of other people talking.

It’s better safe than sorry. Say “Hello,
welcome” Ask them questions; don’t argue
You are not the best at this but try

Set up a stream. Watch it set.
someone may join, keep going.
even when things go wrong.
Source material:
http://codedgames.com/10-tips-for-starting-a-twitch-channel/
Feb 2018 · 345
Promises
Noxx Feb 2018
When day break faded into dusk, youth
crumbled with folly. I was needed.
so I promised I'd be strong

When your faulty fingers fell into
the openness of mine. I was wanted.
so I promised I'd be strong

When the voices once hiding bared fangs
and solace left with silence. I was lost.
but I promised I'd be strong.

When I searched for only sanity
but found cigarettes instead. I was burning
I can't promise to be strong.
refrain.
Aug 2017 · 316
Unrest
Noxx Aug 2017
I like to imagine my body
****** and riddled with holes
across the sidewalk pavement
For nothing greater than for love
Love for the people I know
For the people I dont
For the hope that tomorrow,
There wont be another like me
For every martyr has a mother
And every mother needs her son
The Philippines is killing itself.
Mar 2017 · 453
Dear, Mother
Noxx Mar 2017
You've such a beautiful smile

you give it to everyone you see

I wish  you'd keep one for yourself though.

but no matter.

You can have my smile for today

and for every tomorrow to come.
Luv u mama
Mar 2017 · 621
Intravenous
Noxx Mar 2017
I was born with glass in my veins

Let the shards out through slits in the wrist

But somehow a few found its way to my heart

With equal part pain and equal part promise

To bring me an end in the most colorful of fashions

A rush of bright red out the chest

And a flush of pale white in my face

I wondered what it was like to love

But then again, I guess I always knew
Mar 2017 · 521
Duality
Noxx Mar 2017
Some poems I write on paper
Paper I'll burn later that day
So that all that'll remain
Are the beats in my chest
And the aches in my head

Some poems i hold on to
So that after years from writing
When memory fails
And hearts beat to different tunes
All that'll remain
Are words inked on paper.
Aug 2016 · 270
Again
Noxx Aug 2016
They tell me lightning won't strike me again
but then again, when
have hollow words wavered will
wrought of steel,
we'll feel fire
formed from dying sparks
fading hearts, long walks in parks
darkness drenched in rain
maybe it could numb the pain
it would, it should, maybe
it could do good
mended masks on burnt faces
found in places showing stolid smiles
sewn under tired eyes
hours fly, farewells, goodbyes
cut ties
but
I swear to you
lightning will strike me again
and all I'm wondering is
when
Still hoping for my lightning
Jun 2016 · 374
Untitled
Noxx Jun 2016
It's not that I'm not loved.

I am. I know

I know that I have friends and family who love me

and I know that even you, darling, love me. I guess..

But why is it that....

I am never loved the most?

I know, spare me the lecture, I know that I am loved

but I also know that time spent with me is stagnant air

times spent with me are cancelled plans with another

times spent with me are a rain check for another day

times spent with me are placeholder names on a table

times spend with me are proxy representatives

time spent with me is pepsi because they ran out of coke


I know I know I am not the sun

I am not the light in anyones lives

and I am certainly not the center.

I do not stand out

I do not distinguish myself

I am not outstanding

and I am barely scratching the threshold

of just "ok"


I know that you loved me

and maybe you still do.

and I really hope you're happy with her now

but know I still wonder why

why is it you loved her more.
May 2016 · 416
Cellar
Noxx May 2016
Do you remember
last year when you thought I'd become an alcoholic
you thought that I'd kissed a bottle more than I did you
thought that the heat and the sting felt better to me
than the warmth and comfort of your touch
you thought that I'd get lost in loops of days and nights
of bottles and flasks and you feared
with all your heart that you would lose me

