Why am I still up?
The sun has not yet aroused
The morning dew still lays upon the ground
The crisp cool air still innocent of the days trifle
And life has yet to stifle
As I look around this morn
I cannot help but feel a scorn
For the sun gets to greet the day with warmth that I can never have
But that warmth makes me very glad
Still I wonder about my luck
And ask again
Why am I up?

Alone in a room of people
Everyone is talking
You want to speak your mind
Then you remember that one person
Who told you to shut up
And now not a ******* thing matters
...
Yeah

Being average is not something most would be proud of
Being average isn't something most people would like to be
But as an average person
With average problems
I can tell you
We're all the same
I'm not to thin
I'm not to big
I'm not to anything
Because that's all about perspective
My red isn't you're red
Meaning I don't see what you see
Meaning I can't possibly know what the hell is bigger or smaller
Or taller
So what is AVERAGE
Or ordinary
or Better?

The smell of cedar
Pine
And oak
The feeling of safety
Scared
And the jokes
The thought of you
Here
And then gone
The same old love song
Again
And again
The want
Need
And hopeful way
I think of coming back to you
Every day

You're gone
And I'm mad
Sad
Frustrated
Lonely
I miss you
And heres another birthday gone
7 years
And it has been so long
And yeah
I'm crying
Still playing back you dying
While everyone here is making a big deal
And all I want for my birtbday
Is one last meal

I have to write it down
Or else
My frown will give it away
You're in my heart
But it's to late
In wondering what it takes to escape
Your name on their lips
My psychotic fits
I can't with you
However
I want to
Some how I still miss you
You've been gone from my life so long
But you're still here
And when I hear your name
You're still here
And I fear
What it's doing to me

I couldn't find a song
The music didn't fit
No lyrics could describe
The wall the we hit
The pain
Our lies
You leaving so abruptly
Looking back at it now
It all sounds so funny
You learn to forgive
But its hard to forget
We'll always have a connection
That we can never unlive
So you showed me in songs
Just how you feel
I'll tell you in word
So you know that its real
We had a good run
We loved
And we lost
I forgive you for alot
As long as you forgive me
For calling the cops
There will always be a place
Right in my heart
And I hope every night
You don't fall apart

I know I shouldn't judge a book by
its cover man.
But half these books have me wonderin.
And if we weren't supposed to judge than why are people dying in the streets?
"I can't breath" yeah guys that really happend
All because his cover was blackened!
Yet a mother got off for killing her babbies!
This **** has me in a daze see
Her cover was innocent and thats all the judge saw
Didn't care to look inside for an answer at all!
And parents teach you not to judge
Except " dont get to close to that homless man. Hes probably on drugs!"
When really that man on the ground he defended our "Great" country
Now hes left in the gutter with the thought "no one will touch me"
All because you let his cover device you.
Preaching to the Millennials that covers reveal true
But rapisit and murderers they look the same
As a friendly neighbor
Or a ******* lame
And now we grow up thinking our cover matters
"Why is my cover bigger, why can it be flatter?"
"My corners are to sharp"
"That covers' illustration is to much, haha, and they call that **** art!"
And we dress up
And we dress down
And try to look interesting
Now there's no story
Something is missing
We've cared so much about judging one another
That all we have left is an empty cover.

I'm in the bar
With all my friends
We're smiling
Laughing
Drinking
Telling stories
Sharing opinions
It's a great night
I'm trying to say something
But I get interrupted
I'm trying to say something
But I get interrupted
I'M TRYING TO SAY SOMETHING
but i get interrupted
The night goes on
The bar is full
People are getting louder
Trying to talk over the next loud person
My friends and I go outside
We are laughing
Telling jokes
Singing
Cheers go on and on
I try to say something
But I get interrupted
I try to say something
But I get interrupted
I TRY TO SAY SOMETHING
but i get interrupted
The night is coming to an end
People are leaving
Tabs are being paid
Some aren't ready to go
Other are tossed
My friends and I plan are next move
Some say come to my place
Others have work
Some are going for a walk
I try to say something
And my friend says what
I look down
Forgetting what was so important
I look up
"Oh nothing, it was just a bit crowded in there, thats all"
We all laugh in agreement

Have you ever felt something so dark and consuming.

