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I wish you loved me enough.

Enough to hold me.

I give you everything and you don’t even love me that much.

It’s not enough.

Stop asking for more. I’ll break.
I want to be numb again please
  Oct 2019 Monochrome Dreamer
They tell me
I am so adventurous
Because I moved to another

But little did
They know I was
Simply running away from

They tell me
I am so successful
In finding and creating my

But little did
They know I have failed
At the one thing I meant to do;

To fight for the right to exist

Is to be unalive

To be half of the person you could be

To exist in spite of adversity

To fight for the right to exist

Is something not commonly experienced

Those privileged to exist without adversity

Cannot empathise with the fight

To fight for the right to exist

Is not necessarily activism

Is not necessarily bravery

It is often scrambling from dark corner to corner in search of safety

broken and bleeding
If you think this is for you, it probably is. It’s a historical battle that moves from group to group but seemingly never stops.
I don’t miss you

It’s like you haven’t left
sometimes I feel like my body is pulling apart into a million pieces

my ribs stretching out and ripping away from my heart
I’m uncontained

I can’t sleep without someone holding me together
crushing the pieces into place

there’s no one here

so I don’t sleep
I can try to hold my organs in and my spirit in my body by gripping a pillow, but it isn’t effective. So I drift apart and float. Don’t like it.
Take a breath

Take a bath

Take a pill

Take until your mind stills
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