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Aug 2019 · 160
Here we are
Vanilla Aug 2019
it's you and me again
but different
a second chance I fought for
but didn't expect to win

but here we are
your hand holding mine
me holding you
and a warm "welcome back"
from lips that I thought
were lost to time

I missed this feeling
I missed you
I never thought after all this time, that she would come back. I never thought she would hold me the way she did, look at me the way she did, it almost killed me losing her. but now she's gifted me with another round. I couldn't ask for anything else.
Jul 2019 · 246
We're a train wreck
Vanilla Jul 2019
You care when caring is irrelevant
when I've been fine, you bring back the past
that I leave behind
it's been weeks since I've seen you
the real you
Now all I have are the dry texts you've been sending
avoiding our dilemma
in hopes of dodge a dispute

Now here I am
kissing the mouth of a whiskey bottle
trying to drown unanswered questions
swallow uncertainty
and fill the hole in my soul you left behind
a part of me that was once full of love
is now an abyss of grief and anguish
a vacant space waiting
for you to return
May 2019 · 162
Vanilla May 2019
I want to tell you how frustrated I am with you,
how I've never had problems with girls
how I never get nervous
yet here I am
communicating behind a screen
like a coward
wishing I could tell you how you really make me feel

I want to tell you I love you
how you mean everything to me
how ide never leave your side
yet here I lay
in an empty bed
wishing you were by my side
May 2019 · 131
Where are you?
Vanilla May 2019
I will never love the same
I can't imagine myself with anyone but you
but you changed
and so have i
2 lovers with no time
and I miss you so much I cry
I cry hoping someone might hear me howling my sorrows
Hoping that you will show up

I will never love the same
I just wish we weren't falling apart
I wish you would give me the time of day
Instead, I've spent my day in bed wallowing in self-pity and pain

I'm tired of crying
Apr 2019 · 373
"Don't take it personally'
Vanilla Apr 2019
I can't help but take it personally
Messages ignored
Calls declined
A regular abnormality,
That I can't accept

I wish we can turn back time to before this mess
To before my anger
To before the secret sadness
To before empty glances and blank stares

I wish you would let me love you
I wish you'd tell me what's wrong
I wish we could ignore each other's past
And start over brand new

Te tengo y te extraño
Mi corazón arde de la soledad
Y mi alma anhela tu presencia
Porque en tus ojos encuentro la felicidad
Apr 2019 · 176
We don't share
Vanilla Apr 2019
My heart constantly cries out for you
My mind searches for your intellect
My body yearns for your touch
I seek to connect

I love you for loving me
I'm here for you because you're always there for me
If only I could remove your pain,
How you do mine

I will be here for you
Now and Forever
Share your pain with me
Make your problems mine

I don't want you to be as alone as I once was
Apr 2019 · 209
Distract me
Vanilla Apr 2019
My love
I've sworn to you that my love will never fade
and have promised to always be by your side
Thank you for donating your time
and for shooing away the pain

For your eyes of jade that break my anger
and your lips of silk that makes time hang
and a voice of gold
that when you say "I love you"
I suddenly feel my veins

You're on my mind constantly
You distract me from what's wrong with me
My anger and sadness become compassion and love
The melancholy that once peered over me disappears
when I see your smile and your beautiful gaze
To my love
Jan 2019 · 204
Ojos tristes
Vanilla Jan 2019
Me dices que estas bien
Pero sé que algo traes
Con ojos que me hablan más
Que tus labios rojos

Amorcito mío
Dime me tus dolencias
Quenta me de tu pasado
Para que te diga que no te preocupes

Para decirte que todo ya quedó borrado
Jan 2019 · 130
Vanilla Jan 2019
A kiss that stops time
and a gaze that makes me forget
everything wrong

A brush of your hair
and a swing of your hips
is all it takes

To remind me you're mine
Dec 2018 · 275
Happy New Years Babe
Vanilla Dec 2018
¿Estoy en el mal por amarte?
¿Por pensar en ti y en tu belleza?
¿Estaré yo incorrecto por anhelarte tanto?

Am I wrong for wanting to wake up by your side in the morning?
For being so infatuated with you?

Todo le que tengo es tuyo
Y soy capas de darte más
Pero necesitamos tiempo
ahora solo hay que esperar
Sep 2018 · 128
Vanilla Sep 2018
I don't want you any more
You treat me like ****
I'm done
You played me
And you've won

I tried
I really did
But maybe my best
Wasn't ****
Sep 2018 · 118
Shit can go wrong Q U I C K
Vanilla Sep 2018
I sent the risky text
The one that can make or break me
The one that can decide
if it's the end

I got excited
My phone vibrated
I thought it was you
It's just my phone dying

I wait
I become restless
Because regret feels endless
I can't take it
Sep 2018 · 205
Vanilla Sep 2018
"You're very sweet"
All I really am is naive
Thought of you pound my head
I try to sleep
But I see your peanut butter eyes
And ur strawberry jam smile
And again
You're on repeat

The things I want to say
But can't
The regret that might come
I can't stand

I falling

You wear this red lipstick
I just imagine
what it would be like to get a kiss
From a Rose
Sep 2018 · 104
(Place Title Here)
Vanilla Sep 2018


