I have faith that God exists, but it borders on opinion.
It is either a secondary subjective opinion from say a Prophet or believer, or it is a first-hand subjective feeling of the presence of God which is like faith (as Kant defined opinion and faith).
I would say that God is not objective knowledge, though objectivity can be applied to It.

Then by what is meant by soul is subjectivity.
All gods are imperfect.
To make perfection a god is to separate it from life.
Therefore, God is as a zero orbit to which perfections are a decreasing in number (to the number brain).
For to give God an outer boundary would be to deny the universe, and to give God a lower boundary would proclaim zero degrees Kelvin.
Therefore, God is a limit, but for which all my soul's life or lives can never reach.
Prophets merely remind me that science involves different universes and that my subjectivity will never come to an end.
Just as energy can never be destroyed or created.
The Eastern Avatars are here to remind me that my subjectivity has had no beginning inasmuch that I can only progress from rereading history.

The crux of the argument is that once coherence is reached, it is met with more chaos.
Thus, the book of atheism is neverending just as the concept of a perfect god will never be attained or eliminated.

But what of truth?
Shall it not always remain both objective and subjective?
(Alchemists always believe in a baseless bridge.)

There is a difference between the language of math and the calculating of math.
Calculations prove knowledge of lower levels.
Language of math proves knowledge of higher levels.
It is the difference between reading topology and being able to reduce it.
It is the difference of reading a differential equation and solving one.
Reading is connected to concepts while calculations are based on pushing buttons.
"Stop teaching calculating.  Start teaching math." ~Conrad Wolfram
He says I should think about posing questions in the real world (or the holographic one).
University still hasn't become up to date.

All mathematical equations
from differential equations
to quantum field theory
to string theory,
have a backdrop,
i.e. can be read as,
a series of fractions
with differing numerators
and denominators.

Reason is "the messenger of the realm of the body" which "fostereth the growth of all things".
So just as it says in the Gospel, that any speech good or bad of Christ is a blessing.
So to is any denial or doubt of God.
Tis but the messenger of reason only adding water to the Tree of Life.

The difficulty of visualization comes from 3-ness which gives rise, as Lao Tzu said, to everything-ness.

More depth of understanding of math could come from breadth of sources.

What can I say that I've broken the Baha'i Fast so that I won't be overly anxious on a busy day at the restaurant?
Using my arms and back to wash dishes.
Tactile placement of the feet around co-workers.
Remembering every detail needed for deliveries.
Baha'u'llah has exempted heavy labor from the Fast.
I couldn't do my work without constant water and a store of calories.
But what of smoking on work days?
What would God think?
The fact that I'm overly anxious at work without them has made me know how addicted I am.
So anxious as to question whether I should quit work.
"Don't do that to me again," my body tells itself, "last night was too much anxiety to simply be without smokes."
I suppose my soul will go to a tier of the afterlife where people are addicted to cigarettes.

The fact that mathematics does not engage the language brain, but instead the spacial and number connections, means that an invention will inherently be spacial first and from this proven in numbers.

Every day in math I face the halting problem:
whether I can finish a proof,
or whether I will go on trying to prove forever.
At any given point
all problems become an undecidable problem.
Time for a break.

Reflection is an object just like an atom or a wall.
When this object reflects nothing, there is no object at all.
Nothing is so disgraceful for a writer, except to hearken to its call.
No life is there save by this word, a letter, or a number even.
Only appreciated when the song birds sleep.
During the day I replace it with something, so that I may reflect some object.
For "nothing" is as sleep except for one still awake at 5 AM.
Coked up you could say on dark chocolate, green tea, and nutmeg.
Spaces held together by cigarette puffs.
Waiting for sunrise for another day of the Baha'i Fast to begin.
Hollow is how I feel from concentrating on vipassana alone.
But what is peace if there is no knowledge?
"No knowledge, no peace," there I've said it.
Already missing the winter, though I dreaded it.
Or is it "Know knowledge, know peace," I play with it?
So here I hold the philosopher's stone.
In a month I'll question if I really did.
This thing, a thing it is, though it is a chameleon of sorts.
The trick is to never make small talk with myself.
Though at this a seasoned person would balk.
What is left but a heart beat and a nerve?
A silence that will soon be warmed.
Oh yes, at a new day I must restate what has proved the tests of time: what is consciousness?
I think what they really are asking is what gives humanity our level of abstraction.
Why it's been proven: our large brain compared to our body's size.
Why must consciousness be a surprise?
DNA that formed from the elements: is this a more abstract conclusion?
Or, should it be found in a vaccuum: where no one can socialize, so only one team of scientists can win the prize?
Is it in God, to which I say a Prophet has said we will never ever know.
Within reason, to know God, our DNA would have to further differentiate.
By this, I mean, these mutations is what we are after.
To evolve, could this be consciousness' answer?
Without sleep, no meat (for a year), what other memories could rhyme: deer?
Rabbits and squirrels, mosquitos and trees all sleep, but please: I'm on a numbered clock not a clock of the sun.
Remember when the Braves won?
Remember when the pool was no sport, but fun?
There I go in frivolous pastimes.
Insight, insight, insight, my superego clamps down.
Produce a pearl for Hello Poetry to muse.
Although sometimes these poems I think confuse.
Humanity's joy shut down by a virus.
But an introvert's paradise, what consolation.
To the news half of the ears surmise.
Why is the news about dollar signs?
Capitalism is the Holy Ghost of some.
Give all my money to the Church and Republicans.
Tell us "only Jesus" when only half your gospel you follow.
Tell me Jesus is love when you think hell is beneath.
What grief!
Have you ever heard of the sweet sparrow of Baha?
Calling all peoples leaves of one tree?
Saying every person is equal, no more righteous, nor exalted?
Setting the hearts of the followers of all religions on fire?
They all are One, we say.
You practice yours, I'll practice mine, but never say "hell" to one another, and you'll find:
a better Earth, hearts of heaven too.
A better neighborhood for me and you.
*
But I know some have searched the hearts of Baha, only to find we're "one wayers".
If you cannot find the mercy in us, we're happy for you to join another religion too.
Thanks for inquiring, and if Baha rings so true, but find it's not practiced right, then Baha has said truly no religion is right, no religion is true.