Disney didnt lie
You just haven't found the right guy
And I don't mean that "nice guy"
You know the one
That always wants to have fun
But always expectin sumin'
And sleeping beauty lyin in bed
Rattlin her head
Like Disney said i was a princess
But I feel like a Pauper instead
Because I havent found that kiss that opens up my eyes
And all these players out here are frog just tellin lies
In disguise
But I want a prince eric that goes into the ocean
I want me Aladdin that knows how to fly
But ofcorse Disney didn't lie
And I just haven't found the right guy
3 days to find love
But that ain't enough time
And im tryin to find a healing flower
That heals my broken heart
A genie in a bottle that would set me apart
Maybe one day I will turn in to a mermaid and live a life with music and art
But thats a farce
Maybe I will end up like elsa
Queen of the singles
Not needing to mingle
With the common folk
Sometimes I feel like Disney is a ******* joke
But I keep hearing that Disney didnt lie
And I just havent found the right guy
The guy that will give me all his time
The guy that isn't in it for the money
Or the glory
Or the crown
But im looking around and all I see are these clowns
And John isnt around to save his Pocahontas
Theres a long list
Of reasons I get ******
That flynn's not out here trying to give me a kiss
And I feel like my opportunity was missed
And I'm on the ground in some mist
Waiting for the dwarves to put me in a glass casket
And i just hear the same fact
****
That Disney didn't lie
I just havent found the right guy

It's been a couple months now
But I haven't moved on
My heart still plays that old love song
I stay up late trying to sort it all out
I feel like I'm in summertime drought
Dumb and In love
I was as free as a dove
Now I put that dove in a cage
And hope
You will open it
Like a story book page

Test
**** them
How dare you tell me
I'm smart because I got an A
Im smart because I learned the material
I'm smart because I raised my hand
I'm SMART because I know **** that other kids don't know
What do I know
Not taxes
Not mathematics
Not English
Not grammar
Punctuation isn't a thing when you
Have to figure out LIFE
But is it life
Isn't a thing if you don't have
A diploma
So what am I doing
Nothing
I'm not smart
I'm conforming
To a life
That only answers
To a,b or c

Scrolling through face book
I see a memory pop up
So Ofcourse I click to see the rest
I see good times
Happy times
Just last year
and I smile
Then I see your face
And I stop
WHY would fb show me you
Why would fb remind me of the pain
Why would I still feel this way
I miss you
Im not happy about you

Women were taught to yell fire When our lives were in danger
Because other people would ignore if we yelled ****, help, please God someone can help me hes trying to **** me, I'm literally begging for my life, I'm asking to be seen, I can't take this  Man alone,
I was just walking and he started following me
I was just wearing a skirt and he started following me
I was just minding my business and he started following me
I can't walk alone because if I walk alone I'm asking for it
I have to have my brother walk with me or I'm asking for it
I have to have my boyfriend walking with me or I am asking for it
I have to have my girlfriend's walking with me or I'm asking for
I can't leave my drinks alone or I'm asking for it
I have to live in fear or am asking for it
  We were taught to yell fire when our lives are in danger

First time we kissed it was like all my dreams were coming true
I had liked you for so many years and the fact that you noticed me
My heart was unprepared for how hard it was going to fall
When you told me I was your girlfriend I screamed inside because I was so irrevocably happy
Every time you kissed me after that , well the feelings follow thus
Warmth, Passion, Happy, Excited, More, I want more, Never stop
You made me feel Beautiful with every kiss
I guess I must have said something stupid
I should have kept my mouth on yours and not said a word
I should have not had my own opinions
I forgot that I was YOUR girlfriend and that mean shut up and kiss me
I tried to kiss you less because I was scared of falling more in love
You kept persisting
I wanted to feel ugly again because I couldn't handle all the beauty you were shoving down my throat
When I pushed you away
Your grip got tighter
Running fast has never been my strong suit but what was I supposed to do when your hand kissed my face
Our last kiss was not how I pictured it
I thought it would be kind and gentle
Not a good-bye but a see you later
I guess I shouldn't have fallen for a kiss
but the person behind the lips

A girl scared to be alone, finds company in boy’s she claims she loves,looks above to find her way, but still continues on her day, never thinking twice, never thinking once, she tells everyone she does what she wants, never realizing she’s done wrong, maybe she’ll find comfort in this song

She sits at a diner all alone, surrounded by a million people but out of her zone, no one texts but she still checks her phone, she wait and wonders who will take her home

so blinded by love she can’t see he’s hurting her, stuck in her own little world, not looking around, her head stuck in the clouds, dreaming of a better day to come around, she lives the night life, she’s always on the town,  no money in her pocket, but she gets everything somehow, she doesn’t care, she lives in the now.

