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Nov 2017 · 518
Fallen
Friends, flirting, fun times
It’s been so long since I felt this way.
She pulled me in close,
but she let me down gently.
So I suppress, contain, at times restrain
my love for her.
It’s painful to hang on,
we still have great times together.
I know our friendship is strong.
I want her in my life
I tell myself I will NEVER find another
I tell myself there will be another
I tell myself I will Never find another
I tell myself there Will be another
I tell myself I will never find another
Time will take what time needs
to lead me through this.
So I suppress, contain, at times restrain
my love for her.
I tell myself I WILL find another.
Love & Relationships are tough for all; Add being transgender (MtF), still very attracted to females it's close to imposable. Many of us have the feeling of "Forever being alone" Oh we have friends but a soul connecting partner, not likely. But like everyone I still hold on to HOPE.
Feb 2017 · 371
To my Valentine
The first time I realized my feelings for you,
I tried to imagine what we would be like.
I would always hit the obstacle
Built to protect me from more rejection,
Contain the feelings of loneliness
My way to cope, sustained life
You found the secret entrance
And touched my heart
You have invited my imagination
To blend with yours
A true since of happiness
Puppy like excitement has reentered my thoughts
I am grateful to be on this adventure
Dec 2016 · 619
Touch
I’ve searched the stars
To find the perfect time
To touch you with words
Here and now is prime

I’ve searched my mind
To find the perfect state
I’ve been completely in a fog,
Now clearing, I know my fate

I’ve searched the web
Scrolled through countless pages
Reading other poets writes
To get inspiration from the ages

I’ve searched my heart
It now beats with excitement
Having you in my life
Is my new assignment

I wish to capture the power
That’s only perceived by touch
And put it into words
That ignite emotions as such

Simply
Absolutely
“YOU ARE LOVED”
___________

Michelle Milford
20 December 2016
To Brenda Chuleewah
Dec 2016 · 1.1k
Untitled
The light at the end of the tunnel is visible.
My mind is racing, but I have a calmness of relief.
I’ve given all I could to those I love.
One more sun rise to warm my soul
before my body goes cold.
I’ve caused enough pain
Mostly to myself
If only I could find the strength
To live without fear
And be the woman within.
I blame no one but myself,
For I am a coward
One more sun rise to warm my soul
before my body goes cold.
No title just an ending. I have decided to share this because I'm in a much better place emotionally now. I had forgotten about this writing and came across it while I was purging my drive. Luckily I realized I really needed help, I had entered into an extreme danger zone and took action, deep breath and asked for help. The light at the end of the tunnel doesn't have to be the end but a much better, happier & loving time in THIS life. If you find yourself still reading this  remember to show love to everyone, you may save a life. On a scale of 1 - 10, my life now I would give an 8 on average with increasing spikes of 10. It's by far easy but I now have the support and love of so many people in my life. Most know nothing about my climb out of the pit. As for this site my Angels have been Wolf Spirit, Winn and Tivonna. Your friendship, support and words of encouragement, are a part of my soul. Love yous <3
Sep 2016 · 589
Existing?
Existing but not fitting in
Simply moving through time

Hoping for love, though
knowing forever to be alone

Friends & offspring are my life line

Simply moving through time
Existing but not fitting in
EMO dump to get past the loneliness.
I will be grateful for what I have.
I will be deeply appreciative.
Jul 2016 · 601
Tomorrow
I disagree with " Live for today, Tomorrow may never come"

Love does not live today,
so I live for tomorrow.

Today does not exist,
my heart and mind want a different life,
so I live for tomorrow
Dec 2015 · 470
Christmas Wish
All I want for Christmas is
a girl that can openly say,
Yes, that's my transfriend
Yes, I am in love with her
In return
I would love her like Blue Bell.
feeling lonely, but this too will melt away, getting ice cream :)