It seems mathematics is a progression toward relative and free models.

I get the whole line of reasoning more than every small instance of reasoning in my book, but that's why there are problems to work on.

I'm not to the point where I can write a textbook.

Delineating a series of concepts builds and builds and builds. It is not like a story that has a peak and tail off. Instead, it always builds.

Simply the idea of linear independent vectors forming a basis means that any two objects can create its own universe.

The child thinks the simplest, and therefore is the object of the simplest questions.
It also gets the most heat from those sure of themselves.
The child is the source of the deepest learning and is therefore the Source of enlightenment.

"Only a temporary awareness can know something finite."
~Robert Spira

The soul is Calabi-Yau
every quality of topological string theory
correlates to the workings of my consciousness.

String theory,
I used to refuse,
but from topological soul,
to spacetime soul,
finally to what is here expressed.

Math is appropriating the qualities of form so as to make generalizations about their interactions.
Like saying W=wisdom, l=love, and s=speech, then I could say W(l,s)=Wl+Ws.
Here wisdom acts as a qualitative change of l and s together.
Or, W(l,s)=Wl*Ws.
In this way wisdom act as a multiplier, but it could get trickier if wisdom acted as both a multiplier and a qualitative change.
So I could ask how I could represent that.

The difference is that wisdom has no physical representative.
Whereas stating V, a smooth vector space, has elements (e1,...,en) automatically gives a representation.
Functions onto this space would be characterized both by its definition and representation, much like the term "running".
What seems difficult is adding more and more verbs together to form other verbs, where these verbs have a whole list of what is included.
Also, why would two different symbols, like walk and run, have similar qualities?
Or, why would two similar definitions, like escort and escrow, have different meanings?
Thus, although math is said to be a universal language, it still is a nuanced language, and the number of years and hours spent learning it is directly related to its familiarity.

A light growing bright,
and changes frequency.
Earth forgotten a time
before the push screen.

My understanding is three chapters behind in my hind brain, and three chapters ahead in my forebrain.
So much for linear thinking.

Since all computers can work out any math,
then my problems of math thinking
are simply that I have a lack of
ANDs, ORs, or NOTs
in my brain connection.

What the Bab said there are endless insights in every book, he also meant math books.
Seeing the layers is knowing the infinite.

What is math?
Or, what is understanding math?
It is a process of working with establishing information, which is much like finding the keys of a piano when blind.
Once the key is played, I remember, however faintly, the steps I needed to find the key.
When there are many ways this key is found, it becomes trivial like learning to ride a bicycle or learning to walk.
Thus, math understanding truly is a way of making truth less meaningful, almost insignificant.
Thus, a branch of knowledge loses its glory, its child-like wonder.
How few of us ride a bicycle  today out of fascination for the ride?
Yet, just as BMX stars compete globally, so too must a creative mind find tools which will allow me to create.
Is math doomed to fate, or will I resurrect it in creative destiny?

I found how infrequently some points or lines could align with a hyperplane.
It sounds way harder than it was, probably because I used to not know the succession of steps to learn about R^n and the hyperplane.
They are easy to grasp but it used to not be as easy as 1,2,3.
But it really is a simple plane in n-1 dimensions of R^n.
Yet when I first encountered the word some years ago, it was quite mesmerizing.
I think math will always be mesmerizing except if I've encountered it in pedagogy.
With this understanding, I know that all math is stepwise succession within its branch.
But somehow this leaves things undone, probably because I can't cheat true and tried pedagogy.
That's what I really want to do.

