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Srijani Sarkar Apr 2019
My mind is constantly fighting
To convince me
That I do not like writing as much as I thought I did
I still write because it's what I have been doing for some time now
Even if it doesn't make sense to me now or ever
I still do it
Because I lack purpose
And I don't know what makes me happy
So I write fighting my mind
constantly giving up and then resorting
To pen down what I don't feel in a moment
People tell me that I can write
And then I tell them it makes me happy
But the truth is it makes me less miserable sometimes
A feeling of puking out my acidic thoughts on the table
That are underlined with fear of these people
I try not to care about my mind or the overactive people in it
And I blot words like I have a lot of time and money...
Someday, I'll stop because words come to those who seek it not survive on it.
Sep 2018 · 416
Lover and God
Srijani Sarkar Sep 2018
Your lover
shouldn't be
your God.
Aug 2018 · 1.3k
s m a l l
Srijani Sarkar Aug 2018
I'm so small
smallest
dot
explosion
patience
distance
time
existence
maybe smaller.
Aug 2018 · 4.5k
i want you to beat me up
Srijani Sarkar Aug 2018
i want you to beat me up
real bad
please please let me bleed completely
before infancy clots at the back of my mind
don't wait for me to be tired
break me all at once
grind my feelings into a powdery mess
so that when someone enters our bedroom they slip on the floor and see a stretch mark-ed ceiling
to not know pain but just how ironical numbness is
                      and then hug me
like you would a voodoo soft toy
with the scratched leather wings
of a bewitched witch who has seen it all sober
but still can't tell a sheep's wool from snakeskin
caress my dilapidated knees
without once telling me to stand up on my own or for myself
all i want from you is
to **** me at dawn
i'll know that i was loved
enough or.... at least.
Jul 2018 · 1.8k
Morning blue night
Srijani Sarkar Jul 2018
Morning blue night
pouring into our time,
dying seems so sweet in silence.
Srijani Sarkar Jul 2018
I am having writer's block
and experiencing all this anger
and hunger and love and regret,
I feel like I just don't have a bowl
for all these incredible feelings.
I just don't have enough respect for words anymore.
I want to make a cake out of this psychedelia
and I don't even have a sweet tooth.
Where do I put all of it?
Not how.... where?
I feel like drinking water without pills is vain.
Air left in my stomach
makes my mind a ****** stalker
who'll chase you down the road
suddenly have concussions and die in front of you
and make you call the police for a whole new different reason.
Writer's block is ghost town
and I am still human without a soul.
How to die beautifully?
Perhaps when the sun shines the brightest in the dusk
burning everyone more than ever.
Apr 2018 · 308
Home is far
Srijani Sarkar Apr 2018
What do you feel
after losing this particular battle?
Sitting in an empty farmland,
a speechless sky.
Get up now.
Home is far,
your mother is dead.
You only want water right now,
not love not memories.
In this moment
air is existing better than you
the horizon is more depressed than you because it knows home is beyond
and others are dying
others will die before you
Home is far
the distance is not the issue,
realisation of stars in a lonely night sky is.
Who wants to walk miles
after killing thousands of bad monsters in real life?
Home is far, I know.
Home is believable.
Home is the light you see
everytime you blink.
Mar 2018 · 733
Memories are not refundable
Srijani Sarkar Mar 2018
I sold this moment
for the price of

momentary happiness.


Memories are not refundable.
#today #now #moment #memories #time #life #people #momentary #happiness #bliss #refundable #price
Mar 2018 · 16.5k
Beautifully painful
Srijani Sarkar Mar 2018
I think
as artists
we owe a lot to pain.

Put on
a robe of thorns
and write

about the nice weather outside
and that delicious burger
you had today.

Write about happiness
when you're in pain-
beauty.
Mar 2018 · 515
Spring is an epidemic
Srijani Sarkar Mar 2018
These red rashes on my skin
flowers blooming
one by one
of different colours
on the same tree
several now
all over me
the rashes
almost hide the tree
when spring is an epidemic.
Love is like flowers and rashes and spring is like poetry.
Mar 2018 · 1.8k
Syria
Srijani Sarkar Mar 2018
Raindrops forget to
drop
a drop
dropping slowly
the rain forgets to stop
stop
plop
a plop of blood in the ocean of firestorm
now death opened
like an unturned boat in the
middle of the world
to receive the last plummet of hope,
last blessing
in a humane drop from above
above
the above has
no rain for the next season
the winds are afraid to return.
Save Syria. Save humanity. Save the word 'save'.

