Today,
I am getting married to someone else,
I woke up with another man,
I am pregnant with the baby of someone else,
I am a mother of two daughter,
I am old now,
But
My eyes is still searching for you,
My heart is still crying,
My lips have turn pale,
My face looks like crush paper,
My body has become weak,
My soul is waiting for you to make me feel young ,
And
Now its my end,
Now for the last time,i want to see your glimpse,
Now i close my eyes forever,with your picture in my heart.

And for the last time
                 "I still love you"

It's a laser light show!
Fit for all ages!
Just don't look too hard at people's faces,
you'll see how strung out they are.
Pick your poison, smack, speed or stress,
we got it all.

Bring your daughter!
Bring your grandma!
Just don't look down the back alleys,
you'll see kids shooting dope,
and mother's selling their bodies.

Inbreds!
Racists!
We got them all,
come and see them before the city locks them up.
But wait!
For a limited time only,
get a free half gram of baking powder with any order of ******* (you must purchase at least one gram for the offer to apply).

I'd be lying if I said I didn't think about using every day.
I have dreams about those little yellow pills,
they don't speak to me,
or appear any different than they are in reality,
I just dream about holding them in my hands.

I couldn't do it,
recreational drug use.
I never could
no matter how many times I told myself I wasn't addicted, the truth remained
that I was.
I would tell myself "what kind of ******* is a drug addict, you're not, you're fine."
But I wasn't.
And everyday I have to tell myself "no, you cannot take those pills because you will not be able to stop"
Some days it ends there,
others I get as far as dialing my dealer's number.
Most days it's in the middle.

Being an addict is about having habits;
wake up, take three, (don't eat breakfast, the high will fade faster). Take four once the feeling leaves your legs, and four more before you go to sleep, so you can sleep.
Rinse and repeat; rinse and repeat.

Sobriety is the same way;
wake up, convince your self you don't need it.
Rinse and repeat as needed.

She helps, but she can't replace my addiction.
Although she gets me high, I can't become addicted to her, her lips do not have opiates hidden within,
but they have something better.

I don't think about getting high when I'm with her.
The high I get from her kisses is not dissimilar to that of methodone,
only their is no crash.
The high I get from caressing her thighs shares a likeness with *******,
except it costs love, not cash.
The high I get from hearing her gasp my name as our love making intensifies is very similar to that of hydrocodone,

only much, much better.

My skin goosebumps with the breeze
Early July melting silking soft, my vision
Lucy firing metallic spark neurons
Across the liquid night sky
Sulfur edges closer in it's hazing accent
Pool water lapping against the edge
Makes me giggle
******* hard, eyes wide
I take it all in
in awe
The laughter of our captured youth echos
Mountains stand in shadowed silent regard
Cradling our memories, pasting them
against our walls
I lean back in pure joy
Deep sigh of contentment
Overwhelmed by sensation
Sizzle singed, stretched thin, just need a little closer
Inhaling the scents of independence
Cut grass, twilight dew, chlorine
Charcoal takes me back every time
Chemical rearrange pulls spastic front to back
*All I can think about is having you here

I've asked around and
They're all different, you said
So while I figure it out
I'm going to hand you this string
Hold on to this end
and get into this box
It's going to be dark
but you just have to wait
I'll check in occasionally
But you've got to stay until I get my head right

So here I am
Just
Stuck in this
Dark place

When I am sad
I feel alive
My skin tingles
I feel so alive

I feel like no one should touch me
At the slightest touch
I would combust,
shatter,
disappear

What if I told you that I loved you? What if I told you that you bring morning to life, that you are the sole character of every dream, positions varying, unlike your silent gaze.

What if I told you that your smile lights my sky better than any star could, what then?
That I have cried at your words a thousand times, as syllables needle sharp fight their war to hold you together, while I can only watch as he knowingly rips you apart.

These words are mine, thrown by my jealous tongue at your fools institution. Words of love to the jaded (though you'd say wise). Everyday you fade as I watch the horizon, hoping for your smile.
What if?