Words blur into pictures and sound fades.
(Can't you be sober for this?)
Heavy moved the air from the lungs.
Found my feet at the ends of my legs.
Movement seems a ways in time.
Hands turned into little ***** of death.
(Wait wait...you're not....him)
Bang Bang shouted the heart.
Heart beat like a phone book in a dryer.
Blackness took up the night and..
(Hey?! Who are you?)

I pray the gardener cuts that flower.
I wish for it to died and its beauty to cease.
I want to hold it in my hand just for a moment.
And for that I wish for its pain.
I don't want anyone to look upon "my" flower.
Selfishly I am in love.

The idea of eternity seems so savagely mundane.
"In the end we'll all just be stories."
Stories hidden away in immortality.
But hey even Gods die and fade.

Carry on my broken smiling diamonds.
Can't be proud of such bloodsoaked glasses.
I'll let us crack away our borrowed souls.
Let justice fall on our drunkedness.  

Put the dark back in the patchwork of my "Me".
Bleed the day please.
Stand with me in this emptiness.
Dance with our shared silence.

This is not for you.
I don't know you yet
I don't know that I love you yet.
I don't know the way your smile makes me feel.
I don't know the way the warmth of your touch is so unique.
I don't know that when I'll close my smile you'll hold me.
I don't know when you move your lips you can build worlds.
I don't know that I am un happy now.
I don't know when we first say hello.
I don't know that you'll be my first love.
I don't know that you'll be my last.

I don't know anything.

If I held my heart on a string, I'd sink to the bottom of the sea.
The closest I'll come to heaven is thinking of letting go.

I can't help the moments where I felt like I was alive.
They drift away in the sad brightness of yesterday.

My heart looks like lightning that never lets go.
My face carries the rain like the soil for dried up tears.

The future is burning every second and becoming the ash of yesterday.
I'm going to lay in this pile of ***** smoke until I drown.

I said "I love you" to her.
She said it back, time passed.
I forgot i dated her.
She gets engaged.
I remember crying for her, long ago.
I feel nothing, i feel i should.
I told her "I love you" I didn't lie.
She should be happy, i hope.

I talked to god last night, he showed me something.
Told me i was still in love, looking past the ideals found an idea.
I was alone in a broken down car, with god and my best friends.
found an old poem i wrote, found my ex girlfriend's letter.
I turned on that old cancerous hunk, and found my best friend.
Merle was sitting next to me and he turned on the radio.
I closed my eyes and saw my breath, chuck was chuckling at my side.
Before i realized it, i was laughing and mikey was calling me weak.
I felt so alone, and all at once all the people i love,and love surrounded me.
a nice warm feeling, then the battery died, and i was alone.
I cried that night, threw the keys on the seat and walked away.
I wanted to go back, but the doors were locked.
I stood there for a few minutes, with her letter, and my poem.
I smiled, with tears in my eyes and i said:
"Thank you god, i'll stay here for awhile now"
I found my god, and he gave me "love"

Give me my pain meds hand me that book.
The cure for a sad reality is at times another's shoes.
Dancing to the same rhythm just another person's moves.
Oscar said to influence is to stifle your own glow.
I liked those words when I read them but I changed.
I am not as original as that Wilde man.
I am a mosaic of every single person I've ever met.

Your eyes give away your name.
They tell me it's something beautiful.
That if I say it I shall feel as if I were swimming in honey.
That it will become my single word prays to thank god.
That it will be the sweet little smile that make me.
But I don't know your name.
So I'll just say the word that means all the same,
"Hello"

Some sort of symmetry in the girl of my dreams.
When she starts dating my brother's drug dealer.
Some sort of empty heart that filled up my chest.
When I realized she'd rather be with him than I.
Some sort of words that get caught in my head.
When he does nothing but be himself.
Some sort of asymmetry in the weight of two people.
When their happiness means more then mine.

Even to me.

He punched the treadmill, it wasn't fast enough to carry his emotions.
They fell to his face, battered and bruised they began to swell.
Happiness were the tears that couldn't take it and ran away.
lonliness was the wail, which brought us all in and pushed us away.
he became a monster bent on making us smile, because it made him happy.
He lied straight to our faces, not with words but a crooked smile.
He's a man like us, but his heart was light turned to steel.
He raises his hand to God hoping to hold him.
When i met this man i laughed at him and pushed him down.
He with his hard earned optimism, a dreamer who ran away from his addictions.
And he does it all because i love and respect him, the man who is secretly me

There is a beast in every man.
There is a beast barring its fangs.
In the heart of every man there is a darkness.
Black is the song played to the brokenhearted.

