I have a distinct memory of crying in my room after a 5th-grade dance

Because the boy I liked didn't dance with me

I stared at my puffy water logged reflection in my streaked mirror and wondered why I couldn't have been born prettier

I never imagined over twenty years later I'd be doing the same thing

But instead, I ask, why wasn't I born smarter?

I see your name appear on my screen and bile rises in my throat.
Are you here to make nice or are you here to gloat?
I used to know you better than anyone but now you're a stranger.
I was so caught up in love that I never saw the danger.
You're an *******.
I am filled with feelings I cannot console.
Perhaps I am to blame.
But you lit the match and you created the flame.
You told me the blame is mine.
But you are doing just fine.
You are seeing other girls.
Inside me, a hurricane unfurls.
Even though I suffer,
I'm glad you've found another lover.
I split down the middle.
My emotions are a riddle.
All I know is that I have a ruined soul.
But somehow,
I don't care if I'm the one who gets broken in half if it means you get to be whole.

You kept the shirt I left at your house longer than I expected

I guess it was because it smelled like me

Which is why your abandonment makes even less sense

I only got my shirt back from this relationship

Now MY shirt smells like YOU

I will sleep with it until your smell fades

I never liked the smell of cigarettes until I smelled them on you

****.

I've never had insomnia before
Well, maybe once, but was it really insomnia? I can't be sure
Sleep has always come easy to me
Like a hungry dog looking for a treat
Now I watch the dreaded clock take my time
But was it ever really mine?
I imagine falling into a peaceful sleep
I want it so bad I could weep
I want it so bad, I get so angry when it doesn't come!
I'll fall asleep for a few minutes then wake up numb
Maybe it's not insomnia, now that I think about it
Maybe it's just my anxiety chopping at the bit
But is it really anxiety? I cannot be sure
Maybe it's just all the pressure
To figure things out
I don't even know what I'm talking about
I really need to see a doctor
So I can know for sure
It isn't that deep
I just want some ******* sleep.

They laugh and I smile
I haven't felt this good about myself in awhile
I love making people laugh
It seems to be my craft
I can make everyone feel good with a quick bite of my tongue
...not everyone
I don't make you laugh anymore
I used to make us both laugh till we were sore
I don't think I'll ever make you laugh again
That's because you aren't my lover anymore and you aren't my friend
I'm actually sure you hate me now
It's strange how life can turn out
I saw you in a restaurant and you wouldn't even look at me
It makes me sad to remember how happy we used to be
I miss the sound of your laughter
I miss the conversations we would have after
Now, you probably laugh for someone else
But overthinking is bad for my health
Everyone else will laugh with me tonight
And I'll go home alone and be alright
But I'll try not to cry as I think about you
And all the laughing we used to do.

Space and stars and gravity
Land and water and chemistry
Laying in bed, laughing with my friends
Sometimes I wonder about how it all begins
So many memories stored inside
From the time we are born to the time we die
Visions from so long ago
Which do we keep? Which do we let go?
I feel mom's warmth when I smell her perfume
I remember what you said when I enter this room
I feel his kiss when I hear that song
It feels like home when the clock chimes, "ding ****"
The Fall sounds like leaves crunching
The Winter feels like wind rushing
The Spring fills my nostrils with the smell of lilac and tree blossom
Summer looks like heaven and soaks my skin with sun
With each passing season, when will my memory be done?
From my first word to my first friend
I want to remember everything to the very end
All I can do is pray that my memories will still be mine
And they let me keep them locked away in my time capsule; my mind

Christmas used to be our time of year
But this year you're not here

I thought about wishing you a Merry Christmas
But it's a thought I had to dismiss

I know I hurt you bad
And you have every right to be mad

I know you'll never love me again
But part of me wishes we could still be friends

You are with someone new
Did she cut down your Christmas tree with you?

I don't even have the right to care
But part of this just doesn't seem fair

You're saying Merry Christmas to someone new
But just know I'm thinking of you