What is my ****** DEAL

I fell hard for you
But like glass,
I'm transparent
Like true love
Yet like a mirror
You reflect me
Fall for thoes who could care less
They're careless

It's true
What they say
Men ain't ****
You just have to find the one that's the least ******

Hi, I'm Steven
Writing > depression naps
Aug 2018 · 185
Vanilla Aug 2018
You cried so much
You can cry no longer
Dried out
Like a raisin in the sun
Aug 2018 · 86
The Flannel
Vanilla Aug 2018
My favorite flannel is grey
It has red and black stripes
And under the pocket
a bleach stain

I was wearing it when you told me
that you let go of that ****,
Unlike the sorrow, he left behind
Which stick around like the stain on my shirt

You were distraught and hurt
and after hearing you cry
Its as though that pain was mine

Simply because we are stained
Doesn't mean we are ruined
We just have to forget about it
Because you're still a great shirt
Aug 2018 · 91
What to do, what to do?
Vanilla Aug 2018
As the orange glow of the street post
and the white moonlight
seep into my room
I get a sense of relief
knowing I'm here to help you

Yet even though you're so close
I'm far away from being with you
You need distance?
Why, what did I do?
I came 800 miles for you
Aug 2018 · 78
What happend?
Vanilla Aug 2018
You used to call me at the most random times
and when I couldn't answer
I'd let you know
I'm 5 min away from blowing up your phone

I don't hit anyone up because I feel like an inconvenience
I came from my city to yours
Now it's just the same feeling in a different region
You were begging me to come
now I'm here and you don't wanna be near me
That's misleading

You always had my full attention
Now I'm here
And I'm annoying
I want to be near, but you need distance

I remember dropping everything when you were in a time of need
I see you can't say the same
I'm ****** if it rains

Now you're the only person I know

I would drop dead if you asked me too
Aug 2018 · 84
Vanilla Aug 2018
I don't know what true love feels like
The people I end up with bore me
But those I want, ignore me
Lust or Love?
I'm bored of saying I love you for meaningless ***
But I don't know when enough is enough

How have I pushed away everyone I chase?
Bad karma?
Bad taste?
Do you not want the time, money and love I create?
Don't worry, me neither
I don't deserve true love anyways
Aug 2018 · 122
Vanilla Aug 2018
Love is a lie,
At least that's what I thought
Yet you have me falling,
as if it was the first time

Love is a myth
Or is it?
Are you deceiving me?
With promises of a cure to chronic loneliness
It is
Aug 2018 · 142
Vanilla Aug 2018
Why am I like this?
I don't know
Act on impulse
To feel regret after

Who know's
how I feel about an emotion?
I don't
Do I enjoy sorrow?

Warm Jets pull me down
Deeper and deeper
Into an abyss
Drowed by darkness
I ****** up
Jun 2018 · 170
In Miami
Vanilla Jun 2018
I wish to write
But all I do is sit
with nothing in my head but a bunch of junk
my fingers question my mind
"why is there nothing for us to type"

I'm in Miami
12:26 in the morning
But with no sun in sight
It's still night
the only thing that's still visible
is the moonlight
just kidding
out the window, I look
in the distance are all the streetlights
Here I was
writing and ****
I look at my phone
30 min later
I'm on ******* Instagram
looking at memes and ****
here's a half-assed poem
no wonder i dont have anything to write
Apr 2018 · 150
It's O.K.
Vanilla Apr 2018
I tell you that I love you
You tell me that's okay
That you're sorry
For not being able to feel the same

Not being able to stand solitude
I cry next to a bottle
Maybe by draining sorrow
I can forget the pain
Apr 2018 · 100
Vanilla Apr 2018
I find every excuse I can to call you
I call you on days we have band practice
To ask when we have band practice
Just so I can hear your voice
Just so you can tell me what I already knew
Mar 2018 · 239
Vanilla Mar 2018
Todos me ven
Yo a nadie veo
Un océano de ojos
Me estoy hundiendo

Todos me conocen
A nadie conosco
Todos estos amigos
Ya a nadie tengo
Feb 2018 · 443
Vanilla Feb 2018
You never listen
Thru one ear
out the other

You did nothing wrong
You're nothing but perfect
He did you wrong
Blatant disrespect

You never learn
Fool you once
It's not on you
Fooled twice
That's askew
Feb 2018 · 148
SoMethiNG WrONg
Vanilla Feb 2018
As I write
I realize
I've lost all meaning
for everything in my life
For everything I once loved
I no longer feel delight
I kan't help but feel
that something is not rite
Feb 2018 · 236
Amorre Perdido
Vanilla Feb 2018
Me matas
Miradas vacías
Ojos Perdidos
Como si fuéramos desconocidos