UPDATE
On Nov 26th 2016 my wish has come true. <3
Sep 2015 · 985
Live (10w)
Live endless love,
be loved endlessly.
Live exclusion,
be excluded.
Note to Kim Davis
Sep 2015 · 441
Michael/Michelle (10w)
I'm neither one individually,
but both, all the time, ME
I'm often asked "should I call you Michael or Michelle" I present as male during the week work hours and as female 50% of all other time. I find myself apologizing for being so confusing to others. I know, it's confusing, does this explanation help?
Jul 2015 · 620
Fight or Flight
Always in fight or flight mode. Seldom able to relax.
Fight to get up in the morning but Flight from the fear of being late.
Fight to present as gender labeled, Flight to hide true gender.
Fight to be apart of Society, Flight from being discovered.
Fight to accept myself just as good, Flight the urge to give up.
Fight to express strength, happiness, a sense of peace,  Flight from fear of being labeled negatively, being seen as less than, treated special as if there is something wrong with who I am.
I'm never late for anything, I have been known to sit in the car and wait so I'm not the first one to arrive at a party . . . Generally happy most of the time but I feel I never really relax and just be, breath, feel, become part of the big picture of existence. I know crazy person here. I should get that looked at. LOL
Jun 2015 · 1.5k
Jess Shipps
My heart breaks, Someone I have never met committed suicide today. (June 23, 2015) I'm told she had felt particularly despondent recently after extended unemployment. She described being unable to afford basic necessities or transition-related medical care, as well as being hurt by social rejection, yet also recalled better times when one of her greatest joys was to make others smile and laugh. Planet earth lost another beautiful soul due to the pain of social rejection. People open your minds, your hearts and see the beauty in each other. Cherish the diversity that each soul adds to your life. Simply love . . .
My mind is in a downward spiral, She was 23, I've survived to 50. What do I have that I can share / do to help stop this??????
Mar 2015 · 5.4k
Real
Proving myself worthy,
has been futile.
You still see me as flawed,
I am real

My love is honest,
not just a word.
Not just an emotion,
Love is real

New safety nets are up,
fear of more rejection.
Time to part ways,
Loneliness is real.

Time is short,
so many distractions.
Struggle to stay focused,
Pain is real.

What drives me to keep living?
How long will it save me?
I want to keep loving you,
Be loved by you.
Real
March 23, 2015
Feb 2015 · 2.0k
Shadows
Born He,
Discovered She within,
Express her, teased, laughed at, pain,
Hide, act like the other little boys,
Smile, battle the pain, just be happy.
She moves within the shadows.

A shimmer of light, home alone,
A chance to grow, express her,
Caught, rejected, pain,
Hide, act like the other young men,
Smile, battle the pain, just be happy.
She moves within the shadows.

Married, wife, children, life is wonderful,
Baseball, Barbies, basketball, XOXO
Hide, act like the other husbands/dads,
Smile, battle the pain, just be happy.
She moves within the shadows.

Marriage issues, stress, depression,
Open up, wife confused, sad, sicken,
Rejected, pain, world collapsing,
Hide, act like the other husbands/dads,
Smile, battle the pain, just be happy.
She moves within the shadows.

Divorce on the horizon, feels like death,
Pain, hide, be strong in front of kids,
Smile, battle the pain, just be happy.
She moves within the shadows.

Seek help, Jesus, therapy, Trinity UMC,
Strong growing support, acceptance,
Others with pain, be Her,
Smile, battle the pain together, finding happiness.
She moves slightly out of the shadows.

Divorce still on the horizon, still feels like death,
Kids all young adults, happy, healthy, informed,
Out to them, accepted, love I've only dreamed of,
Smile, battle the pain together, finding happiness.
She moves out of the shadows a little more.

To Be Continued . . .
Feb. 4, 2015

Update Nov 2016
I will be presenting this piece at TDOR (Transgender Day of Remembrance) Ceremonies in Austin Texas. City Hall Nov. 20th
Feb 2015 · 9.2k
Hidden Battle
He woke this morning
Another night of her dreams

He glanced into the mirror
She’s not real it seems

Society unknowingly accepts
The image presented
Unaware of the damage
Being self-inflicted

He hides her for fear of rejection
She battles for her reflection.
______

Michelle Renee Milford
Nov. 2014
I was blessed to have this poem chosen by T.E.N.T. (Transgender Education Network Texas) for the Austin, Texas 2014 Transgender Day of Remembrance ceremony at City Hall. :) :) :)

— The End —