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Jun 14 · 404
In One Ear
Jack Jun 14
a cry for help takes effort
lungs inflating over time
courage paced

whispers at first
shame
feeling like a waste of space

I reached the point of screaming
into loved ones ears
they didn’t hear
You are not alone. Keep screaming.
Feb 21 · 456
Foolish Insecurity
Jack Feb 21
I wish you loved me enough.

Enough to hold me.

I give you everything and you don’t even love me that much.

It’s not enough.

Stop asking for more. I’ll break.
Oct 2019 · 222
Silent War
Jack Oct 2019
To fight for the right to exist

Is to be unalive

To be half of the person you could be

To exist in spite of adversity


To fight for the right to exist

Is something not commonly experienced

Those privileged to exist without adversity

Cannot empathise with the fight


To fight for the right to exist

Is not necessarily activism

Is not necessarily bravery

It is often scrambling from dark corner to corner in search of safety

broken and bleeding
If you think this is for you, it probably is. It’s a historical battle that moves from group to group but seemingly never stops.
Dec 2018 · 219
Untitled
Jack Dec 2018
I don’t miss you

It’s like you haven’t left
Dec 2018 · 451
crush me
Jack Dec 2018
sometimes I feel like my body is pulling apart into a million pieces

my ribs stretching out and ripping away from my heart
I’m uncontained

I can’t sleep without someone holding me together
crushing the pieces into place

there’s no one here

so I don’t sleep
I can try to hold my organs in and my spirit in my body by gripping a pillow, but it isn’t effective. So I drift apart and float. Don’t like it.
Dec 2018 · 445
burning eyes
Jack Dec 2018
Take a breath

Take a bath

Take a pill

Take until your mind stills
Dec 2018 · 11.9k
Dare I Write
Jack Dec 2018
I stopped writing

For awhile.

Because I found that when I write
It’s so real.
It’s like hearing back my own words from the lips of someone wiser

Not from a broken child,
But from a bitter miser.
I am awake always
Painfully aware. I can’t sleep and I can’t quiet the noise in my head.
Jun 2017 · 322
{who; me?}
Jack Jun 2017
i don't know me
any better than you do

i don't think you should
know me better than i would
Jun 2017 · 319
clever
Jack Jun 2017
don't gaze at me
as if you are
the best
life can offer

i know you
and
i know better
Jun 2017 · 494
Who am I?
Jack Jun 2017
I am a mixed drink
I have a splash and a dash from every bottle in the bar
A touch of every color in the spectrum
I am a rainbow.
Gay? Yes. But much more. Not a unicorn
I am a ******* dragon.
I’ll burn all the bridges so I can fly free.
I am a ley line.
A crisscrossing magnetic pull that circles the Earth.
There are so many things I love, so many places
The people I’ve known play a role and they know...
I am.

I’ve been a country, a detective, a werewolf, and more.
All with makeup and costumes and selfies galore.
I like parties and ice cream and
I’m sober I swear!
When I’m angry you’ll know and that’s most of the time, but I don’t bite… hard.
Sometimes I’m a bit of a meme, but I’ve never dabbed.
I know too many references,
“Sorry bout dat”
Don’t take me too seriously, but actually… do?
I’ll fight to the death, is that brave or just nuts?
As a child, I think I was a furry?
Um… forget about that.
I like rainy days and tea parties and god I hate hate.
Ironic and artsy and awkward...
I am.

Here’s a rundown: take notes and prepare for the test.
It’ll go by fast so just do your best.

I am a mixed drink, a rainbow, a dragon, a bull. A friend and a brother, a thrill and a bore. A fanboy, a poet, a gamer, and more. An actor, a joker, a lover of lore.
Wherever I go and whoever I meet, whatever I do when I land my feet.
At least I’ll know.
I am.
A Shel Silverstein inspired self portrait done the only way I know how. This was part of a final project for a class I've just finished.
Feb 2017 · 185
realization
Jack Feb 2017
i used to think i had to be recognized

validated

respected

why don't i validate myself?
Feb 2017 · 234
Cursed
Jack Feb 2017
You said you'd always be there
You said that you weren't like them
You are my closest friend any everything I am

You said you'd always be there
And yet here I am
I've cried all day and night because I think you hate who I am

It isn't fair at all
It isn't fair
It isn't fair
It isn't fair

Why does this keep happening to me
Am I sick? Am I cursed? I just don't deserve anyone?
You are everything to me
You are  closest friend

You said you'd always be there
Don't pull away

Don't pull away
Ignore this
My mind has settled
Jan 2017 · 524
rainy season
Jack Jan 2017
The sky was grey
And my eyes were grey too

