I just wanted someone to hold me “without an ounce of selfishness”  
But as I lay there, falling asleep, his sweet caresses teetered towards that of greed
It wasn’t much, most would call it innocent- some might think it cute
But for me it changed everything
I could no longer lay down my defenses and fall asleep in his arms
I could no longer wake and be enamored by his face
His lips could speak the same words that once sent butterflies swirling within me only to awaken feelings of disgust, shame, and pity
For I had let myself think he was untouched by the world
And my reality was tainted

It feels right
Never a fight
Just a thief in the night
Stole our love
Made a space
A distance filled by this race
All that fame that you chase
For the hole
In your heart
When this barrier had its start
But your mother never saw
All the things beneath my scars
Her view marred by the way that I once fell apart

Funny how your warm embrace with emanation pierces cold
How painted words and reminiscence quickly became old
Your approval I once thrived upon, now makes me feel ill
This change was never tangible
Not one action- not one word
Though I fear it's irreversible
Our chapter preemptively told

Drip
    Drip
       Drip
Each time he snaps his whip
   The channel only grows
The dam will overflow  
    Attrition from his grip

Her unasked questions fill the room
Unnerving
We stumble around a conversation
But our eyes lock
They’re asking what her lips are too afraid to form

I wanted to believe it was black. Or white.
But found that it was gray.
Only, that was a birds eye view
The closer I get
The more I realize
It’s black AND white
Side by side
In every situation

Reality tumbles around me
When at last I try to speak it
Alarmed, I feel an imposter
Am I deceiving myself?
Or is reality deceiving me?