Dancing on the graves of smiles stands him.
The masked man playing at the hero.
Dynamic is your dream, static is your calling.
I'd toy with you longer but you're such a boring character.

Black is a piece of the heart I could let engulf the rest.
Days I spend happy and alone or happy with friends.
I just can't shake the beast that is in me.
Hours at a time she rises and howls emptiness at me.

and I feel it..

The joy that would come from the pain of this masked man.
My knuckles craves his throat, my gaze calls for his blood.
An almighty pleasure that could be achieved in seconds.
A pain that would echo through the rest of my life.

So easy it would be to cause hurt so hard it is to feel love.

I am ******* weird.
Last night I dreamt I fell in love with a girl and she looked through me and smiled at my empty heart.
She kissed my cold breath and drank in the self loathing "what the ****"-ness of my ego. She lead me by the hand in the moments I forgot I was a drug dealer on the run from God and the empty softness of saying "I love you" in drunk english.
I was beast screaming at monsters and running with demons.
The girl got lost in the snow and I Who sought happiness died alone with only the sun to mourn my damp flickering life.

I love strength.
I love it more than anything.
I craved and desire strength.
Because I do not have it.
I lift ungodly amount of weight.
I train to hurt people more efficiently than a bullet.
I do these things and yet I am not strong.

I remember looking into your eyes once.
Just the once and I gleamed all I could bare.

In those eyes was not the weakness I knew.
   A person who can smile honestly
   A person who can hope
   A person who doesn't hate others.
   A person who knows what they want.

****** girl. Just be happy is all I ask.
And I know you will.
Of course I like you, you're you.

I see her every day, and she always makes me smile.
I lost minutes just watching her glide.
She smiles and her laugh dances through the room.
Her voice sounds as if an angel is speaking only to you.
My heart drops from the sky when she leaves.
I sometimes just imagine that smile and that beautiful attitude.
It's closer to one o' clock now then I thought
I the lost day and I still don't know your name.
It's you that scares me
I look your way and fear holds my tongue at bay.
I'm not even brave enough to ask you your name.
You're like the girl of my dreams...

                                                               ­                                                     







    ­                                                                 ­                                       ...I just don't want to ruin you.

Dear Brother,

     I was the person you looked up to and the person you strove to surpass. I long for those days, you following me around and trying to do the things I could. Soon we realized our paths were different. I was destined for something mediocre and you were born for greatness. You and your goofy smile and lisp always made me laugh. I remember when we would fight each other. It was never fair for you, I had over a hundred pounds on you and yet you always stood your ground. I hope that you always keep that insane courage.
         I would become a thing of violence and you would be away in your own world. I knew you would become a runner so I forced my way onto that path just so you could follow me a little longer. So we could be big brother and little brother awhile longer. I would run and I would hate it, my hulking body would scream with all the wasted motion. And you little brother, you would glide as if you meant to flow across this prairie as smooth as water. Out of desperation I pushed myself and kept my head above you for as long as I could. and just a few months ago you surpassed me. I would run 5 miles and you would run 7 as if it were nothing. I remember that day we raced and most of all I remember your cocky smile. I acted angry...because that's what I'd do. But know that that was probably one of my proudest moments.
          Now little brother just know that it is me chasing you, and now that I am happy to say that the little boy who wanted to be me has become my rival. I wanted you to be great so now I am going to push you until you want to scream and give up, then I am going to push you some more. You're my brother so I know you can take it.


                                                              ­                                                                 ­                  I love you.

We were friends before we even spoke.
Locking ideas across the ocean.
Following one another from prairie to desert.
Fingertips opening different kinds of words.
Completely different sides of the world.
Same hometown, same wild heart.
Both trying to change the world with broken words.
She is my friend and I don't even know her name.
She is not like me, so I'll praise her.

The King walking to the gallows.
Honor swaying before his eyes.
Death half-step away, smiling.
They appeared as Ants from the Throne.
Now they stand as if they were Gods.
He raised his eyes and and coolly proclaimed,
"How are you to follow me, if i do not lead?
You cower before death, I will meet him as an equal"
Though he fell his eyes never left the people.
His final breath joined the wind...
and the nation could breathe again.

I am going to stand here and say I am sorry first off.
Sorry that I don't have the courage to tell you I like you.
Sorry that because the stars aren't aligning that I am complacent.
Sorry That I am the sort of ******* to let you be with someone not me.
Sorry about ...well sorry about me my lacking of character is showing.