Just prove everything with the chain rule or by making it equal to zero.
Sure it seems to work?!
What ignorance will I find myself in next month?

Differential manifolds works on the visual status of my brain just as elements or compounds reacting with each other exchanging electrons.
How simple to imply, how hard to deduce.
Who needs these similes?

The self-math brain leaves me with only a space in my head, even without a tongue.
Ready to reflect only "numbers" back at myself.
It is rather humiliating actually not to have a narrative in my brain besides "math", "math", and again "math".

Wow, understanding the concepts of half a differential equations course online
completely integrated five years of physics concepts
along with all my self-study of calculus and manifolds.
Yet still I march on.

My math proofs are just as circular as my belief in God.

The spatial reasoning brain naturally multiplies its seed.
Its negation divides.
The number reasoning brain naturally adds its seed.
Its negation subtracts.

These two sets have become distinct for clarity.

In fact, not answering a math question exactly like pedagogy is just using common sense.
It seems like such an easy statement from induction, but so profound from deduction.

Math, from addition to tangent bundles, is more like every principle is of the same level of complexity.
It is only adding to others that makes them confusing.

I just like to keep an inch of coffee in my mug.

Walking through the house
putting my coat on
smoking on the porch alone

If I'm answering math problems in language, it means I haven't developed my symbolic number and spacial brain enough.

If I can make a logical pattern with the elements of a problem which is better than what I had before attempting it, then I've "solved" it.
At least for now.

I always take her to the bottom of the sea, before I realise I've forgotten the greatest commandment.

Self-studying is the dichotomy of enthusiastically knowing more and insignificantly knowing nothing, along with the roots and branches of motivation

If it doesn't matter spacially whether there is a 1st or 2nd, etc., connection, then this matter shouldn't matter within reason.
As long as a connection is made or not made, that is all that will stand out.  
The kind of connection made cannot be spacially signified except via overlap or by tangency, so therefore, within reason the kind of connection made should not stand out either.
Therefore, this subject of topology is really a matter of 'connect the dots'.

A differential equation really tells me that reality can be examined by as many factors with as many changes over as many dimensions as imaginable.
And that orthogonality, tangency, surface area, and volume are basic orienting points, along with rates of change, and that I can transfer this data into a set that is much like a map.
However, it tells me only of concept and not the world, or only basic geometry of the world.
It tells me a lot about space and the symbols and numbers that represent such concepts.
Yet language tells me of my mind, and this math only points out that any change, volume, space, or objects in a dream can be seen with numbers and symbols - that spaces can be exact.
Which may say something about the future, but it can never tell me of the afterlife.
And that spirit/soul even in my materialistic theory means very little when confronted with a new universe.
If I go to another universe, universe B, from this universe A, then even with the transposing of *** and evil into companionship and innocence, in my understanding, these two changes would make the rest of the universe differ greatly.
Thus, the thought of the afterlife will always empty my mind of this universe, leaving me with no real full knowledge of life as I have yet to even use my senses in the next one.
I then always return humble while the atheist considers this universe to be eternal already, without prediction to experience anything greater than its synchronicities.
I have to give them a hand as I imagine this universe overfills them and are forced to deny the spirit rising beyond our cosmos, but rather affirm the spirit that is the totality of this one.
It sets no stage for memories, unfinished karmas, or meeting with the peoples of history.
Therefore, it places a great significance on today, a great significance on love that exists now, and a great significance on the works our forefathers left us.
I would say that this is superior for creating a sense of progress, a sentimentality for others, and a need to experience an openness with all this universe.
Above all else to check off everything on my bucket list.

Existence that remains unknown is existence without rules.
Since 'kun fiya kun' or "Be, and it is" is so basic,
the only answer to "being" that solves is b+e=be.
Still I question: "what am I, now?" as if I've never heard an answer.

My mind cannot cognize its own existence with "be" nor another verb.
Its rationality is as truth, which has no limits.
Yet, in the midst of expansion it asks "what am I?"
Answering: "fullness" is rejected when I can reject the fullness.

"Disbelief" is what I am when everything is going right but I must say "I am not there yet".
This disbelief is the wind in my sails, without it I would not have gone anywhere.
For even positive knowledge says "there is more to find", really saying "you are not you".
Thus, I am never.
Whereby "be" laughs and says "still, there is nothing".

(Ultimately, at least for tonight) math is about how well I can logically uses elements together.
A crow can use a tool to get another thing to use for something else.
I imagine those who have accomplished the full pedagogy of math are the most capable of humans in using elements for "work".

Love has to do with silence sometimes.
It is a feeling that can't be learned.
It must be felt.

