It's chokingly apparent.
My breath was stolen
And my chest will neither rise nor fall

Easily done with a gaze
My head was sent for a daze
I feel both everything and nothing at all

I didn't know which were steps or missteps
If we were going forwards or back where we came
the only direction I know now
was that I was spun around

You can't undo it.
No, you can't go back
Let's just pretend
That we're on the right track

So she danced like the world was going out of style,

and in her mind, it was.

it was the beginning of some ending of just the perfect story,

and falling away into the vibrations was her only recourse

to close the chapter and transition into the next

the happy blurr of sound and motion

white noise tingling up her spine

pains fading into a pleasurable numbness

there is nothing left but the bass and the beat

the sway of  bodies and the shuffle of feet

Romancing the aether.

If soul mates are just little parts of the big bang that are meandering their way back.  

Knowing everyone is just a little remix of what they came across up to that point...
then maybe when you meditate and be one with the universe you're just allowing everything to reorganize back to it's natural space.

Telling everyone that their learned fears and hatred are not necessary...

we're all fragile little bits of stardust trying to find where we fit again.

If you give love,
and understand that we all just want to survive,
feel happy and loved...

then it's so much easier to abandon all these unnecessary negatives we have collected.

Fall in love with everything and nothing.

Be appreciative of the space between.

Some of them are part hilarity, part shame...

The thing is, there are so many reasons why I shouldn't have worked that job...

I was between 16 + 17, overworked, super ADHD, brand new driver, horrible with directions (and these were the days of maps and phonebooks... >.>).

I was usually running late,
not really prepared,
costumed,
carrying things,
haphazard
and I had (and still have) plenty of issues doing standard issue human things...

there was this one time that I remember going up to East Side Marios at the time...
and again,
this is over 10 years ago....

dressed up as a large bird...
and now I'm a fairly large human as it is...
especially for a female around 5'10" and in highschool, I was around that height already.

With this head,
I clock in at a good 7"...
toting either balloons, flowers or some other gift...

I wander through this restaurant,
asking waitresses to direct me to my location.

I get there, do the song and dance thing...

and I'm pretty sure I totally slacked off most times and did 1/3 songs or whatever I was supposed to.

I can't remember if the rules were never told to me proper,
changed or if I just anxietied the **** out of the situation and failed to deliver.

After I was done and trying to make my way the hell out of there.

I'm extroverted,
but not a fan of people seeing me in costume,
touching me,
trying to meander through waves of people dressed as a bird..

and just a plethora of other things.

I preferred being safe in the shop and just tinkering away.

Anyhow, while I was trying to make my escape, a waitress came over and informed me that they had another birthday party and she asked if I would be so kind as to go and say hi to the other party.

Now, being the good little roman catholic school girl that I thought I was being raised to be (save for the glaring oxymoronic behaviour that I tended to exhibit in shame when nobody was paying attention to me...)

of course I would agree to say hi and make someone's day a bit better.

I made my way over there,
and as soon as I appeared she screamed at the top of her lungs,
sprung out of her chair and dashed over to me.

Her arms flailed and found themselves all over my person,
rubbing and molesting with a intoxicated fervour I had yet not been in receipt of at that tender age.

Now, don't get me wrong, I had molested and manhandled my share of unsuspecting, awkward nerds at the time in my amazonian haphazard ***** youthful mode...

but around that time, most thought that I was much too strange and dorky to engage with.

So luckily, most wouldn't be able to get near my bubble,
especially not to the extent and excitement that this woman was sporting.

I fumbled over my words and sputtered out a, "Uh-uhhh.... Happy birthday?"

To which the woman gleefully exclaimed, "Aaahhhaha! It's aa giiii~rrrl~"

and at this point,
in youthful mortification i was silent
a heavier set bald man let out a lecherous chuckle, "Uh hue hue hue.... my turn."

All I remember was bashful waving and me trying to make the quickest escape my chaotic form could.

Now, I don't even remember how long I held this job for,
because most of my memories of the position involve some sort of failure and folly...

so, I'm not sure if I made a clean break and if I heisted the additional awkwardness from another story and mashed them together,

however.... on my way out,
I remember somehow bashing into a waitress and having at least six glasses of beverage go all over me, her, the walls and floor and make a hell of a clamoring all about.

I remember being absolutely ready to expire by the time I made my way back to the van to change out of the confounded outfit that made my existence even more cumbersome.

I am pretty sure most of the joys of that job only come in the retelling of the incidents in how entirely horrible they were to experience first-hand.

Let me get prophetic with you,
One is perpetually looking to fulfill the self,

Working, trudging, yearning + mourning.
Running a rat's race; avoiding being shelved.

Gotta step up, rock it hard,
Speak elegantly - articulate like a bard.

Nobody knows the inner strength - not even you,
Until you were found, tried, tested and proven to be true.

Someone once told me,
that soul mates shared the same pain....

So I shared it from my core, a line straight to my heart.
It built the fiber of my being.

Some days I forget how soft the texture was,
How fragile the materials,

I found a way to make ends meet,
And I tugged away at the connection,

I kept pulling at your heartstrings,
Yeah, I yanked to pull you closer,

Thinking you understood my way....
But all I did was unravel you.

Starting at your heart.
Now I lay in a tangle of strings.

Don't know where the end is,
Don't know where the beginning went,

It's all knotted like my stomach.
Knowing I made you come undone.

There is a mess on the floor,
and it's definitely all my fault.

We can only know our own strings.
What binds us, what connects us,

Ultimately how to tear us apart
I've fallen into my own trap.

These Cris-crossed strings have made a net.
And I don't know how to get out again.