You can feel my wistful and grateful looks
Following your silhouette along Boyukshor
In one of the dreamy days, we'll abruptly meet there
Very deeply I believe and I am sure.

Ah, my lake, I see you through her shiny eyes...
She loves you and I love both of you in turn.
I feel I was a bit late to love the life,
In revenge, my feelings it'll wittingly burn.
  
The last joys are shining out in a glow,
Is there a chance of constant unity?
Just virtuous Boyukshor always stands by
At least for calling up dreams of you and me

Having three lines and points of feelings,
I tried to match them from any angle.
Among me, Boyukshor and your existence,
I could not create a triangle.

Either me - standing lonely on its shore,
Or just you - wandering along by your own
And Boyukshor can't see us together just yet
One of us incessantly has to feel alone...

The lady in red,
brightly sparkling,
Sharing her warmth
but not flaming

Gave a laughing pose
and left quickly.
A pleasant rose,
also prickly.

Better just to look
to be admired.
Will keep you away
in a distance wired.

Rules are very odd,
sometimes very strict.
She is a flower
meant not to be picked.

I consecrate all guilt and prohibitions
which make me live and only life is sacred.
All letters of my poems are crying to reveal,
but in my despair is kept my secret.

And this secret is uncovered day by day,
You have even body and eyes, now I detect...
I feel your moving lips as my name flows down,
with your whole existence, you are more perfect!

Thus, I daily commit a suicide to live,
I will keep living for the sufferers like me.
When you lend your hand to me I feel as an army
And your all amities deeply delight me.

I am losing my mind because of longing
It brings the next phase of delirium.
I am being captured in a weird time zone
Even days are passing as a millennium.

Do you remember that day
when I gave you a candy
made of deep senses of mine?
You were glad like a child
and I also felt blessed.

Then I came with sweeties
with strong cognac inside,
you felt dizzy for a while,
then suddenly brushed aside.
Thus, I was deeply distressed.

You said - 'no more sweeties!
I have no heart to digest.
They are too bitter for me
and are full of poisons
so, my feelings they ******'.

They were in fact medicines
prepared from the pains.
Needed to add them your love,
but you gave them back to me
just for their bitter taste.

Resisting the pressures of past,
the most arduous duty I pursue,
I am sorry for missing myself
and sorry for missing you
in this rugged struggle.
And yet it is not too late
to deeply smile upon today.
So, I have a firm belief,
you'll remember all the past
in peace and sereneness,
time will wash all pains away
and defuse all seriousness.
You'll let me joke, you will see...
And I will feel free with you.
Then pensively I will ask:
'maybe for God to miss you?'
With different beliefs we carry
We both will laugh at this view.
However, with inner confession
only I will have perceived
the severity of my question.
You will just be angry
at my 'frivolous' way
But for me hereafter
the life is not anyway
as strict as a humour.
Strict it's my poetry - my poet me
- my solace neglected by you...
You are always very near,
as unwritten letters of mine,
as untold feelings flying through.
But I can type nothing to you
You are so cruel that
have broken my fingers also...
Just be a bit generous,
at least tell me any way
how without you to overcome
missing - in any meaning -
craving and hard losses?!

Today I visited the place we had met,
Once more I became very near you...
With my whole I was dreaming;
maybe to see you there,
or maybe to hear you...
I stepped on the ground you had walked through
and felt the places you had touched
possibly just before me.
All memories of dreamy past
clearly revived for me.
I touched the walls which imbibed your existence,
heard your healing voice and I can still hear it...
Then I rose in the elevator you had risen,
where had been left the particles of your spirit,
again the same feelings of contentment encompassed me,
even your atoms I felt all around.
They joined me and one more time I felt whole.
So, very insanely I had missed you so long...
Reminiscence of your laughter linked
the estranged parts of my brain,
in my heart began to play the divine hymn
As I was all ears, links became very clear and strong,
Your voice was like a violin accompanied by an electric guitar...
Flowing through my brain cells,
sick solos tortured all my neurons -
Bliss in tormenting despair...
I felt how my blood rushed through my veins,
how my eyes became blur and dark,
As elevator rose,
there was a feeling inside that
it was me raising it instead.
My hands became ready to embrace the life,
My fingers were ready to scratch its harsh face!
To carve your name on it!
You know, it is now very easy for me
As, once, before I have done it!
Suddenly in the background there began to play healing piano,
Of the splendid chaotic profound medley,
there was composed the melody of harmonic ascension
and I began to laugh in joyful pain.
You had always seen me when I wept without tears,
At that time I wished - when I laughed in tears you heard me.
Yes! Invincible I am becoming!
After your laughter and torments,
nothing can hurt me!
As long as to you I cling
and as long as you I adore,
Nothing can turn me from my path
or let me down anymore!

I feel how forlorn I am
As at every turn you remind my chains
Which I never neglected,
Which I can never break

I feel their traces
always in my blocked arms,
in my wrapped broken wings.
The only difference is,
they don't hurt me anymore
and not heavy to carry...

I take them everywhere
and ****** when I feel empty.
It makes me overpower
the dreams of free vanity.

They kindly remind me
for what I was awarded them...
If you knew how hard it is
knowingly where the key is,
when fools point me saying:
'Look, he is flying in chains'