I dropped my ID in the gutter.
Stuck in the gray for another day.
Stammering for shattered syllables.
Slowly it all happened in a blur.

Woke up tired still mixing words.
Days turned into fits of sobriety.
Till the darkness rises and takes the sky.
Another night trying to forget her..

           ..The girl with eyes as deep as the sky.

This sordid little life slowly etching away.
Days pass only to mark moments leaving.
Waiting for a real life to begin or end?
I'm right here.
This mind doesn't take me anywhere anymore.
These leafs made of hope fall from me.
Death at my feet with darkness rising.

Somewhere along the line I became lost.
Not so broken that I couldn't walk again.
Just cracked so that I didn't want to.
Life:The beautiful cataclysm.
She became so much for me.
Laying in the ditch seemed so warm.
Time pour over me and washed away my smile.
Moments and the in between blurred.
Before long I was wishing for death.
Wishing that I could stop thinking.

Misery had become my shadow.
My lone companion, that embraced me in the night.

Anger rose up like a wave and
push me into the ground.

Sadness turned inward ate away at me.
The pain of depression on these lips reigned.

Outward implosion I moved toward oblivion.
Look at this Darkness I became.

She spoke the most beautiful silence
Said so much,
you'd hadn't known she had not said a word.
And that smile,
Made you forget how to take a breathe.
Every time you'd meet again,
Beauty would enter your world, and you'd be reborn.

It was all but impossible to be anything but in love.

Watching these people.
Looking at them and only seeing composites of life.
Ideas but no action.
Life but actually none.

"Man, She looked beautiful until I saw what she mistook for it".

Like a simile to start a poem
I can say I did but never tried.  
Took a jump but never a dive.
Just Flittering around
The same ripped up page.
Lights did they dance or sing?
Maybe a lockstep and a drum beat.
Tomorrow is become a prison.
There's no crime in being lonely.

Imperfect words sound beautiful.
Said Perfectly.

Coffee in the morni...afternoons to wake up.
Fingers glide across this glass like the wind.
Head slow but heart is lightly full of hope.
Words try to match but all I said over and over..
I kept saying the word, "Cool".
My mind is rotting with the things I put in my body.
My mind is rotting without the things my body needs.
I kind of miss the days I got to spend screaming.
I definitely miss the ones I got to smile.
Now only imitation laughter spills from my mouth.
I want to feel again, I want be ..."happy".
I am again like ever before, "Post-Love"

..Medicine in the mornings to get to sleep.

Days fall by untouched and piling up.
Eyes unclouded by the feel of air.
"Hope" begins to rot away the nights.
Smiles switch and shine.
A light brought to the darkness, glows.
Future unplotted but still there.
Therapy in the wild and unruly.

Be brave to allow yourself hope.

I want to hold her hand
And take her to the world
I want to break her self doubt
with the truth of her smile
I want to hold her heart
and just watch her soar
I want her and
I want her know to this

One day this hope will die
with having been realized.

She smiled in an amazing way.
It was a miracle when she did it.
It made her already beautiful face even more.
Man, I hope she shines when I am not looking.
I pray she laughs when she's alone every so often.
I wish she would and I want to say hello.
Nah, Let's not corrupt the beautiful with the real.

See ya,
Nameless amazing girl.
Please be great.

nevermind.
I don't want you knowing about me.
I do not want eyes on all this nothing.
I only want those accolades you hand out.
Those sweet murmurs behind useless words.
Anonymity just barely gives a ****.
And
Somehow I care.

Shadows dancing across the walls.
lightning breaking around the shattered sky.
The sound of rain seems to be God's applause.
A million accolades radiating from the within.
Left the emptiness alone, so it went away.
Smile didn't fade, it crept into my eyes.

My face is full of forgiveness but this heart aches for pain.

This hand is wilted from making fists, of holding nothing’s hand.

This wrinkle on my face is a scar left by the days without you.

Can’t you just wake up your heart and notice me,

I’m standing here waiting for you.

I met a girl today,
she was kinda sorta amazingly beautiful.
She ran her fingers through my hair.
I was sitting and with a heart that wouldn't stop racing.
She smiled at me and my face flushed red.
She made me laugh and the world fell away.
We spoke for an hour, but i couldn't say
"You are amazing, Let me buy you dinner.
I'd spent the evening tell you how you are a poem,
Let me show you how truly beautiful you are,
How about next Friday night?"