So I stopped drinking

and then you left.
and you took with you all the best parts of me
all the parts that mattered, that kept me sane
left with you in the back pocket of your light blue jean shorts
tucked inside an envelope labeled "Stable"
after you left it all went rickety
like shabby old doors barring paths to rooms
I hoped would never open again
rooms that kept behind the demons you helped me hide
demons we knew we couldn't destroy so we learned to live
with them just sitting, listening. Waiting. and now you've left
they're breaking out. In hordes they come
screaming out pent up curses waiting for my blood
and the is no beverage strong enough that
can take your taste from my lips
or numb my fingers from your touch
or blur my mind from your memory
or burn your soul from my body
now there is only me
and this empty bottle
you took from me everything
May 2016 · 304
Clouds
Noxx May 2016
You came at night
where no light ever survived
from the night you arrived
but no you werent blind
you had a spark lit in side
and it let you see
beneath my sea
and crashing waves
graves that filled my head
all of them wishing me dead
graves of my words and dreams
you shared your light in beams
like streams into my sea
see, you never were the pain
you were all I stood to gain
and again and again
since I was ten
just a page without a pen
then with lighting
you came as rain
you were all that kept me sane
but all was sadly lost
cause to be sane one heart's the cost
wow so many poems
May 2016 · 359
Carousel
Noxx May 2016
Do you remember?
because I do.
that day when you spoke
the three words
that brought me to tears
breathing heavy
heart beat racing.
hands shaking

I love you

Do you remember?
because I do.
that day when you spoke
the three words
that brought me to tears
breathing heavy
heart beat racing.
hands shaking

*I'm leaving you
I'm still waiting
May 2016 · 512
Storm
Noxx May 2016
So much power
Contained within metal.
You feel the cold pressed on to your head
and like the gods you begin
a crescendo of thunder and and lightning
a roar and a flash
then quiet.
Only quiet
May 2016 · 313
Not My Song
Noxx May 2016
I pushed you away
when you loved me the
most
what have I done
what have I done

now the nights all gray
I dont want to run
dont want to run

maybe the storms finally blown over
and I can see my smoking gun
know you werent just a lover
darling, you were the sun
you were the sun

so farewell, goodbye
goodbye, farewell
or maybe this isnt it?
maybe youre not
youre not, youre not
dont with all of my *******

but I dont know how to tell you
that maybe I am through
I am through, with you
(I love you)
no, I'm definitely not
through
with you
So a friend gave me the fist part and asked me to help her write a song. This is my first time ever writing a song-type thingo
Apr 2016 · 311
Sometimes
Noxx Apr 2016
Sometimes I wonder
whatever happened to that girl
the one I talked to
'til 2 am about everything
about her intricacies
and weaknesses
and vulnerabilities
and hopes and dreams and regrets
I still dream of that girl.
The one that would hold me tight
on nights where cold cut far past skin
and on days when the sun shone second brightest

I still dream of that girl.
and hope she's doing fine.
I hope she still writes poems like before
with ink flowing like blood
I hope she gets enough to eat
she's always been so thin
I hope she remembers to love herself every once and awhile
and I hope she still remembers me
because I remember her
and I don't think I'll forget soon

please.
remember me.
oh to remember
Apr 2016 · 500
Promise
Noxx Apr 2016
I lay there. Back to the earth
eyes to the sky, walls broken
teeth chattering from cold
with only stars and moonlight

I spoke of you.
spoke of you oh so fondly
to your friend who saw my pain
"it's going to hurt" she says
"it already does" I say
"it's going to keep hurting" she says
"I know" I say
"are you ready?" she asks
"no"
"but are you still going to wait?"
"yes"
I will wait
Noxx Apr 2016
These walls you've built
the ones you hide behind
like skin worn at clubs and bars

its the surface you.

but I know who you are.
there was nothing you ever had to prove
to me you were perfect
but, my love
that just isn't the way
I'm afraid you're going to lose yourself further
and further
and further
and I know you're flying
you always have been
and you will continue to fly for long after all is gone

and I won't be the one to keep you anchored on the ground

but please
don't fly too close to the sun
I'll be here when you want to come back down.
and if your wings melt off
I'll be here to catch you before the ocean does
friend wrote this mostly
Apr 2016 · 273
I Move For You
Noxx Apr 2016
When I look around

At all the fallen poets around me

Friends, family, strangers.

I think of you.

You who blessed my fingertips

You who gave my heart so much

And took a way much more

I think of how

Your hand no longer

Moves as mine does.

But I know.

I truly know you are happy

Where you are.

But I stand here,

With ink and sorrow,

To live out what you gave me.

