I am a bottle of wine deep
Alone in my apartment I am free
I blow off plans to dance with acquaintances I could care less about
But I insta message a guy I could care about even less than these acquaintances
My dear friend texts me, his wife dying of ALS, and both their pain too tremendous
I have nothing to say
I feel all of the pressure in the world to **** these two men
to comfort them and fulfill what they expect and need
when did I become the girl that everyone knows they can ****?
should I be proud? I am not ashamed, but it makes me sad,
No one wants me, they want what I have
bubbles, excitement enthusiasm,
No one cares about what I am
sad, scared, traumatized, alone.
I need constant attention and reassurance, but I manifest it to being a party girl, ******* every ******* guy who comes her way, and leading on any girl foolish enough to feel a bit of genuine emotional connection.
I cut off my friends, and I fool my loved ones.
I am a dark person, in a light space. Or is it the other way around?
I don't know, but I can't stop thinking about *** long enough to figure it out.