She sits at a diner all alone, surrounded by a million people but out of her zone, no one texts but she still checks her phone, she wait and wonders who will take her home

Little does she know that there’s always someone there for her, someone willing to take care of her, but she won’t give her a second look, and this girl is so wrapped up in her world, she talks to her but says nothing, its too hard for her to speak her mind, this girl will wait till the end of time

She sits at a diner all alone, surrounded by a million people but out of her zone, no one texts but she still checks her phone, she wait and wonders who will take her home

livin the vida loca dios mios shes driving me crazy, wanna tell her to get a grip, grab ahold and quit that ****, but she won’t ever listen, so why even bother, oh yea coz you love her, and you don’t want to let her go, she treats you like nothing and you still won’t let her go, while you sit in cry there she is again with a new guys, ain't that a surprise.

She sits at a diner all alone, surrounded by a million people but out of her zone, no one texts but she still checks her phone, she wait and wonders who will take her home

is there ever a moment you just want to stop the lies figure out a new way to compromise, oh you wish she could see you for who you are, her prince charming, you should be done with her but you cant get away from these feeling, you know you should quit her but you never will,  this girl had your heart like an oil spill, no way to clean it up and better yet you need your fix, shes like a drug

She sits at a diner all alone, surrounded by a million people but out of her zone, no one texts but she still checks her phone, she wait and wonders who will take her home

she dates guys exactly like you, and you wonder to yourself why can't it ever just be me, so you hold your breath until she sets you free.

I am excited
I swear
But every year
Im getting closer
And it scares me
I want a time machine
To go back and look at my life
I want to see every birthday
I ever had
But mostly
I just want to see my dad

Here's a manual on how to fix Broken People
WARNING : Do not attempt, it is never a good idea to fix a broken person unless they are willing to recognize that the need to be fixed
1. Start by finding a broken person
2. Once you find their flaw, point it out to them constantly
3. Work on that flaw with them
4. Change that person until you can no longer recognize the person you were trying to fix
5. Move on to the next person and repeat steps 1-5 until 6
6. Realize you're the broken person

I don't regret a lot of things in my life
I don't spend hours thinking about what could have been
I don't think about how we were rasied together
I don't imagine what our kids would look like
I don't dream about how much I love you
I don't cry seeing you with her
I don't curse the day I said yes and then got scared
I don't wish we were together
I don't say your last name after mine
I don't act like if I had just waited you would be mine
And
I don't always tell the truth

I drink
A majority of the time to have fun
To hang out with friends
To laugh
And sing
And just be me
Without being ME
To get out of my head
Because everyday is a constant battle
With anxiety
Or boredom
I'd say depression but I'm not Depressed
Everyday I freak myself out
Is the world going to end
Am I going to die today
Are we even real
Why am I in pain
Should I **** myself
Should I **** someone
WHY IS EVERYONE LOOKING AT ME
WHY ARE THEY YELLING
ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT ME
HELP SOMEONE HELP ME
OH GOD I CAN'T BREATH
WHAT IS AIR
IM DROWNING
IM LOSING CONTROL
IM FIGHTING BUT AM I WINNING
IM SCARED
CAN THEY HERE MY THOUGHTS
IS THIS ALL FOE NOTHING
WHY AM I LIKE THIS
so I drink
A majority of the time to have fun
To laugh
To sing
And just be me
Without being ME

When you first meet me
I am a catch
My first impressions are the best
I listen intently
I smile
I make you feel comfortable
Soon we are friends
But
And there's always a but
I really don't know how I pull it off
Because in my head is a hundreds
No thousands
Maybe millions
Of little voices screaming
Oh he's a hugger
Please don't touch me
****, he hugged me
Act natural
Do the pat thing! Do the pat thing
Why is he not letting go
Finally
Hey stupid smile now
Did he just say "irregardless"
Don't correct him
Don't correct him
Was that a joke
Light giggle
Just in case
Oh **** he's looking at me
Did he ask me something
I didn't hear
Just nod
Ok, good he stopped looking
Why am I even doing this
Do I even care
Not really
Zone out
Set to default: basic
And then it all goes fuzzy

When we first met
I fell in love
Yes
Love
The kind of love that changes a persons view of love
The kind of love that made you question if you have ever been in love
Before
The kind of LOVE that was impossible
And I hadn't even talk to you yet
I was so nervous
I wanted to leave
But ****
It was to late you saw me
And you smiled and that was it
I walked over
Well more like gravity pulled me to you
Like an inescapable force
That I did not want to escape
Impossible man
Is this fate