I wish i said that, I want to see her again..

The woman I want to wrap my arms around.
The woman who said I looked sad, and made me laugh.
The woman of my dreams.

Panic-y breathes I am grasping for air.
Fingers breathing in her hair.

Thunderstorms and chilling flames.
She says my name and Everything else
I say her name and the Truth.

Her soul dances against mine

(Ba dum Ba dum)

Times moves in synch with her smile.
The sun holds its breath each night in the darkness.

Happiness I thought I held in my hand the way my skin felt.
The emptiness of life fell away but I was believing a sort of lie.
The fish don't know they're in water and they life.
She pulled me out of the pond and my world grew.
In her hands I died and in her breath I was reborn.

Give me your failures and I'll show you my heart
Give me your shame and I'll tell you of life.
Give me your pain and I'll take it and hide it from you
Give me your hand and I'll give you my own.
Give me your heart and I'll show you the world.
Give me a chance and I'll take it.

Every night I look up and pray a little lie.
As if he would believe me when I don't even.
I'm just going to say these words until they're true.
"I don't hate her"
I'm going to say these words til they're the truth.

I don't even care anymore.
And here I thought our love would last forever.
A year later and I forget the sound of your name.
I don't like that I lied to you and hate that I lied to me.
Young and in love seems a lot like lonely and drunk.

I want to be near her.
I left my heart with her.
It's calling me
This pain would wash away if I returned.
This pain would sync with the wind and flee.
My heart longs for my body.
I miss her and every seconds tears me apart.

I'm not 22, I am 49 years old.
I am older than my father.
I sit alone curmudgeony reading books.
Society frightens me, and I fear change.
I look out the window into the day and shiver.
The temperature means nothing.
The sun hasn't touched my flesh in a month.
Let's let these letters slide into nothing...

What would you say if i told you i fell in love?

In love with a girl i have yet to meet.

In love and imagining saying Hello.

In love and wondering if she’s wandering.

In love with a girl have yet to even see.

In love and happy as can be.

“In love with an Idea?” Is what you’d say.

“Yes, it’s called ‘hope’”,and I’d smugly walk away.

Perfection is overrated
and I love broken things.
The color of glass
and shattered dreams.

Let's shake up this whole state and just wait.
Let's hold each other's hands not our tongues.
Let's dance like fools, so alone but together.
Let's do those illegal things we do so well.
Let's play in the snow and dream of Winterfell.
Let's sing along to songs and mumble the parts we forget.
Let's drive around the town with no where to go.
Let's play with the rocks in the river.
Let's write ****** little poems about one another.


Maybe this is just me but I think that sounds fun.

Dancing across the heads of pins.
Walking on the sky, playing at God.
Empty hands holding both Tomorrow & Yesterday.
Eating Razor blades, speaking of love.
Made of paper..crumbling diamonds.
Tears of lighting fall to the earth.

You ever just get so angry
that tears fill your eyes and tomorrow seems so far away that you sink


to the bottom of a well of being un well.

Drowning and people are just showing you pictures of air as if to offer some comfort. One day I'd like to not know what I am talking about.

Maybe the knowledge of life isn't meant to breathe air into our souls but to slowly take it away.

Life is not about reinventing yourself.
That's the thing about you.
You think you're complete right now.
But every day you ******* away with a new smile.
Beautiful wanderer discover

I kept you like bottle of whiskey in my pocket.
The world knew nothing of your existence.
People I shared you with were overly nice.
Taking quite sips, too afraid to be consumed.

Now you're broken and running out.
I slipped, now the world thinks I ****** my pants.
"Leave me alone now. I have nothing for you"
I'm not lowering my head in sadness I am hiding this smirk.

When she said those words.
I broke, for truly.
She choose someone over me.
And I could feel her breath on my face.
She was so close and ..so so very cold.
My soul fell from me to the dirt.
I felt so cold I thought I had died.
My eyes glossed over and I lost my air.
I felt cold and empty
As if no warmth had ever touched me.
My vision faded grey then turned black.

When I came back, she was still inches from me.
But I only wanted one thing, I wanted to die.

You feel so amazing moving between my fingers.
So light and cool to touch like a breeze off the night.
You move like a knife through water.
I press you to my lips when you make me laugh.
I want to forever carry you above my heart.
I love you dear friend please don't ever break.
If you break that would break me.
I want to say I won't but I will try to replace you.
If I do, know you were always my favorite pen.