Of course my friend
I looked to you

Overcast cleared, arising fears
You're the sunny one, dear

My darkness kept me safe
Until I lost it that day

But the skies are now blue
And my eyes are blue too

Your sweet elegance
Is a blanket of truth
Jan 2017 · 244
private privilege
Jack Jan 2017
knowing your sunshine
isn't just for me
makes me worry
I'll be left in the shade

and you'll shine for another

instead

love is entirely

frightening
Jan 2017 · 168
relief
Jack Jan 2017
I know that you will wait for me
as surely as the shore
will wait patient for the sea

as if I do deserve your ever shining sun
as if you won't supply the warmth
to soothe my aching lungs
Jan 2017 · 1.2k
contradiction is my purpose
Jack Jan 2017
see what i see,
hear what i hear,
breathe what i breathe.

i am what i am, so
i'll be what i'll be.

caution in chaos,
dreaming while waking,
waking while sleeping.

bubbling brew,
whistling kettle,
from the kettle to a cup.

soothing sedition,
cool air flows in,
art flows out.

while drinking my tea,
surely i'm me.
most definitely.

i am what i am, so
i'll be what i'll be.
even when overwhelming, life can be quite simple for an artist. just remember to breathe.
Jack Dec 2016
We're in this together
First you, then me
Yes that's right!
Doing lovely.
This parts a little odd,
But don't get cold feet!

We can make something beautiful I know it.

Look, we made him smile.
What a lovely sight.
Let's do it again please.  
Together, intimate,
Left, Left, Right

Right, Left, WRONG

OH DEAR
OH NO
okay, okay,
Let's work to blend.

Give it five then make him smile again.
Oct 2016 · 202
ache
Jack Oct 2016
sometimes

when someone tells you they love you

it hurts.

because you never thought

you'd be loved

again.


*not since then.
Oct 2016 · 592
{crystal}
Jack Oct 2016
give me time
i said
to think
to mull over the
rights and wrongs
of everything

give me time
i said
until my thoughts
run crystal clear
and reflect
upon my face
Jul 2016 · 333
contagious?
Jack Jul 2016
what to do when you're depressed
and the one person you know
talking to will heal you
is just as depressed *too
Jul 2016 · 1.6k
selkie
Jack Jul 2016
sleek seal skin shining
reflects off my pale blue plates
your sharp teeth breathe hate
lure melancholy to me
i call you oblivion
i wanted to experiment with writing tanka form. i really do like it. i threw in some alliteration
Jul 2016 · 792
ailment
Jack Jul 2016
every poem I've ever written
i always worry its a bit too smitten
smitten with the love of hate
smitten by the food i ate
smitten with my pain and lies
smitten by your bitter goodbyes

i only want to write sometimes
without my thoughts
costing a dime
it often drains me to write because it reminds me of all the sick and depressing poetry i've ever written or read. i wonder if i should stop writing sometimes just to escape the noise in my head
Jul 2016 · 245
Never Regret
Jack Jul 2016
Never regret
My brother insisted
Reading my father's
Suicide note
Unassisted

Never regret
I quietly mused
Stumbling and tumbling
Over my shoes
Numbed

Regret doesn't fade
Regret doesn't fail
Jun 2016 · 1.3k
iced coffee
Jack Jun 2016
summer days
spent inside

i'm doing something wrong

i'll make a cold drink
sit in the sun

know something new's begun

last summer home
better make the best

everything sweet, I'll miss
They say I make the best iced coffee
May 2016 · 605
vindication of virtue
Jack May 2016
cad
lad
bad
dad

i wish i knew

i wish i knew

who the silver belongs to

stop yelling please

i'll seize the peas

and hold them to my head

aching from your

slamming the door

funny what you'll do

in order to save face
dusty old memories of parents going through divorce
May 2016 · 181
¿optimism?
Jack May 2016
at least when you hit
rock bottom
you know
it can't get
**worse
i don't know if i'm a pessimist or a realist anymore
May 2016 · 176
humour
Jack May 2016
when people
brag
about the
things
that make
them
flawed human
beings

i laugh
we're all flawed, but some people seem to take pride in /not/ improving themselves and it disgusts me
May 2016 · 160
time telling
Jack May 2016
tick

tock

stop the clock

it
stopped
right
when
you
told
it
sitting next to a clock today and missing you
May 2016 · 1.0k
Forbidden Bewitchment
Jack May 2016
You be the prince,
I'll sew a stitch.
Soon through voodoo,
You're bewitched.
Don't you wish to love me so?
Soon I'll see you, soon you'll know.
Lips so sweet and heart so kind,
Teach my rotten heart and mind
How to love, how to trust.
Soon there's peace,
For both of us.
A story where the prince falls in love with the witch instead of the princess
May 2016 · 209
Mama's Wisdom
Jack May 2016
I was having a lovely mother's day
with my darling mother.

She's not perfect, but she is so wise,
so very admired.

Suddenly I was crying, uncontrollably,
wishing I wasn't lonely.