A hand that writes

And a heart alight
It's still you.
Noxx Apr 2016
I

Oh how fitting

To begin with a kiss the would put fairy tales to shame

Lights in the air and in the sky

With fingers intertwined like locks with lost keys

I held you. And you held me

The same air filling our lungs

Beneath the lights we danced and danced

Until we just stopped

Standing there. Tired and drunk on the night

Few words were said in that time

But at the end of it we kissed

you pulled me in because you knew i wouldn't

You knew I was afraid

But you knew I wanted to.




II**

Now there I was, years later

Eyes red from rain. Motionless

Motionless as I watch you walk away

...I guess I've always been watching you walk away

I took your hand

With a hand that spoke longing, need, want and fear above all else

Like the last breath of fresh air I would ever have

I held you in my lungs for as long as I could

I pulled you in.

At the basement of a car park

Beneath the glow of a fluorescent bulb

Serenaded by screeching tires of people who needed to be places.  

Our lips touched. For the last time.

And I let go

Because I knew you wouldn't

I knew you were afraid to hurt me

But I knew you wanted to.
A fond farewell
Noxx Apr 2016
You gave me a jar once.
It was painted black and labeled
"100 reasons why I love you"

Inside were 100 little green papers
with notes and memories
each individual piece reminding me
that I am not all bad.
That not all in the vortex of my mind is twisted
each piece gave me hope
hope I wasn't just a broken glass
useless.

The first time I told you
"I don't think you love me"
You looked at me with a face that spoke
equal parts anger and sadness
you told me
"Believe me or not, it's the truth"
And so I did.

Fast forward 3 years and countless lies later
you told me
"I never told you to trust me"
and you didn't
But what am I supposed to think
when you tell me
"Believe me or not, it's the truth"
was that not a challenge?
That somehow, you would prove my skepticism wrong
that even though you knew, you didn't deserve it
you hoped I would give you trust?
because I gave it.
I gave you a lot of things

A lot of things I can never have back
some things I do not want back

You gave me a lot of things too
Hope being one of them.
You gave me hope that I was more
hope that I was enough

You gave me a lot of things.
Happiness, anxiety, sadness, security
a hole in my chest
that hurts more than any piece of steel
run across my skin
a complex that reminds me
that I'll only ever always be 2nd to another
and
a reminder that I shouldn't trust so much...
not even the people I love.

And you also gave me a jar once
It was painted black and labeled
"100 reasons why I love you"
Inside were 100 little green papers
with notes and memories
but now it seems
they were just 100 little lies
that got the better of me.
Finally writing after so long
Feb 2016 · 308
The Days
Noxx Feb 2016
But what about the days

the days we wake up with a sigh

and we can't help but ask why

why o' why did I not die

in my sleep. We do our best

"am I not strong like all the rest"

"Has life just put me to the test"

full of questions and no solutions

no rest or retribution

am I destined to live like this

begging god for a clear wrist

Soon I'll be gone and not be missed

Soon I'll be gone like all the rest
Noxx Feb 2016
We look
At shooting stars with eyes of hope
That maybe god will help us cope
Or we wont be found at end of rope
At shooting stars we ask for hope.
We ask for hope.
We ask for hope.

We stare
At fading scars with eyes of pain
You wonder if beneath was vein
And maybe next I'll aim for my brain
With this in turn might end the pain
Might end the pain
Might end the pain.
Been awhile since I've written anything
Jan 2016 · 293
The Last Time
Noxx Jan 2016
The last time I tried to **** myself

they took away all my blades and pills and knives

hidden in boxes behind the oven.

They thought they were helping

They weren't.

The Cuts.. they help.

they let out the pain, anxiety, uncertainty, loneliness

anger, frustration, feelings of worthlessness

that found its way into my blood.

Let out in little, manageable incisions that kept me

sane.

The pills... they numbed my head.

Kept at bay all the worst thoughts

my mind came up with.

I remember my mom once told me

"Martin, Ideas a powerful thing

they can either hurt or help"

Well, mom never told me my own ideas

they could hurt ME.

because these wounds in my head

I'm pretty sure they're self-inflicted.

words weaponized and sent barreling down at me

Flowing, like fire. Facing myself

in the warfare of my own thought.

Knowing my own weaknesses and vulnerabilities

With precise strikes I tear apart my sanity



So yeah. Taking my pills.

Did not help.



Instead, they left me here.

Alone, to deal with myself,

unarmed with nothing but a pen and some promises that everything-

will be-al-right



They won't.



Now I'm here

Holding the last blade I have.

Found taped on a page of this journal.

