This is not how I thought I’d meet you my son.
In your plastic bubble, I don’t feel like a mom.
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Can’t hold you, or feed you, or rock you to sleep.
These are not the memories I expected to keep.
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So quiet and fragile, “it’s my fault” I weep.
Each night we go home with an empty car seat.
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“Can I hold him?” I ask. She says “you may soon, just not today.” “Maybe tomorrow will be the day.”

Even though I only get to behold you for now, it makes my life full of bliss just to see you in sight. Here, I patiently await to give you a kiss.  

I cradle my pump until my body is dry,
filling the freezer with my supply.
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“Liquid gold” they say to help fix you.
Drink up my sweet boy, it’s all I can do.
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Amongst the fear, the hell, and the anguish
there is light, a magic, and hope that all will be well.
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Late at night amongst tubes, the beeps, and the wires,
we form a bond that could start fires.

After 7 days of life is the day i finally get to hold you, so little and fragile my emotions running wild would not dare take a breath just in case it would hurt you.
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Nurses whisper and sing you a sweet lullaby,
they hold my hand “it’ll be ok mama” as I cry.
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They touch you tenderly, you’re theirs on loan.
Filling you with love until you’re ready for to come home.
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When we finally leave it’s bittersweet.
We’ll never forget those we meet.
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In those sterile walls, hands washed red raw
I hear the beeps long after leave those halls.
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Joy and nerves as towards home we drive
We’ll be sure to tell you about your start in life my sonshine.
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1 in 7 need the help of NICU
I just didn’t think it would be you.

Don’t be fooled by the twinkle in her eyes;
Just like the stars, she is dying inside.

I needed you to stay, my heart needed a break from breaking.

Most days I’m okay because I know you aren’t suffering anymore, but it’s days like today when I need you the most that are the hardest for me.

I want to lay my head on your lap as you caress my hair and get lost in our conversations, one more time.

I miss you mom!

Storms in life don't break the strong they just chip away the superficial to reveal the true and better self in the end. Someone may have thought they were controlling you because it appeared you moved less but in the end it was just the cocoon until you broke out into a better self :)


For a while now she's been wondering what she could have possibly done to karmically deserve this. She has been racking her brain for months now trying to find that one act of selfishness, that one wrong deed so perverse the divine universe decided to send you as her punishment. But now, the fog has lifted, and her once hazy vision has grown clear. And for the first time in a long time she can see the truth -- the truth about people like you. Furthermore, she would just like to thank you... Thank you for using her, for taking advantage of a forward-thinking young woman to advance your own male interests. Thank you for stifling her passions, for making her give up everything she loved outside of you. Thank you for frightening her with your temper, for screaming at her, hitting her, and constantly reminding her that she was not valuable - she was replaceable. Thank you for making her feel small, for being so threatened by her intelligence you chose to unleash your active misogyny every opportunity that allowed. Thank you for making her witness injustices, for treating all those below you unfairly and for trying to silence her voice. Thank you for giving her a glimpse into the male psyche of a sociopath, and for reassuring her that objectification is one of the first steps to oppression. Thank you for showing her that she needed something else - a change - something greater than herself and far greater than you. Thank you for showing her that she deserved better. Because now, because of you, she is better than ever. Because of the manipulation, the discrimination, and the way you crushed her, she found a strength she never knew she had. And for that, she would like to thank you.



Sincerely,
Your Previous Punching Bag

-he said.
And she fell in love with a man who couldn't decide between hello and goodbye.