She said she had a message for those
who'd hurt me.

"Remember leaving friends behind
for a lover, is the biggest mistake you'll make."

"Lovers come and go, friends are forever,
I say this from experience."


She went on to say she pities you,
on account of the things she's done.

It didn't feel good to hear that
from her...

But I think she is right to say it.
i'm so lucky my mama can be a source of support. i love her very much.
May 2016 · 313
grow up
Jack May 2016
you don't care

or don't show that you do

you don't need me

but say that's untrue

you are not my friend

not anymore anyway

if you want me around

stop abandoning everyone

i am not a tool

no longer will i be *used
*******
i'm finally doing the right thing
Apr 2016 · 616
simple
Jack Apr 2016
remember the good

remember the bad

dwell on the future

let go of the past
a reminder to myself and hopefully something that can help others
Apr 2016 · 826
MY golden rule
Jack Apr 2016
"treat others how they treat you"
i like this version better

but upon employing it

what do i find?

they don't understand why my words burn
hah, poor worm

maybe when they see how they treat me

they'll cease sending me storms
two wrongs won't make a right,
but they'll help me sleep at night.
Jack Apr 2016
yes* you make my life harder
yes you're weak and broken

and yes you can fix yourself

yes i'm getting sick of it
yes i'm hurting as well

and yes your sadness is valid
feeding the cycle won't help

yes you'll never be perfect
yes you're invisible

and yes those things don't matter
focus on your health

yes you're dragging me down
yes you've exhausted my empathy

is this enough to make me leave?
we'll see..
just don't die on me,
you beautiful ******* leech
the truth is bitter, but swallow it like medicine.. you're ill.
so ******* sick of your guilt trips.
does anyone realize how much pressure it puts on someone when you say you would be dead without them?
its unfair, its abusive.
if i leave you, its doesn't mean you deserve to die.
it means you have to learn how to TRY.
i hate that i need you, so i'll learn to pull away in case one day you're not there.
Apr 2016 · 468
so fucking sad
Jack Apr 2016
do you ever consider
how nice it might be

to abandon
those you love most
in their time of need?

despite how terrified
you are
of how leaving them

could equal stopping their hearts.

you consider it regardless
just because you're
so ******* sad

you begin to find their repetition
disgusting
the fact you can't help?
you give up.

decide that no matter
how much
you love them

perhaps it's not worth
sacrificing
yourself
can't keep being so affected by other people slitting their wrists and speaking daily of how they want to die. i have to trust they'll stop needing me when i pull away and they'll learn they're too young to give up yet. it would be the dumbest thing they'd ever done. however, i cannot waste my energy anymore.. i'll never fix myself at this rate. call me selfish all you want, this is what i have to do.
Jack Apr 2016
I can't always be here

But that's doesn't mean I'm gone

Not really

Not yet

Time will move on

But I'm direct

And you would know

I won't make you guess
lost someone, dreamt id lost a different someone, currently losing someone. I tell people their **** to their face, I'm not passive aggressive. None of that gross bs. I promise you if I'm feeling something, you'll know. I haven't been feeling much these days
Apr 2016 · 724
deadly habits
Jack Apr 2016
oxycodone-acetaminophen

vicodin and

codine too


this begins again


chardonnay, bordeaux

***** and

this bottle's blue


careful with your drink and drug
don't dare to mix the two


whiskey's tempting

but you downed the pills

how much numb do you need?

until your heart goes still
going through a **** time and found myself turning to alcohol as an escape. probably the worst idea i've had considering all the pills i have to take
Mar 2016 · 862
get over it
Jack Mar 2016
they say as I stare blankly at the brick wall in front of me
twenty feet tall and crumbling with age

haphazardly shaped glass shards like the ones prickling my skin from the inside
scattered on the ground beside

these slash my feet and I can't feel it, too focused on the other side
I look down at ****** hands and feel the sting of broken wings
wondering what the view from the top brings

get over it
they urge me and shove me against the wall
chipped chunks of stone cracking my ribs
hypocrite I may be, I turn and flee
thinking: get over it
when others cry for me
Mar 2016 · 614
stand back up
Jack Mar 2016
rise and fall

                  e
                s    
             i
          r          and  f
                                 a
                                    l        
                                  
                                       l

           like the rocking of a boat

         to
                 and                            fro

to                              and
                                                                    fro

further from my anchor

                             yet               closer

              to the
                            *s   k   y
the ups and downs of life affect everyone. don't ever put yourself down for falling down.

trust you'll be able to stand back up when the waves swell.
Mar 2016 · 542
Just As Bad As Them
Jack Mar 2016
I honestly don't care
How much you're hurting
If you are doing some
hurting too

Obviously I would help you
But I'm not sure
My voice is loud enough
For you to hear through that thick skull