Te llamo
No contestas
Extraño los días
Que admiraba tu belleza

Perdona me
Amorre mió
Por cualquier delito
Que e cometido
Jan 2018 · 307
Vanilla Jan 2018
I lay in bed
I miss you
I drink to forget
I feel regret
Jan 2018 · 270
"Happy" New Years
Vanilla Jan 2018
As a new year begins
with my past, I depart
and I start to think
of those things that pulled me apart
Like those things that pulled us apart
No more You & I
That's heartbreak
and the pain I, still to this day, am trying to shake
Just the thought of it makes me want to cry
I want to start this year with a jumpstart
And maybe next time I'll think twice
and think of the price I'll have to pay
Dec 2017 · 515
Only for a moment
Vanilla Dec 2017
We lasted 20 minutes
As I held you in my arms
You looked at the night sky
As you get lost in the stars
I get lost in your eyes
Dec 2017 · 292
Vanilla Dec 2017
Como pega la soledad
Cuando no hay alguien
Para con quien disfrutar
Cuando antojan labios que besar
O cabello que cariciar

I just remember those nights
When all I could do was hold you tight
And just get ****** into the black holes
That you call eyes
Oct 2017 · 317
Forget It
Vanilla Oct 2017
It's Non-Existent
I'm Heartless & Carless
You're Hurt & Torn

Now I can't sleep
Thoughts of you on my mind
Pillow flooded with regret
and I'm drowning

The fragrance you loved,
to me now stinks
and the scent of betrayal in the air
it really ******* stinks

I opened my mouth
and didn't think
I said words
I didn't mean

I'm sorry
That I hurt you
It just felt you didn't care about me
the way I cared  for you
Sep 2017 · 346
Vanilla Sep 2017
I don't know what I'm doing
I don't know where to go
Full of anger
I'm rotting
The one person
I thought was there for me
away from me,
She's running
I didn't see this coming
The heartbreak
of a friendship
its frightening
This feeling of
so familiar
It kills me
Just **** me
I would rather die
Than to feel this pain
Its better than being alive
Sep 2017 · 352
Vanilla Sep 2017
Was the color of my shirt
and the color of your dress
Your best friend's a heartless *****
And about you, no one gives a ****
But the one person that loves you
That would give up anything for you
You ******* ditch, right?
**** a night with me, right?
Who the **** wants to go out with me, right?

Is the color of my black heart
And the Roses I got you
As I typed that I almost punched my screen
All I want to do is ******* scream
I feel betrayed, ripped apart
I've been abandoned
All I ever ******* do is wait for you
But I'm a *******, right?
You never asked for this, Right?
Sep 2017 · 191
Only There
Vanilla Sep 2017
All I want to do sleep
Because only in my dreams
Will you see me
The way I see you

I want to fall into slumber
Because only in a world of fantasy
Will I be able to hold you
Without getting pushed away
Aug 2017 · 394
Te Extraño
Vanilla Aug 2017
I miss you
I have no clue why
I barely know you
This feeling, Logic it defies

Pero este poema
Pensando en ti lo escribo
Porque contigo, es real
Porque contigo, todo es falso

You’re Beautiful
If anyone says otherwise
They’re Delusional

How your eyes smile at me
How your smile eyes me
Mis Ojos no te ven
Pero mi corazón te siente

A conclusion I’ve come to
In this world, there’s no one like you
No hay un momento que no te tenga en mente
Como me enamore tan pesadamente
Aug 2017 · 199
The Way I Live
Vanilla Aug 2017
Dear everybody,
Sorry that it didn't go as planned
The world didn't take me by the hand
It tossed me aside, ripped my heart from my body
This is something I can’t fathom, can’t understand

No one gives a ****;
I feel like my life is stuck…
Because no one in the universe cares
Suicidal Tendencies
But no one has any ***** left to spare
I sit here patiently
With my bottle of Hennessy drinking to forget the way she ran her fingers through my hair

It’s sad
I've Gone Bad; I’ve withered and I've rotted
All this **** for one girl that can not be forgotten
Shook. I need to find a new outlook
If I don’t this .45 will bring the Reapers hook

Survival of the Fittest
Without her I’m Incomplete
I guess with me she didn’t fit in
Broken pieces of inevitable retreat
I need to hold her closer; this can't be our finish
But for now, it's just me and this pint of Guinness
Aug 2017 · 190
Texting You
Vanilla Aug 2017
Lots in mind
Nothing said
I wish to speak
I hide Instead

What does one do
When they feel this blue
Can’t Continue
Not without you

Goodbye, you said
As do I
Hope you sleep well
You don’t reply
Aug 2017 · 189
Typewriter and Pens
Vanilla Aug 2017
I need a computer, I can not type
Backspace to eliminate mistakes I make
To correct a defect I might have made
So I can drop more lines, more Good or Bad Vibes

I need a pencil, I can not write
erasers to remove bloopers I missed at first sight
To fix any disasters after my hand wrote backward
So I can forget before, and think of what comes after.
Aug 2017 · 160
New to Me
Vanilla Aug 2017
Is it wrong to feel the way I do
I've met you once
But It's already us
Just me and you

Thoughts of you are addicting
The way your eyes speak
As they tell me you want more from me
I hope to see them soon…
Lying next to me in bedding  

You got me feeling restless
With all these feelings
I'm moving too fast
I'll probably lose your interest

I’m not perfect
None of us are
But to me, you're so close
In my eyes, you have no defect
But if you let me go I’ll overdose

— The End —