Some women are graced with dark brunette hair put in a bun.
Some have bright eyes.
Some have glistening skin.
Some have an hourglass figure.

While one of these might merit attraction to some,
To have all of these is quite a sight to see.

Maybe attraction to beauty isn't love,
But when you are also nice,
When we work together,
It just melts my heart.

Does measuring the particles ever tell me what consciousness is?
Wouldn't it be the unique combination of elements, for we know that DNA determines the difference between a dog and a human, from a fur tree to a butterfly.
DNA is made of elementary compounds.
Is there any way to express the allness in one thing?
Life, this all, and consciousness, which even plants have, how can it be deciphered into one essence, when it requires a joining for it to happen?
Could it be in this joining that life takes place - the magnetic attraction of love?

Business, it takes the love out of everything, but gives so much spirit.

knowing is a verb
to know is present tense
known is past tense

The rule of the self is exalted above
any adherence to any thing/feeling.
Their notions of doubt ruling over existence and
is in the supreme station of reason and power.
It sheds the former existence of yesterday
inasmuch as we are always recreated.
The philosopher's stone which
can conceive of no other thought
except the originality of the self.

It drinks the seven seas as if a drop and
asks, "Is there yet any more?"
No authority save the intimate friend
can find its way here.
Every stranger is betrayed and
its chariot becomes outworn for the rider.

And when they look at themselves
they behold their powerlessness in
the face of every nation, which
simply makes them embark on
the conquest of their own heart.

Every listener is as a bullet to their
enemy.
Every truth is as a fallen warrior
for their Cause.
No wind is sufficient to curtail their
sense of direction.
Every human acknowledged is as a piece
of sand supporting their path.

There is no end to their perturbing of the skies.
The poem is unfinished as the scribe of
their tale is astounded by the
regeneration of their march.

Math does not enjoy English grammar, like paragraphs and complete sentences.

I just use constructive proofs, which creates or gives a method of creating an object.
I use intuitionistic logic by not using the law of the excluded middle where either the proposition of its negation is true.
I use the law of non-contradition and law of identity.
Or, maybe I just use a lot of fuzzy logic, which utilizes data that is vague or imprecise.

I found a reason to continue.

There's not a poem or a song for this yet.
Loving because love is the only way.
As we dance and move around our hearts,
Your face shows me your part.
A show of respect.
A show of affection.
How do I love someone more like a daughter?
I'm glad we could be around each other.
I don't want you to go out of your way for me.
But when you do, I know that the respect and affection are there for you too.
I don't want into your personal life, unless you want to go out of your way to.
Sometimes there's no way to show you.
Sometimes there's no way to show you,
What my smile is about.
It hides years you don't have.
It hides tears you don't have.
It hides smiles you don't have.
I wish somehow my heart could open this treasure box inside.
It can't happen until you start asking questions.
And I can't show it with wisdom save for maybe once or twice a year.
If it doesn't spark your attention,
Then I'll smile and it'll be alright.

I knew my love could not be true, so I gave you a ring to declare immortal friendship.
I have put away my desire.
Now I am empty.

It seems learning is realizing the particulars of what I already know.
For once I got a breadth of what the universe consists of, learning about it got a glassy quality.
What is "the particulars"?
What differentiates them from the general concept?
The particulars are forgotten in short term memory, but while understanding them, they give a sense of truth as if the concepts themselves were a lie.
Rather, the concepts were for children and the particulars for adults.
Yes, who will become an adult in mathematics?
"I don't want to grow up," my essence affirms.
For I know that once I grow up, I can no longer act as a child.
"I want to grow up," my reason delineates.
For a child cannot truly help understand its unknown areas.
My child reasons: "but I can imagine a way to do it!"
What would a child be if not hopeful?

I read: it's not just about having the facet of knowledge but when to use them.
Thus, children reason in a world that hasn't gone down the rabbit hole.
Adults reason already in wonderland.
I must view the wisdom of adults as sheer madness, while the knowledge of the child as mere anger, instead of the other way around.
Maybe I don't want to lose my reckless quality of knowledge - somehow I can cheat the system!
Probably the rebel never dies.
Maybe that's what I hope the most.
I shouldn't see my knowledge being able to undercut wisdom, nor wisdom devoid of mystery.

Post your poem so I can share my thoughts, she says.
That child that gets to share at show and tell in kindergarten.
I get to talk to everyone about me, that little boy says.
All proud of himself.
Is it a hidden world where I am a star?
When will it be the other kids' turn for show and tell?
When I'm interested, he maintains.
This world is about me when I focus on me, and about them when I focus on them.
Is there a place not to share?
Does this mean I listen to others by not sharing?
Well, it certainly sets the ears to others than myself.

Words.
That name seems to have more meaning than how I perceive things.