I truly believe and yes
I'd say know
Bold as that may be
That if you're hurting

a n y o n e


You're just as bad as them
You know the ones
They caused you pain
Be they outside or inside your head

Don't follow in their stead
Or you'll only end up dead
For guilt is often worse
Than facing demons

If you hurt someone
               *******


No matter what your struggle is

Because you're just as bad as
                 **them
I can't stand it when people use their struggles as an excuse for the way they treat other people. Whether you're happy or unhappy, living or surviving.. Hurting someone else does no one good.
Mar 2016 · 545
Update
Jack Mar 2016
It's cold
And
I can't breathe

I'm shaking

I can't tell
What caused the shaking
Anymore

I'm breaking
Mar 2016 · 507
toxic
Jack Mar 2016
i refuse to force myself

to listen to you

when you won't apologize

and ignore what you do
i hate that i'm so affected by those who are close to me. i refuse to give in so quickly and forgive when i haven't even received a real apology. i won't give in until this stupid habit is broken. if it can't be, i'm not needed, and i'll leave.
Mar 2016 · 633
It's not you, it's you
Jack Mar 2016
You* didn't call
You didn't care

Then you claim you miss me?

You weren't there
You let me fall

Don't you need me at all?

Nobody called
Nobody cared

Yet I still miss them all

Nobody's here
They've let me fall

I guess the only one who needs is **me
Sometimes people lie to make their own conscience leave them alone, or as an excuse to save them from their demons. That doesn't help those around you very well, does it?
Mar 2016 · 891
War zone
Jack Mar 2016
I was told that I shouldn't worry about everyone leaving

Now they are so nearly gone

I'm retreating.

I have to leave before they leave me to freeze in the ice

It'll freeze over my soul and seal my heart, imprisoned in fright

Not since I lost my father
I refuse to be left behind again

So before it is clear that no one cares

Before I give up on anyone's swears

Now they are so nearly gone

I'm retreating.
Sometimes fighting is too exhausting and the soldier must retreat. I would rather be shot in the back of the head than be accused of shooting my fellow soldiers after I saved their lives.
Mar 2016 · 462
so close
Jack Mar 2016
tonight I was going to say goodbye

I even wrote a note.

I was told in the past if I wanted help

I had to reach out.

well I've been reaching
crying
screeching

and no one could hear.

so tonight I was going to say goodbye

and I'd come so close

until one person was there
That's all it took. One friend reached out and now I can't do it. I'm convinced they're all i have left in the world because no one else seems to care.
Mar 2016 · 329
blind
Jack Mar 2016
how blind can an idiot choose to be

depends on if the idiots actions
     are defended or ignored

it's called appeasement
well look what ****** did

it's a wonder what blindness can do

see just because I decide
that it's okay you don't need me

doesn't make me need you any less

so if everyone I love
is blind to me dying

I guess they won't miss me

when I'm gone
you choose to be blind to the fact that you hurt me. all of them do. it is clear now that I'm completely alone and that's okay. i was meant to be alone because then I won't hold on so tightly.
Mar 2016 · 316
{b l a m e}
Jack Mar 2016
am I to blame?
⠀⠀⠀⠀for what they say?
should I apologize?
⠀⠀⠀⠀and if I do, what shall I say?
"I'm sorry for breathing"
⠀⠀⠀⠀yes that works
I don't suppose I did anything

so why do they say
⠀⠀⠀⠀what they say about me
to whom
⠀⠀⠀⠀do I apologize?
and who do I
⠀⠀⠀⠀b l a m e ?
Feb 2016 · 343
idiots
Jack Feb 2016
you're all idiots
don't get me wrong, i am too

but i had to let you know
what you are

i love you dearly,
my idiots

if you're wondering why i'm harsh
listen here

the more you surround yourself
with negativity

the deeper you bury yourselves
**** it all

just like me
you're idiots

stop it
for me

help me do the same

let's stop being idiots today
Feb 2016 · 509
human
Jack Feb 2016
"it's called being human"
i tell her when she cries

"it's called being human"
when he apologizes for his lies

"it's called being human"
when they make a mistake

"it's called being human"
when someone needs a break

but none of its okay
when it's me who's feeling weak
i'm not allowed to be human
or at least that's what i think..
my logic is flawed but i'm blinded by my dependence upon it
Feb 2016 · 587
reoccurring fear
Jack Feb 2016
is it selfish

to want to be happy

when others

depend on my strength



is it selfish

to need someone

even when they don't

need me



is it selfish

to want to say "no"

"i can't help you anymore"

"let me be free"



is it selfish

to want to run from those i love

because their sadness

is  k i l l i n g  me


i hate that
i can't be weak
i can't say no
i cannot run away

is it because i'm selfish?

or because i'm nothing
on my own
when i was younger i was always told not to be selfish. this is just another reason to hate myself i guess
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