Liana

Liana Nov 2024

Sitting alone at lunch
Pathetic but okay
No, I don't want it be invited to sit somewhere I’m not wanted
Please just ignore me
Please go away
I’m okay here alone
Me, myself, terrible cafeteria food, and my music
Not too bad if you ask me

Wrote this today at lunch

It is not that people don't like me
Or that people don't notice me
We live tolerating each other's presence
I don't have the same interests as everyone else
That's all
They spend their time on tiktok
I spend my time walking
And writing poetry

Liana Nov 2024

Tomorrow

Tomorrow
begins the end
Tomorrow
I sit alone again
Tomorrow
I pretend I care what I'm learning about
Tomorrow
I wake up early exhausted
Tomorrow
I spend hours doing busywork
Tomorrow
I have to keep myself together the whole day
Tomorrow
The struggle to keep my tears in continues
Tomorrow
I feel so lonely always
Tomorrow
Begins a whole week of this

Tomorrow is monday

"Tomorrow is only a day awayyyyyyy"
-Annie

"Unfortunately"
-My response

Liana Nov 2024

Sad Common Sense

I am not a psychic
But I have common sense

Before the idea of getting a dog was in your head
I knew you would lose it

Before we even knew you would kick us out of the house
I know it would turn into a junkyard in your hands

Before the divorce was even official
I knew you would have a girlfriend the first year after or already had one before (still figuring that out)

Before we went on that last trip
I dreamed this would all happen

Before you went to meet your therapist
I already know you fed her lies

And people tell me not to worry when I say I know what happens next
And it's not pleasant

Liana Nov 2024

Walk

When I feel depressed
And want to do nothing
Feeling so stressed about everything
I get up
Get dressed
Pack my bag
And walk
Walk for hours and hours
In the sun or in rain
Until I feel better
And in the end
And I always do

It's always when I feel like it the least that I have to and today was one of those days. It was freezing outside but I walked for at least two hours, and as always, I eventually felt better. I recommend it so much. Just you, your music, and the sky...

Liana Nov 2024

False hope

Every time you got better
I would make a mistake
I would think it might last
I would think maybe
Maybe this time it would stick
It was only false hope

Time and time again
The "new you"
Never lasted
In an unexpected instant
You switched back
Just when I thought you changed
False hope

I would rather never hope
Than have my heart crushed every time

This is about my dad. He has BPD (Borderline personality disorder) and it makes him very unpleasant. Constant changing, no stability. It really messed with my head. When he would be in a good period I would always hope that this time it would last. Now I realize it won't and that he is never changing forever and it's better to believe that. I hate false hope.

Liana Nov 2024

I want a kind person to see me struggling

I want a kind person to see me struggling
Not by me showing them
But by simply observing
And care
And ask if they can help
Sometimes they can
And sometimes they can't
But that itself
Is enough for my heart