A page entitled "My Fail-safe"

and the cold steel

if brings back the comfort of fond memories

and the smell of metal and blood indistinguishable.

I've held in so much since last I held this blade

and now, I can finally let it out

for

the last time
Jan 2016 · 270
Go
Noxx Jan 2016
Go
Go.

Out into the world.

With storms and salty seas

And scorching heat and sand

With flowing rivers and forests

Degrees of wonder from stone to boulder

People from all over.

Each with faces painted.

Different stories and songs

That would bring you to tears.

Or fill you with joy.

Go

Out.  And have your fill.

And once you've seen all there is to be seen

Felt all there to feel

And loved all manners of people.

I'll be here.

Waiting.

Right where you left me.
Now. Go
Jan 2016 · 726
Dry
Noxx Jan 2016
Dry
I think maybe

I gave too much

For too long

It feels like theres nothing

Left to take.

Nothing left to give.

And the center of my body

Where I  used to keep

Every whisper of love for you

For me. For everyone.

It just feels

Lighter.

It may be empty now.

But thats me now.

Nothing like before

But thats me now.

Now, the cold.

The cold doesn't hurt so much
Everyday older is another day colder.
Jan 2016 · 342
Faded
Noxx Jan 2016
I haven't written much since you left

grocery lists, some reminders maybe?

"Feed dogs 11:30 am"

" 1 carton milk
a dozen eggs"

A couple of Christmas cards

"To my dearest brother
have a merry Christmas"

It seems the beauty in my words

left with you

I filled out a few forms at the doctors

"Name:
Age:
Address:
Contact #: "

But the words weren't beautiful like before

the world lost its color

vibrant reds, yellows and blues

reduced to blacks whites and grays

but I'm still waiting

waiting for it all to come back.
I am sorry
Dec 2015 · 791
Weights
Noxx Dec 2015
I held out my hand to you and said

"lets leave behind everything we no longer need as we enter the New Year"

You looked at me, smiled, then walked away




"Oh"
Im sorry
Dec 2015 · 719
New Year
Noxx Dec 2015
As the new set of days rolls in

I am overcome with dread

Over the truth that nothing...

Nothing really changes tomorrow

At least no more than any other day.

I guess this is it

Welcome to the New Year
Live it up
Dec 2015 · 293
Object (10w)
Noxx Dec 2015
You loved what I could do for you, not me.
Deal with it.
Dec 2015 · 248
This Is Not A Poem
Noxx Dec 2015
This is a message.

The last one you'll get from me

1) I love you.

2) you loved me. But not anymore

3) I do not need space. I've only ever needed two things. First is air and next is you

4) of all the things in your life that took up your time. I was the first and only one to fall

5) Don't say I took up too much of your time when you mean you grew tired of me

6) you asked me to wait, but you won't be coming back.

7) you will find someone better

8) I'll wait.

9) you've let go.

10) I will not.

As I've said, this is not a poem.

It is a message. The last one I'll send you for awhile
Dec 2015 · 285
Cheers
Noxx Dec 2015
My nights were too long

So you left

with every part of me

that mattered.



Goodbye.
But I will wait.

It will not be a very merry christmas
Dec 2015 · 319
3 symptoms of death
Noxx Dec 2015
First of all you must know that death
Does not always come in bright flashes
of black and red.
Sometimes, he comes in subtle waves
of blue and green.
Death does not always appear so suddenly
sometimes death crawls. Inches its way
into your heart and makes itself loved.
Enticing the victim with peace and warmth
do not listen.

one.
It starts with the first day you can't get out of bed.
The first day death holds you down and embraces you.
With your arms weighed down by lead shackles
and every breath you take takes in sand in place of air

two.
Death is now your friend
and you welcome him freely inside not knowing
what he has planned for you.
At this point you may find red streaks all over your body
in the form of cuts and scratches
He will tell you its's because he's trying to get out.
He will convince you that these cuts.....
they will make you better.
He will maintain that it is true because
He says that you'll bleed out the broken shards
of glass left inside your veins.
Afterwards he will ask
"Now, doesn't that feel better?"
it will.
and then maybe
He will tell you about the pills.
He will tell you that these pills are special.
Made specially for you to cure the crazy you thought you always had
the crazy you probably always had...
you don't really remember anymore.
He will tell the best part of the pills
He will tell you that it doesn't matter what kind
you just have to take enough and it'll be ok.

