In the darkness the voices are so loud
They clamor to be heard, there are so many of them
They shout over each other, saying such contradictory things
Hurtful, shameful things
Please let them stop
I don't want to hear them

I open my eyes to the light
There is no one around
I am alone in my pain and grief and confusion
Where did everyone go?
So many voices, but no one to listen to mine

I cry from the loneliness, my eyes close around my pain
And it starts all over again

I am held as a hostage
I cannot make a move
Your silence, your inconsiderate behavior makes me immobile
I thought we had plans
My day was arranged around that idea
How long does it take to send a text that says I can't make it, 30 seconds or less?
I don't even need an excuse
Just a release so I can have the hours of my day back
It costs you nothing but until you decide to release me I am a hostage.

I have a confession to make
I have a friend I am not very nice to
Everyday I tell her horrible things
I tell her that she is not very pretty
After all, she is getting old
She also doesn't work hard enough,
She really does need to do more
She isn't very smart because she didn't go to college
No wonder she doesn't have an impressive career
It must be true otherwise she would be told more often by those that love her
They tell her, but clearly they don't say it often enough
But yet she still tries so hard to make me happy
Every time I need her she is there
Every time I look in the mirror she always looks back at me
I need to be a better friend to her

Therapy comes
Healing starts
Expression is the release

Pain recedes
Experience the new
Normal by using the pen

Memory is all that's left
Of the woman I've loved
More than any other

My emotions are so confused
Our family now has a hole that cannot be filled
Too soon, SHE has gone away forever

Your sadness was unbearable to me
and only increased my own sadness
I am delighted to see you smile again
I need to see you happy
Elated that you have found someone that can once again make you whole
But I know she can never fill the hole
that was made when SHE went away

She will sit in all of the places that SHE has vacated
But she can never take HER place
Thankfully she is respectfully not trying to fill HER space
She knows that can never be

We will love her
But it will be in a different way
It is clear that she loves you too
And that makes me happy

Why did YOU go away too soon?

We've decided to stop seeing each other so much.

I am a little anxious about this decision 

Strangely you know more about me than anyone 

Yet I can't call you a friend 

I have to somehow walk a line of being completely vulnerable with you, but yet aloof 

I want to talk to you when things are rough 

But I have to learn to walk through them alone

That sounds so frightening, but its supposed to be good

The pen has become a stand in for you.

He is always available

Like you, he will not judge me

He makes me look deeply inside at what I'm feeling

You used to do that

Oh, I know we'll still check in every once in a while 

It seems like its time to find another new normal 

Still I think I'm going to miss my friend