Is it worth the lives that are lost
The knives
The guns
The ammo
The litte girl without a father
The little boy screaming mother
The sister who now doesn't have a brother
The brother who sister is now gone
And violence is still number one
Is it worth crying over a husbands lost life
When he got mugged by a stranger
With a knife
46 dollars a friend lost his life
Is it worth the wife who had nothing to give
All she wanted to do was live
To see her kids
Got shot instead
And now her kids are crying cause shes dead
Is it worth the pain that comes with
Is violence really
Worth it

You fall in love to easy
and that's alright
Because that means there is a light in you that can't be put out
No matter how hard you get knocked down
You can get up
Because LOVE is what you're after
And when you fall in love
You fall
Well more like jump
Like you can't wait to fall
Falling takes to much time
And when you realize that maybe it's not meant to be
You stand up
Dust yourself off
Take a deep breath
And you're ready to fall again
Well Jump

He caresses my cheek softly with his lips
His hands are tracing my hips
He leans closer to bask in my scent
His body is close, my head is bent
He kisses my forehead ever so soft
His bed is roughly the size of this loft
He holds me tight
His mouth whispers "good- night"
He hugs me like in a move scene
He's my King and I'm His Queen

****
Yes I said it
Because **** isn't Voldemort
He who shall not be named
And I'm not a victim
I'm not ashamed
I can say ****
And talk about it too
**** isn't a bad word
**** is Bad to do
The word **** didn't take away what was mine
The word **** didn't "forget" to ask this time
The word **** didn't make me take a hot shower because
God I feel gross
I feel like I'm a ****
I feel like it's all my fault
I feel like **** didn't do that at all
**** is a word that people
Who haven't been forced to do something I said no to
Tip toe around
Because "****"  might be a trigger word
When I say ****
Why do your eyes fall down
Why did my mom teach me to yell
Fire!
Instead of ****
I feel like you can see a fire
But you can't hear my fate?
Why is **** such a bad word
Can we talk about **** the way that we should

I will never let you go
I will stand for you
I will love you so hard
You are my life
My whole world

"I love you"
"I Hate you"
Really though they are the same
The more you HATE
The more you show how much you care
The more you LOVE
The more you're open to despair
"I love you..."
"I love you...."
"I LOVE YOU....."
Like I'm pleading for you to need me
Like I need you to want me
Your attention is all I want
Your touch is all I need
I scream in my own head over & over
And it's so good!
Until
I can't take this anymore
Until
Maybe I don't want you to need me
Until
Please stop touching me
Until
Why are we still doing this
Until
"I hate you"
EVERY thing about you makes me mad
Your hair
Your eyes
The way you speak like you KNOW everything
News flash
You don't
"I hate you"
The way you walk
The soft skin you have
The way you held me
"I hate you"
That you made me feel
That you left
That you're not here
"I HATE YOU"
Not just Because loving you got So hard
But because
Hating you made me realize
How much 'I still love you"

This was supposed to be fun
but now it's hard to say
We fight every single day
We didn't have much friendship to begin with
So now it's hard to live with the constant feeling like
I'm doing something wrong. I stay in one place. You told me you moved on.
I started to like you to tell you the truth
Then you shot me down, rejection painted me as the clown
So I tried to move on
Started another connection, because I thought all you saw me as was someone to relieve your *******
Then you got angry, and confusing word had been said
I don't understand what going on in your head
Why did we start being beni-friends?
If you liked me,then you should have just said it
If you don't want me around whose gonna regret it
If you want to find someone new, stop bringing me around like your favorite old pair of shoes
I'm getting confused
And my emotions feel abused
What do you want from me?
And yes, i'm asking you to choose.

My love is like FIRE
So bright and warm you want to touch it
My love is like FIRE
Easy to light and hard to control
My love is like FIRE
Loud and exciting durning the night but when the sun finally comes up
Petty pointless
Unless you want to cook breakfast
And then put me out because lets face it
You only needed me for light,warmth, and food
You only need me to deafin the silence that surrounds the camp site
But dispite that
my love is still a FIRE
And I will let you use me to your hearts content
Because I know even with a sleeping bag you'd still be cold in your tent

Its ok ive been here before
Ive cried these tears
Ive locked this door
Its ok i know how to be scared
Ive been lied to
Ive known this fear
Its ok that you didn't stop
You're just like the rest
So I know it my fault
I know this test
Ill get through it
Just like i have many times