three.
the last sign that death has invaded your body
is this.
You will wake up in the morning with little to no recollection
of all you've been through. You go about your day as if
all is right with the world.
but at night, you find yourself sitting at the ledge
of your 25th floor apartment window .
then
He's in.
it's been a bad few days and weeks and years
Nov 2015 · 765
Tuesday Nights
Noxx Nov 2015
I am nothing to you
I am not the first taste
of love left on your lips
and I wont be the last

I am the breath between
the verses of your life
and
I'll never be your song

I am the faded hues
of blue in your restless
eyes
I'll never be your rest

I'm the war in your chest
war waged against my heart
never
will i love you again

I am cold autumn winds
howling in space, so please
sleep
and I will be just fine
and eyes never sleep
Nov 2015 · 1.1k
A Note
Noxx Nov 2015
Here is a letter
Because my hand moves
More smoothly and fluid
Than my tongue and my
Blood rolls down my finger-
Tips painting pages better
Than words roll past my lips
To speak poetry so...
One. I'm sorry i hurt you
You let me into the darkest
Parts of you and I, like a child
Holding a bucket of paint
In a white room, ruined you
I'm sorry.
Two. You forgave me.
Thank you.
You wiped clean every streak
Of pain i drew on your walls
and yes, i left some stains
But you are beautiful still.
You always have been.
Three. You love me, and I
Love you.
I do not believe love is magic
Love is patient as you are with
Me and it is quiet
Like i am with you and love
Love is human.
It lives and dies
And i hope it dies with me
Four. You will lose me
One last time. Before the end
I will hurt you and everyone
I hold dear. One last time.
Five. I will never tire of seeing
Your face. It will keep me sane
In our years apart.
And six. I will wait. Here where
Its calmer. I will wait for when
Your hair grays and teeth yellow
And when your memory shifts
Like sand and you forget us
I will wait. And when you finally
See me here
Seven. I will listen to every story
You had since i left and i will hear
About every single morning you
Spent with another and i will
Eight. I will tell you i love you. For
The first time since i left i will tell
You again, i love you. Fresh
Off my tongue like the first time
I uttered those three words
I love you.
wrote it all in a blur
Oct 2015 · 661
This Is A Question
Noxx Oct 2015
Are my words worth reading?

How long does it take you to decide?

3 lines in?

Maybe 4?

If you made it this far, what do you think?

Do you think my words will be

Only just what you want to see?

Words of love or pain

or whats lost or maybe found?

Could this be written in blood

trickling down my fingertips?

Could my words be only yawns

and sighs or relief or retreat?

Could they be calls....

warning the the weary wanderer

reading.

Could my words mean nothing

Just plain, empty ink

sprawled across the smooth white plain?

Could I have wasted your time?

Wasted each movement of your eye

as it pans across the cold, hard screen.

You tell me.

You're the one who read this far.
Find meaning in everything.
Oct 2015 · 266
I was Wrong
Noxx Oct 2015
Well, you did it.
You left me. And though
you maintain that you did it
for me
I will always believe you did it
because of me

Because from day one I knew
I'd love you far more
than you would ever love me
and I knew I could be the clouds for you
I gave all of me. To you.
In the rain, but you let me through you
you let the pieces of me roll off your skin
like droplets of rain that fell to the ground
and seeped down far beneath the earth
to where I am now
which I can only assume to be hell
because you're not here. And I am.


I  l̶o̶v̶e̶d  love you.
and I really thought you were the one
and you told me I was the one.
But I held on too tight. I know I'm sorry
I messed up too much. I know, I'm sorry
and when you said I needed to learn to live
on my own I said
Ok, I'm sorry.

But I thought
finding the one meant you never had
to know how to be alone again
I thought finding the one
meant you would never have to feel alone
again
I thought finding  the one meant
I would never have to feel my head pounding
and my heart racing in a crowded room
because I felt alone because
I thought I'd have you.

It seems I thought wrong.
wrong like when I actually believed you
when you said
you l̶o̶v̶e loved me.
Sudden flows of inspiration
Sep 2015 · 398
Storms
Noxx Sep 2015
People say I'm lonely
but underneath gales and waves of solitude
I am not lonely
I am alone.