Notice the stutter in the poem due to fear.
Feb 2018 · 591
Fall
Srijani Sarkar Feb 2018
My love
is lonely
my loneliness
is breathing
my breath
is free
my freedom
is sleeping
my sleep
is Me
finding myself
amidst a
bunch of
leaves or
souls that
fell in
love once
and never
recovered from
the fall
or falling.
Feb 2018 · 461
I am thinking right now
Srijani Sarkar Feb 2018
I am thinking
right now how
wrecked I'll feel
if my friend
dies but she
hasn't died yet.
I am a bad person. A very bad person.
Feb 2018 · 211
Fear
Srijani Sarkar Feb 2018
Fear
is better than
hope.
Exam season
Feb 2018 · 339
Free the moment
Srijani Sarkar Feb 2018
Free
that wee
moment
of your
****** blurred
memory.
I can't remember. I'm sorry.
Srijani Sarkar Feb 2018
I want to wake up to a world
where "what do you do for a living?"
comes with "I just live" reply.
Living. Not just surviving.
Feb 2018 · 301
When we get home
Srijani Sarkar Feb 2018
When we get home,
kiss me
before you start unpacking.
Validation. Love. Time. Togetherness. Stability.
Feb 2018 · 436
Birthday gift
Srijani Sarkar Feb 2018
For my birthday gift
this year,

I want

the summer evening mellow wind
on burnt roofs signing off on February memories,

Some sober flowers that smile just enough
and smell more of affection than love,

a stray dog to validate me
and wag his tail when my wings are cut off,

A long way to go
and return,

a mute button

and a gun.
Too much to ask?
Jan 2018 · 564
Change
Srijani Sarkar Jan 2018
Recently,
I have been writing about
How much I hate change.

Why did I stop writing about
How much I hate myself?
When did I change?
Change. Stop. Begin.
Jan 2018 · 343
Staying there
Srijani Sarkar Jan 2018
Staying there

I was

Time's captive

abandoned in

Change's shore.
Happiness.
Srijani Sarkar Dec 2017
What is this train doing
To me?
Going to all the wrong places
And has the driver no control?
Other passengers are screaming as if homeless
To persuade the driver to take this trembling namby-pamby  sick ****
To their own favourite towns.
When I sit quietly in an infrequently haunted compartment,
the wasted smell from the toilet
And these riotous noises
Of the driver failing, the train stopping at lonely stations
and others howling unnecessary caps locks and exclamation marks
Infiltrate my senses and at the end of this journey,
You can see through the flimsy permeability
The holes are so prominent
Yet light doesn't enter. The train's timings are weird - all in the night.
The train gets derailed at one point due to the ruckus,
on fire and the searchlight came very late,
didn't notice my quivering queer hand rise amidst a burnt heap of  luggages of people who led to this ravaging
managed to creep out of the train at the right moment,
And desolated for the moses to grow inside this melted metal mess and through the rest of me.
This is too big a coffin for me- unceremonious, caliginous and under the open sky
There's not much of me left to give back to.
Train= mind, driver= thoughts, passengers= other people who influence or rule over your weak malleable mind.
Dec 2017 · 303
Hope
Srijani Sarkar Dec 2017
Hope
Is a feather lurking on a stem
From the bird that left for a foreigner wind
Whispering to you but you can barely hear,
"Go back, I have nothing to give you..."
Hope is catastrophe. It's ruse.
Nov 2017 · 5.9k
I make love to my mind
Srijani Sarkar Nov 2017
The first time I made love to my mind

When love escaped from the gaps
Between our silences and overthinkings
I saw the naked mind.
We sailed from thousand cuddles of imprudence
To a long warm kiss of sanity.
While I dwindled in her arms of fool's paradise
No sleep just one long weary night,
Her ****** reeked of loneliness
I licked it. Hoping to taste ingenuity,
it was the aftertaste of forsaken feelings
that made me ***** her
till she stopped moaning neon dreams.

Somewhere in my walkabouts in her
I created deep craters of memories
Which she took for love bites
were, in fact, scars for life.
We were virgins on our quests
Thirsting our way through wanting and longing......
She made me swallow lust
Slowly. Heavily downtown.
And fingered it, the ***** of thoughts
Ruptured.
And she bled musings.
And Phantasmagoria exuding from her holes
And Spurting into mine like a cascade of brooding melancholy.....
And.... And....

The night my mind lost its virginity,
I sat down to write.
Make love to your mind, poets.....
Nov 2017 · 3.0k
On musing
Srijani Sarkar Nov 2017
Let me
Sleep on petals
Flown at papers
When my nights are autumn
And my mind
sheds all
That it grew
Through the day - my springs
I bloom
with feelings
And afternoons
have rained
Rainbows into me and
hues cascading out of me
Now I know what poetry is.

My roots forget
The taste of soil
they keep on digging,
No, love seeped too deep this time.
And my words dew too much
Emotions that
My leaves
now loathe sunlight.
And the birds have left
A home in me,
all empty
I am all alone,
Save me.

And you, like a wind
I feared all these years
Only to lift me up,my wilted verses
Are half dead,muses still breathing
Craving a death so bad
You blow , you blow
Against all my skin and swishing my hopes up
Making me see
The sky again and again.
Let these desires rest
Enough of throwing them at the clouds.
You go, another desert thirsts for life.
My poetry always foliages from memories anyway.

- Srijani Sarkar
Do you know how you grow through poetry ?

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