It's my right to say no
Whats not OK is the looks you get when they don't like your answer
Whats not ok is the sounds they make when they don't like your answer
WHATS NOT OK IS THE **** THEY SAY WHEN THEY DON'T LIKE YOUR ANSWER
" I did't want you anyway"
Good Because I said NO
So whether you decided you wanted me or not
I had made up my mind that YOU where not getting ME
Because I said NO
And when your face turns sour because I said no
I want you to understand
I DO NOT CARE
" Why are you being such a *****"
Well sweetie
Its probably because I was born this way
Insert ****** joke here to lighten the mood
Except it doesn't
You just don't want to look stupid
News Flash...it's to late
I said no
Because my body didn't want you
My mind wasn't into you
It wasn't the right time
I wasn't into it
insert rationalization here
Whatever the reason
I still said No
And Its my right

You make it easy to be around
And God I love it
In a world where everyone is crazy
You make me feel sane
When you kiss me
The world stops spinning
You and I are the only ones
And we travel to a new dimension
Where every thing is a desert
You are the only relief I get
The way you tease me
Makes me smile and it last all day
You are spectacular
Stellar
Unique
You are the only one for me
You are my oasis

Pardon me for my sad way of life
Ever changing
Cringing
Empty
Horizontal pleasure is my only escape
And Man I have to tell you
It's been a while since I got laid
Pardon me for my sour attitude
My aptitude
My faithlessness
The sin I carry isn't so bad
But a sin
Is a sin
Is a sin
Thats what my mother told me

Rules to being a lady
As told by the women in my life
1.Don't put your elbows on the table
2.Don't chew with your mouth open
3.Let the men get the doors
4.Say please and thank you
5.Don't speak out of turn
6.The oldest man goes first in the house(for anything)
7.Clean the house
8.Lay out his clothes
9.Cook his meals
10.Be a ***** if you need to be but only if it doesn't make him feel uncomfortable
Rules to being me
As told by me
1. Listen to how you feel
2.If it feels right then do it
3.If it doesn't then don't

"you'll never know what it's like to be a mother"
"Oh I didn't know you raised your brothers"
"Hmm, as well as your cousins?"
I was in California youth connections fighting for fosters by the dozens
I was the child left behind
But I was never blind
I knew my bind
My grind wouldn't stop
Making sure no child was left at the bottom
Made sure they could always shoot there shot
I knew just because I didn't get it
Doesn't mean I didn't want them to win it
Raise up the next generation so they can do better
Cross your t's and dot your I's
Make sure they can read every letter
Because it's not about how good or bad you did
It's about making sure they get through the stormy weather
So give them a jacket, some gloves and a hug
Because you can give them the world
But what a child needs most
Is love

I want to go to bed
But things race into my head
While the dog sleeping next to me sleeps like the dead

There's a tear on my cheek
It's for you
The plans we made
They didn't go through
There's a tear on my cheek
And the pain won't settle
The happiness we shared
Went to hell though
There's a tear on my cheek
That is filled with sorrow
I gave you my love
but you only borrowed
There's a tear on my cheek
That I whipe away
Becaue im a new woman
Starting today

They told me that the devil was beautiful
How right they were

Unfortunately their are no words that can be said
When it comes to the heart
We don't think with are heads
No logic
No care
Someone is left in despair
It's a beautiful song if you find the right tune
One beat to fast can mess up your boon
One beat to slow, can indeed end your life
Like the stabbing feeling of a cold sharp knife

We are the definition of TOXIC
We hate to be around each other
But are so madly in love
When we kiss
Its like fire is dancing happily around my mouth
When we hold each other
It's like the world stops moving and its only you and I
When I look into your eyes
I see love
True and honest
Without question or reason
But EVERY TIME  we open our mouths to speak
Nothing but insults
Hatred
Heart ache
Horrendous misuses of words that can't be taken back
And even knowing all that
I'd still take you back every time
Because when we're quiet
And we don't say a word
And the silence of you and I existing together
It's love

When I got ***** for the first time
The first thing I did was take a showe
And ever since then I take showers as hot as can
The second time I was *****
I got pregnant
But had no baby
The third time I got *****
Was so bad
The doctors say I may never conceive a child again
The fourth time I got *****
I finally told the police
Its been 3 years now and they still have done nothing
The fifth time I was *****
I wrote a poem of all the times I was *****
To see if maybe
It would let me go to sleep
Im 23
This has been going on for 8 years now
And I can't help but feel like it's me

Help.