Just as I should be
I hear your words fly around me
As if I'm oil in the sea of people

But I am the blinding lightning
I am the roaring winds
I am the torrential downpour
and I am sorry

I am sorry for all of me
I am sorry for all my screams
that thundered through your skies

I am sorry for my tides.
Tides of love that flooded
through your veins

I am sorry for all of me.
But light comes.
My winds fall silent.
Light breaks through my skin.
Thunder and Lightning disappear

So please, stop worrying
I am dying down.
Just please, wait me out.
It's that season again here in the Philippines.
Sep 2015 · 496
Worry
Noxx Sep 2015
You tell me not to worry
as if it's something I can turn off
like it's something to get over
like it's something I should just
stop

You tell me to stop worrying
but that's like telling me to stop breathing

And all I want to say is I've tried both
and neither worked out.
maybe I will stop worrying someday
Sep 2015 · 624
Stars
Noxx Sep 2015
I shut my mouth
and burn inside
all of the things
I just can't hide
the rules of life
I can't abide

So please

Someone stop
my burning star
from burning up
my bleeding heart
*collapses internally*
Sep 2015 · 383
Nowhere Closer
Noxx Sep 2015
Please tell me what I've done
is it my name
is it my hard
I'm sorry it's not like yours
I'm sorry it's different
I've tried hard
to be like all of you
that maybe one day
I'll walk with all of you
but I've worked so hard
done so much
and I'm still no closer to heaven
nowhere close to heaven
maybe.
just maybe
I can go back to sleep
Please, let me sleep.
my grip is slipping
Aug 2015 · 374
Anger
Noxx Aug 2015
"I forgot about my blood"
Whispered under breath
with eyes quaking
skin laced with sweat
grime
breaths deep and labored
surrounded by white
tiled walls
painted with crimson brush strokes
of tattered knuckles
"I swear, I really forgot"
I go from angry to guilty real fast
Aug 2015 · 332
Hope
Noxx Aug 2015
People ask me
where I get the courage
to do the things I do
like jump down 5 flights of stairs
or juggle knives
or run through rush hour traffic
but they don't know
That I wouldn't mind
if things went wrong
sometimes

**I hope they do
from 2012
Jul 2015 · 438
Relapse
Noxx Jul 2015
We don't get better.

We just get used to the hurt.
Jul 2015 · 336
Journies
Noxx Jul 2015
I've been to places unimaginable

I've fought beast on planes unfamiliar

killed demons within

walked on fields of glass

and waded through oceans of fire

only to not love you

but I still do.
from the bank
Jun 2015 · 335
In Me You Saw
Noxx Jun 2015
I was a broken toy
with uses finished
food long gone bad
a ticket long past date
but you picked me up
and saw not garbage

In me you saw brand new
Happiness
In me you saw comfort
after a horrid day at school
In me you saw silence
after screams and shouts of anger
In me you saw laughter
like a milk mustache or children in snow

In me.... you saw sadness
Sadness you spend your life trying to escape
Sadness you hate
you loathed
but still, sadness you let in

In me you saw madness
it was madness I saw in me too
but still you loved me

So in you, oh divine, you
I see purpose
and it's all I've ever needed.
I dont deserve your forgiveness but you gave it to me still.
Jun 2015 · 849
Paint
Noxx Jun 2015
You saw me
Saw me break my fingers
and petrify the pieces
so that your hand would never
fit between them again.

But you forced your fingers through
through the sharp rock that tore flesh
and shards of bone that pierced deep
you held my hand and smiled
A smile fleeting, staying only a second
but a smile that spoke poetry
and paragraphs kept at bay
parts of me I no longer needed
fear, loneliness, pain

But you did not love me for the new
you did not love the words I spoke to other
rehearsed behind routine smiles and laughs
you loved me for scars that hid beneath skin
You called them tattoos
Speaking stories and tales
and you said that made me a painter
and a writer
Writing in a flurry.
Jun 2015 · 779
Beside myself
Noxx Jun 2015
I know I'm not good enough for you
It's cause you're amazing
everyone one loves a talented, intelligent, beautiful girl
I'm barely scratching the edge of just ok
"She could do so much better"
Something I hear in my head
the soundtrack stuck on repeat
"She's too good for you"
I whisper to myself.

"You're never going to be good enough"
I know.
Help me
help me
help me
Help me be good enough.

"You're hopeless"
I know

"And she is hope"

*I know
*hides under rock*
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